Chicago Is So Two Years Ago
by GirlinTheCafe
Summary: What if Pete Fall Out Boy and Peyton did work out and Peyton dropped everything and left Tree Hill to be with him? And what if Lucas finds out that a world without Peyton isn’t a world he want to live in? What will he do to get his Peyton back?
1. Start Today

Start Today

**Start Today**

A girl in an oversized green hoodie under a black umbrella before an almost empty café with a cup of coffee in her hand. A slender girl in a red evening dress, wearing red high heels and blood red lipstick on her perfect lips, posing for a photo before big, white stairs. A slender, blond girl shopping in New York. A slender, curly blond girl, hand in hand with a guy with black hair walking through the streets of Chicago. A slender, curly blond girl with green eyes standing in the middle of four guys on a big stage. A slender, curly blond girl with green eyes, and if you looked close enough, you could see a scar on her leg, just where her jeans skirt ended, kissing a boy with black hair, a lot of tattoos on his torso and black eye shadow, the water of the sea was playing around their feet, wetting the sand of a Californian beach.

A blank page. An article fell on it. 'Pete's girlfriend exits Fall Out Boy-tour.' A slender girl with blond curls and green eyes tries to avoid the paparazzi while she walked through the streets with several bags in her hands.

"Peyton." The name, for no reason fell off his lips, his fingers traced along the figure of the pretty girl, just like he could feel her soft skin under his hands.

"Peyton." Longing, her name poured from his lips.

In a few days, it would be two years ago that Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer left her hometown, Tree Hill, North Carolina.

She just left, leaving everyone behind, her friends and dad. She even didn't finish high school, she just went away to be with her new boyfriend, Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy.

Lucas felt himself pathetic when he glued another article of Peyton in his 'Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer – book'. He started the book just after she left and he found an article in the paper of her, since than, he collected everything he could find about her. He was almost too obsessed with her, he was aware of it if he had one of his clear moments, but they didn't came around that often anymore, and that really worried Karen who had noticed the unnatural obsession from her son.

Lucas had become a ghost of his past since Peyton left Tree Hill to go to Pete in Chicago. He was somehow restless and lifeless, all his enthusiasm was sucked out of him. Especially since Brooke and he had broken up last year, after Peyton left Lucas couldn't give Brooke anymore what she longed from him. Now she is with this guy called Chase Adams, he is a good guy for Brooke so Lucas could accept it, he wanted Brooke to be happy and she was that with Chase, she deserved it.

Without a woman in his life, Lucas was lost, now he paid all his attention on his little sister Lily Roe Scott.

Lily was Lucas' weak spot, he protects her with his life, if you even looked a little angry at her, you could make him almost furious. If anyone would ever try to hurt her, he or she would be dead. He wanted Lily to grow up in a safe and happy world, held her back from the cold reality as long as possible. He couldn't risk that anything or anyone would hurt her, her father died before he had the change to know she would be there and she almost lost her mother.

One time, in a very weak moment, Karen wanted to go to prison to visit Dan with Lily. Through all he had been there this time when she was pregnant and they had a few good times, and she believed he deserved a chance to see Lily when she grew up. When Lucas discovered what she was about to do, he had scooped Lily out of her arms and locked himself and Lily up in his bedroom for more than three full hours.

Three hours long Karen had tried to talk some sense into her son, or at least his wooden bedroom door. She'll never forget those three hours, it was the most serious fight they both had every experienced.

"Lucas Eugene Scott! Unlock that door now and give Lily back to me, how bad can it be that I take her to Dan for once, she'll not remember, she's too young Luke!" His reply had been her truth. "You know that once is going to be twice mom, and you'll keep visiting him, and Lily will get memories of that son of a bitch. What if she asks who it is, what are we going to tell her? That he is my father and also the man who killed her father?! I won't hold back the truth for her, he doesn't deserve to be in her life or my life or your life! For me he doesn't exist and it will be the same for Lily as long as I live! Why don't you hate him as much as I do? You've hated him for years and years, and now you know he has murdered Keith, the one you were going to marry with, the one who is the father of your daughter, why don't you wish him dead, like I do?" Karen was speechless, she couldn't answer his questions.

Karen thought it was wrong from Lucas to overprotect his sister and spoil her as much as he did. But she was the only highlight in his life. He was her big brother and he tried his best to take the father-role too, also Karen didn't agree on that one. Keith was Lily's father, even if he wasn't here, she needed to know that Keith was her father and Lucas was her big brother, nothing more and nothing less.

Lucas didn't go to college like his friends. He worked by a garage, he was glad with everything Keith had learned, he already had so much knowledge about cars that it really had surprised his boss, after his work he looked after Lily, in the weekends he worked at the café. He was writing a book in the meantime, also he tried to keep it a secret for the world, but Karen had discovered it. It's not smart to leave documents open on your laptop while you're away and your mother is cleaning your room.

Actually she wouldn't have looked to his laptop if Lily wasn't slamming on the keyboard. Karen had always wanted to have Lily near to her, so when she went cleaning his bedroom she had sat her daughter on her son's desk. From the one moment to the other Lily had been slamming on the keyboard of the laptop and Karen wanted to take her away from it when the endless flood of words on the screen caught her attention.

Lucas' life was busy and regular. Karen felt sorry for him, this should be the best years of his life and he was spending them by replacing Keith. Once Karen had scold him about spoiling Lily too much and his answer had been: "Keith would do the same in my place, if he was still here." And she knew somehow he was right.

Lucas' eyes flew over to article he had out of a magazine. He really checked every single magazine and paper he could get his hands on, just looking for Peyton and news from her.

He hadn't spoke her in almost two years, he had sent letters to her, but she travelled around with the band all the time, she never stayed long enough to receive his letters, they all ended up by Lucas again. He hadn't her e-mail or the number of her cell phone, how hard he tried, he couldn't contact her, and even he desperately wanted it.

It was so frustrating for him, not Haley or Nathan, not even Brooke had searched contact with her again after she left, they barely talked about her, just like she had never been there at all. It irritated him, and the fact she didn't know anything about their lives anymore. In his letters he always wrote the most important things, but she never got them, she didn't know about his little sis Lily, or about his nephew James, or about his father in jail … .

He realized he was losing her every day a little more, his memories of her became so vague. He needed to stop this progress, interrupt it and do something to bring to an end to it.

He looked down at the article. Just to say it in a few lines, Peyton exited the Fall Out Boy tour for an unknown reason, normally she would come home with the boys over two weeks after they finished the promotion for their latest album. Now she was in Chicago, the band always stayed in Chicago when they didn't tour, so actually she was at 'home' now.

Lucas knew how Peyton was, if something was up, something big, she closed herself off and excluded everyone around her. He also knew she loved Pete very much, otherwise she would be here and not so far away from Tree Hill. It had to be something huge, if he looked at her face in the picture, Lucas saw something unsettling, he had to know what it was what scared her and automatically him.

This strange, burning feeling grow in chest, around his heart. The feeling forced him to stand up, leave his bedroom, leave his house, walk through the streets of Tree Hill, walk into his mother's café. She stood after the counter, talking to one of the costumers, Lily in her arms.

Lucas walked up to them, Lily immediately recognized her big brother, out of a million people she could recognize him, even she was so young. She threw her little arms at him. "Lu-ca-s!" She chirped and her big eyes looked at the boy in front of her. "Hey Luke." Karen said and tried her best to control the wrestling girl in her arms. "What are you doing here, I thought …" Lucas interrupted her, he had this look in his eyes, this typical Lucas Scott look, the look in his gorgeous blue eyes when he cleared up a troubled inspiration.

"I'm going to Chicago."


	2. Love Will Tear Us Apart

Start Today

"What?" Was the only word that Karen could bring out. She was speechless, no words could escape her mouth, she just hadn't words in her head right now, her head was just like an empty room. Lily kept wrestling in her arms, trying to get to Lucas. "Lu-ca-s." She wailed, hoping that her big brother would take her in his strong arms, the most protective arms she knew, the safest place on earth.

"Why?" Karen asked, not paying too much attention to the little girl in her arms. Before Lucas could even answer Lily began to cry. "Luc-a!" She sobbed and angrily swung her little arms in the air. Lucas took her out of his mother's arms and held her close to his chest. "Don't cry Lily." He kindly whispered and rubbed the little girl's back soothingly. The little brunette looked up to the boy who was holding her, she still had teary eyes. Lucas hated to see his little sis upset. Lucas made a funny face to her and began to tickle her softly, the laugh of the young girl could be heard over whole the café. Some costumers looked up from their drinks and food to see Lucas swing around the little girl who was his sister.

"Lucas." Karen said harsh, demanding his attention. "Why should you go to Chicago?" She asked while trying to keep her voice down. "Because I have to." Lucas answered resolute. Karen knew that Peyton lived in Chicago, how could she not, Lucas talked so much about her sometimes.

"Mom, I have to go to Chicago." He said again when his mother didn't react, in the meantime Lily salivating on Lucas' shirt. "Go home Lucas, we'll talk this over later." A full café wasn't exactly the place to talk over something huge like that. "And take Lily with you."

Irritated with his mother behaviour, he walked after the counter, grabbed Lily's bag and left the café. At home Lucas took all his time to play with Lily. He would go to Chicago, his mother couldn't stop him, he had the money to go, and he needed to know what was going on with Peyton.

Hours flew by while Lucas and Lily played together, first they played with her dolls, than Lucas let her draw a little while he played with a little basketball, and it didn't take long before Lily had crawled on his bed to take away the basket from him and tried to shoot the ball just like him. Lucas smiled and than got off the bed to take her drawling off the floor. With a lot imagination you could see she had drawn a tree and a boy who as big as the tree, it caused Lucas to smile.

"Is that me?" Lucas pointed to the figure on the paper, it existed out of yellow, orange and blue. Lily nodded, proud of what she had reached. "That's nice done Lily." He said and pressed a wet kiss her cheek, it caused her to giggle.

He took his sister on his lap and opened his laptop, he had this familiar flood of inspiration running through his veins, his hands itched, he had to write, it was an uncontrollable need.

When Lucas wrote, really had all his attention for it, an hour flew by, it was nothing. He began to write, the words filled the screen, when he finally got out of his writing-trance again, and he realized that Lily was sleeping on his lap, her head against his chest. She was so peaceful, Lucas turned off his laptop and decided to take a nap with Lily. He lay her down on his bed and then let himself sink into the mattress, he immediately was embraced by the warm and comforting arms of sleep.

The afternoon went and the evening came, Karen arrived at home. "Lucas!" She yelled when she didn't found him in the living room or kitchen. "Lily!" She looked in the bathroom and Lily's bedroom, she found them in the last room she checked, Lucas' bedroom. She was about to yell again when she saw her son and daughter slumbering together in his bed.

It totally softened Karen, they were so peaceful. Lucas' face was marked with his exhaustion, he had his first free day in four months, Lucas worked hard and much. Often he switched hours with the others so he had to work very early and very late, so he was home through the day to watch Lily. Karen really appreciated his help, but it was taking away so much from him.

This moment had this magic that her son and daughter shared, she quickly ran to the hallway and took the camera out of the closet there. She came back and took a photo from the slumbering brother and sister. The flash woke Lucas up. "Uh, what's happening?" Then he saw his mother standing in the doorway with the camera in her hand, smiling. He groaned and let himself fell back in the bed and looked at the sleeping girl next to him.

"I'm going to make dinner, just stay here and nap a bit and keep an eye on your sister." "But I would make dinner." Karen smiled. "Just let me do it, you need your rest."

The dinner was quite, Lucas helped Lily to eat so Karen had a little break. They were pretty late with the dinner so after it, it was bedtime for Lily. Lucas brought her to bed, she was so beautiful, so innocent. He took a childish book and began to read for her, very softly, letting her drift into her dreamland. Karen watched her son while he did that, he hadn't noticed she was there, and she was glad for that, she just wanted to enjoy the love he had for her daughter.

When the girl's eyes almost shut, Lucas putted away the book and stood over her crib. "I love you so much Lily." He said. "Don't ever forget that, how far I may be, you'll always be in my heart, little girl. You're my little sis for some reason." He paused and stroked against her cheek. "I'm going to Chicago, a big city, I'm going to get Peyton Sawyer back, you know, the beautiful girl in my novel. I'll bring her back home Lily, you'll see how amazing she is, you're going to love her like I do. Scott's have a weakness for her. I love you so much, I'm going to miss you. Don't ever forget I love you Lily, I'll be back as soon as possible." He bended down and kissed her forehead.

Karen accidentally dropped the cup she was holding, Lucas turned around, definitely startled. "Mom?" He saw her standing in the doorway, he quickly checked if Lily was still asleep and than went to his mom. "We have to talk Lucas." She said and leaded him to his room.

Once there, Karen closed the door and pointed to the bed, so he would sit down there. "Okay Lucas, tell me what's going on." Lucas looked at his mother who was leaning against his desk. "I need to go to Chicago mom, there's something wrong with Peyton, and I need to know what." The look in Karen's eyes irritated Lucas, he quickly took his Peyton-book and showed the last article to his mom. Karen read it and then looked back to Lucas.

"Mom, you know she's always with the band, in two years, she probably went to every concert from them, she's everywhere with them. I sense something is wrong, I need to know what mom, I won't find peace without to know what." Still the look in her eyes irritated Lucas. "You're always saying that I shouldn't waste my time here, replacing Keith, that I have so much other things to do in life, and one day I'll have a family on my own, that I'm throwing away my precious time, that I need to go and discover something else than Tree Hill. Now it's my time to go away and leave this all behind for a while, I need to go!" Karen took a deep breath.

"Luke, I heard you talking to Lily, you still love Peyton. God sure you do, you probably never loved someone else as much as her. But she is with Pete now, almost two years, that's the longest relationship she ever had. If you go to her now, you bring back memories she maybe doesn't want to have, that she'll maybe regret her choice of leaving Luke." Lucas was really getting frustrated. "Mom, if she is happy with Pete and with the life she has there, she won't regret her choice of leaving. But now I feel something is wrong mom, I need to see her again. I can't go on any longer, just sitting here, hoping I'll forget her, knowing I will never stop thinking about her." Karen walked over to him and sat down next to him.

"But I know you'll confess your feelings for her when you're there, I don't want you to get rejected and hurt again, and she'll be confused Lucas. Do you remember how confused you were after the shooting, Brooke loved you, Peyton told you the same. You were a mess Lucas, and I know you don't want to mess up her life." Lucas nodded but saw something else in her eyes.

"And?" He asked her. "I'm going to miss you so much when you're away. You've been with me since the day you were born, we never spend so much time apart Lucas. And Lily, she's going to miss you too. Do you remember when you went a week away with a few friends from work, you had to come home earlier because she was sick and when you came home, she suddenly wasn't anymore. She's young Luke, but she somehow misses you when you're away, you're irreplaceable to her. We don't even know how long you're going to be away, how will I be able to comfort her? She'll ask for you Luke!" Lucas swallowed, knowing it would be hard for Lily. "I know, but I'll come back as soon as I can. I'll phone everyday, I'll buy an extra webcam, so one will stay here for your computer and I take one with me for my laptop. She'll still be able to see me." "It's not the same Luke." He closed his eyes, and tried to think. "I know, but I have to go, and if you don't let me, I'll pay everything with my own money, I have saved enough money for a plane ticket and to stay there for a while, and if it's a need I'll search a job there."

Karen knew she couldn't fight against him anymore, she knew he would go, no matter what. "Okay, you can go Luke, and I'll give you some money, I know you've been saving to publish your book one day." Lucas looked surprised at his mother. "I know you're writing Lucas, it's okay. When do you want to leave?" Lucas thought. "As soon as possible, tomorrow if it is possible." Karen nodded, kissed Lucas on the cheek and left his bedroom. Lucas knew he needed to sleep now, tomorrow would be busy and emotional day.

Next morning Lucas was woken up by his crying sister, it was nearly 6 A.M. Lucas quickly made his way to her room, hoping Lily hadn't woken up his mom, she could use some sleep. Carefully he lifted her out of her crib. "What wrong with my little sweetie?" He said, realising this would be the last time in a very long time he would see her in the morning, holding her. "Okay, I smell it, you need a new diaper." He laughed and changed her diaper. Lucas held her in his one arm and used the other to take her cuddly toy. He walked back to his room and lay Lily is his own bed, covered her with his sheets and made sure her cuddly toy was in her near proximity.

Lucas opened his closet and took a suitcase out of it, he began to pack, while packing his thought immediately forced him to thank of Peyton. He began to wonder what went wrong in the past between them.

Nathan, maybe, he hadn't really loved Peyton, he hadn't give her the love she needed so much. He kind of used her, sure Nathan had changed now, he was so good for Haley and his son James. But the imagine of the jerk he had been, still could upset Lucas.

Brooke between Peyton and him, defiantly wrong. If she hadn't been such a bitch in the beginning and a temptation after it, Peyton and Lucas would have found a way. She had been difficult in the beginning, so scared of the unknown, but after the incident motel, their love was something special. Not like he regretted his time with Brooke, it had been his possibility to break the chains of his life, to be happier. But still, Brooke hadn't been what Peyton should have been, Brooke wasn't Peyton, you know. Their love-triangle had broken so many things.

Jake, also not innocent, even Lucas brought him into her life again, for the second time, it only was a manner to try to soothe his mind, he had been such a bad friend and he needed a way to make it up to her. And with regret later, when Jake had to leave to find Jenny, leaving Peyton alone with the many pieces of her broken heart.

Jake had been her way out, just like Brooke had been Lucas' way out.

Anna had been a barrier between them, for both sides. The uncontrollable need for Lucas to love a girl and the need for Peyton to find a new friend, to be able to let someone new in. Locking Anna up between two past lovers, confusing her. Anna left to found herself again, not wanting to hurt Lucas or Peyton even more than she had done, against her will.

Than Pete came along, everyone thought it was just a way from Peyton to get past everything what happened, Ellie died, the shooting. Nobody did expect what was going to happen, he made her disappear.

Many people had caused Lucas and Peyton trouble, kept them separated, on purpose or against their will. Lucas kept convincing himself that Peyton was the one, since she left and he broke up with Brooke, he hadn't dated anyone, he just couldn't. He only saw Peyton, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, his Peyton. This girl with blond curly hair, breathe stealing green eyes, slender figure. Until this day, he still remembered how she smelled, how soft her skin felt when he traced his fingers over it, how she played with her curls, how gracious her dance moves were …

But the sweetness of her smell, the softness of her skin, her perfect curls, her dance moves, they became so vague, all of a sudden. This was his sign, his sign to go and refresh the memories, to hopefully return to this place called home, Tree Hill, North Carolina.

"How long are you up already?" Karen stood in her son's doorway, cup of coffee in her hand. He looked to his watch. "About an hour." He answered. Karen saw the two suitcases and another bag, it smacked into her mind, he really would leave her. She bit on her lower lip, trying to push away the tears. Then Lily began to wake up again. "Mom-my!" She murmured. "Here baby." Karen walked over to the bed and kissed her forehead.

Lucas called in the morning for a ticket to Chicago, tonight he had a flight, a lot still needed to be done. After that he stopped by his work to tell him what he was about to do, his boss said that he could go, his spot would be there when he came back. Just after noon he called Haley and Nathan, Brooke and Chase that he would go to Chicago to see Peyton. Both couples promised they would be there when he left.

In the afternoon he stopped by the café to say goodbye to Deb and than went to Whitey. He knocked on his door and waited for the older man to open it. Whitey was gladly surprised to see Lucas. "Damn, I just thought you were my booty-call." He joked, Lucas smiled. "I'm sorry I have to disappoint you coach."

"What brings you here son." He asked while they sat in his tiny living room. "I'm going to Chicago." Lucas answered. "The big city, what are you going to do there?" "I'm going to visit Peyton." Whiteys face got a warm expression. "Peyton Sawyer, the skinny blond one?" Lucas nodded. "Still not over her, son. Don't be embarrassed." He said while Lucas turned red. "She's a gorgeous, you two had something Luke, and it's time for a little change homeboy." Lucas stayed by Whitey for a while, when he wanted to leave Whitey gave him some wise advice.

"If you really, really love her, go after her now. Before you know it's too late, you need to treasure every moment with her. Lucas, love her with all you have and she'll love you back, she's a Tree Hill home-girl, not a Chicago-chick. Get her back before bad fate catches you." Lucas knew he was referring to his late wife Camila. "I hope the next time I see you, it's with Peyton on your arm." "I hope so too." Lucas said. The men shared a hug and than Lucas went back home.

Later, when Lucas arrived at the airport with Lily and his mother, he saw his friends had kept their promise. There they stood, Nathan and Haley, James in Haley's arms. Brooke and Chase hand in hand.

"Hi little nephew." Lucas said and took little James out of Haley's arms. "How's my little boy?" He asked and hugged him and than set him down on the floor so he could linger by his dad's feet.

Lucas first went to Brooke and Chase. Brooke had tears in her eyes. "Say hi to her from me." She whispered and Lucas nodded. Brooke fell into his arm and let herself embrace by her ex. "Bring her back home Luke. I miss her so much." Lucas stroked the brunette's hair. "I'll try pretty girl." And than let her go so she could be in Chase's arms. "Take care of her man." He said and patted on Chase's shoulder. "I will Lucas, she won't miss a thing." He said and smiled sad at his friend. Chase and Lucas had become good friends after Lucas had accepted his loss from Brooke.

Then he walked over to his brother and to his best friend and their son. Haley couldn't help it and began to cry when Lucas embraced her. "You can't go Luke. I'm going to miss you so much." She sobbed, Lucas pulled her closer. "I'll e-mail you every week Hales. And I'm going to miss you too. But maybe I'm home next week already or maybe in a month." But the tears kept coming. "Hales, you know why I'm going, so please, don't cry." She tried to smile brave, while her son was looking at her, he didn't understand why she cried. Than he turned to Nathan. "I'm going to miss you little brother." He said and hugged him. "I'm going to miss you to big brother. Say to Peyton that I, we miss her." Lucas nodded and than turned to his nephew who was confused why everyone was so sad. Lucas kneeled down in front of the little boy. "Hi little man. I'm going to miss you too." He looked so handsome in his little jeans and his white T-shirt and his Converse-shoes. Lucas' hand brushed through his brown hair. "Look after your parents James, they are going to need it, and please be nice to Lily." James nodded and stretched his little arms out to Lucas. The two shared a long hug, Lucas and James really had a special bound, it reminded Lucas of him and Keith.

Lucas walked over to his mother and little sister. Karen and Lucas hugged, Karen didn't want to let go of Lucas, she didn't know how long he would be away, it scared her, she needed her son to look after her. "Do the right thing Lucas, please come back soon." "I'll be back as soon as possible, I'll call every day mom." And than broke the embrace to turn at his little sis who looked very sad. "Lu-cas." She had teary eyes. Lucas took her in the arms. "Don't cry Lily, I'll be back soon. Be nice to mommy for me, and you'll see me everyday on the webcam." He promised and hugged her and gave her little kisses on the cheek and one on her noise, causing her to smile. "I love you, don't forget that." He said and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Then he kissed his mom again and took in bag and waved while he walked away.

Suddenly Lily began to cry really hard, and Lucas came back. "Don't cry Lily." He begged and wiped away her tears with his soft thumbs. Than the little girl gave her cuddly toy to him. "Mis-sy Sc-ott." She said and pushed the little plush cat into his hands. He didn't understand. "Missy Scott?" He asked. "Mis-sy Sc-ott!" And she pointed to the cuddly toy. "No, no." Lucas said when he realized she wanted to give her cuddly toy, the thing she couldn't sleep without, wanted to give it to him. "That's yours Lily." He saw that she also had the drawing from yesterday in her hands. "Can I have that?" He asked, he knew she wouldn't let him go without something of her. She nodded, she gave it to him and than stretched her arms out to him to hug him again.

Then he said goodbye, waved to the people standing there, his mother and sister, his brother and his sister-in-law and his nephew, his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. His whole world stood there, everything he was close to, and know he was leaving them, for God knew how long. He felt like Peyton, almost two years ago, she left everything behind, but with one difference, only her dad to wave at her.

The seven people became tinier and tinier, it was time to go … time to go on, time to find Peyton, to find himself again … time for a new adventure full of surprises.


	3. Sending Postcards From a Plane Crash

Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here)

_Author's note: Hi, I know I am a little late with introducing mysel__f, it is not very polite of me. So, I am GirlinTheCafe, my real name is Veronique. Some people here might know me from my work on the Lucas&Peyton fanfiction which for some reason doesn't exist anymore '( So I came here to go further with my stories. For the people who read my work on leytonfic. I am sorry that I don't continue at the point where I left off but I have some reasons. First, I don't want to overflow everyone with posting a story with more as 20 chapters at once. Second, I have my June exams starting soon and I am preparing already a bit. So now I am focusing on studying and much writing time will not be left over. But don't you worry, I'll update two times a week (Wednesday and Sunday) and I am writing further on my stories. As soon as summer vacation starts I'll update the left over chapters swifter after each other so I can give you my new chapters. I hope I didn't make this too confusing … And the other thing, I don't know if anyone has read my bio but I am from Belgium and in daily life is speak Dutch and English is a language I am learning in school so it's not flawless. Grammar and tenses probably are a mess and I am sorry for that. The chapters are not fully the same I re-read them, fixed some mistakes, added and erased little things. Much love … _

**Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here) **

There he stood, Lucas Scott, a boy from Tree Hill, at the O'Hare International Airport, Chicago, Illinois. The world's biggest airport after the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, Atlanta, Georgia.

A mass of people ran around him, in a hurry, or just relaxed. Lucas stood there and just watched, trying to make memories out of this overwhelming moment. He also tried to catch the feeling of this event, this new discovery of the world.

"I have to go now." The girl who stood besides him said loud enough to beat the heavy noise the crowd made. Lucas smiled and embraced her tightly. The long wisps of her red hair fell graceful over her shoulders. "Than I'll hope I'll see you around in the big city, Glenda." Lucas said.

Yes, Glenda Farrell, the gothic girl he met in Tree Hill High. She sat right next to him in the plane, fate is something funny he thought, always surprising, leaving you with mouth wide open from amazement.

Glenda had done what she had promised herself, just after graduation she left Tree Hill behind her and travelled around. And along the way she had met a guy who she could call her boyfriend and he lived and worked in Chicago.

Lucas was happy for her, the one who thought that she wasn't destined for love found her man. From what she had told him, he was great and a also a little gothic.

Glenda was on her way back to Chicago, she would move in with her boyfriend now, she just went to Tree Hill to pick up some stuff and to say goodbye to the few people she still had contact. She looked so happy, finally she had broken the chains from Tree Hill and found herself able to start over again. Lucas hoped somehow he could do the same, with one difference, to return to Tree Hill when time let him.

"It was so nice to see you again." Glenda said and than kissed him on the cheek before she walked away into the crowd. She looked good, still red hair, but less make-up. She wore a black pants and red T-shirt, she looked pretty.

Lucas realized it was time to stand on his own feet now, he was in Chicago far away from his home, without his mom or his sister or one of his friends. A half hour later he stood outside, breathing in the city life from Chicago for the very first time.

Lucas began to walk through the streets of Chicago packed with two big suitcases and a shoulder bag. It was a lot of weight, Lucas hoped he could get a cab soon. He kept walking until he found one.

He was about to knock onto the window of the yellow car when a woman who passed him by caught his attention. She wore tight black jeans and a long white halter top over it, the blond curls forced into a ponytail, also a small black diademe almost got lost into the blond hair, a big black hand-bag sway around in the air. Lucas only saw the girl's back but he swore, she looked just like his Peyton Sawyer.

He ran over to her, in full happiness, his search was over. He patted onto her shoulder. "Peyton." His voice dripped from his endless bliss. The surprise was even bigger when he faced a girl with brown eyes instead of green, a not as refined face as the girl he assumed she would be.

"What the hell do you want?" She snapped, the girl had a low voice. "I'm sorry." Was the only thing he could say. "I assumed you were an old friend of mine. I am totally wrong. I'm so sorry." The girl gave him a furious look and than walked away from him, shaking her head in disgust.

More than just disappointment filled Lucas' mind and body, he walked over to the cab again and this time knocked on the window. The man inside opened the window, looking up to Lucas.

"Can you bring me to this place?" Lucas asked the driver from taxi and handed him the note with the address from Peyton's hotel on. The man thought, wrinkles defaced his long forehead, the man was around his fifty's, or at least Lucas thought he was. "That's a whole end Youngman." He said after he got out of the car, and putted Lucas' suitcases in the trunk of the car. "I don't care, I really need to get there as soon as possible." The man smiled by Lucas' resolution. Lucas got into the car, the imagine of the girl he just had 'met' kept hanging in his mind.

After a while driving, Lucas fell asleep, there was only one hour difference between North Carolina and Illinois, but still Lucas was tired, the emotional goodbye had made him feel empty and weary.

Lucas woke up by the rough voice of the taxi-driver. "Wake up boy. My meter is still getting higher, I don't mind, but I think your wallet will." Slowly he opened his eyes, searched his wallet and paid the driver. After that Lucas helped the cabdriver hoist his two heavy suitcases out of the trunk of the car. "Here you are, that's the building of the hotel."

A high building came into his vision, forced him forcefully to look to nothing else than that building. Lucas realised this would be his future for a while.

The old man who had drove him to this place said goodbye and his car left with a lot of noise to remark again he was gone into the city noise.

Now, there he stood before the huge building, people going inside and coming out, passing him by, not even adjudged him a simple look. His nervousness became worse with every breath he took.

There he stood, alone in Chicago, in a few minutes he would meet the girl he loved again, after days, weeks, months, almost years from absence for her in his life.

Here it was The Moment of Truth …


	4. Where Is Your Boy Tonight

Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy Tonight

**Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy Tonight?**

Inside the hotel it was pretty calm, a few people sat down in the hall on the red, comfy seats. The rest of them were people who worked their, easy recognizable because they wore uniforms.

Everything looked so expensive, from the flooring up to the roof, even the people who where in there looked like they were ripped out of a fancy magazine. Shivers ran from his spine, this wasn't actually the place he felt home, but he did this only for Peyton.

"In which room stays Peyton Sawyer?" Lucas asked the woman after the counter. "Miss Sawyer doesn't want visitors." The woman answered. "But I really need to see her." Lucas claimed. "Yeah, If I got a dollar for every time someone said that …" Lucas sighed and turned away from the brunette. "Bitch." He whispered under his breath and than dropped of to the place where he left his suitcases. And than sat down, trying to think of a way to get to Peyton. Then his eye fell on a boy from a cleaning team, rapidly walked over to him.

"Hi, can you tell me in which room Miss Peyton Sawyer stays?" The boy looked up to Lucas. "I am afraid I can't tell you sir." He answered and was ready to walk away from Lucas, but he held him back. "Here." Lucas said and pulled a few dollars in the boy's hand. "Can you tell me now?" He asked and the boy nodded. "Her room is on the top floor, take this elevator." The boy with black hair said and pointed to the elevator the closest to them. "Thanks." Lucas said, took his suitcases and made his way into the elevator.

With each floor he climbed with the elevator, he became more nervous. He felt like he had swallowed little feathers, they were tickling his stomach. When the elevator doors opened, Lucas had the feeling he was about to pass out, suddenly this didn't seem a good idea anymore. What if she didn't want him in her life? He mentally slapped himself. "God Lucas, here you are in Chicago, no time to be a scared kid." He whispered to himself and than left the elevator. He wasn't surprised to find her door unlocked, without knocking he went inside.

Lucas' mouth fell open, her room was big and glamorous but it also looked a lot like her own bedroom at home in Tree Hill. Maybe she missed her real home through all.

This anguished feeling he was alone and sneaking around made him feel very uncomfortable, that was until he heard the toilet flush. His heart almost jumped out his chest, the blood raced through his veins, the atmosphere suddenly turned a lot more oppressive.

Moment of truth … there she stood, in the doorway from the presumably bathroom … naked.

"Peyton!" Lucas' mouth fell open without the intervention of his mind.

"Lucas!" She screamed, the surprise of Lucas standing, here in her hotel room knocked her almost of her feet.

"Close your eyes and turn around!" And Lucas quickly did what he was asked to do. After two minutes Peyton patted on his shoulder. "You can look now." She said and Lucas turned around again to see her wearing a bright blue bra and panties, she was busy with her jeans. When she was about to pull on her T-shirt, something caught Lucas' attention, something he had saw just minutes before, just thinking it was in illusion of the surprise of walking into her unclothed, but now it was clearly visible … the little bump where was supposed to be her flat tummy.

The words, without a descent reason, without control of his mind rolled from his tongue. "You're pregnant?" He didn't need an answer, her biting on her lower lip was enough for Lucas. "Is it Pete's?" Lucas asked, without knowing why. "How do you even dare to ask me that, you're just in here two minutes?!" She furiously walked over to Lucas and for Lucas' sake, he was just fast enough to catch her flying hand before it would reach his cheek. "I'm sorry Peyton, sure it's Pete's." But than he heard a quiet sob.

"Peyton." She sat on the edge of her big double bed. Her hands covered her face, her chest moving in an unnatural rhythm, the rest of her body shocked along with her sobs that we're getting heavier. Lucas fast bended down in front of her. "Everything okay?" She shook her head, tears falling for her cheeks, Lucas' strong thumbs wiped them away. "What's wrong?" Peyton wanted to say something, she could only sob. Lucas stood up, went sitting next to her and rubbed her back while looking at her broken face. "Do you wan to take about it?" She nodded and wiped away a few lost tears, she took a very deep breath and than made herself ready to throw everything out. Lucas saw her preparing, and considering the time she took, it was huge what was she was about to throw out.

"Probably I'm pregnant." Lucas was confused. "Probably? What do you mean?" Peyton looked at him, she needed to bit on her lip to keep the flood of bitter tears inside. "The last two years I've skipped my period a few times, the doctor says it's because I'm leading a busy life with the band. We have to change a lot from rhythm, once we're used to a regular rhythm, it changes again. But it's nothing to really worry about." Lucas looked at her green eyes, seeing this strange look in them, something unfamiliar. "But this." Lucas laid his warm hand gently on her bare, cold belly. Creating a comfortable feeling inside of them. "It's means you're pretty far already Peyton, how far do you think you are?" She swallowed. "I don't know." Lucas stroked a few lost curls away, her eyes were so anxious, Lucas couldn't look away from her, from her broken beauty.

"But it's Pete's child right?" Lucas asked and by those words she began to cry again. "I don't know Lucas." Those words still surprised Lucas, also he practically heard them before. "From who else can it be?" He asked on a soft but a little harsh tone. "Maybe from Ryan." Lucas' eyes widened. "Who's Ryan?" "One of our bodyguards." She responded weakly and looked away, not wanting to confront herself with the judging eyes of Lucas. "Tell me about it." He said. Now he needed to know what was going on, now more than ever.

"Maybe it's nothing, but a few months back we went to a club and the next morning I woke up in the room of our bodyguards, naked." One single tear escaped again. "Someone probably slipped me something the night before, I can't remember anything about that night, it's just one black, empty space in my mind." Lucas fell in surprise. "Peyton." He said softly and his hand travelled along her cheek, she almost immediately, without thinking, leaned in to his familiar touch, but when she realized what she was doing she instantly fixed herself again.

"Okay." Lucas reacted, letting everything she just said sink into his mind, making it reasonable in some way. "And why do you think it's this guy called Ryan? You've got more bodyguards, I assume." Peyton looked to Lucas, trying to face these blue eyes. "You're right, we have a several bodyguards, but the other guys always tease him because he would have a crush on me, and I know he does like me very much, he's always extra kind to me and he's the first to do something if I ask something." Lucas nodded understanding. "But why would he try to do something with you while you're drunk?" Peyton tugged on her jeans. "I don't know, maybe I was willing to, you know which effect alcohol has on me." Sure Lucas knew, he remembered that night before The Classic clearly, Peyton stumbling in his bed, drunk from her evening with Rachel, mixed with the messy emotions of Ellie's dead.

"I messed up Luke. What if this baby isn't Pete's and he founds out? I won't forgive myself if he hates me for that, he's been so nice to me these last two years, he gave me this unique change to start over again, I don't want to screw it this time. I love him so much, too much to go on without him." She began to cry again, Lucas gently pulled her in his embrace, unconsciously his lips found the velvet softness of her blond hair, tenderly rocking her a little.

Here he was, in Chicago, only a few minutes after meeting Peyton again, she was the girl he always had known, this broken mess in his protective arms. This turned out way different than he had expected, he had sensed something was up but defiantly not that she was pregnant and had doubts about who was the father.

"Is that why you left the tour Peyton?" He kindly asked while stroking her bare back with one hand, the other arm wrapped around her shoulders. And suddenly she wasn't in his arms anymore, but he heard her throw up in the bathroom, he quietly stood up and went over the bathroom to find the blond girl bending over the toilet, her small hands in her blond hair. Lucas walked over to her and helped her standing up again, her body was weak and she didn't do anything else than lean against him while he helped her standing on her own two feet again. Her face was pale, tenderly he brushed the lost curls away, and the sudden exhaustion was readable in her green, sad eyes. "Maybe you should sit down." He leaded her to the big bed again and Lucas took place on the floor, sitting in front of her.

"Why didn't you say anything to your lawyers, if there are dealers in that club, or people who do stuff like this …" He stopped himself, his eyes betrayed his mind, his thoughts were readable. "Luke! I am not on drugs anymore, that's long ago! I know I made a mistake with doing that, but I'm not on drugs now, I'll never do that again, so don't judge me!" Lucas cursed inside, those damn blue eyes of his, he knew he was readable like a book to her. "But Peyton, the girl I know wouldn't let do something like that to her. She would have gotten up and demanded the truth, she wouldn't have stopped before she knew who had done that to her!" Peyton's furious reaction was far over the unthinkable for them both. "Maybe that's your problem Lucas! I'm not that 'broken-I'm-always-the-victim' girl anymore, I'm not YOUR girl anymore!"

Lucas' mouth fell open once again, in deep shock, he felt himself beaten up, and the pain of her cutting words making probably incurable wounds which would leave ugly scars inside. Also Peyton found herself shocked by her own cruel words, not getting where they suddenly came from. Again her teeth buried themselves in her lower lip, something that had become quiet a habit for her over the past years.

"Why are you here Lucas?" Peyton asked, it was a very weak try to change the conversation, Lucas was aware of it, he didn't want her to get away with that that easy but he didn't want to fight with Peyton either.

"I just wanted to see you again, I saw the article about you leaving the tour earlier than planned, I sensed something was up." Lucas said, from now on he would be honest with her. "I missed my best friend so much and I…" He stopped himself, the words 'I love you Peyton, I never stopped loving you and will never stop' were about to roll of his tongue, but he soon realised that wouldn't be the smartest move right now. He wasn't really lying, he was just withholding some things.

"How's life in Tree Hill?" She asked, she looked so uncomfortable. What did happen with the extreme close bound they shared? Lucas knew the answer, she had taken away his thrust in her by leaving him without saying goodbye. "Different." He answered simply. "Did life chancing things happen?" Lucas was about to crash into his flood of words, to tell her in full bliss about his little sister and his nephew but somehow, everything not so pretty in his life overshadowed that, then his bag which lay on the floor caught his attention and he thought about all those letters he had written to her, he had collected them and took them with him.

"Wait, I have something for you." He said and stood up, grabbed his bag and took the many letters out of it. "Probably you're thinking that I've forgot you, but I didn't, I've been writing you letters since you left, but you moved around a lot, they never got to change to reach you so they ended up by me again. All the important stuff that happened in my life the past two years are written in them, so I would say, read them and if you have questions, just ask me." Peyton took the letters out of his hands, she began to count them, letting her fingers ran swiftly over the white envelops. "Twenty-four." Peyton looked up to him, slightly surprised. "There are exactly twenty-four letters, one for each month of the past two years."

Actually there were twenty-five letters, not so long ago Lucas had dreamed about Peyton, over the life they would have if they were together, in his dream Peyton was pregnant with his child and walking down the aisle in a beautiful white dress designed by Brooke. In his dream they got married and she gave also birth to their first child in his dream, but he couldn't remember the gender of their child.

In that twenty-fifth letter was a love letter in fact, his artistic mind and strong hands had created a wonderful tribute of his love for this special girl called Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. He had written about his dream, and about his fantasies about her, not minding to go into extreme uncensored and profound details. But he just couldn't send the letter to her, he had written the whole thing during the night but by dawn, he found himself shocking himself for thinking and acting the way he had done during writing that specific letter, his love letter to her.

What if he send it, and this time it would reach her? He had thought. He had exposed his soul for her like he never had done before. What if it fell into wrong hands? Peyton was pretty famous, not everyone knew her, but they probably had heard from her. By the way, in showbiz they don't care about how famous you are, as long as they can make a scandal they would do it with all their sick pleasure, it would damage Peyton's reputation and also Lucas himself wouldn't be left alone and would get away with it without a lot of drama. And if that happened she would probably hate him for the rest of her life, then his chance would be destroyed and that was the most important thing in his life, getting the chance to let Peyton open her eyes for her everlasting love for him.

Her love for him still was there, she only pushed it away because it was so difficult and complicated, so hurtful and sad. Lucas believed that, he needed to believe that, otherwise he would fall into that part of reality he hadn't met before. The reality of opening your eyes and releasing what you once had, that unique, once in a lifetime feeling, that you lost it because you were a coward, that you rather walked away when things got too complex and too cruel, that you were too scared to face what you really wanted, that you chose the easy way out.

Peyton wanted to open her first letter when her green eyes caught his suitcases by the door. "Are you going to stay?" She asked and laid the letters on her bed. "Probably not, now I know what's going on." He mentally slapped himself again and the words: Lucas you enormous idiot, kept buzzing through is mind. Sure he was going to stay, not only that near, not that she would notice he was there but on a save distance so he could observe her and could rescue her when things went wrong. Actually he had done that today already, rescued her, again.

"But you can stay." She said fast. "I'll get you a room on this floor, than we'll have one guest room fewer but you'll be our guest." She almost fell over her words, wanting to talk that fast. "But I don't want to cause you any trouble Peyton, I can go again, it's no problem." He knew she would do everything to make him stay, he saw it in her gorgeous green eyes. Lucas saw how fearful she was. She didn't want to be left alone again, she needed this familiar person around her again, she needed her Lucas around her, her rescuer, and he was here by her side again, just in time.

Lucas knew it wasn't nice from him to play her around like this, but he wanted to know if she didn't take him for granted, because if she would do that, Lucas would leave, he wasn't just some person you could hold close when you needed him and than throw him away like garbage when you found someone else. He felt himself too good for that.

"I'll call downstairs to say we've got one more room in use so they need take care of it." She took the telephone and dialled the number. "Which room do you want?" Peyton asked Lucas and let the phone rest against her chest. "Which room is free to take?" Lucas asked smiling. "The room besides me, wait I'll ask if it is possible." Peyton asked it but than shook her head. "It's going to be Patrick's room but the rooms on the other side of the hallway are free." She whispered and Lucas nodded in agreement. "I'll take the one across of your room." Peyton nodded, said to the one on the other side of the call what she wanted and than hung up.

"What about, you'll unpack your things and install yourself in your room, and I read your letters." And she waved with them. "Good idea." Lucas agreed and than someone knocked on the door. Lucas opened the door and found the boy who had told in which room Peyton was with a card in his hand. "Your key sir." He said and pointed to the door across the hallway. "Thank you." Lucas said and than the boy left again.

"I'll go unpack my stuff now." He said and entered 'his' room, he was surprised by how big and luxurious the room was. He somehow felt guilty about it, if he thought about his mom and Lily, but than he realised why he was here again. He began to unpack, didn't have an idea about the time that went by until he heard an excited scream from Peyton.

"Peyton?!" He ran into her room. "Something wrong?" With a huge grin on her face she was ran into his arms. "Why didn't you tell me Nathan and Haley had a son and you a little sister!" She hugged him so unexpected than Lucas just stood there and didn't respond. "Congratulations Luke!" She said and pulled him closer, her lips pressed a kiss onto his cheek. "I so want to now everything about your little sister and little James Scott." He smiled by her sudden enthusiasm. "I'm unpacking my last suitcase, I'll tell you while I'm unpacking."

When Peyton entered Lucas' room, she immediately went to his bed and took the paper which laid on it. It was Lily's drawing. "Did Lily draw this?" She asked and waved with his little sister's drawing. "Yep, it's supposed be me and a tree, and the tree is as big as I am." Peyton laughed. "That sis of yours is pretty talented." Lucas smiled and continued unpacking.

After almost an hour Lucas was finally ready, he had taken his time to do things well, his closet was decent and so was his bathroom, he had searched a good spot to hide his important stuff. Lucas was happy for the little safe in his closet. His love letter, USB-stick with his book on, his money and his 'Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer'-book were his private stuff.

It was about 5 P.M. when someone knocked on Lucas' door. "Eating-time!" Peyton yelled excited and ran over to the door. A girl brought in the food, Peyton had ordered food in the kitchen, she thanked the girl which she called Elle. The girl had very long dark blond hair, she had blue eyes and had a tiny figure, everything in its right proportions, her boobs and hips … Lucas found himself lost starring at that girl. He didn't realise it until Peyton patted on his shoulder. "She isn't an illusion Luke, she's real." She whispered in her ear. "She's only walked out of the room two minutes ago."

Under dinner Lucas and Peyton talked, Peyton first told about Elle, she had an American father who was from Chicago who found the love of his life in France, in a little village called Bourg-Saint-Andéol. Elle had lived in France until she was nineteen but than decided she wanted to discover her American roots, so she moved to Chicago on her own.

Than Lucas began to tell about Tree Hill and mostly about Lily. "Do you know what her first word was?" Lucas asked Peyton, Peyton shook her head. "Mom?" Lucas on his turn shook his head. "Her first word was Lucas! Lu-ca-s or Luc-as or Lu-ca, like she always says it." Peyton smiled. "That's nice Luke."

Than Lucas showed Peyton the little photo album he had made with photos, all photos were taking not so long ago, just one or two weeks before he left. One of his mom in the front yard, one of Lily the day he left, she was wearing a sweet pink dress and was holding a daisy. Then there were photos from the little Scott family, Nathan and Haley sitting on a bench in the park, little James on the Rivercourt, James and his proud parents in Lucas' living room sitting on the couch. After that came Brooke and Chase, the picture of Brooke was the oldest from all the photos, it was a picture of her just before they broke up, when they were happy together, for the last time. The picture from Brooke and Chase was taken on the place where Chase always went skateboarding. Following after those photos, there was one of Whitey, one with his and his friends for work, one from the reunion from the basketball team.

Suddenly Lucas realised he hadn't called his mom, he first wanted to call but then he also realised he had promised Lily to show himself on the webcam. "Do you want see Lily?" Peyton smiled at his question, not getting where it came from. "But I've seen her Luke." Lucas laughed. "On the webcam." He said, Peyton agreed, she didn't want anything more than to meet Lucas' little sister Lily Roe Scott.

Ten minutes later Lucas was logging in on his MSN account, he had text messaged his mom to come online, he had made an account for her the day he left because it was the simplest way for working with the webcams.

_**Lucas #22 in ChicagoTree Hill, missing you!Lily, My Anonymous Promise!:**_

_Hi mom!_

_**Karen&Lily.:**_

_Hi Lucas, how are you honey?_

Lucas turned on his webcam and after giving his mother a few instructions, her webcam was turned on too. On the little screen appear Lily, she looked beautiful. Peyton let out a surprised gasp. "Luke, she's gorgeous." She said softly.

Lucas and his mother chatted for almost an hour but than Lily got tired.

_**Lucas #22 in ChicagoTree Hill, missing you!Lily, My Anonymous Promise!:**_

_I'm going to leave you two, I see my little sis needs some sleep_

_**Karen&Lily.:**_

_Okay, bye, love you Lucas, call me tomorrow_

Karen took Lily's hand and waved with it, but suddenly Lucas saw how Lily began to cry, his mother's face was sad. Than his cell phone ringed, it was his mom.

"Hi mom."

"Luke, please say something to soothe her, she crying for you, it's heartbreaking." His mother said softly. Than handed her daughter the phone so Lucas could hear her cries.

"Lu-c-as! Luc-as!" She cried.

"Lily, it's Lucas here. Be nice to your mom, she loves you, so do I. Go to sleep, tomorrow will be a better day." He whispered but she didn't stop crying. Lucas decided to sing for her, he began to sing a lullaby for her. After a while she stopped crying and he saw on the webcam she was almost asleep. Lucas blew a kiss to the screen and than logged out, his mom still on the phone, Peyton left because she needed to go the toilet so he was alone.

"What's wrong with Peyton?" Karen asked.

"I can't tell you right now, but she's going to be okay but I'm going to stay here for a while, I'm staying in the hotel where she lives. Don't you worry about me mom." He said, he heard his mother soft breathing.

"I love you." He saw Peyton standing in the doorway again. "Goodnight mom. I'll call you tomorrow." He said, his mother said almost the same to him and they hung up.

Peyton went sitting on Lucas' bed, she had changed her clothes, she was wearing her pyjama, a pair of shorts and a tank top, the little bump was clearly visible. "How do you hide this from Pete actually?" Lucas asked and than Peyton got up and came back with a grey hoodie, one who almost looked like a copy from his famous grey hoodie. "Like this." She said and putted the hoodie on, she was right, you didn't see anything from it when she wore that.

After talking a while Peyton got tired, Lucas walked her back to her room, even it was across the hallway, only a few steps away. He gently tugged her in. "I'm so glad you're here." She said softly while he sat on the edge of her bed. "Me too, I really missed you Peyton." He bended down to give her a goodnight kiss which, for some sort of reason didn't found her cheek but the corner of her mouth. Quick Lucas pulled away, feeling an awkward situation coming up. "Goodnight." She whispered and than closed her eyes. Relieved Lucas walked out of her room back in his room, at that moment he decided something, he was going to write a dairy.

"_Hi world,_

_I'm Lucas Scott and today I've met her again, the love of my life Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer …"_


	5. What's This?

Not While I'm Around

**What's This?**

It was early in the morning when Lucas opened his blue eyes to meet a new day. He was startled at first when he found himself starring into a room which wasn't his own, but memories of the day before appeared before his eyes and made him realise why he wasn't in Tree Hill anymore.

While he was yawning he felt how the well-known flood of inspiration began to rush through his veils again, in a way it seemed like ideas of his mind flowed into supple movements to his hands, making them itch, daring them to write.

Which he did, he took his laptop and than his USB-stick out of the metal safe. When his fingertips connected with the buttons of his keyboard, he little by little drowned himself into this trance created by his creative mind and the talent to write and express himself in the words from an endless language filled with passion and one who gives the possibility to express yourself in a very extensive way, if you know how to do it, it makes a lot of sense.

From time to time Lucas looked down on his lap, assuming to see Lily slumbering against him. Disappointment became a pretty familiar feeling every time he looked down and saw only his old pants and not his sister.

It weren't even two full days after he left Tree Hill and he began to miss his home already. Lucas knew he was a homeboy, everyone knew, his family and friends were pretty much everything in his world, he didn't need anything else when he had them but. Always there is 'but' in his life. But Peyton was his friend too, and now she sort of needed him by her side and there was nowhere else he rather wanted to be than here in Chicago next beside her but … .

Lucas disliked that word, he would gladly erase it out of the English dictionary. He lives was full with 'but', it irritated him.

He didn't want to break up with Brooke, but he couldn't give her what she needed or she truly deserves. He wanted to hate Chase, but it would be pointless since he made Brooke so happy and he was a good guy

He did go want to college, but the money he saved had his benefits. Going to college would have been a whole experience but it cost so much.

He did want to go chase after his dream to be a famous writer, become just like his famous idols but he couldn't do that to his mother and sister who needed him around.

He didn't want to leave his family and friends behind for this uncertain time, leaving them behind with the feeling they were losing someone they loved but he know, one day in the future, they would thank him for going away and coming back with more than he had left.

He wanted to hate Dan so much, but somehow he felt sorry for him, even ever all he had done, sometimes a flash of regret about how he had treated him through the years came across his mind to be soon beaten up by Lucas' endless hate towards his father.

Dan had treated him and his mother like dirt for years, and a few months of him being nice out of guilt should fix it. Out of guilt of killing the uncle who was as a father to the son you rejected, the love of your ex high school girlfriend's life, who was his own brother. Lucas didn't think so, he always knew he had to protect his mom from that monster, he never forgave himself for letting her open herself up again to him. And Lily, she couldn't get that horrible person into her life, he needed to stay away from her, she was too young, too innocent, too hurt and already damaged without knowing it herself.

But what Lucas scared the most is what could be the reaction of Lily when she would hear her father was killed by her big brother's father. The man who was the father of her big brother she adored, who was her hero, her everything, at such a young age. Lucas always wanted to stay that, her rescuer, he had this uncontrollable need to take care of a girl, it didn't mind who, if it was his mother or his sister or Haley or Brooke or Anna or Peyton. As long as he could feel himself needed, it was alright, without the feeling of being meaningful to someone he was lost.

Lucas had often nightmares about Lily finding out that Dan killed her father Keith. What if she would go hate Lucas, because Dan was Lucas' father? That she was afraid that this evil seeds of a sick man hided away in her big brother? What if she would turn away from him for that reason? Lucas was sure if that would ever happen, if Lily would ever hate him because of what Dan did, he would go to jail to beat Dan up, he could not ruin the perfect bound he and Lily shared.

Lucas did want to tell Peyton how he really felt, how this love never stop burning, that it still was there, just waiting to increase by her words of loving him but he just couldn't ruin the friendship between them.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Who's there?" Lucas shouted. "Elle from the room service!" A soft voice yelled back. Lucas looked at his watch, realised that he was already three hours awake since it was 8 A.M. "I'm almost there." He yelled back and took a black T-shirt out of his closet and brushed his hand through his hair, in the hope his hair wouldn't look as messy as he felt.

He opened the door to find the gorgeous girl with long blond hair standing there in her uniform, the dress that accented her curves. "Hi." Lucas said, hoping he didn't look like a ghost. "Miss Sawyer wants to have breakfast with you." She said, gestured to the door of Peyton's room. "Say her that I'll be there immediately, just give me five minutes to refresh myself." He said smiling. "I'm sorry that I woke you." Elle said. "No you didn't, actually I'm three hours awake already." He reassured her.

Five minutes later Lucas stood in Peyton's room, Peyton sat on the table in her room, on her plat laid a lot of food. It was a little shocking to see how much she ate in a little time. She was chewing and in her eyes you could see she realized something.

"I forgot to introduce you two to each other, wait." Peyton got up, wearing her grey hoodie and a pair of black sweatpants. "Lucas, this is Elle, one of my best friends." She said and than turned to Elle. "Elle, this is Lucas, also one of my best friends." The two shook hands, Lucas felt himself getting lost into a beautiful pair of eyes, first into bright ocean blue ones but soon they ended up in the pair of eyes of emerald green ones from Peyton who was standing behind Elle.

"I have to go Peyton. I don't want to get that old lady from the second floor yelling at me because her breakfast is two minutes late." Elle said and rolled her eyes. Peyton laughed, she knew which lady she meant, she almost looked like a witch, that horrible woman, it was a good thing she was rich otherwise she wouldn't be in here.

When Elle had left the room, Lucas took place next to Peyton. "Looks like you're eating for two." Lucas said while Peyton ate like she would die if she didn't. "Don't laugh with me Scott!" She warned him while nipping from her orange juice. "I won't Sawyer." He replied and began to eat.

After a while Lucas suddenly noticed that Peyton was extremely pale. "Peyton, is something wrong?" He asked worried, Peyton could barely keep her eyes open. "Peyton?" She didn't answer. Lucas got up and walked over to her, gently he laid his hand on her forehead. "God, you feel like you're burning." He said, Peyton still didn't answer, she only looked at him. Then he noticed that she was making weird noises, she was trying to say something but somehow she couldn't. Peyton realized it herself and pointed at her throat. Lucas became anxious because he didn't know what she meant and he didn't know what to do. His eyes glided over the table, ended up by her plat and than he suddenly realized that something had to be adhering in her throat.

"Wait Peyton." He said and helped her up, her body didn't cooperate which scared Lucas even more. He forcefully began to tap on her back and managed her to spit the piece of food out. Panting for breath she leaned against Lucas' body, when she tried to walk over to her chair and she almost lost balance, she was lucky that Lucas was just an arm-length away to catch her before she fell.

"You need to lie down." He said and supported her while she walked over to the couch. After five minutes of total silence Peyton broke it. "Thank you Luke." She whispered, her voice sounded hoarse. "You're welcome. But don't do that ever again, you totally scared me." Lucas answered and stroked away some lost curls of her golden hair. A faint smile drew on her face, Lucas also smiled and handed her his cup of coffee. Immediately she shook her head and pulled his hand away, Lucas didn't understood what she meant. "The smell, it makes me stomach twist." She complained. Lucas laughed softly, he remember how Haley and his mom where while they were pregnant. Lucas certainly knew how to take care of a pregnant woman, about the two extremes. The very young ones, maybe too young for carrying a child around and about the ones who were actually a little too old for carrying a child around for nine months.

"Have you an appointment with the genealogist yet?" Lucas asked and took place on the couch. "Yes, tomorrow, just before noon." Meanwhile Lucas had made himself comfortable on the big couch and Peyton's head rested up her lap. The intimacy they once shared hadn't changed, just they way they could act around each other, so innocent but also betraying that there past couldn't be forgot. They both knew that a kiss between them would always last a little too long, just as a hug would be too intense, a word would say too much, a look would be stuffed with old feelings.

They never had a chance to properly put a stop upon their feelings and intentions. It was a sudden wane of what belong to them. The way had been so normal but also unnatural. From two strangers who became people trapped in the early stage of friendship to grow into forbidden lovers who claimed for what was them, to break away from those feelings, hurting themselves more than they would hurt other people, but rather be dying inside because of another who acquisitioned the wrong thing, the thing who wasn't meant to be for her, but she forgot to open her eyes. To fell back into friendship which build to further stages, but never losing this closeness of what you once shared into this feeling of in love. This bound of a relationship which barely had the change to be real.

No, this closeness they shared would never go away, the chances to get rid of it were gone, they would never return. They would never have to, because this was unconsciously what they wanted, never losing this feeling that hold them upon the believe that maybe one day further in time, they would get the chance to return to this once in a lifetime feeling, … one day.

"Do you want to go with me?" Peyton asked while Lucas' fingers played with the messy curls of her hair. "Wouldn't you wait until Pete is back, if you assume he's the father, a firs visit to the genealogist is special when you're pregnant. I don't want to ruin it for the two of you." Peyton rose up. "I just want certainty, Luke." He nodded. "If you really want me to go with you I'll go." He said and tugged some hair after her ear.

Peyton jumped of the couch. "I need to go somewhere, would you mind going with me?" She asked and didn't wait for his answer before walking into her walk-in wardrobe. Lucas quickly followed her. "Where do you need to go?" He asked while leaning against the wood of the door. "Management of Fall Out Boy, I haven't seen Ryan around the last few days and I haven't seen any of the bodyguards since I'm back. I need to know if they are still in New York by Pete, Patrick, Joe and Andy or they are anywhere else." Her eyes flew over her cloths, she groaned when stopped before all her thigh trousers.

"What's up?" Lucas asked when he saw the unsatisfied face of the girl before him. "I don't know what to wear, all my cloths are pretty tight. They just can't found out I'm pregnant, or at least not before Pete is home." She said while she took a pair of white sweatpants and a matching jacket. Then she stood on her toes trying to pick up a box above her, but she was too short. "Damn, where is that stupid little ladder when you need it." Lucas walked into the closet. "What's the matter?" Peyton sighed. "I have this little ladder because some of the shelves are too high for my reach, and probably someone from the cleaning crew has taken it away from here, now I can't get by my stuff." She said irritated. "Wait. Which box do you need?" Peyton pointed to a brown cardboard box. Lucas easily took it off the shelve. "Here." He said and handed it to Peyton.

She immediately threw the cover on the floor and began to search through the stuff. "Got it!" An oversized green/blue T-shirt lay in her hands. 'Fall Out Boy is for lovers! Chicago soft core' was the text on it. "Someone gave it to me, but its way too big." Lucas smiled and went back to his own room when Peyton had told him he had to change his cloths into something more like her.

Ten minutes later stood Peyton stood before Lucas' door. Even with the not accentuating clothing she looked pretty. Her blond curls where forced in a funky ponytail, the colour of the oversized tee went well by the shiny white, her jacket was unzipped, white Nike shoes on her feet, even her bag matched her outfit. She looked so careless but also very stylish. A real celebrity. Lucas felt himself ashamed when he realised he was wearing an old pair of dark blue sweats and white tee and above that his famous grey hoodie, the soles of shoes not far from broken.

Just before they wanted to leave the hotel, the impolite woman Lucas met yesterday ran to them. "Miss Sawyer, is there anything we can do when you're away?" Peyton though, it gave the woman the time to look at Lucas. She was almost in state of shock when she found out Lucas was besides her. Lucas had to control himself, he was about to stick his tongue out when Peyton finally spoke again. "I would really appreciate it if my ladder would be brought back to my closet." The woman turned from Lucas to Peyton. "Which ladder do you mean?" Nervous she tugged on her necklace. "The wooden one with 'PS heart PW' scratched in. It's on the left side just beneath the highest stair." The woman nodded and Peyton walked away but turned around. "I'm also out for lunch. Bye." And almost dragged Lucas outside.

When they were walking through the streets and out of nowhere suddenly there were photographers all over the place. Lucas heard how Peyton sighed deeply and than whispered: "Welcome in my life." He was even more surprised with the fact Peyton grabbed his hand and their fingers laced immediately.

Lucas didn't know how to react at all the people around them, Peyton didn't seem to be affected or surprised by the appearance of all those photographers. It made Lucas nervous, after a while Peyton whispered a few words in his ear. "Ignore them." Was her advice, Lucas tried his best to do it, but it wasn't that easy with all the flashes blinding you.

Lucas was lucky that building were the management had his office was only a few blocks away. Just before they wanted to go in, some guy in his forties almost dived into them. "Why aren't you on tour? Who's this guy? Have Pete and you broken up?" He kept asking, he had a really rough voice, like he didn't do anything but smoke. "I have nothing to say to you!" Peyton screamed and pushed him away, dragging an amazed Lucas with her.

She immediately walked over to a woman who was talking with a several people after a desk. "Peyton." The woman greeted her cheerful, hugged her and than looked at Lucas next to her. "Would you mind to introduce me to this handsome man besides you, darling?" She asked, Lucas felt awkward, this woman could be his mother. "This is Lucas Scott, he was one of my best friends back in North Carolina." The words the woman said as answer escaped him, he was just too lost into the luxury around him. He still thought this was something between a dream and a nightmare. Everything was so beautiful, but Peyton's situation was far from pretty.

He caught up again when he heard the name Ryan fell into the conversation. "Where's Ryan?" Peyton asked, Lucas could tell she was nervous by the way her hands searched his. He knew it was important to support her right now, he was the only familiar person she got, and he was the only person on earth who knew she was pregnant. "Ryan is in Santa Monica, his little sister broke her leg, and you know since Justin's accident he can't lift anything heavy anymore. But he promised us, he'll be back as soon as the band comes home. They were so graceful to let him go, but they know how Justin is." Peyton nodded understandingly but Lucas didn't know why all this different names and locations were twirling around his head. "But Jerry is here, he can stay at the hotel with you if it makes you feel more comfortable, I'm sure he doesn't mind …" Peyton kindly broke her off. "It's his first free week in a year, I can't ask that from him. I just call him with my question."

Again Peyton dragged Lucas along with her, in a dark corner she took her cell phone and dialled the number of someone named Jerry. "This sucks." She said and rolled her eyes, she saw Lucas' not understanding, blue eyes. "His voicemail. Wait a second" She walked over the woman he met earlier and came back two minutes later. "Jerry is at his parents' home, his mom is sick so he went there to look after her."

After another quarter in a little cab, Lucas and Peyton stood before a big complex with apartments. They took the stairs to the third floor, Peyton knocked on a dark brown wooden door, the noise which came inside from the apartment expired and a man opened the door. "Miss Sawyer." He said surprised. "Come in, is there something wrong?" She shook her head. "I'm cleaning up, sorry for the mess." He said shy, Lucas was surprised, the man looked so overwhelming and powerful, he had more muscles than Lucas could ever imagine, and he totally went shy for Peyton. "It's nothing Jerry." She said. "Looks like my room before they clean it up." That caused Jerry to smile. "It's just I'm cleaning up for my mom, she with my dad in the hospital for some tests." Peyton walked closer to Jerry. "Say her I hope she'll get better soon. But why I am here, I have a question, a few months back we were in Las Vegas when a new club opened, do you know which club it was and what was the exact date?" Jerry took a little piece of paper and wrote some things down. Peyton thanked him and said goodbye.

"What was that about Ryan and Santa Monica and someone named Justin and a little sister." Lucas asked in the cab back to the hotel. "It's all a little complicated situation at Ryan's home." She answered. "I'll begin at the beginning okay." Lucas nodded. "Ryan lives in Santa Monica with his little sister, Mara I think is her name and his big brother Justin. Justin was one of our bodyguards, until last year. He had a day off and at night he went to a club and got into a fight and got shot in his left shoulder. He can't work anymore and he was the only breadwinner in their family." Lucas interrupted her. "What about their parents?" Her reply was bitter. "Their parents are cowards. His mother was a pretty woman who wanted to make a career in showbiz, so they moved from this little town in Wyoming to Santa Monica, but she got no jobs until she got an affair with a producer and left her family with that man. Their father nearly lived in the bar a few streets further and he also left after his wife, leaving his three kids alone. Justin was barely twenty, Ryan was sixteen and Mara was only four. Justin knew he had to make a lot of money. Ryan worked in the weekends and all the holidays. It's sad, people who can leave their children behind while they know that the chance they would make it through is small. Until today they never heard something from their parents, they don't know where they are and by now they don't want to know." Lucas felt his stomach twist, how could parents do something like that. "I feel sorry for them." Lucas said, and his angry thoughts about Ryan began to decrease a little.

"Stop!" Peyton suddenly screamed, making the driver almost immediately hit his brake pedal. Lucas looked out his window to see a supermarket besides him. "Wait like ten minutes, then I'll be back." Lucas followed Peyton into the store, she didn't stop until she was on the department with candy. From that department she went to the one where gherkins were. Lucas felt himself an idiot when they got back in the hotel and than see through Peyton's weird tour through the supermarket.

"Seriously? Chocolate and gherkins?" He asked when she was eating that combination, Lucas could feel his lunch and dinner swim in his stomach, Peyton nodded. "That's so gross." Peyton licked her lips. "It's not, it's delicious. Want one?" Lucas shook his head. "No thanks. I'm going to check my e-mail." And walked out the room.

A half hour later Peyton knocked on Lucas' door. Being polite, also not wanting to surprise him by walking in without any announcement, for God he knows he was doing things she rather didn't want to be witness of. She also knew him enough to know he probably wouldn't do stuff like that, but on the other side he had told he and Brooke broken up more than a year ago …

"Come in." His boyish voice welcomed her. He was sitting behind his laptop, making strange faces to Lily who sat on Karen's lap before their webcam. Peyton took place next to Lucas and waved to the webcam, seeing Lily's eyes getting big and waved back, which caused Lucas and Peyton to smile.

"Why are you here?" Lucas asked, but didn't let his attention slip away from the small screen. "I thought maybe you wanted to see a movie with me. It's too early to sleep and I'm bored." She replied while softly letting her index finger ran over the wooden table. "Give me another half hour, than I can say bye to Lily and call my mom and change into something more comfortable." Peyton nodded and left his room.

Lucas took his time to say bye to Lily who unfortunately started to cry again, Lucas hoped it wasn't turning into a habit because it really broke his heart. He felt guilty for upsetting his sister and for his mom who had to deal with his sister now. His mind was interrupted by his ringing cell phone, it was his mom.

Already a half hour passed by since Lucas had promised he'd would watch a movie with Peyton. She got nervous because he didn't show up, five minutes later she decided to check on him. Softly she knocked on his door but there followed no answer, she knocked again but still the only thing that greeted her was full silence. She opened the door and found him sitting on the floor with his cell phone against his

ear, she heard him humming a song. She walked a little closer, hoping to recognize the song he was singing. And she did, the melody of 'Hey There Delilah' settled in her eyes, his soft off key singing filled the space. She was surprised by his little changes in the text, replacing 'Delilah' by the name of his little sister.

"_Lily, I can promise you_

_That by the time that we get through_

_The world will never ever be the same_

_And you're to blame_

_Hey there Lily_

_You be good and don't you miss me_

_Two more years and you'll be done with school_

_And I'll be making history like I do_

_You'll know it's all because of you_

_We can do whatever we want to_

_Hey there Lily_

_Here's to you_

_This one's for you"_

Peyton felt herself weaken inside, he was so sweet, and she knew he did everything for the girl he loved. Peyton didn't know why but a strange but well-known feeling climbed around in her chest, wrapped itself around her heart. Why did she had the feeling she had lost something and it was right in front of her know, ready to be grasped, just one effort away. She could have slapped herself for those thought, she always had the tendency to let herself slip into thoughts she knew she couldn't have, that was pretty clear when she started to think about Lucas when he was Brooke's 'belonging'. These last two years she had forced herself out of the habit, she convinced herself that this was what she wanted, no drama anymore, also it was a little too late for that too.

"Goodnight Lily, I love you lovely, and I miss you." She heard him whisper into his cell phone before hanging up. Peyton began to clap in her hands, frightening Lucas. "God Peyton." He said, his hand pressed to his heart which was beating fast. "You just took ten years of my life." Peyton laughed and walked closer to him. "Nice singing you've got there." Lucas stood up and walked to his closet, opening it, revealing all the things which were inside.

He began to change in something more comfortable and decided one of his old, black Raven shorts and a black tee would do well. Peyton felt the heat inside her boil, a flash of his muscular torso still had this effect on her. He looked handsome, grown up looked good on him. She needed to stop herself because her hands were about to live their own life and would go straight to his torso and the contact would burn a hole into her mind, would burn away her sense and she would dive on him and what would follow would be labelled under cheating.

Lucas needed to do his very best to keep his eyes off the girl before him, her light orange nightdress didn't even reach over the half of her tights. He tried to focus on the red, little adornments on the tiny gown, they began on her neck and went to her … Lucas needed to close his eyes to not look to things he wasn't supposed to look at.

Ten minutes later Lucas and Peyton lay together in the couch, watching 'the Notebook'. He had tried to convince her not to look at that movie, the memories of his mother and Haley during their pregnancy still fresh in his mind. One night they wanted to watch 'Titanic', Lucas knew how emotional Haley and his mom were while they watched movie, and the effect of their pregnancy could be a lot worse. The two women had cried during the whole movie, but Lucas didn't turn it off because it would made his mom and his sister-in-law pretty furious, yes, mood changes. But he learned, never refuse something to a pregnant woman, only if you wanted to be hit with anything.

At the end of the movie Lucas felt how wet, warm teardrops fell on his short. "Hey Peyton, you don't have to cry." He said while softly stroking her hair, her head rested on his lap for the second time today. "It's just so sad." She sobbed, Lucas smiled and let his hand ran along her spine, unconsciously, causing her to shiver. His eyes automatically travelled to her slender legs, her orange dress had crawled up to her panties, Lucas quick looked away, even he knew she was almost asleep.

It didn't take that long before Peyton was fast asleep, very carefully he worked his way out of the couch and scooped her up and lay her in her own bed, bended down and kissed her forehead, he couldn't control himself for a few seconds, dared to kiss her lips. She groaned, his heart almost jumped out of his chest, but she didn't wake up.

Relieved he went to sleep and thought about today and tomorrow, what would bring tomorrow? He fell asleep, not expecting the surprises of the upcoming day.


	6. Fame Infamy

Fame Infamy

**Fame Infamy**

"Come on, come on! Get up!" Lucas woke up by hearing a loud voice yelling into his ear but he didn't react, the only thing he did was crawling deeper under the white, soft sheets. "Lucas, get your ass out of that bed!" A very well-known voice yelled. "But mom, I'm sleepy." Lucas mumbled. "Mom?! I'm not your mom Luke!" Those words demanded Lucas to open his eyes fully and to look at the blond girl before him. "Peyton?" Slowly he began to realise where he was, again.

"Hurry Luke, I didn't hear my alarm clock." The tempo of her voice was fast and barely normal, her voice was high because she was so nervous so early in the day. "What time is the appointment?" Lucas asked while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Ten before noon." Lucas opened his eyes properly and saw her nervously jumping for the one leg on the other, the little nightdress swaying around her body. "What time is it now?" Lucas pushed the warm sheets away so the cold air in his room could embrace him, welcoming the chill. "Just after ten."

Loud groaning out of disappointment, Lucas let himself fell back into the mattress, instantly sink into the soft material. "Seriously Peyton?" She nodded and walked closer to his bed. "Get up Luke! I need your help!" She complained. "Just give me five more minutes." Lucas muttered like a little child. "I so got enough from you." Peyton whispered and jumped onto the bed, jerked the sheets away from his body, crawled on top of him and began to tickle his bare torso, immediately her fingers found a weak spot under his ribs. Lucas wasn't prepared to the sudden attack and gasped for air. "Peyton!" He yelled. "Stop it!" He panted but she didn't. "I'm so going to kill you now!" He reported and prepared himself for sweet revenge. His fingers flew to her hips, teasing her with their fast movements of his clever fingers, now it was her turn to scream. "Let go! Let go Luke! Stop it! Please! It tickles!" She screamed, suddenly a quiet cry broke through theirs.

There she stood in the doorway, Elle, eyes shocked, mouth open, slightly disappointment and suspicious, invisible drops fell out of her blue, ocean deep eyes. It must have been a very, very odd view to see Lucas and Peyton together in his bed, barely clothed. Peyton's nightdress had creep up so it only covered her until her hips, and Lucas only was wearing his boxers. And the fact Peyton lay on top of Lucas and her blond hair covered her face and also his, it was hard to see what happened under the bunch of curls.

Obviously shocked and upset Elle left the room, Peyton began to curse under her breath, it wasn't pretty to hear, Lucas began to wonder where she had learned that, not in Tree Hill he guessed. "Give me your dressing-gown!" Peyton demanded. "What?" He asked confused and strings of amazement ran through his veils, travelling along with his red blood. She gestured towards her belly, the bump was clearly visible. "On the bathroom door." He said and got up to get it for her, Lucas saw how uncomfortable and tense Peyton was, the blood seemed to flow away from her cheeks. He could taste her fear, the bitter taste of being scared. He knew she was afraid Elle may found out she was pregnant.

Lucas helped Peyton into his dressing-gown, the name of the hotel was on the back of it in big letters. It covered her whole figure, good for her. She went outside and apparently Elle was still there. Lucas wasn't the kind of guy who eavesdropped but he was curious who she was going to talk herself out of this situation.

"Elle." He heard Peyton's voice on the other side of the door. "It wasn't what you're thinking." She guaranteed the girl with French roots. "What do you think it looked like?" Elle replied, her voice full of disgust. "Come on Elle, you're the only one around who knows me. Why do you I stay in Chicago when Pete is away? Not because it's so fun to be alone through the days he's away. I can easily go to Pete's house in Los Angeles or go back to my hometown in North Caroline, I would be happy to go back to Tree Hill for a while since I heard from Lucas some many things changed. My ex and one of my best friends have a son I didn't knew about, Lucas has a little sister, I also didn't hear about that before, Tree Hill worst man is in prison because he shoot Lucas' uncle in our school shooting two years ago, Tree Hill High who blamed Jimmy for what was happened, now I feel myself sick because I've blamed him for years." Before going further on a quiet but heated tone, she took a few seconds time the fill her lungs with fresh air. "Now, I stay because when you don't work and we hang out together we have so much fun. But do you really think I'm screwing Lucas? I thought you knew how much I love Pete. You assume I'm screwing my best friend, it's not because we have history behind our back and were pretty close that I'm screwing him. Pete is everything, he's the reason I left Lucas and everything I cared about behind, pushed them away and now I realise I was stupid when I did that, because if missed so much. But I stay in Chicago for you, for you Elle, not for me, for you!"

After that came silence, almost unbearable since, cracks formed into it from Peyton's harsh breathing. "Sorry." A quiet voice whispered, it was Elle. "Sorry, Peyton." And Lucas heard the sound of high heels who forceful met the soft carpet.

Peyton entered again, her face red, her chest moving not natural, Lucas could even notice it under his dressing-gown. "Peyton." He softly said and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. "Didn't you go a little too far?" He asked, his fingers glided over the soft material which covered her back. Peyton didn't answer, only tightened her grip.

Lucas sudden fell how his cell phone started to vibrate in the pocket of his jeans which he had putted on while Peyton and Elle had been 'talking'. Peyton must have felt it too and stepped back, giving him the access to step backwards a little and take the phone out of his pocket.

_Hi Luke,_

_How is Chicago?_

_Xxx Nathan&Haley&James_

Lucas smiled. "Who is it?" Peyton asked while her fingers combed through her messy curls. "Haley." He answered and saw a melancholic look appear in her green emerald eyes. He saw that look before, when he talked about Tree Hill, when he told her that Brooke missed her and also Nathan and Haley. When he told about everything what had happened while she was away. She missed Tree Hill, even more than Lucas would ever know.

_Everything is okay here_

_Log in on MSN around 8.00 P.M._

_Xxx Lucas_

"Come, let's get ready for your big appointment." Lucas said and followed Peyton into her room, when he walked into her closet he was surprised she had three outfits already chosen, they lay on the floor, properly without crumbles. The surprise was even bigger when he saw it weren't outfits that covered her pregnancy. "Which one do you like the most?" She asked while walking further into the closet and sat down on the ladder they had brought back.

The first one existed out of a pair of grey trousers and a black polo, the sleeves only reached until her elbows, the shoes had chosen by it were black high heels. Second outfit was an indigo dress which stopped just above her knees and a pair matching blue high heels. Last outfit existed out of a black knee-length skirt and a white 'Cute Is What We Aim For' T-shirt with a V-neck, the name of the band was in black letters on it and in blue the different words which formed the band name were on it, a pair of black, flat shoes lay with it.

"The last one, most on the right." He answered after quick observing every piece of clothing. "Do you think?" She asked again while she began to pick up the other clothing. "It's the most practical one." He answered and helped her by picking up the cloths. Lucas knew already more than he ever wanted to know about genealogists. He had been to every appointment with his mom, he wanted to also his mom didn't think it was a good idea but he wanted to be Keith for her, or at least the part of Keith who supported her in everything she did, by every step of the road.

"That much of a 'Cute Is What We Aim For'-fan?" Lucas asked while he followed Peyton to her bathroom, she opened a cupboard and pulled out towels and suddenly a brown wig lay in her hands. Peyton began braid the long brown wisps of the dark brown hair, after a few minutes a beautiful French braid was made with the dark wisps.

"Open the door of the cupboard in front of you." Peyton said to Lucas who was sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Quickly he opened one of the doors. "There's a tiny …" Lucas cut her off, knowing what she wanted. "Pink bag in it." He finished her sentence and handed her the cute pink bag. She took a handful of flat, transparent hairpins. Carefully she began to raise the blond wisp of her curly hair thereafter she glided a hairpin and after hearing it click, one curly wisp was less hanging around her neck. Ten minutes later Peyton stood before Lucas, wearing the brown wig, suddenly Peyton didn't look anymore like Peyton.

"How do I look?" She asked, the braid waved with every movement her head made. "I don't get you." He answered. She smiled, walked out the bathroom, over to the cupboard beside her double bed and returned with a red, oblong, oval box in her left hand. And from the one moment to the other she was wearing glasses. Lucas couldn't suppress an amazed smile. "I really can't read long without them." She answered, even he hadn't asked a question, the question was readable in his blue eyes.

"We're going to have to take the backdoor." Peyton said in a whisper while checking her little black purse. Lucas nodded understandingly and followed Peyton who guided him outside through all this unknown rooms and doors.

"Are you going to say what the hell you're doing anytime soon?" Lucas asked suspicious, Peyton had obliged Lucas to wear a cap. "I'll tell you afterwards okay, just play along." She said. With the glasses, the strange make-up and the wig Peyton look like a total different person, but this glance in her green eyes would never change, Lucas knew she would never fool him again, he knew her out of a million.

A half hour later Peyton and Lucas said into the waiting room in a hospital, the only people who ran around were nurses. He knew Peyton had picked this time because she wouldn't ran into much people, she did everything to keep her pregnancy a secret and he didn't even realise how much but he soon would.

After ten minutes browsing woman magazines finally the doctor came in. Lucas' mouth fell open when he saw a man winking Peyton and him to come into his office. "A man?" He whispered in her ear. "He was the only one available on this hour." She whispered back on the same heated tone as him.

"Welcome …" The man stopped, realising he didn't know her name. "Anna-Elizabeth Scott." She answered and shook his hand. Lucas had the feeling he was knocked off the world, what the hell was she saying? "But you can call me Ellie." She added with a bright, fake smile. "And you are the father of the child?" He asked Lucas, he heavy shook his head. Peyton answered instead of Lucas. "He's my brother." Lucas' eyes rolled almost out of his face. "I'm Eugene." He began to get what she meant by 'play along'. "Where's the father?" He asked Peyton. "In New York for business." Peyton answered, and that wasn't a lie.

"How far are you already?" The doctor asked. "I don't know." Peyton replied honestly. The confusion was easy readable on the older man's face. "Sometimes I skip my period a month, once I have skipped it two months. My doctor said it's not that unnatural because I'm leading a busy life." The conversation between the male genealogist and Peyton went further, Lucas listened but felt himself horrible, he really didn't want to know anything about Peyton's sex-life, especially since he hadn't one himself. And mostly because he would like to be her sex life.

After the talking, which made Lucas feel sick inside, the doctor began with the tests. He carefully let his hands touch Peyton's abdomen, she stirred when the cold hands touched her bare belly. Out of respect for Peyton, Lucas began to read the pamphlets about pregnancy which lay on the desk in front of him.

"Eugene!" But Lucas didn't hear Peyton call his 'name'. "Eugene!" He looked up from the blue pamphlet and saw Peyton's 'Don't-Make-This-Turn-Out-Wrong!'-look. "Yes, what's up little sis?" He asked and walked over to her. The doctor was making an ultrasound of Peyton's belly. Even he had seen it so many times before, Lucas still found it one of the most beautiful things on earth, seeing this little human creature as a prisoner in the belly of a devoted mother.

"The ultrasound tells me you're around thirteen weeks along already, that's around three months. Congratulations." He said, bright smiling but Peyton began to cry. Immediately Lucas wrapped his arms around Peyton, expecting the worst to come. "Why are you crying Miss Scott?" The genealogist asked worried, he had known more women who cried when they found out they were pregnant, but it were only a few tears, nothing compared to Peyton with her two green waterfalls. "I'm just so, so, so happy." She sobbed and the older man smiled.

Peyton grabbed Lucas by his arm, pulled him down and a few words would change the world, or at least her world. "It's Pete's." The words poured in his ear. These two words changed everything, made this situation suddenly not that complicated anymore.

Breathing the fresh air of Chicago, a half hour later Peyton and Lucas stood outside the hospital, the happiness on her face, the golden waves of the noon sun walking on her face. She looked like she would crawl on the highest building in Chicago and scream out loud that she was expecting Pete's child.

The whole way from the hospital to the hotel Peyton sang songs from Cute Is What We Aim For, proving her knowledge and worshipping went further than just a simple T-shirt.

_Drama doesn't follow me, it rides on my back_

_I may be ugly, but they sure love to stare_

_Drama doesn't follow me, it rides on my back_

_I may be ugly, but they sure, but they sure,_

_Love to stare _

Peyton sang along in her Anna-Elizabeth Scott form. Lucas still didn't know where she got this ridiculous idea came from, and where she found this courage to do something like this. Lucas knew she was aware of the trouble this could cause her, Pete and the band if this ever would reach the media.

_This is a party without the people_

_This is a show without the sound_

_This is a dance without the steps_

_Now I gave you the clues so find what I found_

_This is a party without the people_

_This is a show without …_

Suddenly Peyton cut herself off and ran over the show window of a pet store. "That's so cute!" She screamed excited, Lucas immediately knew where her eyes were looking at, a dog sofa with soft, black pillows which were covered with white skulls. "That's so perfect for Hemingway." "Who?" Lucas asked while observing her from the side. "Pete's dog! The most awesome dog on earth, he'll love it!"

Even more happy and excited than before she tugged on Lucas' arm and dragged him back to the hotel, sneaking through one of the backdoors to reach her room without getting caught. She began to take her cloths off to the search something more comfortable, she didn't seem to care Lucas was still with her in the same room. She disappeared in her closet to come out wearing a pink sweat pants and her grey hoodie, her curls swaying around her shoulder. Again you couldn't see anything of her pregnancy.

"Are you going to tell me what that Anna-Elizabeth Scott thing goes about?" Lucas asked while Peyton played with the laces of her shoes. "Maybe." She answered and heard Lucas sigh. "Okay." And took place on the couch were Lucas sat on. "Well." She began but stopped. "Get that look out of your eyes." She said. "Which look?" "That look in your blue, ocean waved eyes that look of judging me without knowing what my intentions are." Lucas nodded and tried to look comfortable. She took a deep breath and began.

"From the moment you're here I've been telling you that nobody can know about my pregnancy before Pete is back from tour, so this is the best way to cover it. I needed certainty about my pregnancy and about my doubts between Pete and Ryan. But Ryan can't impossibly be the father because if, and I say if, we would ever had sex it was two months ago, and since I'm already thirteen weeks far which is more than three months, it only can be Pete's. And if I go to a doctor or geologist and they would know I'm Peyton Sawyer, I swear Pete will know it sooner than I can tell him." Lucas interrupted. "But these guys have professional secret Peyton." He said, making Peyton continue on a harsher tone. "Lucas, you don't even realize how much money those people get for trickling out by the paparazzi 'by accident', I assert to you, you can do a nice trip with that."

Silence took control, distracted them both for a few minutes. "Why did you chose Anna-Elizabeth Scott as name, there are a million of names to pick out, why just those three?" Lucas wanted to know. The already famous melancholic look in her green emerald eyes returned. "Anna and Elizabeth for my moms and Scott." She took a pause to breathe. "Scott's always had a big influence in my life. Nathan as my first boyfriend, Haley as one of my best friends. Keith for saving me. Deb for Tric. And you as a friend and as …" Her voice trailed off. Lucas searched her hand and squeezed in it. "It's okay, I get it." He said softly and pulled her into his embrace, holding her close.

Suddenly her melancholic mood changed into excitement again. "I need to go to that shop again, I really want that little couch for Hemingway, Pete will love it." Lucas smiled and stood up, leading her out of the door, and not as Anna-Elizabeth this time, but as his Peyton.

During their walk back to the store they passed by a little square were some teenagers were hanging out, girls and guys from different ages, nothing special, they had passed it too when they came back from the hospital, but this time it was different.

"Oh my God!" A girl with long, curly black hair ran over to Peyton. "Oh my God!" She repeated. "Are you Peyton Sawyer?" She asked, her fingers nervously playing with the black necklace around her tanned neck. "Yes, I am Peyton Sawyer." Peyton answered warm, a few girls and guys had walked over to her and Lucas. "How's Pete in bed?" An Asian girl asked who immediately got punched by the brunette beside her. Lucas saw how Peyton shrink for a second but she fixed herself straight away. "I'm afraid I can't answer that question." She replied friendly. "Would you mind to sign my tee?" An American-African guy from around eighteen asked and gestured at his white T-shirt. Peyton smiled and agreed. After someone handed Peyton a marker she began to sign stuff from the group who had aggregated around her.

It was remarkable, the fact she could cover who she was, change her personality, with just one wig and a little make-up and she could come back like she never was gone by taking the wig off and her normal make-up. Lucas still found it unbelievable.

Peyton was full excitement when she entered the store, she began to talk with the guy after the counter, asking him so much questions Lucas barely could follow. "My last question." She said after a while. "Is it possible to somehow 'write' the dog's name on it?" The boy thought and than excused himself, walked through a door to return with an older man on his side. He immediately took control over the conversation. "Your request is possible, you can pick the couch up in two hours, just give us the name of the dog." The man handed her a piece of paper and Peyton wrote the name of Pete's dog.

"Hemingway." She said after writing it down. "H-E-M-I-N-G-W-A-Y." She spelled it. "Special name for a dog, haven't heard it before but somehow, hasn't a celebrity named his dog that way?" The younger one replied. "Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy." And than realisation hit the guy. "You must be Peyton Sawyer." Peyton nodded, took her wallet and paid for the couch. "I'll pick it up in two hours." She promised and than walked out.

"So what do we do for the next two hours?" Peyton looked at her watch, trying to find and answer to his question, hoping it would show as the hands of the watch moved. "I know this fabulous Italian restaurant, but it's across the city, by the time we get there its dinner time and after we ate we'll pick up my little present for Pete and Hemingway."

So said so done, after a delicious dinner in the fancy restaurant Peyton had been talking about, they picked up the couch with a few people from the hotel she had phoned and an hour later the little black sofa stood in Peyton's room. In the gold characters which showed the name Hemingway were the perfect finishing touch.

Lucas hurried himself to his room to log in on his MSN account, remember the promise he made Haley earlier today, she was already logged in.

_**Haley, Miss ScottXx.**__**I picked out Your Star.xX Meets Nathan&James&Brooke&Chase&Karen&Lily:**_

_Hi Luke!_

_**Lucas #22 in ChicagoTree Hill, missing you!Lily, My Anonymous Promise!:**_

_Hi Hales!_

A few minutes later the webcams were turned on and after Haley's chair stood Nathan with little James on his arm, if you looked close enough you could see four other faces.

Lucas saw how Peyton eyes got teary, seeing all these people back after two years, discovering three new faces. She used all her strength to push away the tears but when Brooke came into vision she couldn't stop anymore what started up just minutes ago. The pain out of extreme guilt began to break her strength into tiny pieces, she stood up and walked away, leaving Lucas with a twisted expression on his face. He excused himself and promised Haley he would be back in a few minutes.

Lucas found Peyton crawled up in a ball in the corner of his room. "Peyton." He whispered and sat down next to her, allowing himself to wrap his protective arms around her. She very softly sobbed, it was barely audible, but the trembling body betrayed her. "I didn't know Peyton." He excused himself and pulled her a little closer. "It's not your fault Luke." She spoke, her warm voice displayed cracks of sorrow. "I'm just a coward because I can't face them anymore, I feel too guilty, it hurts so much." For the first time, something more like his old Peyton came out of her. "It's okay, you don't have to." He said and pressed a lost kiss on her hair.

He returned back to his laptop, leaving Peyton behind, to let her return to her normal state of mind. He promised Haley to mail her every Sunday, told everyone goodbye after his occasional half hour chat with his mom and Lily and asked her the call him in ten minutes.

And she did, after ten minutes the display of his cell phone lighted up and the words 'Mom is calling' became visible. He quickly answered it, after talking to his mom the phone passed everyone in the room, even James got the chance to babble a few words. Words like 'I miss you', 'Come back soon', 'I love you', 'Say Peyton hi from me' and 'Think about me when you're there in the big city' whirled around like snowflakes on the first snowstorm of the winter. After singing his version from 'Hey There Delilah' which now was 'Hey There Lily' Lucas returned to found out Peyton wasn't in his room anymore.

He entered her room and still didn't found her that was until he heard soft noise coming from behind the walls, and than, by surprise he found a door wide open, a black door he hadn't seen before. Curiously he walked in and his mouth fell open when he saw Peyton had rebuild her music closet her, a small hallway full of records.

She didn't look happy while she softly sang along with the music of 'Look What You've Done' from Jet. "What's wrong Peyton?" Lucas asked and saw her almost jump into the roof, with her hand pressed against her racy heart she walked over to Lucas. "God, you've scared me." She said, the other hand leaning against the shelves. "Lost something?" He asked when he noticed a lot of records weren't in there place. "I was searching after my record 'a Mark, a Mission, a Brand, a Scar' from Dashboard Confessional but I suddenly realised a kind of broke that one during a fight with me my dad." Lucas could see a few lost tears trying to escape. "Tell me about it." He said, leaned against one of the shelves and patted on his knee as sort of 'invitation' to join him. Peyton handed him the empty loose cover, realisation hit him hard when he remember that was the record were 'their song' was on. The song that was playing in her pretty car when she almost knocked him off the road. 'Hands Down'!

"Well, two years ago I got into a fight my dad about Ellie, I just found out that she had tried to contact me when I was much younger and than he had sent her away. I was so pissed off, walked off to my room and he followed and I kind of called him 'not my father' and compared him with 'a broken record', I just had randomly picked a record and smashed it against the doorway, and now I became conscious of that again. I knew I broke that one but I just couldn't throw away the loose cover, it just meant too much to me. My dad was right that day, that I would grow up and realise I wouldn't have all the answer just here in my hands, now I realise, I miss him so much, still." Lucas smiled and his fingers deviated to her sun-kissed cheek and softly his fingertips ran along her jaw line.

Just a few seconds after that she fixed herself again and began to dance around the room. Lucas tried to transfer her into his memory. Pregnant looked cute on her, the tiny nightgown she wore made Lucas feel the heat inside him grow. The sweet pink dress who reached on the halve of her upper tight, finished with black laces and a little bow, and than you had the bunny slippers, they made Lucas grin.

"Come dance with me!" She screamed, pulled him closer with his black tee. Gym Class Heroes' 'Good Vibrations' made them move freely, made them laugh, made them scream, made them have fun, it was so long ago, that Lucas and Peyton had fun … together.

A sudden knock on the door ruined their endless pleasure but when a second urgent knock howled around Peyton danced over to the door, Lucas realised she wasn't wearing anything to cover her belly but it was too late, the door flew open and just one little word escaped her lips.

"Pete?!"


	7. Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

**Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner **

"Pete?!" Her voice was full of shock, disbelief and most of all realisation of what would come up in just seconds. Lucas saw Pete's brown eyes glide to his girlfriend's belly, his eyes widened and also Peyton had noticed were her boyfriend's eyes rested. Immediately she wrapped her arms around herself, somehow she wanted to protect herself for his endless amazed gaze. "Hi." She simply said and tried to touch his arm but he turned around, walked away and whispered something that sounded like: "Unbelievable."

There she stood, she was one tense figure, all stiff, that was all that Lucas saw when he stood across the room, only looking at her back. She was too shocked to even cry, thoughts sprinted around in her head, but not as many as you would think, only three. 'Pete is here?' and 'Why is he here already?' and 'He just saw what he wasn't supposed to see before I could tell him in a descent situation.'

Lucas walked over to her, laying his hands on her shoulders, making her stir out of not excepting his sudden touch but directly relax under the comfort he brought.

After a few minutes Peyton moved away from Lucas protective arms, took her dressing-gown and Lucas saw how she walked away from him, through the door into the hallway. "Joe, do you know where Pete is?" He heard Peyton's voice, he could easily hear she was about to burst out in tears. "I don't know Peyton, he said something of 'going out for a long walk'." Lucas stepped into the hallway and saw Peyton standing there, looking helpless and uncomfortable. "Does anyone know where he went?" Joe shook his head. "I won't wake up Patrick if I were you, he's really tired and kind of pissed off, you know? Maybe Andy does know where he is. Something wrong Peyt?" She shook her head, waved the issue away. "No. Where's Andy?" "Downstairs." Joe answered and than left her behind with his suitcases in his hands.

Lucas held her company in the elevator, he could see how Pete's reaction, walking away from her without saying a descent word, was making her feel miserable. The feeling loved to eat her away, replacing every single thing about trust and confidence with endless fear and being afraid about what would come up in just a minute. Feelings like those loved Peyton, loved how easy it was to caught her off guard, just with one forceful breath you could pull her off her feet, smacking her on the ground, make her cry, make her die a little inside.

When the doors of the elevator opened she immediately ran to Andy who was talking with someone. Polite she patted on his shoulder. "Do you know where Pete is?" Her voice asked shakily. "Isn't he with you? He was so excited to see you back, he really longed for you …" Andy saw the upcoming tears in her eyes. "Hey, what's wrong Peyt?" Apparently the other band members called her 'Peyt' Lucas noticed when after Joe, Andy did the same. "Nothing." She murmured when Andy pulled her to him with one hand, locking her up into his embrace. After a few seconds he let go of her and looked in her eyes. "I don't know here he is Peyt." He said and looked worried to her.

"I'm going to call Jerry." Peyton said and walked off, leaving Lucas standing there, not knowing how to act. "Have we met before?" Andy asked towards Lucas. "I don't think we have, but I'm Lucas Scott." And offered Andy his hand and both men shook hands. "Andrew Hurley, member of Fall Out Boy." He said, proud shining through the glasses before his shining eyes. "So you're the famous Lucas Scott Peyt is always talking about." Lucas nodded by this strange note for him.

"Jerry is on his way looking for him, he knows this city like no other. He's our Chicago homeboy." Peyton said when she returned to Lucas and Andy. "So he's that famous Lucas you're always talking about?" Andy asked and Peyton nodded. The look on Lucas' face must have been awful. "Don't look like that Luke! I just told them a lot about you." She said, Lucas saw her struggling on the edge of her mixed feelings.

"Why did you guys come home so early? You were supposed to say until next week Sunday." She said, her hands going straight to the pocket of her sweatpants. "Pete reported himself sick and it were only side activities we had to cancel, not something major so they let us go. But now I really want to go upstairs, I'm exhausted. See you later Peyt." He hugged her once more. Lucas began to wonder why Andy and Joe didn't went further asking Peyton why Pete stormed off and left to God knew where.

Balancing with her opposite feelings, Lucas saw the blond girl on the edge of a breakdown. "I need to find him." She sobbed and hided her face into his chest. "I need to explain things." She cried and Lucas' blue eyes were aware of the meanest woman on earth was coming their way. "Let's get you upstairs." Lucas whispered and this time he dragged her upstairs.

Back in her room Peyton curled up in a ball on the exact spot where Lucas had laid her on her big double bed. She was wasting her breath with crying and trying to speak on the same time. "I've messed up." She sobbed. "Again!" Lucas took place on the bed, tried to caress her hair, and for the first time since he remember she rejected his touch, letting Lucas lose his breath for one second. She had never, never had rejected his touch!

"Peyton?" He asked, trying to push away these sudden strings of inner pain, but he actually hadn't to do it, her eyes shined from the bitter, salt tears, her vision was blurry, she wouldn't see how his bright blue eyes turned darker.

"I screwed up." She sobbed, but this time Lucas held his distance. "Don't say that." He said softly, trying to comfort her from a further distance. "He's going to hate me forever." She sobbed, Lucas wrapped his arms around her but she immediately began to punch with her little fists in his chest. "I … I love him, I … I can't loose him." She sobbed.

From the one moment to the other she jumped out the bed ran into the hallway, for her sake Lucas was quick enough to catch before the elevator doors opened. Suddenly Peyton's legs gave out and she fell right into Lucas' arms. He quickly carried her back into her room, trying to repress his panic that got lost in his head. He carefully lay her down under the sheets and quickly took a washing-glove drowned it into tepid water and lay it on her forehead. "Are you okay Peyton?" She murmured something with a painful expression on her face. "Peyton?" He let his fingers ran along her cheek. "What happened?" She asked, her eyes a little opened, trying to block out the light in the room. "You blacked out for a minute. Are you okay now?" He smoothed the sheets under his hands. "Just tired." Than realisation hit her again, Pete walked away from her.

"I need to find Pete." She said and tried to escape the bed again but Lucas didn't let her. He placed his arms on both sides of her so she couldn't get away that easy. "You need to rest Peyton." Their faces were so close, he could just bridge the distance by kiss her, just a little, soft, loving peck on her perfect, velvet lips. But he didn't, than he would take advantage of a very messy situation, he would screw up her mind even more than it already was. He wasn't that type of guy, and she loved Pete, loved him so much.

"Jerry is looking for him, he'll come back soon, it was just unexpected Peyton." He said and his fingers played with the soft sheets. "You need to sleep, you know what the doctor said about the baby, you need to avoid stress or pressure. "But I can't sleep without him here, knowing he is out there, angry at me." She said, her voice near to break.

"I'll stay up and listen to the phone and I'll wake you up as soon as I hear something." Lucas promised her, hoping she would get some sleep and nothing of this would affect her pregnancy. The painful memories of his mother lying on the floor rushed back again, this guilt of what he had done, that this time Dan didn't had the full blame. The empty hours alone in that hospital room, he wouldn't do it over again.

Hours crawled by, so slow and painful. Somehow Lucas felt guilty for Pete not being there besides Peyton right now, like he was a part of this strange puzzle that didn't want to fit. It was around 04 A.M. when Lucas saw a screen light up blue in the dark, vibrating against the hard, cold wood and Fall Out Boy's 'The Take Over, The Breaks Over' played. As quick as he could he grabbed Peyton's cell phone and answered it.

"Miss Sawyer." He heard the voice who had to be Jerry's. "No it's Lucas. Peyton is sleeping." Jerry continued on a whisper tone the conversation. "Say to Miss Sawyer I found mister Wentz, he's in the Chicago Theological Seminary." Lucas thanked Jerry told him goodbye and than woke up Peyton.

"Peyton." He whispered in his ear, the warm breath heated her ear. "Peyton." His hands lay on her shoulder, very softly letting his fingers sink her flesh. "What's wrong? What time is it?" She asked sleepy when she saw Lucas' face in the near darkness, only the light from the bedside light was able to make his face shine into a soft glow.

"After four, Jerry has found Pete, he's at 'our church'. So he called it." Lucas answered, Peyton almost jumped out her bed to get dressed. "Take it slow Peyton!" He yelled at her but she didn't listen, five minutes later she was ready to leave. Her blond, playfully curls forced after a diadem, wearing sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt again. She took her purse from the table and left the hotel room, Lucas right beside her.

The drive to where Pete was, was long, too long. Lucas had fallen asleep but Peyton didn't, her green eyes were wide open, what was she going to do now or say? She would face him soon, maybe too soon.

Jerry stood before the huge building, waiting for Peyton to arrive. As quick as she could she made her way out of the cab and walked over to Jerry. "How bad is it?" Lucas heard Peyton ask Jerry. "Very bad, he's totally drowned under." Lucas saw her face darken, the last spark of hope was vanished from her green eyes. "I'm sorry Miss Sawyer." Jerry said and you could see how his face also had darkened. There must be something about Pete, something bad that made her hope vanish, put out the last not so bright flame.

Very slowly, full of hesitation Peyton opened the big, heavy doors of the huge building and walked in, the dull noise which filled the enormous space was made by her footsteps on the floor. Lucas followed her but after a few seconds Jerry was besides him. "Let her deal with him alone." He said and Lucas saw her walking further and further away from him. Each step made his heart hurt, ache, long, want.

Peyton found Pete sitting on a bench, his elbows on his knees, fingers laced, his head resting on his fold hands, muttering words she didn't understand because his voice was barely audible.

"Pete?" Her voice was nothing more than a few lost syllables in the air. "Pete?" She asked again, she bended down in front of him, hoping she could catch a look from his amazing eyes. She did, she caught a look, gaze full of terrible, sad, painful and betrayal feelings.

"Pete?" For the third time her voice made invisible tracks in the cold air inside the building. He didn't react, he was just like a stone, cold and hard, something that wasn't able to feel. "Pete, please talk to me." She pleaded. "I don't know where to begin." She said, her voice full of sorrow and hurt.

"Maybe with this." He whispered harshly or at least the words should have sounded like that. A piece of paper fell out his hands. 'Is Peyton Cheating on Pete?' Was the title above it in big red letters, a photo from her and Lucas was placed beside the text. And more pieces fell, all articles out of different magazines, speculating about who Lucas was.

The last article that fell out of Pete's hand. Peyton picked it up, the words on it, leaving her with mouth wide open, she felt numb, how could he ever believe those words, those terrible words, those countless lies, this everything that wasn't her?

'Pete's Girlfriend Has a New 'Secret' Lover!' A photo from Lucas and her was on the page. A close up from their tangled hands. Fast her eyes increased a few lines, the first ones. Her rage grew spectacular, if the voice in her head didn't insist that she should keep herself in control she would just have hit something.

"Do you really believe that?!" She yelled quietly. It was noting more than a heated whisper for where Lucas and Jerry stood. "I can't believe you, you don't trust me! You'd rather believe a stupid lie in some lame magazine then me, here standing before you, expecting …" He quietly finished her sentence. "My child."

Even Peyton knew he had seen her, seen her growing belly. He knew from hours before she was expecting a child, his child. And suddenly she realised how she had been yelling, that she actually was in fault, she dropped on her knees, felt a flood of heavy hormones race in her veins, she began to sob with her head on his knees.

"I didn't mean to yell at you. Please forgive me, I understand you're hurt and shocked, you have every single right to. But I didn't know how to tell, I was fault to hide it but I love you so, so, so very much." She made out between her sobs and cries and tears which flooded and made dark, wet spot on his trousers.

There followed a long silent pause, no words were spoken, only the sound of her heartbreaking crying was auditable. Lucas dared to walk closer to where she and Pete were, just close enough to hear their voices clear enough so he could understand the different words they spoke.

"And I love you too." Pete whispered and ran a hand through her golden hair. Lucas just stood there, shocked, his heart began to break into tiny pieces. He had to own this word that came out of her and his mouth. He longed for those words. Pete pulled Peyton on his lap, slowly rocked her while she cried and whispered words in her ear which made her smile, a little faint smile he caused her.

An awkward, long silence followed. Only four people in this huge building. Seconds filled with burdensome silence, which lifeless stretched out in painful minutes. Lucas was happy when Jerry finally broke it after he came back, he had walked away when his cell phone went off.

"Mister Wentz, can I go home? My father just called and told me that my mother isn't feeling well." Pete helped Peyton stand up and Peyton immediately ran over to Jerry and hugged him. "Sure you can go Jerry." Peyton said and then looked back at Pete for confirmation. Lucas had noticed she was really close to the people of the crew around her, the bodyguards, people of the management, …, just everyone. He wondered what made her change, he almost had to damage her to break down her walls back in Tree Hill and a few days ago again, but here she just let everyone in. It was confusing, so strange, she had changed so much. "This stays between this walls Jerry." Pete said and Jerry nodded. "I know, I won't say a thing." He promised. "I know you won't slip a word." Peyton answered. "And I like you for that."

"You can go Jerry, we'll get back." Pete reassured him. "I hope your mother will get better soon." He said and took Peyton's hand in his own. Lucas felt how the jealousy inside him was punching in his stomach, making him feel sick inside. A hard, painful inner punch hit him hard when Pete pulled Peyton closer and kissed her lips softly.

In the meantime Jerry had left the building, only Pete, Peyton and Lucas were in there. The tension was sharp and cutting, the way Pete looked at Lucas and the hostile look flew back from Lucas' side. Peyton felt and saw the tension flying around before her eyes. "We should head back to the hotel, I'm so tired." She said and tugged at Pete's sleeve who nodded in agreement.

The cold wind of a dark, shiny night embraced them with all his icy power. Peyton shivered and Pete pulled her closer to him, Lucas was forced to the background, walking behind them, observing Peyton when she was with Pete. He heard their voices dance around. "We really have to talk about things Peyt." He said and rubbed her arm. She nodded. "I know." She answered, guilt was hidden just under the soft tone of her girly voice.

"How far are you?" Pete asked, Peyton laid her head on his shoulder. "Thirteen weeks." She answered quietly. "Do you know I've been thinking about names when I walked away this night?" Pete said, Lucas walked a little faster, this he had to hear. Peyton had told him yesterday that if she would have a daughter she would like to call her Anna-Elizabeth and as nickname Ellie and if it was a boy she would like to call him Scott or Larry or Keith. "Well I was thinking about the songs from the band, and if we have a son, what about we call him Parker? You know, our song Parker Lewis Can't Lose But I'm Gonna Give It My Best Shot. And if we have a little girly girl we name her Roxanne after our song with her name." He said, happiness dripped off his voice, in invincible drops on the concrete ground. "That's great Pete!" She cried and threw herself in his tattooed arms. Lucas could feel his stomach twist, what about her names, why didn't she say anything about them? Did she just let him roll over her? He was stunned by how easy she let herself control by him. She turned into a depending puppy when he was around, what about the independent lady she used to be?

"But this still means we have to talk Peyt." Pete said and tightened his grip, she nodded into his chest. Jealousy was such a worse feeling, it was feeding itself with Lucas extreme feeling to protect Peyton and to have her only for him, that she would only be his. His girl.

It was almost 06 A.M. when they finally arrived back at the hotel, the dark blue sky was mixed with very bright light blue. The bright blue was taking over, forcing the dark blue to disappear into worthlessness. The clouds turned from dark and sad to light and satisfied.

Lucas wanted to enjoy this beautiful event of nature a little longer but sleep had him in a stifling embrace, so he needed to sleep this over again like every other people, like he didn't care about what was beautiful.

Pete went straight to Peyton's room and placed himself before the door, carefully following his girlfriend's movements, she must have felt it because when she hugged Lucas 'goodnight' she barely touched him. It were just two arms who barely made an embrace, nothing from the usual warmth and the cosy, familiar closeness was there.

For another two hours Lucas found himself drowned under in a strange trance, he couldn't sleep, he had knocked off the sleep without wanting it. He was writing in this weird trance, but it wasn't this intense trance that made him happy and satisfied as usual, no this trance made him feel odd and useless. The fake silence in his room irritated him, his heart began to hurt from his longing, and he longed for so much, too much maybe. Carefully he began to write is longings down, his longings about Peyton on a paper, he began:

_I long for:_

_- Peyton to be next to me_

_- Peyton to fully open up to me and never build walls again_

_- Peyton to open my heart with the key I gave her many years ago and let me do the same with her_

_- Peyton to accept her sad life, her flaws, the mistakes she made but also accept everything that's good about he and her life_

_- Peyton to forgive me for the brainless things I did in the past_

_- Peyton to be my wife_

_- Peyton to be Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer-Scott_

_- Peyton to be the mother of my child, or maybe children_

_- Peyton to be a part of my family_

_- Peyton to be back in Tree Hill _

_- Peyton to be best friends with Brooke Davis again_

_- Peyton to be best friends with Nathan Scott, Haley James Scott, Skills Taylor, Bevin Mirskey_

_- Peyton to meet Chase Adams and realise Brooke will never be a barrier between us and our love for each other again because my pretty girl has moved on with her new guy_

_- Peyton to open her eyes and return to me_

_- Peyton to accept the fact I'm her only true love and come home with and let me be the father to her son or daughter which is growing in her belly now_

_- Peyton to love Lily like her sister or like her daughter, to be a big part of my little sister's life_

_- Peyton to accept my mother again and give my mother the change to replace her loss from her own two mothers_

_- Peyton to reunite herself with Larry again and hold him closer instead of pushing him away_

_- Peyton to hate my father Dan Scott as much as I do_

_- Peyton to love 'my father' Keith and respect him because he gave his life to save hers_

_- Peyton to pick up her special bound with Whitey_

_- Peyton to never lose her personality, her special being, to push away this fake version of her_

_- Peyton to be happy and let me protect from her every single bad thing that could happen to her_

_- Peyton to return the places were her mothers are buried and tell them everything she would have told them if they were still alive_

_- Peyton to face Jimmy Edwards' grave and forgive him for what he couldn't control_

_- Peyton to finished her high school and show the world she is destined for greatness, but the greatness she makes herself and not the greatness she enjoys now because other made her a part of their greatness_

_- Peyton to be everything I wanted, everything I prayed for, everything I wished for, everything she ever can be for me, that she just be everything and everything only for me_

Lucas heard doors slammed shut and he stood up, after he was sure there wasn't anyone down the hallway anymore. He opened the door very slowly and cursed himself because is heart was beating so out of control. He walked over to Peyton's door, ready to comfort her, take away her pain, heal her. But he was brutally interrupted by screaming and laughter, he silently lay his ear against the cold wooden door and heard Peyton's voice scream and beg.

"Pete, don't do it, it tickles!" He heard her voice scream in laughter. "God Pete." He heard a moan. "You feel so good." She groaned and those words made Lucas shrunk inside. He felt how black anger with Pete's face was beating him up inside.

He returned to his room, took his ballpoint pen again and scratch on his list:

_- Peyton to see my face when she making love to … 'him'_


	8. Growing Up

Growing Up

**Growing Up **

Reality banged hard against Lucas' sleepy head in the form of a jumpy Peyton standing beside his bed. "We made up last night, everything is okay!" She yelled in his ear before she went further with her dancing around in the room in one of Pete's hoodies. If Lucas wasn't so sleepy and meaner as he was, he would have made her the comment: Yeah, I know, I heard.

But since he wasn't a mean boy and sleep was still trying to embrace him again so he left his mouth shut while Peyton kept repeating some of her old cheerleading moves.

"He forgave me and said he overreacted and …" Lucas interrupted. "Did you tell him everything?" And he pushed away the sheets. "Yes!" She yelled and jumped on his bed. "Really everything?" He asked, his eyes obligating her to tell the truth. "Almost." She answered quietly, her enthusiasm was much less. His eyes were enough to make her continue without questions he had to ask. "Not about Ryan." She whispered and suddenly without a reason left the room when Lucas stood out of his bed.

Confusion was familiar to Lucas, but it still did hit as hard as before. Getting used to something doesn't always mean that it would change the impact of it, the impact it has on you or on your life. It's like someone you love dies, you can accept it and go on with your life, but it doesn't mean you don't feel sad and hurt when you look at a photo of that person or if you drive by the house he or she used to live, you'll always turn you head and hope you see him or her standing there again … Lucas felt the same about Peyton, he felt like the girl he loved died when she left Tree Hill, their hometown, but seeing her again here in Chicago still was weird, she was nothing of the girl anymore she used to be. He was getting used to her, to how she is now, but that didn't mean he didn't miss the girl she used to be back then, only two years ago.

Still drunk from his restless dreams that turned into little nightmares and the fresh confusing, Lucas made his way to the bathroom. His dreams had been warnings about Peyton, about her life and about how it could turn out to be a mess when the baby got there and she didn't change it now. The reflection of his tanned body in the mirror, his athletic body which certainly was missing out practice didn't match with the horrible look on his face.

Lucas observed his body, he saw the laziness of the last few days trying to fit his body, his eyes were near dead, his face was paler as normal. His jealousy already began to eat away his strong being and powder his pride and feelings.

After a long, warm shower Lucas felt himself as new, in his brown Dashboard Confessional tee matched with a dark jean he walked to Peyton's room. When he entered he saw the cloths she wore when she went after Pete all spread over the floor, even bright green boy shorts and bra lay in his vision. He so much wished he could just throw up now, this made him feel sick, but the effect of his T-shirt on her wasn't pretty either.

As Peyton noticed the Dashboard Confessional T-shirt this familiar pain began to cut in her heart again, the tones of the band's Hands Down once was her favourite song, but the many painful memories it brought about her and Lucas totally had defaced the magic the song once had.

"Not in the mood for cleaning up?" Lucas dropped way too catchy, catchier than he had wanted. Peyton choose to ignore his ironic tone and answered simply: "Just wanted to hold upon this moment a little longer." Peyton heard Lucas whisper something under his breath, she didn't understand every word, but words enough to let her burst out. Unbelievable, blind and stupid girl, were enough to let jump of the edge and storm upon him.

"What's your damn problem Lucas?!" She screamed, Lucas could see the hormones fly around his head. "I have no problem, you have a problem Peyton!" She was about to give him a cold showers of not so pretty words when a knock expired the upcoming storm, Elle opened the door, placed the plates on the table and while doing that she didn't once look up to Peyton or Lucas. "Your breakfast Miss Sawyer." She said, unkindly, the little conversation from not so long ago still sizzling in her head which was covered with the long hair.

The breakfast made Lucas and Peyton shut up, they just eat without saying one word, the only thing they did was giving each other extreme muddy looks with their burning eyes.

When their breakfast was almost finished Lucas found Peyton staring at a photo of Pete, she was so lost into it and it irritated Lucas. "God, so blind." He whispered, but Peyton had heard it. She got up and walked up to Lucas.

"What's the problem Luke?!" She screamed. "I'm not the one with a problem Peyton, you have a problem." He answered simply. "What's my problem then?" She wanted to know. "It's time for you to grow up Peyton! And to open your eyes for the real world." Peyton shook her head and locked herself up in her bathroom.

"Come on Peyton." Lucas said while knocking on the door. "Be not angry at me, I just want to tell you what I think about this." He pleaded. "You think I'm stupid and blind!" She screamed back. "Just let me tell you what I want, than you can be angry with me all you want." He said, hoping he hadn't scattered their perfect friendship.

She unlocked the door and pushed Lucas away who standing before the doorway, than she took place on couch and her eyes dared him to say something.

"Okay, don't get angry with me or hit me before you've heard what I've got to say." He took a deep breath and took place on the floor. "Peyton, I don't really want to say it, but because I'm your best friend I'm obligated and because I care so much about you and your baby." He closed his eyes, calculated the right words to begin.

"I've been watching you since you left Tree Hill, I've followed you in the magazines because I could never let go of you. I know your lifestyle Peyton, I've been able to get a taste of it since I'm here, and all I know is … this is the wrong lifestyle to raise a child in, you're so busy. Late night parties, touring with the band, not having a real home to return to … this is not a steady life for a child. I know how hard it is to raise a child Peyton, I'm helping my mom everywhere I can just to make Lily not her burden but her pleasure. She's practically too old to raise a little child and you're quiet young and not used to children."

"But I knew how the handle Jenny, Lucas." She snapped. "I don't say you'll be a bad mother Peyton, don't twist my words around. But I'm saying it's going to be difficult with the lifestyle you have and you'll be like a single mom." Again she interrupted. "Pete is going to help me, he promised me we'll figure it out, and there are so many singers who raise also children." Lucas shook his head. "I just want to prepare of what is coming on to you okay! Fall Out Boy is in their glory years, the band has obligations towards the management, Pete is not going to be able to be home when he wants or you want." Lucas looked at Peyton, she still wasn't calmed down. "Peyton, I'm not criticizing you, I'm just telling you that if you change your lifestyle, it would do miracles for your baby. Please don't be mad at me because I'm trying to give you some advice, I don't want Pete making you empty promises Peyton." He pleaded. "I'm not a little child Luke, you don't have to protect me anymore from all the 'evil' things, I know how to lead my own life and when I can believe the man I love! I'm not your gi…" Her word was interrupted by a knock on a door.

And out of the blue Pete stood in Peyton's room, shutting a door Lucas had never seen before. "Baby!" She yelled, jumped up and threw herself in his arms, her lips founding his in just seconds, and another three seconds to get into a heavy kiss-session. Lucas disappeared to his room, away from the disgusting event and after an hour he found a note under his door.

_Meet us downstairs at 07.00 P.M._

_XOX_

_Peyton_

The rest of the day passed quiet, Lucas used his time to e-mail everyone back in Tree Hill, to write a letter to Whitey, to write on his book. Before he realized it, it was evening and time to go and see how the world would react on Peyton's big news, her pregnancy.

Lucas felt himself empty and alone in that big room downstairs in the hotel, all those people surrounding him, but no-one he knew or knew him, no-one expect Peyton, his beautiful Peyton who was mad at him.

There he stood behind the stage, Peyton talking with the members of the band. Patrick happily talking to her about how cool it was she was pregnant and about good it looked on her. Lucas was somehow strangely happy to see her getting along so well with Patrick, Andy and Joe. It looked like she was their little sister, they sounded so close. But it shouldn't have surprised him, in two years she had spend almost all her time with them. Then Pete showed up again.

Jealousy immediately found Lucas. Jealousy, it had never been the monster it was now. Even with Jake it had been less, maybe because of Brooke, Lucas thought. The horrible feeling began to punch into his stomach when he heard Pete make all those empty promises to Peyton.

"I'll work less." Was his first promise to convince her.

"I'll let the management make easier and shorter tours." Was the second number to reach her hand and pull her over the line.

"We'll move to Los Angeles, life is much better for the baby there." Was number three which totally hit her weak spot.

All this promises which fell down as loaded bombs, ready to explode if she believed them. Maybe they weren't so empty, they were stiffed with invisible and dangerous explosive.

"Our manager is looking for you Pete." Joe said and patted his friend on the back, interrupting Pete's empty promises session which seemed to continue forever. Lucas felt the little feathers in his stomach, he just wanted to throw up or something, seeing her so weak, making herself so weak. Pete just said something and she was like a puppy all over him. Where the hell went the real Peyton? Lucas couldn't stop asking himself that.

Finally he had her alone again so this was his change to jump on her and to not let her go for a while. "Peyton!" He yelled and waved at her, she waved back while he came closer. When he finally reached, he kind of kept turning around. "What's up Luke?" Peyton asked, knowing something was bothering Lucas. "I was thinking about our conversation earlier today, I thought you knew which were empty promises and which weren't." Lucas simply said, a little bit of arrogance spicing his voice.

"Unbelievable!" She quietly screamed, not wanting to catch the attention of the other people around her. "We talked this over, I trust Pete and believe him, why is it so hard for you to do the same?" Her eyes began to get smoky, two little flames burned him up. "But Peyton?" He wished he just didn't say those words. "It's your damn pride, isn't? Always wanted to be the better one, better than Nathan, better than Dan, better …" "Peyton." He tried again, almost begging. "God, why can't you just let me be happy?!" That question really knocked a whole in Lucas' walls of defence.

"Miss Sawyer, it's about to start, hurry up!" Someone yelled to her from the opposite side of the room and she disappeared to the stage, leaving him there, hurt.

Ten minutes later Lucas found himself sitting on a blue, soft chair and getting lost by Peyton's presence on the stage, sitting behind the table, her hand probably intertwined with Pete's. Lucas found himself uncomfortable, this entire strange people and the media people. Before even someone could ask a question when 'the show' started, Pete began to speak, he had prepared a little speech.

"There reason why you all here." He began. "Is simple, I've got some things I need to tell to you. First I want to stop the rumours about my girlfriend having an affair with Lucas Scott. Lucas Scott is a close friend from Peyton who she knew from high school back in North Carolina, he's only here to visit her for a while."

A hand flew up, one from a man with a little notebook in his hand. "Did you know he was going to come? Was he the reason you quit the tour earlier? Is he …" Pete interrupted. "I didn't know he was going to come, neither did Peyton but he is just a friend of hers." He reassured everyone, Lucas felt himself sink into his chair, praying he was elsewhere, elsewhere with Peyton in his loving arms, sharing adoring kisses.

"Second of all, and the most important reason." Pete continued. "Peyton and me are blissfully happy to tell the world we are expecting our very first child." He dropped the words like meat for wild lions, they just dived into it, questions shoot around while they hungrily consumed their fresh meat. "Listen carefully because I'm not repeating it later." Pete said, trying to get a little bit of control over everyone. "Peyton is in her third month so it's still a long way to go before our little baby will be born, I want, no I demand from everyone who is a part of the media to leave her alone. I don't want photographers stalking her by every step she makes, I hope you feel yourself responsible enough to let her have a calm and normal pregnancy. Those who break the rules I've set up will meet less nicer rules elsewhere between four walls …"

These words left an impact on the people in the room, on really everyone, Pete's band mates, the crew who worked with Fall Out Boy, the media, and most of all Peyton. Lucas hated it when she saw her eyes lighten up and it wasn't because of his love.

About ten minutes later everything was said and Pete allowed some of the photographers to make photo's of him and Peyton and the band.

She looked gorgeous in that outfit she was wearing, the black wide pants with matching shoes, above that she wore a long silken top which was very light baby blue and above that a cute white vest.

She suddenly looked so motherly, out the blue Lucas saw Peyton motherly rocking a baby in her arms, she was whispering sweet words in the baby's ear. Rocking the little child, he heard her velvet voice dropping these precious words as petals of white roses twirling down on fresh green grass.

"Daddy is coming sweetheart." Her soothing voice spoke while invisible teardrops shinned on the baby's face. And then, then her emerald green glorious eyes lifted up and gazed into his bright, intense blue ones. She was calling him with those magical, beautiful eyes, a name was about to be poured carefully of her red lips: "Luc.."

Out of the blue Lucas felt a hand on his shoulder which made him jump back into reality. "Pregnant looks good on her." He heard a boyish voice rose up behind his back.

Lucas turned around to meet a pair of chocolate brown eyes from a brown-haired boy who had Peyton's length and the little scar on his jaw line, it must be Ryan, that little pinkish scar was the ultimate hint. It broke the boyish beauty of his baby face.

"You must be Lucas." He said and offered his hand to Lucas. "Than you must be Ryan." Lucas answered and shook the other boy's hand. Little smiles exchanged while both men measured each other.

Peyton had been right, if Lucas was able to replace himself in Haley or Brooke or Bevin or even Rachel he would found Ryan a cutie, the touch of childish bliss mixed with the too soon grown up look in his eyes was very tempting, it was just so bittersweet and somehow in a strange way even moving.

"How's your little sister doing?" Lucas asked, he was desperately trying to get his eyes of Peyton. "Peyton told you?" Ryan asked surprised. "Yeah she did, we're pretty close." Lucas added with shiny proud. "Her name, I'm thinking, was it Mara?" Ryan nodded. "Yes, Mara is fine."

The boys searched for a drink and went sitting on the chair on the side of the room. Lucas knew he had to take advantage of this situation, he needed to know as many things about Ryan as he could, and he needed to find out if Peyton was as special to Ryan as Ryan to Peyton.

In the time that followed Lucas learned Ryan was worth it to be a part of Peyton's life. He was very open about many things, but very closed of if you got a little too close. Suddenly a few lights went out and all the spots shinned on the stage.

Lucas felt himself slip away again, maybe he didn't resist it or maybe the alcohol in his blood let him so easily.

Peyton … his heart soared. She looked so amazingly blissful how she stood there, surround by those four boys. This was simply her world now, the boys, their music, the hotel, the flashes of cameras of the paparazzi, the band's crew, all those total strangers, just her life.

Lucas felt like his heart was very slowly and painful removed from his chest when Pete sat before Peyton and lovingly kissed her bare belly. He felt himself become pale as extreme jealousy dived into his system. Her harsh, questioning words kept hitting his poor mind, he asked himself the same.

Why couldn't he just let her be happy?


	9. I Slept With Someone From Fall Out Boy

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

**I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me**

The bright sun was shining high in the blue sky, heating Lucas' big hotel room, lighten it up in all her brightness, but it didn't fit his broody mood. The day before yesterday still fresh in his made, this scary feeling that something very, very bad was about to happen today kept coming over him. The feeling drowned him under, made him almost drown.

A grey cloud ruined the golden shine of the only sun Lucas knew, he rolled on his side and noticed his door was going open, from a little bit, just enough space to pull a hand through the gap. A lady hand with long nails covered in black nail-varnish appeared and the white handkerchief waved around and then Peyton dared to show herself.

She looked pretty wearing a long blue tunic top which danced loosely around her body and white pants, her curls were extremely messy but glamorous, a white diademe hold them away from her face.

Peyton slowly walked to him and dropped the handkerchief on his bed, Lucas picked it up and on the other side the word: 'Forgiveness?' was written on it with a dark blue marker.

She smiled, but looked away after that, she couldn't face him already, she needed more time, just a little more time to convince herself things would be just fine between her and Lucas again. It was yesterday night she realised she had been awful against him, his behaviour hadn't been the best one, but she herself had been even worse. Lucas was right, she had thought when she couldn't sleep, I need to change my life for this baby growing inside me, this very special part of me and Pete.

Yeah she had thought that, she also had realized she had never thought about her life style and the baby before in the way Lucas had. He had never been so right, she thought. Expect the fact about that she wasn't Brooke … but she soon forced her out of that thought, pushing away the old feelings which boiled up.

Lucas looked at her, tried to find her eyes, her honest, green, endless, amazing eyes. But she looked away and refused to look at him, she was staring a hole in the floor, but after a while she peeked and in that little, tiny second Lucas saw what he wanted to see. This spark, spark of hidden love for him, which maybe would come out one day, he hoped, one day very soon.

"Come here." He softly said and pulled Peyton who sat on the edge of the bed next to him, she actually tumbled into the bed, against Lucas' warm body. He locked her up in his embrace. And for suddenly everything seemed to fit when he closed his eyes.

Her body against his, the softness of her skin on his, the sent of her hair which filled his noise, her curls which tickled his shoulder, her hands which found their place on his arms, … everything was perfect until … until he felt her forming belly pressed against his.

With a silent crash he was back into reality and the following words just rolled out. "Where's Pete?" He felt her stiffen against him. "He's at the management." She quietly answered. And for some reason she crawled closer to him and took his big right hand in her one and laid his hand on her belly.

It was magical, how he felt his hand raise and fell with each breath she took. How this little life which was trapped inside of her. Lucas felt himself slip away in a beautiful daydream, so beautiful. His Peyton in his arms, so happy because of … not his baby.

Reality was like an old ugly woman in dressing-gown with a rolling pin in her hand, Lucas thought and stood up, leaving Peyton in his bed. "I'm going to take a shower, then we can brunch together if you like." Lucas said and made his way to his bathroom. "That's okay." She said and Lucas closed the door.

When he opened the same door again twenty minutes later she was gone. After a two minute search for his shoes he entered Peyton's room.

It was like her closet was exploded, everywhere were dresses. On the ground, on the big bed, on the wooden table, on the soft chairs, on the large couch, there were even dresses on the counter lay a dress. Between the huge amount of silk, satin, cotton, laces, spangles and tiny beads Lucas found Peyton and a brunette who was in her forties talking.

Lucas decided not the interrupt the busy conversation and just looked around. All those colourful dress were like a rainbow through the sky. There were green dresses, red dresses, oranges dresses, white dresses, blue dresses, purple dresses, pink dresses, yellow dresses, and black dresses … almost every colour you could imagine. In every length, very short ones who only covered until the halve of your tight and dresses which covered your feet and everything in between.

Lucas randomly picked up a dress, it was a black one with silver beads on the sides. It would look fabulous on Peyton, he just knew. "This young man has a great taste I see." The older woman said and Peyton smiled bright. "He defiantly has." She answered. "Hey Luke." She greeted him for the second time today and walked over to him to press a kiss on his cheek, careful not to leave tracks of her red lipstick.

"Please help me, Luke." She begged kindly. "There are so much dresses and I don't know which one to pick." Lucas smiled when Peyton excitedly moved around to show Lucas the dresses she loved the most. The excitement made her even shine more, she was like the sun, the moon and the stars in Lucas' universe.

First she took a purple dress from her bed, where she apparently had all her favourite dresses laying on. This dress had a wide skirt and had silver spangles on the straps and the chest. The second was a very short yellow dress. The third one was red with a lot of laces. The fourth one was a white with soft pink dress who almost reached the ground. After that there was only one dress left, a simple orange dress who reached her knees.

"Is that your favourite dress?" He asked while he looked around, there were so many amazing and breath-stealing dresses, this one was nothing compared to the pink, long dress with little silken flowers which were purple and magenta, it was like a dress for a fairytale princess.

And suddenly he felt himself dragged into his fantasy world again. He could see Peyton standing in a garden full with flowers, the blue sky matches perfectly with the green grass. A few little white clouds raced into the endless blueness on a slow and slumbering pace.

There she stood, on the middle of some old stairs which leads to a fantasy castle, in that pink dress, her blond hair had more curls than ever. She smiled at him, turned around and out of the blue there was Lily. Also wearing the same pink dress, her brown hair cheerful waved around as she run of the stairs. "Lu-cas!" She screamed and ran towards him. But before Lucas had the change to scoop up his baby sister and spin her around, he was disrupted by Peyton who slap him playful on the arm. "Are you even listening Luke?"

Lucas hated to be interrupted in his dream world, but he was glad Peyton did, he found himself weak that he let himself slip away again and again, time after time. He immediately brought his attention back to Peyton, her excitement deserved every single bit of his interest, seeing her this excited didn't happen that much.

"You know I had this perfect dress for the occasion, hot pink, tight dress, it was like one with my body, hugging all my curves but with my belly I can't wear it anymore. So now this …" There she stood in a soft pink, satin strapless dress, she turned around and the dress playfully waved, her growing belly looked magical in it. Lucas smiled, she looked so damn pretty, but he rather would rip it off her body and … Lucas cursed himself.

He needed to get away from her for a little while, before he would loose self-control and do things he would regret later. His love for the attractive girl before his eyes, mixed up with his physical desire, and that was a dangerous combination. He hadn't had sex after breaking up with Brooke now more than a year and half ago. It wolfed his virility, it just eat him away very slowly.

Once and only once he had picked up a girl at a bar. But somewhere between the abundance of booze and 03.00 A.M. in his bedroom, it went 'wrong'. Before he could even make 'the big move', he had called her 'Peyton' while the poor girl had the name 'Fanny'. A hard slap on his cheek and a knee between his legs had reminded he just couldn't, couldn't be like one of these guys, guys who just met a girl to use her and than to say goodbye and never see her back. Even with Nikki he had planned another script.

"You look fabulous in that." Lucas answered and took a step backward. "You're a hot mama, like Skills would say." Lucas winked and that made Peyton smile. "I'm going out and buy a paper." He said, pressed a very light kiss on her cheek and left the room.

The streets were crowed when Lucas tried to find his way to a place where he could buy a newspaper. He actually didn't know where he needed to go … Chicago was so big when you were used to Tree Hill. Lucas wondered how Peyton could live like this, in such a big city when she was born in a place which was so little.

It was a half hour later when Lucas realised he had lost his way. He wanted to call Peyton when he realized he hadn't the number of her cell phone. He didn't know what to do, but when a redhead passed him his mind immediately gave imagine on a red-haired girl, Glenda. He had her number so he called her.

After five minutes of getting directions he had found a little store where he could buy a newspaper. Lucas felt like everyone was starring at him, especially the man after the counter, it irritated Lucas. Why did everyone judge people without knowing how everything exactly was or how they were? Lucas found it disgusting.

Lucas was glad when he was back in the hotel and entered Peyton's room. She sat after her computer, everything was cleaned up. Lucas greeted her but didn't wait until she reacted, an article on the front page of the paper had his full attention.

Fifteen minutes passed, and no words were spoken, Lucas didn't think about it, but when he looked up he realised Peyton hadn't moved. She still sat in the same position, earphones still in her ears which were covered with her curly hair, still the same site he could see, but she looked pale, so pale.

"Peyton?" He walked over to her, leaving his paper behind were he was browsing through. "Peyton, are you not feeling well?" He asked and bended down in front of her chair. "Peyton, where does it hurt?" He asked worried and his hand caressed her cheek which felt cold.

For some unknown reason she yanked her head away and her earphones plugged out by that unexpected movement. The noise of a moaning boy and girl filled the room, Lucas stiffened.

He looked to the screen and shock it hit him harder as it had ever done. 'EXCLUSIVE! Wedding night sex tape for Pete Wentz & Peyton Wentz!! Who Knew?' Was the title above the video she was watching.

"Peyton?" He asked shocked, confused and it was the only thing he could bring out. Silent tears rolled off her cheeks, wetted a trace, the trace they made on her cloths. She bit on her lower lip.

Lucas went in full denial, he went sitting back on the chair he came from and his knowledge to read made the last sparkle of hope shatter and went into the horrible disaster.

_Mister Wentz & Miss Wentz Sextape Exposed!_

_Shock and surprise entered the world yesterday night. Only a few days ago Pete surprised the world by telling he's expecting his first child. Now a sextape from Pete and the mother of his child is exposed. On what we could call 'a conversation' we heard on the tape, it should be shot on the night after their wedding. Fall Out Boy fans are stunned, even as much as the rest of the world. For months Pete from Fall Out Boy and his girlfriend (or should we say his wife?) kept their marriage a secret to the world. But the big question is why?_

Before Lucas had the chance to read further, the paper was being crumbled by Peyton. "You're married and you didn't even bother to tell me about it!" Lucas screamed, he was about to pour a shower of dirty and not pretty words over her when he realise she sat on the floor, sobbing and crying, her whole body was shivering.

"Oh God, sorry Peyton I didn't mean to yell at you. Sorry." He said again and pulled her in his arms. "He said." She mumbled but didn't get any other word out because of her tears. "They didn't."

Lucas scooped her up, even she was three months pregnant, she still weighed nothing more than a feather to Lucas. He placed her on the couch, trying to maker her feel comfortable.

Five minutes she kept crying and Lucas didn't interrupt her, he still shocked about what he found out just minutes ago. After quite some time she finally stopped, stood up, picked up her cell phone and called someone.

Not long after that her voice hollowed over the place. "Where the hell are you?" The response couldn't be heard. "You need to come home immediately!" She screamed. Probably the answer was 'why'. "Because your wife is worldwide free internet porn!" She screamed. "You said they would never get hands on it!" She screamed and began to cry again. Lucas walked over, took the phone out of her hands. "Pete, she'll call back when she's calmed down." Lucas answered and putted away her cell phone.

He lay her on her bed, he had never her seen he so upset before, only when she found out Ellie was her real mother and not the one who died in a horrible car crash when she was much younger.

The first days of that summer more than two years had been her hell, and he had been there, always there to comfort her. He had cursed himself a few times for kissing Brooke before she left. His feelings had been so strong for Peyton that summer, but the imagine of a teary Brooke had made him feel guilty, he just couldn't do it to her, not again. So Lucas pushed his feelings away, again.

"Peyton, can you tell me what's going on?" He asked and sat down next to her, he kindly rubbed her back. She didn't say anything. "Peyton, tell me how you got married?" Lucas asked softly. And so she began to tell him.

"It was the day we had a concert in Las Vegas. The whole day had been crazy and after the concert we were driving around, Pete, Andy, Joe, Patrick and me. Pete stopped at a little church, and he got on his knee, pulled out a box of his hoodie and asked me to marry him. Two hours later we stood in that church and got married. It wasn't big fabulous wedding I wanted as a little girl, but it didn't care I married the man I loved." She glowed and seemed to forget her misery. "It was only the two of us and Patrick, Andy and Joe. It was perfect." She paused and took a deep breath and took a picture out of a drawer.

Peyton and Pete stood on the picture, Andy, Patrick and Joe on their side. Peyton looked gorgeous in her short white dress. The white dress had a tight bodice, laces braid along the sides of her body, ending in bows and it had a crinoline. Her hear had glamorous curls, she looked so blissful.

"Pete promised, one day we'll do it all over. He knew my heart ached because my friends weren't there, or my dad. So Patrick walked my down the aisle. But I never felt so pretty before." Her eyes got teary and she seemed so far away. She didn't say a word for five minutes. She just was too lost in her thoughts.

Lucas let his hand travel to her hair, he pushed back some curls. That brought her back into reality. "Peyton." He said softly. "I'll not force you, but if you want to tell something about the tape, I'll listen." Even Lucas knew he didn't want to hear anything about it actually, but this was his opportunity to be on her side, pull her closer to him again.

Maybe he was a bad person, trying to win her trust when she was so vulnerable, but he needed to take every chance, he would have her in the end.

Very quietly she began to tell. "Pete wanted it to be a night to remember, I agreed, okay, I was tipsy, but I really wanted to. Actually I have done it before with Nathan." She confessed, Lucas was only slightly surprised, since the Brooke and Nathan sextape was exposed to Tree Hill, which really had pissed a pregnant Haley off. "But he promised me it was safe and locked, nobody would get it." She began to sob. "Now I'm free porn, like some cheap whore." She cried, Lucas pulled her in his arms, soothed her. "It's not your fault." He said. "No from that stupid bastard who got it on the internet." She whispered furious, her tiny fists pounding in Lucas' chest. "Ssshhh, it's going to be okay." He said and pulled her so close she could smell the boyish sent of his shirt.

"I'm going to get us some food." Lucas said, and at that moment the phone rang. Lucas took it and answered it. It was a journalist trying to find some more information, Lucas furious answered him 'he could go to hell' and left the room to go to the reception to demand they would ignore all the phone calls for Peyton or someone from Fall Out Boy.

When he came back with food, Peyton sat after her computer again, watching the tape again. "Peyton." Lucas softly said and walked over to her. "Maybe you shouldn't …" But she interrupted. "Does it turn you on?" She asked, her tears almost dripping off her voice. Peyton forced him to look at the screen, to watch her and Pete doing intimate stuff.

His stomach twisted, he felt like he had to throw up. It should be him, the one who pleased her, made her moan, made her scream, made her beg … Lucas felt himself sick for thinking that. When he saw how pale Peyton was he turned off the computer and forced her to eat something, she couldn't afford not eating with a child growing in her belly.

After dinner Lucas went to his room to spend his usual hour on MSN, chatting with his mom and his friends. Calling her at the end of the hour, singing for Lily. When he returned to her room Peyton lay on the couch, in a very uncomfortable position.

"Peyton, maybe you should go to bed. You look tired." Peyton agreed and ten minutes later she was in bed. When he wanted to leave the room she stopped him. "Would you mind to turn on some music?" She asked sweetly. "What do you want to hear?" Lucas asked and Peyton answered he should pick something. He immediately knew what he wanted to hear, 'Regret over the Wire' from Matthew Ryan.

_Slowly walking down the street_

_Where the homeless and the lovers meet_

_I bask in ol' blue_

_Your skin does too_

_I saw the garland_

_In the skyline_

_In the byline _

The first song began to play, he wanted to leave the room again when Peyton hold him back again. "Lucas." He walked over to the bed. "Yes, Peyton?" He asked and saw her face through the darkness. "Stay with me tonight." She said and leaving Lucas amazed. "Pete will be away all night." She said. "I don't want to sleep alone." She patted on the sheets. Lucas without thinking agreed and went lying next to her. Matthew Ryan's voice embraced him gave him hope, for the next day.

_I can't return to you_

_You must return to me_

_That's the deal_

_I'm sorry_

_Did I say I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorrier now_

_Did I say I'm sorry_

_Did I say I miss you_

_I'll do what I have to do_

_I say I miss you_

_I miss you_

_I'll do what I have to do_


	10. You're a Concrete Boy Now

You're A Concrete Boy Now (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)

**You're A Concrete Boy Now (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows) **

Nights in Chicago never had been so peaceful, or at least not for Peyton or Lucas. Something or someone would keep them awake, or the energy their body produced during their sleep wasn't used and collected itself, causing them subconsciously to twist and turn around. Maybe it was each other present which made this night so peaceful, somehow special.

The golden sun moved the hands of the clock just after eight. Lucas woke up by feeling a body stir gently against his. His ears heard how someone inhaled deeply and softly, the familiar scent that lingered around him. This scent which Peyton had known for years already, this odd aroma which made her feel safe and close to home. A part of him.

Lucas felt how she crawled up against him, nuzzled her head against his neck, the blond curls tickled him kindly. The sweetness of it made him feel dreamy, out of reality until he felt a pair of wet lips travel up to his own lips.

Abruptly he opened his eyes, and found Peyton lost in what he knew from being with Brooke, morning desire. The feeling when you wake up besides your lover, and the need to show him your love. Peyton was about to press her lips on Lucas' as he coughed. She opened her eyes and found Lucas besides her, and not Pete like she had blindly assumed.

"Luke?" She said surprised, and covered her body with the sheets. "What are you doing here?" Panic ran through her body, making her slightly feel sick. "You've asked me to sleep by you, remember?" He answered and got off the bed. Peyton's hand ran nervous along the side of her body, to her huge relief she was wearing a sleeping gown. After what might have happened with Ryan, Peyton found it hard to trust herself around other man, especially if they were as attractive as Ryan and Lucas. She knew she was married and expecting a child from her husband, but she still somehow felt herself anxious because she without wanting it, dangled on the edge of self-control.

"I'm going to shower." Lucas said, he was extremely disappointed by Peyton's reaction. What yesterday seemed already so close, looked now further than ever. Even the warm water couldn't wash away his endless shame for thinking he would ever could have her fully back in this short time.

When he had putted on a pair of dark grey boxers he walked out of the bedroom to be knocked off with surprise finding Elle cleaning up his room. She was wearing a short black dress, a white apron, black pumps her long blond hair in a French braid. It wasn't difficult to make fantasies out of that.

"Lucas." She said surprised when she felt another person in the same room as her. She probably must have felt the heat that came out of his icy eyes. They were burning up her body, instead of drowning her like ocean eyes should do. "Elle." He was even more surprised, he hadn't seen her since the morning after she and Peyton got into that fight.

The chains Elle had when she first met Lucas were gone, he immediately discovered that when she with no shame bended over and Lucas got a first-class view on her black, silken string. Embarrassed he looked away, wishing she would leave him alone soon. He felt himself even more ashamed when his body eagerly reacted to what he saw.

Two minutes later she had left, a little red blush on her cheeks, maybe shame too? Lucas hated himself when his body reacted on Elle's appearance. Lust increased, Elle was such a pretty girl. But Lucas knew, lust isn't love. And love he had for Peyton, lust was only for Elle.

It was noon when Peyton walked into Lucas' room, he was just chatting on MSN with Glenda. "Hi." Her soft voice blew through the room. Lucas looked at her, she looked pretty wearing a simple orange dress, on her chest was a big red heart. It looked so childish on her but also so motherly with her growing belly under it. "Hello." He replied. There was one big change, her hair was straight again, no curls anymore. Just like she had done before she left. Instantly Lucas began to wonder why she did it with her hair again, her curly hair hadn't chance since he was in Chicago.

"What are you doing?" She asked and walked closer, her bare feet on the soft carpet. "Chatting with Glenda." Peyton sat down on a chair. "Who's Glenda?" She asked. Lucas realised she probably didn't know Glenda, Glenda was such a loner back in high school, instead of Peyton who acted like a loner and felt like a loner, and in some ways was a loner, Peyton hadn't been a loner, she was always surrounded by people who loved her. Glenda wasn't that lucky, until now. So Lucas began to tell Peyton about Glenda, everything he knew, and slightly memories appeared in Peyton's mind. "Yeah, I remember her I guess. She had that long dyed red hair, dark clothes and the extreme eye make-up, even glasses." Lucas nodded by Peyton's perfect description.

"She asked me to come over and take a look at her apartment, and of course to meet her boyfriend. I'm going next week on Thursday." Peyton somehow seemed sad. "Would you mind to join me?" Lucas asked and Peyton lighted up again. "Yeah, I would love too." She replied and planted an unexpected kiss on Lucas' cheek.

"Come let's have lunch." More as seven days had been lived in Chicago, Pete had been barely at home, which made Peyton angry and her hormones were all over the place, one wrong word or action could make you regret what you had said or done. Peyton hadn't been out for a week, hoping the storm of the wedding sex tape would be passed by. But it apparently hadn't. She regretted going out for lunch instantaneously, paparazzi almost jumped on her from the first moment she felt the hotel. Questions as flashes of their cameras, making Peyton go straight into defence mode.

First silent defence, without words, just ignoring them. It all went well, too well, because when the words 'wedding night', 'sex tape', 'child' were used in one sentence Lucas couldn't withhold Peyton from screaming awful things. Lucas hated those guys, Ryan and Jerry had been there too, but they just left to use the bathroom, and then they were those stupid guys making Peyton insane.

He saw how stressed Peyton became and knew that it wasn't good for her and definitely not for the baby. Lucas let his hand travel to hers under the table, gently he squeezed it but Peyton couldn't even force a little smile. Her appetite was gone. This defiantly wasn't good for her and the baby. "Come on, Peyton you must be hungry, eat something." Lucas tried to encourage her to eat something but she only shook her head. "I'm not hungry." She replied, ignored scratching her fork on the plate, making an unpleasant noise. "Peyton, you heard the doctor said …" She somewhat angry cut him off. "Eat enough, sleep enough, exercise but not too much, and avoid stress." She sighed while rolling with her eyes. When Lucas wanted to respond Jerry and Ryan came back.

"We saw them from inside." Ryan said while Jerry passed them. "Jerry is going to speak with them, there's a car waiting at the backdoor if you want to we can return to the hotel." Ryan said. "Gosh, Miss Peyton, are you feeling well?" He asked, bending down beside her. Lucas was a little shocked, nobody of her bodyguards called her Miss Peyton, always Miss Sawyer. "You already paid the bill so get let's get out of here." He said and backed her up a little while they walked into the restaurant to leave through a backdoor. Lucas turned around to find Jerry talking to some photographers, Jerry's body language was almost violent but he certainly knew how far he could go.

Back in the hotel Peyton lay on Lucas' couch when he was dressing up for going to Glenda. He looked handsome in his jeans and a grey tee. "Come Peyton, let's get ready." Lucas said, she stood up and walked over her room across the hallway. She disappeared to the bathroom and returned only a few minutes later. When she wanted to walk over to Lucas she suddenly bended over. "God damn." She began to curse. Lucas jumped up and hurried over to the spot she stood. "Are you okay?" He asked worried. "Being pregnant hurts." Peyton groaned as reply. "Okay. Where does it hurt?" He asked and backed her up a little. "Here." She answered and took Lucas' hand and laid it on her belly. Lucas felt it, a soft punch out of the blue. "Peyton, your baby is kicking." He yelled excited. Also Peyton's face lighted up. "Oh my gosh!" She screamed excited but her face almost immediately became sad. "I wish Pete was here." She mumbled, those words also overshadowed her happiness and also Lucas' joy.

Pete being away so much wasn't good for Peyton, she was so unhappy when he was away and nobody was there to show her 'real' affection. Her last summer in Tree Hill, when she spent all her days with Lucas, and everything with the Ellie-issue she had told about how she wanted to educate her children and stuff. Ellie had hardened Peyton but also soften Peyton. She had told him that she wanted to be settled down and maybe even married before having a child. About marrying she hadn't been sure, it made this so much more complicated, she had said.

Look two years later, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, married with a baby on the way. How much a life could change in two years, just by the influence from other people and the directions you're somehow pushed into.

Before Peyton could drown herself deeper into this dark mood a knock on the door and Ryan walking inside were enough to get her attention. "You called me." Ryan said kindly and walked towards Peyton. "Yeah, Lucas and me are going to visit an old friend of him who lives in Chicago, could you drive us?" She asked and smiled a little. Lucas had noticed that Ryan also was really protective over Peyton, and Lucas knew, Peyton hated to be over-protected. "That's no problem Miss Peyton."

Lucas was quiet nervous for meeting Glenda again. He didn't know how she would react on her extra visitor. After knocking on her apartment door they heard slow footsteps coming closer. But it was from more than one person they found out when Glenda opened the door and a tall boy stood besides her, kissing her neck while Glenda giggled and tried to stop him.

"Hi!" She said shyly when the boy didn't bother to stop with his activities. "Josh." She whispered under her breath after trying to stiff a moan. She closed her eyes a second and pressed herself against her boyfriend. "This is Lucas Scott." She said and searched Josh's hand after her back. "And …" The words got stuck in her throat, the girl beside Lucas shouldn't have been such a surprise for Glenda. "Peyton Sawyer." Finally rolled out. Immediately Josh's lips were removed from his girlfriend's neck. He swallowed while drinking the beauty of the pregnant woman before him. Shock tracing along the boy's face.

"He-hello." He stumbled while nervously rubbing the back of his head. "I'm Josh." And he quickly shook hands with Lucas and Peyton. The awkward situation was interrupted by the ringing of someone's cell phone. "Mine." Josh said and moved himself away from his girlfriend and her friends.

"Hi Peyton." Glenda said uncomfortable and her eyes couldn't stop looking at her growing belly. "Hi Glenda." Peyton responded polite and look at the girl before her. Before other words could be spoken Josh came back. "I got to go darling." He said. "My boss just called, it's an emergency." Glenda immediately began to protest. "But it's your day off." Josh smiled and brushed his hand against her cheek, and then he brought his lips to her ear. "But I'll make it up to you later." He whispered, but not silent enough 'cause Lucas and Peyton could still hear. "You promise?" Glenda asked sweetly. "I promise." He said and kissed her lips shortly.

"Was does Josh do for job?" Lucas asked while he said down on the couch, Peyton beside him, Glenda just finished giving them a drink. "He's an ambulance driver at the moment. He gave up his studies Pre-med a while ago and we decided that next year we'll start together studying Business. But first we need to settle down and finish the apartment." Lucas looked around, it was defiantly not finished. "In the meantime I work in a clothing shop through the week and as waitress on Saturday. We really need all the money we can get before going to college. I don't like it when Josh is away so much but it's his job. On really every hour of the day he can get a call and needs to go. It's hard, you know?"

Peyton immediately shrunk inside, her eyes became grey and her hands moved straight to her belly and caressed the bump under her dress. It had become a habit through the weeks, when or where, it didn't matter, but her hands almost leaded their own life and somehow blindly urged to meet the skin where her son or daughter was hidden under.

Glenda looked at Peyton who looked like she was sucked into another world, a dark one and than she met Lucas' eyes. He sadly give her a apologising look and Glenda nodded, somehow getting what he meant, her whole life was spread out in magazines and Glenda knew what was circling around the pregnant girl before her, or least what those magazines wanted to make people believe.

It was an hour later when Lucas and Glenda were talking about how much their lives had changed since high school that Glenda found Peyton sitting with her eyes closed on the couch. "Is she sleeping?" She asked on a whisper tone, Lucas nodded. "She is." He replied. Since Peyton found place on 'the moodswing' so much during her pregnancy, even much more than without, it took the life and enthusiasm out of her in some moments. Lucas found it heartbreaking, the voice inside his head kept telling him that if he wasn't such a coward he should tell how he really felt and make Peyton into the woman she was destined to be, his wife. But the other side of his brain yelled that it was foolish to saddle himself with a pregnant woman, a woman which wasn't even carrying his child.

Time goes by fast if you're in good company, they say. Lucas found that statement true. Hours flew easily by and just before dinner he decided it was time to return to the hotel with Peyton.

When they both were outside waiting for Ryan to pick them up again, Peyton had a sudden attack of enthusiasm when she saw baby clothing in a store. She dragged Lucas after her and pushed him inside, in a sea of endless pink and blue clothing.

"Look Lucas, how cute is that?" She said and showed the black 'Rolling Stones' tee in her hand. "That's indeed very cute Peyton." He replied laughing. Typical something for Peyton. "Gosh, there's so much beautiful stuff in here." She said and was delighted by the amount of tiny cloths.

"Before you buy anything, do you know which gender your baby has? Because you can defiantly know, but when your baby is kicking, the baby is enough developed to see the gender he or she has." Lucas said, she never had talked about it, so he assumed what was right, she didn't know. "I don't want to know Luke. I want it to be a surprise in the end, Pete does want to know, but I don't." Her fingers played with the laces of a pair baby Converse shoes. "You're my guardian angel, aren't you?" Peyton sighed happily and her eyes stared dreamy to Lucas. He felt warmth embracing him but it soon burned him, he shrunk inside. "I guess I maybe am." He answered quietly. Also her words had this strange sad influence on him, somehow he was so much closer to his goal.

Back in the hotel it didn't take so much time for Peyton's mood to change, from enthusiasm to unhappiness. Pouting she was watching TV, Giuliana from E! was talking about something. When Lucas came back after checking his mail Giuliana was still gossiping, but Peyton's face was so dark. Subject: her sex tape!

"Peyton, I really think this isn't a good idea." Lucas said and walked over to the television, ready to turn him off. "Don't you dare to touch that!" She screamed. "Peyton." He tried again, calm. "No, I want to know what they have to say about me and Pete." Lucas knew it was pointless to do anything other than she wanted, Peyton was stubborn and he really couldn't handle her explosion of hormones once more today.

"Peyt, I am home!" Someone screamed, she immediately seemed to revive, so it could only be one person … her husband. "Pete!" She yelled, jumped from the couch and flew into his welcoming arms, she covered his face with impatient kisses. Lucas felt himself becoming sick of this ritual, he could do whatever he wanted and she always forgave him like it was nothing.

"I have a surprise for you." He said thrilled and stroked through her straight hair. "Did you do that for me?" He asked while kissing her nose. "My hair?" She asked and he nodded. "What do I get when I did?" She asked sweetly, Pete leaned in close and whispered something in her ear, something that made her smile shyly and which made his eyes shine naughty. Lucas didn't even guess what the contents of his words were, he would hear it tomorrow.

"What's your surprise?" Peyton asked even sweeter, biting on her lower lip. But Pete didn't say anything. "Come on baby, you know I love, love surprises!" She screamed and stroked her hand through his black hair. 'She loves surprises?' Lucas thought, if she hated one thing back in Tree Hill it were surprises, she really wasn't the type to dive into something unpredictable.

"I have made an appointment by the genealogist. Today is going to be a special day for us." He shined and his hand lay on her belly. "Are you ready to go? We have to be there in a half hour." Peyton nodded. "Just give me five minutes to redo my make up and hair." She said and so like she said, five minutes later they were gone.

Lucas had returned to his room to soak himself in loneliness and silence. When he opened his mail box again a mail for Haley begged to be answered.

_Hi Luke!_

_What's going on Chicago, all those stuff about Peyton and Pete, it's really knocking us of off our feet here back in your home town. First, did you know she was pregnant? (Sure you knew!) Why didn't you tell us? And is she really married to Pete, or was that just a cool title for their tape incident? She just can't be married, she's Peyton, and she's too young to be pregnant and married! (Okay, maybe, I am not the best example myself but still, she's Peyton Sawyer!)_

_Okay, here I am going to stop about Peyton, just tell me how you are doing? _

_I am doing pretty fine, but I miss you, so does everyone, especially Lily, but that you knew already I guess. Please return soon, now I am going to put James to sleep, he just played the whole afternoon with your sis, they are so adorable together. A picture of them is below my whole flood of words._

_Tree Hill is missing you Luke, return soon!_

_Much love from your best friend and sister in law,_

_Haley James Scott_

Lucas sighed and felt his heart aching to Tree Hill, Tree Hill wasn't only missing him, he was missing Tree Hill also. He hoped he could soon return to Tree Hill and hold his beloved family and friends in his arms. But he wouldn't go away from Chicago as long as he hadn't fight as hell for he knew what belonged to him.

_Hi Hales,_

_Everything is fine with me, I miss you too and Tree Hill also. It kills me when I hear everyone is missing me, but I am missing them too. _

_Yes, I knew Peyton was pregnant, but her being married was a total surprise for me also. It's a nice picture you have taken there from your son and my sis, you're right, they are adorable together, just like we when we were little kids. _

_I've been to Glenda today, I already told you she was on my flight to Chicago but today she invited me to come over and meet her boyfriend. He's name is Josh, he's a handsome guy and Glenda looks happy with him, who knew faith would turn out that way for her? _

_Fate is something strange, we both know, don't we 'sister in law'?_

Before he could continue someone banged on his door. "Mister Scott!" Lucas opened the door and Patrick stood before his door. "Peyt and Pete have something important to say, she asked me to come her and invite you to her room." Lucas nodded. "Thanks."

When he entered her room Joe and Andy were already sitting on the couch, Patrick added himself by them. Lucas took place on another couch. An extreme happiness lighted up the room, Lucas saw Peyton almost explode from bliss and also Pete looked content.

"We went to the genealogist today like you guys all know, and we are pleased to tell you …" Peyton took over from Pete and her voice continued.

"We're going to have a real Fall Out …"


	11. You're Crashing But You're No Wave

You're Crashing, But You're No Wave

**You're Crashing, But You're No Wave **

"We're going to have a real Fall Out …Girl! We're going to have a girl! A girl!" Peyton screamed excited and blissfully. It seemed like the clock just stopped to tick for a second or two, just stood still, before it would go on further. Like everyone just held their breath for a second before they continued with an action which kept you alive, which was an unmistakable need.

"Congratulations." Patrick jumped up and hugged Pete and than Peyton. Also Andy and Joe hugged their best friend and his wife. Lucas was far away, soaked with fighting feelings. "Luke? Luke? Luke? Lucas?" Peyton pulled on the sleeve of his shirt. It seemed like he had to travel a long distance back to Peyton, to where the real, unhappy world waited. "Come on, make a toast with us." Excitement rained down on him, her enthusiasm was endless from time to time, and now, it was like a storm, with rain and thunder, pouring you under, wetting you … making you sick.

Lucas joined the guys of the band and accepted his glass of sparkling champagne. "A toast for our little girly girl, our first Fall Out Girl in history, Roxanne!" Pete shouted while, he lay his one hand on Peyton's growing belly and the other one hold the glass high in the sky. "On girly Fall Out Girl, Roxanne!" Patrick, Joe and Andy screamed and nipped from the golden champagne. Lucas quietly did the same, but the disappointment in Peyton kept growing inside. Why did he feel like he was losing the person he loved with each breath he took?

Peyton noticed Lucas' lifeless gaze, it overshadowed her happiness little by little. She followed his intense stare which ended up on her glass of champagne, she immediately understood what was apparently going on in his messy head. She thought she knew, but if she only had an idea of the unbearable wounds she caused him, she would have jumped into his strong arms and kissed him until his bleeding wounds would heal again.

She putted away her glass of champagne and walked over to Lucas. "Hi Luke." She softly said, they stood in a corner of the room. Further away from Pete and the boys were, where they energetically talked and laughed, they had lost eye on Peyton for a second, just what she needed.

"Hi Peyton." He responded while trying the avoid her emerald green eyes, he didn't know why he wanted to hurt Peyton so bad right now. He actually did, did want to hurt her, cause her pain, extreme pain, because somehow, the flames he once had burned him with his love for her, now teased endlessly him because they were about to expire. They weakly danced around in the shadows of his hurt mind, and howled around: Stupid boy! Stupid, very stupid boy! What do you think you're doing? Don't you see where about to be put out? Look what you've done! Don't you see that soon we'll be gone? What are you going to do then, fool! Foolish kid, what are you fighting for actually? For her, the girl before you?! Do you? You really do, you say? I don't hear you Lucas Scott?!

The dialogue of his fragile, dancing flames was interrupted by a hand which squeezing his one. A sudden straw of warmth made Lucas revive inside, and a flame increased when words rolled from her pink lips. "Lucas, are you happy for us?" She asked and her tiny hands rested on her belly. Before he could even answer, and enlarge the flames which suddenly got so much brighter, he was disrupted by Patrick. "Photo time!" He screamed and took Peyton by the hand and pulled her to him, immediately the flash lighted up.

No-one escaped the camera, not even Lucas who really wished he would let out of this band matter. "Come on Luke! Just one more photo! Please!" Peyton pleaded, tucking on his sleeve. "For Roxanne!" He was about to give in when Pete sneaked up after her. "He doesn't want to, Peyt. Than don't force him, it means more photos for us." He said happily and than whispered in her ear. "But maybe our little girly won't see them, you understand?" But his low voice was still too loud and Lucas stomach twisted painfully. And out of the blue, a wave of cold unshed tears inside of him washed over his vivid flames.

Pete nibble on Peyton's earlobe, she began to giggle and it all got too much for Lucas, he left the room, he didn't want to be a witness of what would happen after that. He quickly lay himself to sleep, also he knew it was pointless. The imagine of Peyton and Pete wouldn't disappear, so he decided to add a few more photo's by his album. One of him and Glenda in her apartment and he also had printed the photo of his little sister Lily and his little nephew James. They were so adorable together, slowly his mind flood back to better times, times in Tree Hill, where his unforgettable home was, when and where he just could forget about the misery of his being.

Lily always made him forget how miserable his life was, she was his highlight, with her childish enthusiasm she discovered the world, and made also Lucas discover the world again, through other eyes. More dreamy eyes, also James made him feel so much happier from time to time. He remembered that one day last summer he had to look after his little sister and his nephew and they were in the garden. The little boy and girl crept around the garden, smelling every colourful flower, racing after every butterfly or bird, scream in excitement when they discovered something and they could teach each other this little things, as they discovered together. Lucas remember how he had to chase after them, they were so exhausting together, he had fallen in the grass and not long after him, Lily and James had snuggled up against him and had gazed to the sky like he had done. The sun had been gently burning on their soft skin while clouds galloped noiseless through the never-ending sky. Their miniature fingers had been pointing to the azure blue, to the white fluffy clouds, babbling thrilled words in their secret language. That moment, when that little boy and that little girl had been talking to him, telling him things he wouldn't understand because he couldn't remember the language he had once spoke, because he had developed himself into millions words instead of a few, like them. With the bright burning sun, spongy clouds, the tickling grass under his tanned skin, and the breathing of his future, then he had realised through all he was lucky, lucky to be here, lucky he had pulled through, because when the breeze absorbed his happiness, he knew that it would wave all around the world, and would find his destiny, he only had the be patient until the breeze reached his unknown fate.

The memories of such that amount of happiness made him somehow tired, and when he closed his blue eyes, he felt that his fate was so, so near, also it seemed further away than ever.

It was 7 over 8 when Lucas fell on his soft bed, gasping for some descent air, the laces of his running shoes lowered to the ground, his body lay on the still tangled white sheets. His mind considered that maybe it wasn't a good idea for an early run through Chicago, the streets seemed so endless, one fault move and a car would kill you. But on the other side, the laziness from the last weeks which badly tried to take over his body needed to be fought back, he had worked years to makes his body athletic and in the shape that it was now, he wasn't going to ruin that in just a few weeks.

After a long, warm shower Lucas walked into his bedroom, wearing only his boxers, he opened the closet to search for a clean sweater and jeans until he felt two eyes burning holes in his back. He turned around to find Elle staring at him. "Hi." She said shyly. Fake shyly because again she was wearing a skirt which was way too short for her job. She was defiantly searching for some trouble.

"Hi Elle." He answered harsh. "What are you doing here, they cleaned my room yesterday." He said and she immediately began to struggle with words. "Peyton wanted to see you." She got out uncomfortable and walked towards the door. "You two are friends again?" Lucas asked while searching his shoes. She shrugged meaningless and left the room.

Even through Elle was probably lying for some unknown reason Lucas decided to check on Peyton anyway. When he entered the room she sat on the table, her head lay on her arms, when Lucas walked closer he could hear she was groaning. "Are you okay Peyton?" He asked and rubbed her back. She lifted up her head a little. "Maybe." She answered. He took place beside her, before he could ask anything Peyton began to talk. "Headache, dizzy, I just feel bad." She groaned. "Late night party yesterday?" Lucas asked. She nodded but immediately after that shook her head. "Not for me, but for the guys." She smiled. "Where are they actually?" Lucas asked suspicious, excepting for Pete to walk in any moment. "They have an important concert tonight, they are checking everything and Pete has a meeting with the lawyers, we're trying to find a way to get past some issues for the tape thing." Lucas nodded understandably.

An hour later Pete called Peyton with the message that the appointment with the lawyers hadn't been successful. Her mood immediately went into the depth, the same was her skin tone, she immediately became pale, Lucas knew she was stressing out. He knew he needed to find a way to relax her because he was feeling this was going out the very wrong way.

"What about we go shopping?" The words just rolled out of his mouth. And somehow a spark broke through the deep green of her sad eyes. "I really think your little baby girl needs some girly stuff. What do you think, mommy Peyton?" And out of the blue a bright smile shinned on her face. "Sure my little girl needs that!" And she stroked her belly.

"There's this awesome store." She told excitedly when they walked through the streets of Chicago. "They make special baby clothing and I totally want a unique design for Roxanne's her first clothing." When they entered the small but cosy store, Peyton went totally crazy about all the tiny clothes in sweet colours she saw. A young, pretty blond girl asked if she could help Peyton with anything and the enthusiasm just flooded all over the modest place.

"I want a copy of my outfit." Peyton pointed to what she was wearing. A sweet blue Raining Hearts tee from Fall Out Boy. It was super girly, with the baby blue and baby pink and white. Also she was wearing a snow white wavy skirt. "I'm pleased to do that Miss Wentz." The girl answered and kept talking about the publicity she would cause the store and how great it would be.

When they wanted to walk back to the hotel some paparazzi people seemed to fell out the sky all at once. For the one moment to the other her happy mood totally switched into extreme anger and she dragged Lucas to the opposite side from the sidewalk. When she saw Lucas' confused face she mumbled something about 'taking care of some very important businesses. He knew what she meant when they ended up by the management of the band again. Inside the building she made pretty clear she wanted to speak with the lawyers and her lawyer, and soon a bit before she would get really, really irritated and furious.

He waited before the closed doors when she 'talked' with the lawyers, but you really couldn't call it 'talk', you heard her screaming from inside, demanding things, threatening to fire each one of them who didn't do his best for 101. She was a bitch when it came to business, and she was proving it at this moment. She didn't seem to care who could hear her and who not, but she would get what she wanted, she would.

When she had finished the meeting, she and Lucas went back to the hotel. The lawyers had promised her they would call her when they had found a descent solution for the situation. The whole time she stayed up, next to the phone, and finally the phone ringed in the late afternoon. In five minutes she was ready to leave, she couldn't wait to tell Pete about the solution and she and Lucas immediately left for the big concert of Fall Out Boy.

The place were the band would perform was crowded, Lucas never had seen so many people together in just a small space. Lucas thought they would never get to Pete backstage but somehow they found a way through all the people who came out to see their favourite band, to the place where Lucas and Peyton wanted to be. But they crashed on some security guys, other men than Peyton was used to, none of them were from the people they normally worked with.

"Excuse me, mister but I really have to see Pete Wentz!" She yelled through the noise of the music. "You wish!" One of the men screamed back unsympathetic. Lucas could see the imaginary steam coming out of her ears, this wasn't a moment to challenge Peyton. "I need to see him! I really have to!" She screamed again, but the man seemed only annoyed, but Peyton walked closer him, even his eyes were warning her not to do that. "I have to, do you even know who I am …" She said and walked closer and closer, but she soon was too close for the male, before she could finish he kicked her hard in the belly.

Through the music you couldn't hear her becoming silent, but her body shrunk directly and when Lucas wanted to lay a supportive hand on her shoulder, she suddenly leaned over and a low noise came out of her throat. If the music wasn't that loud you would have heard it was an extreme loud intake of a painful breath which tried to reach her lungs. "Peyton, what's wrong? Peyton?" She began to scream like the devil himself was burning through her body, she grabbed to her belly, she gasped for fresh air and Lucas saw her falling on the hard, dirty floor.

"Peyton? Peyton!" He immediately let himself fall on his knees and tried to make a quick note of this unexpected situation. "Peyton?" He gently rubbed her cheek, but she was already unconscious, her face was twisted in a very painful expression. His eyes flew over her body and than, fear crashed over him as an unpredicted wave, a red flood wetted her white skirt. He didn't have to see where the blood was coming from he knew from seeing her hands laid on her belly. He froze for a second until he felt the commotion build up against and around him. Another person leaned to the ground next to Peyton's lifeless body. And out of the blue, Lucas' voice, waspish and low cried all over the place, when his lungs filled with smoky air.

"Someone call 911!" He kept repeating it until another man lay a hand on his shoulder. He looked messy in his large shirt and torn jeans matched with green Converse shoes. "She – she – she's having a miscarriage." Lucas felt how his heart began to beat faster and faster, making him feel suddenly dizzy. He knew this couldn't go right anymore, he gasped for air and fought against the tears which treated to fall out of his blue eyes. It was until the driver from the ambulance shook him back to cold and cruel reality. "Lucas!" It was Josh. "Peyton, she – I think – I – I – she's having – a – a miscarriage. Roxanne." He pulled out between the breaths. Josh helped him to stand up again when he kept fighting for some descent air in his lungs and the doctors laid Peyton on a stretcher, their words were so dramatic and fast Lucas couldn't form a sentence of them. Josh said something he didn't hear and climbed in the ambulance which left with the ear-splitting sound drowned out to a background noise because of the loud Fall Out Boy music.

Lucas felt his panicking heart beating a hole in his chest, a million thoughts made his brain nearly crash and he gasped for oxygen in his short, painful and mostly fearful breaths. As the lights got as blue as the sky build out of the hours of darkness ...


	12. The Pros And Cons Of Breathing

The Pros And Cons Of Breathing

_**Author's note: Hi, here I am again. First thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, you all make me so happy. Also thanks for everyone who read and didn't review … So why this AN? Well, I kind of have a question/request to all of you. You probably all know that my first language isn't English but Dutch and I am only learning English in school. So, this school year is at its end (tomorrow I'll get my grades ) and I am already freaking nervous) and so I can focus more on writing. The last year I have been writing my fics pure on my English feeling and without much thinking about the grammar, so what I want you to do … If there is something wrong in my grammar like tense use, or a fault I keep making and stuff, let me know. If you want to give critic on my writing style and/or aspects of the story. Let me know … I want to spend my summer improving my writing and you all could help me a lot with that. Already thanks, now you can enjoy the chapter. I love all of you … (PS: if you have ideas for the story, let me know!)**_

**The Pros And Cons Of Breathing**

"She's waking up!" Her ears heard while she opened her tired green eyes. Peyton felt how her waking mind and slightly painful body tried to mix themselves from two into one, her vision seemed to be only a mixture of too bright colours and too heavy voices, also an unnecessary beeping annoyed her. She winked with her eyes, hoping the blurry mix of familiar dusty blond, ocean blue and plain white could be formed into something or someone she knew inside out. But abruptly the imagine before her eyes changed into intense black, chocolate brown and violet purple won over. "Peyt, baby, how are you feeling?" Her husband's hiding, panicking, voice dripped uneasy into her ear. "Kind of sore." Came out in a strong whisper.

For some seconds, silence extended but soon interrupted by Peyton's voice. "Pete, it's all going to be fine. I talked to the lawyers, we have found a solution which would really force the ones who have our 'thingy' out of using it against us." She said excited. "For every hit our video already got they have to pay us one dollar, for every hit they get in the future they have to pay us two dollars. I know it seems like nothing, but if you know that some sites have more than ten thousands hits already on our video, they will have to pay us some nice cash, sooner or later they will delete our video." And than she suddenly realised she wasn't alone in her room with her husband.

This wasn't even her room, and why were the boys of the band and Lucas with her? The smell, there was something extremely piercing about it. "Why do you guys all look like someone died?" She asked half fake laughing, slightly anxious. Her hands travelled towards her belly, Lucas could hear the clock count down every second until she would feel her flat tummy instead of her growing belly. Realisation went hiding and then at that certain point the doctor walked in. Peyton's eyes went big and Lucas saw it in her green emerald eyes, realisation hit and hurt, confusion burst out.

The movements of her chest became unnatural, and Lucas saw her go into denial, straight denial. Suddenly her world only existed out of denial. Lucas couldn't blame her, he knew it himself how it was. Denial, a pure illusion of your mind to hide away. It had been his second nature for many years, maybe or definitely, still was.

Lucas felt the urge to jump out of his chair and lock Peyton up in his arms, holding her while her world stopped turning but his imaginary plan was stopped by the doctor. "Everyone needs to leave the room immediately." Lucas wanted to protest but hadn't the change. "You have to leave Mister Scott." The doctor said while to nurses rushed into the room. "Only mister Wentz is allowed to stay." He said but it didn't make Lucas move. Then Lucas felt a hand on his shoulder. "Come on Lucas. You need to see a doctor." It was Josh. "But …" Josh didn't let Lucas finish. "Nothing but Lucas, a doctor needs to check your heart." And gently but forcefully dragged him outside the room. "There's nothing wrong with my heart!" Lucas screamed and tried to push Josh away so he could go straight back to Peyton again. "Don't lie in my face Lucas, there's certainly something wrong with your heart. Glenda told me you have HCM, you need to see a doctor." Josh said, keeping his voice down. "The only one who needs someone is Peyton, she needs me now." Lucas whispered harsh, looking Josh in the eye. When Josh tried to move Lucas away from the spot where they stood, Lucas began to run away. He chased through the hallways and didn't realise where he was when he suddenly bended over and gasped for air when his lungs seemed to burn. And he lost track of time.

"Lucas!" He saw how Glenda stood before him with a worried expression on her face. Cars drove by them, the imagine of a parking lot flooded into Lucas' mind. "Come on Lucas, let's get you out of here." He didn't resist and let Glenda backing him up while walking into the hospital again.

"I need to see her, she needs me." Lucas said while he lay down on a bed in the middle of a white room. "You know you can't see her." Glenda answered calmly. The doctor left three minutes ago and Lucas had already said that five times. "You stay here on this bed until the doctor is back with the results of your test Lucas." Glenda answered while she was knitting. Yes, Glenda was knitting, how unbelievable Lucas had found it in the beginning. The redhead was knitting a black scarf, it helped to come through the waiting she said.

Lucas felt a little, faceless monster eating him up inside. When he closed his eyes, he could see the ugly thing ran around and jump around Peyton who cried over her unborn daughter she had lost.

Abruptly the fake silence was broken by the noise coming from Glenda's cell phone. She fished it out of her purse and answered it. Immediately a light discussion buildt up. "I can't come, I am with a friend of mine in the hospital." The person on the end of the call reacted. "Come on, give it a break. He's alone, someone needs to stay with him." The answer on the other side wasn't very appreciated by Glenda. She walked inside the little bathroom of the hospital room.

This was his chance, Lucas knew it. He jumped of the bed and walked outside the door, taking his jacket and cell phone with him. His foots immediately leaded him to Peyton, it was kind of his sixth sense, Peyton and everything about her.

When he approached her room he was very aware of everyone who got caught him and send him back to his own room. He tried to act so discreet as possible. When he looked into her room he saw her resting on the bed, no-one else around. She laid there with her green eyes wide open, her hair messy falling uneasy as a frame around her face. But she wasn't crying like he had except, she did nothing at all, she just laid there, seeing nothing. He was about to walk into her room when he heard footsteps coming closer.

"Why doesn't she cry or anything? I can't barely stop crying about." The voice got stuck into a wave of emotions. "For Roxanne, and she, she can't even let one tear, only tear ran over her cheek." It was Pete's voice soaked in emotion. "Mister Wentz, you know we gave your wife a very strong tranquillizer. It influences her feelings, I hope you realize your wife is in a lot of pain without them and her body and mind are going through a major trauma right now. The tranquillizer makes her partial numb, we want first for the worst pain she has to fade." He paused to take a breath. "We want to give her body some rest before the realization of what she had lost strikes her down. We don't want your wife to have the same reaction as this morning, it will take serious efforts for her to accept her loss and fight through the trauma it left." Pete nodded and the doctor continued. "The drugs we gave your wife are pretty strong, and the only one in his type. The influence it has on the emotional and physical side varies from person to person, I assume it has a strong effect on her because she is thin and it kind of overflows her a little more than people who are bolder."

Lucas saw how Pete's face got from already upset to totally drown under into the darkness of his unhappiness. And for a second, Lucas could feel sorry reaching out for the husband of the love of his life. But still Peyton was the love of his life, and now his eyes were stuck on that beautiful girl, broken girl. How she laid there, motionless and the evil monsters of her darkness laughing with her, again! How could she ever trust someone or something again? He asked himself. Now, now when everything went well for her, for the first time in her life, what had she done so wrong in the past that the punishing never stops?

Punishment. The tempting side of punishment, that side got to Lucas. His hands began to itch by the thought if he could punish someone, someone who had harmed her. And he knew who had hurt her, hurt so bad, the reason she was now here, in a place she hated so very much.

The anger speeded through his thin veins, the speed picking up when he saw a nurse going inside her room and tried to make any sort of contact with Peyton, but she didn't react, rejected everything from this world and hided away in her endless dark world, just laid there, with wide, open, lifeless eyes.

The imagine of her falling to the dirty ground, screaming in pain flooded back in Lucas' mind, he knew who he had to punish. And the one definitely would be punished by Lucas himself.

His legs began to run while his vision got lost in the imagine of a tall, unattractive men, a face of terror, the devil himself. Lucas didn't know how he managed it to run from the hospital until an old building somewhere in a dirty street, somewhere far away from the fabulous side of Chicago. Panting he leaned against a near broken door, his heart was burning and pounding against his chest but when he remembered why he came here, rest wasn't an option, he wouldn't rest until he had done what needed to be done.

He whacked through the door and found immediately what he needed when his eyes flew over the room. His footsteps echoed on the dark brown wooden floor. A several pair of eyes flew up, to see who ruined their enjoyment. It wasn't the only thing Lucas would ruin. If they only knew …

There he stood, the monster, he was laughing with some lame joke one of his companions just had made. When he saw the threatening figure of Lucas coming closer, he didn't seem to remember him. But when Lucas' blue eyes seemed to pin him up against the wall, a trace of recognition pierced through his eyes.

"Where's your pregnant wife, tough boy?" The boy joked meanly and heartless. "Peyton is not my wife!" Lucas immediately reacted. "Hey boys, someone is in big trouble, this pimp says his favourite whore got knocked up, who's hooker is Peyton?" But before another word could even be spoken, Lucas shoved him against the wall. "Ey, calm down pimp!" But Lucas didn't let him call himself a pimp two times, his fist flew out and met with the nose of the man before him.

"Don't call her a whore!" He warned. "Come on, that's what she is! A pretty whore who got knocked up!" This time Lucas fist met the guy's left eye. "Not so aggressive!" But none of the other boys didn't dare to mingle themselves into the fight, trying the help their 'friend'.

"Do you remember at which concert you were yesterday night?" Lucas asked icy, but didn't relax his grip on the collar of the black tee the boy was wearing. "Fall Out Boy, deu!" He answered pretty arrogant. "And what makes Peyton and Fall Out Boy?" Lucas asked and pushed him harder against the wall when he didn't answer. "I don't know dude! She's probably a psycho stalker of Pete, like many others girls." He answered. "Wrong answer." Lucas answered on his turn coldly and also the guy's cheekbone couldn't escape on Lucas' rage.

"Maybe Peyton Sawyer does say something more!" Lucas hissed. "That's Pete's wife." A voice of another boy took flight. "Wait, isn't she pregnant?" And those words made Lucas' rage speed up and pump into his fist. As an insane one he began to punch the evil man everywhere he could, no place was saved from Lucas' anger.

It didn't take long before someone dragged Lucas from the other man's body. Through the blurry vision of his eyes he could see that the man was bleeding from his nose and lips, also his left eye was swollen already, he painfully sat on the ground, a hand pressed into his stomach. "He." Lucas whispered harsh, the other boys came closer, looking life threatening because of their bodyguard looks. "He." And he pointed at the miserable figure before him. "He made Peyton lose her baby." He pushed out, a few tears came along. "He made Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy's wife lose her daughter." Lucas found his heart ripped into more than hundred pieces. "He killed Roxanne!"

And when that was said, pure silence had broken through. Nobody dared to say something, they all seemed to hold their breaths. Lucas shrank, preparing for all the punches he probably would increase, but they didn't come. Through the tears in his blue eyes, he could even see the confusing, disappointment and regret on the faces of the other boys. Lucas stood up, pushed away the tears of pain and sorrow, straightened himself, held his head high and spoke such as words without hesitation of regret: "This won't be your only punishment, son of the devil." And he walked away, leaving it all behind like it had never happened, and no-one dared to chase even after him.

When he finally made it back to the hospital, he got caught even before he could reach Peyton's room. Josh tackled him before he could even open the door of her room. Josh took Lucas in grip so he couldn't move. "Are you insane, leaving this hospital, playing dangerously with your own health?" Lucas was about to get another shower of criticism when Glenda appeared and made Josh shut his mouth. "God Luke, are you okay?" She asked frightened when she saw the blood on his forehead, a small but deep, bleeding cut was visible. She touched it and Lucas stifled a groan. "That are going to be stitches." Josh assured Lucas.

Sitting on the doctor table, Lucas found himself painfully embarrassed when a doctor was giving him stitches. "Tell me again how you got this." The doctor half asked, half demanded. "I got into a fight with someone." Lucas said on a low voice, his swollen lip was aching too. "Who exactly?" Josh asked, who was writing everything Lucas said down. "The guy who punched Peyton yesterday and made her …" And the other words got stuck in his throat, didn't even needed to be spoken, Josh knew what he meant. "And how did you get this wound?" The doctor asked on his turn. "I don't know, I think the guy was wearing a ring or something." Lucas answered quietly and looked to Glenda who was knitting again.

"You realize how foolish your actions are?" Josh asked, but more demanded. "Yeah, but I needed to punish that son of a bitch for what he did to Peyton." A nurse came in, holding some papers. The doctor read them quickly and then looked back to Lucas. "I think we need to do your tests over again, since your little adventure from today. We also can't take any risks." Lucas sighed and rolled with his eyes. "It's your own fault Scott." Glenda stated without looking away from the black scarf. Lucas nodded, knowing what he had done was maybe reckless, but it also satisfied him, knowing he had hurt the man who had hurt Peyton, hurt her really bad. "You also have to stay a night for observation, for the wound on your head and one of your tests isn't that good-looking at first sight. I'll wait to see what the next results say but you are staying here Mister Scott, without any excuse." Lucas didn't complain or anything like everyone had expected, he just sat there, hided away in himself, somehow glad he would be so near to Peyton tonight.

Lucas laid on the bed in his room, the sheets covered him, he needed to rest, the doctor had said that, and Glenda sat the side of his bed, knitting but also holding an eye on him. Not many words were spoken, they didn't had too, Glenda saw in what shape Lucas was, she had already slipped unnoticed under the surface of his personality and had been swimming around in his brain, collided on his longings, she knew it, he loved Peyton in another way than just a friend.

A sudden knock on the door surprised when Josh came in and leaded a young blond girl into the room, Elle. "I heard what happened Lucas, I feel so sorry for Peyton." She ran to the bed and embraced Lucas who was noticeable shocked by Elle's unexpected presence and activities. "I can't get to her because they won't let me, I wanted to leave, but then I heard about you. Are you okay Lucas?" She asked, suddenly as innocent as a two year old. Lucas nodded without making any sound. "Well, Josh and me are going to eat something, since you've got company now. We'll be back in an hour." Glenda said and kissed Lucas on the cheek. His blue eyes thank Glenda without words, also Josh who took his girlfriend by the hand.

It was a quarter after Glenda and Josh had left and Lucas hadn't exchanged more than ten words with Elle, she just sat besides his bed while he looked at the ceiling. "Can I come lay with you?" She asked sweetly, her voice was barely more than a whisper. Lucas found himself helpless but a sudden emptiness showed up from a corner into his mind and found his place in his aching heart. "Yeah." He answered vaguely and Elle climbed into the bed, cuddled up against him.

This was weird, he thought. He even didn't know Elle that long or that good, and he just let her do this, something that was very intimate for them both, especially for Lucas who really hadn't found that much trust in Elle yet. Maybe, through this girl was entire different than he thought. Lucas knew from himself that he only got intimate with people in a very short time or with only a little acknowledge of them if they were special people, people who someone deserved to break through the walls of his defence, caused by his father, he only knew three people who had done that before: Haley, Peyton and Anna. What was so special about Elle that she could settle herself in his heart without any resistance of him? Lucas began to think, but soon he couldn't fight against the tiredness anymore and his eyes went shut, the shades behind them making him fell into a dream world.

Lucas felt sore when he woke up the next morning, he was about to roll over when something blocked his way. His blue eyes flew open and registered the attendance of a young blond girl slumbering against his chest. Elle.

Lucas was confused and tried to remember what happened the night before, his memory began to work very slowly, giving Lucas the access the spade in his memory on a very unhurried pace. Finally he remembered and by the time he could even think it over again Elle woke up to. His eyes should have been awful because Elle stumbled over her words. "I am sorry Lucas. But you just were so peacefully sleeping, I just couldn't wake you up. I should have, I'm sorry." Lucas smiled a little. "It's okay Elle. You don't have to apologize."

After he was discharged from the hospital, Lucas decided to try again to get to Peyton. He walked into her room and she lay in the same position like yesterday. Pete sat beside her, he was softly talking to her but she didn't react. His eyes were red from crying, Lucas saw how he still was fighting against the tears which were threatening to come out of his brown eyes.

Lucas leaned against the wall and watched Pete while he whispered soft words, while his left hand hold one of Peyton' hand and his right hand caressed her face. Lucas could see the desperate look on Pete's face when Peyton didn't react on anything. "Come on Peyt, please say something." He whispered while letting his fingers ran across her cheek. "Peyt, baby, I know this is ..." He swallowed difficult. "But I need you, baby, I love you Peyt, we'll get through this." But then he began to cry, it was heartbreaking to see, Lucas couldn't help it and felt sorry for him, for the very first time felt genuinely sorry for him.

At that moment Patrick, Joe and Andy walked in and immediately went to Pete. "Come on Pete, you need to get out for a while. You have been here all night and day already." But Pete shook his head. "I am not leaving my wife guys." He answered and looked at the motionless Peyton before him. "We talked to the doctor, he says we can't do anything to help her now, if she won't let any of us in, we can't force her." Patrick said. "Yeah Pete, we all love Peyt, we'll be back in a half hour, just come eat something with us." Joe continued. "It's going to be okay Pete, just give her some time to let her heal the worst pain on her own pace. You know how difficult it is by yourself, she'll come back to you, to us when she's ready. She always has." Andy finished.

For the first time in a while Pete looked away from his wife and faced his three band mates, sparkles of hope shinned on their face. Pete thought, thought deep and hard but then nodded. "Not longer than a half hour guys." He said, he gently pressed his lips on the lips of his wife but she didn't react. Disappointment and somehow hurt he stood up and walked over to Lucas. "Watch her while I am away." He said quietly and without any announcement embraced Lucas. Lucas first stiffened in unexpectedness but when he felt the hurt of the man who embraced him, he accepted it. "I will Pete." Lucas reassured and Pete let go of him. "Thank you." He whispered and rubbed the upcoming tears out of his brown eyes. "Thank you so much." Then he left with Patrick, Joe and Andy.

Lucas decided to take place on the chair where Pete had been sitting. He took Peyton's hands in his and watched her while her chest moved up and down. "You know Peyton." He began after a while. "Take all the time you need to heal this indescribable pain, know we will always love you, Pete and the boys, your dad, everyone back in Tree Hill and I, we will always love you, we'll help you through this because you deserve the people who love you." Lucas guaranteed her. But her eyes remained lifeless, and the movements of her chest kept the same, her lips didn't even move, she just lay there, like in a coma but with eyes wide open.

"For what it's worth Peyton." Lucas continued after considering leaving it there. "Yesterday, I went to punish 'him'." And … suddenly her green eyes flew up in gratefulness.


	13. The Hand of God

The Hand Of God

**The Hand ****of God **

It had been six days after Peyton was discharged from the hospital, and still she hadn't been out of the hotel. To be honest, she even hadn't managed to get out of the hallway were all of the rooms of the Fall Out Boy members were.

It was painful to see here getting so anxious about everything and everyone. Most of the time she passed in her music closet, letting no-one in without one hell of a very long conversation.

But no-one dared to let her alone in her hotel room, everyone seemed to walk on glass around her, they were keeping up a secret and Lucas didn't know why or what. But it worried him extremely.

Now everyone was around her, and in her room, but they hadn't much company of her since she always seem to lock herself up in the music hallway and she was the only one who had a key of that place.

She always was alone there, listening to sad music, but there was always, always somebody in her hotel room, if it wasn't someone of the band, it was someone of the security of the band, mostly Ryan and Jerry.

Jerry's 'shift' ended an hour ago and Ryan was there to take his place. They didn't seem to care that Lucas was almost constantly with her, it was something about the unsaid. Even Peyton didn't seem to care, the only one who she let inside of her closet was Pete, he had to, he had to do things for the funeral of their lost daughter.

Lucas was reading the paper on the sofa while Ryan nervously was walking around, checking his watch every two minutes. That really made Lucas nervous. "It's been too long." He suddenly said and began to knock on the door. "Peyton, open the door, it's Ryan!" He screamed gently, Lucas recognized hidden panic. "Come on Peyt!" But still there wasn't any response. Lucas stood up and walked over to Ryan. He realised no music was playing in the background, and it worried him, Peyton always played music.

Ryan walked away and came back with something his hand, and in seconds the door was open and Peyton was reviled. She laid on the ground, over her sketchbook, sleeping. Ryan picked her up easily and laid her on the bed. He looked worried when he saw strings of dried blood on her cheek. "Peyton." He softly shook with her shoulders. Slowly she began to wake up. "What?" Came out sleepily.

"Hi Peyt." Ryan softly said. He waited a minute before continuing, giving her the time to wake up and settle herself. "Why is there blood on your cheek?" Ryan asked when she seemed to be settled. "What?" She asked while yawing. "That." Ryan replied firmer and pressed his finger on her cheek. She looked confused and brushed her hand over her cheek and felt the sticky, dried blood there. She though, and her face relaxed after a few hesitating seconds.

"It's just from the cuts in my fingers." She said and rubbed her cheek softly. "Cuts in your fingers?" Ryan asked, his eyes were full with suspicious gaze. "Look, I cut my fingers with a paper of my sketchbook." And she showed her right hand, three fingers of the hand had little cuts on the tops. Lucas saw how the look in Ryan's darkened extremely, suspiciousness shot right through Peyton who also saw the look in his eyes. "It was by accident Ryan." And she drew back her hand like he had burned it with his stare. "Let me see it again." He tugged on her hand, his eyes studied it very long. "By accident? Three fingers Peyton!" He almost shouted. "It was by accident, Ryan. Believe me, I wouldn't …" Her voice was anxious. Lucas could feel how a fight between the two people before him took flight. "Hurt yourself on purpose! We both know better than that!" But suddenly Peyton decided to jump up and ran back to her hallway, but Ryan was faster and caught her before she even could reach it. He pulled her into his arms and didn't let go of her, not even when she began to scream and tried to punch him. "Stop babying me!" She screamed. "Stop it!"

And for a few minutes she kept screaming and tried to hurt Ryan with her blind rage but soon she exhausted herself and stopped. Carefully Ryan picked her up and laid her on the bed, it didn't take two minutes for Peyton to fall asleep.

Without giving Lucas some attention Ryan went pack to Peyton's closet, Lucas stood up from the place where he had been sitting and walked to the closet, to see what Ryan was doing. He was feverish searching through the small room, restlessly he moved items and checked everything not once, but twice. "What are you searching?" Lucas asked while Ryan picked up some papers. "Found." He picked up a paper, the paper with blood on. Very carefully he studied it.

"Why don't you believe her?" Lucas asked after a while. "I'm suspicious because I don't want her to try to kill herself twice, like my brother had also tried." Twice, that word fell like a glass on the ground and broke when it met the ground, pieces flying around, reaching Lucas, cutting him painfully when the realisation cut even deeper into his body.

"Kill herself?" His words fell like little bombs on the ground, causing little explosions in his unwitting mind. Ryan swallowed hard by the awareness he had unlocked words from his mind which were expelled to dark, hidden places there. His eyes flew around anxious, fearing somebody had heard him, that someone had heard what he had revealed against his own will, out of pure impulse. That punishment soon would follow.

"Ryan." Lucas said while walking closer. The boy before him bit on his lip, forcefully enough to make it bleed a little. "Is there something I need to know?" Lucas' voice wasn't shocked anymore, his shock was transformed into sudden coldness. Why did he have the feeling that more things were hidden to him?

"Ryan." Lucas repeated firmer, he walked closer and closer to him, to end up, almost standing against him, Lucas' sharp breaths reflected on Ryan's sudden pale skin. "You said it Ryan, it's out, and now I need to know what you meant earlier." His blue eyes pierced through Ryan's brown ones. The brown-haired boy looked away and suddenly moved away, but Lucas didn't give him much chance, he grasped his shoulders. "I need to know!" He more demanded than said. He was so close he could even see light pinkish flesh around the scar on his cheek.

"Okay, okay! Chill, just let me go, I'll tell!" Ryan rose up in defence and pushed Lucas away firmly but not violently. Lucas let go and watched Ryan when he walked over to the window and his brown eyes explored the view over a busy Chicago street. For minutes he just looked through the window, Lucas got impatient. "Ryan." His voice was unnaturally harsh. Sadness was the brown of Ryan's eyes when they found Peyton, sleeping in an uncomfortable position on the big bed, the sheets were twisted around her, like chains, her face looked so full of pain and exhaustion.

Ryan walked so aggravating slow to her bed, that it seemed like he would never make it. His hand reached out to touch her, but they didn't achieve their destiny, they ended up on the soft mattress. Lucas walked closer to her bed. The look in Ryan's eyes was so familiar, the pain and sorrow in it, the regret in abundance, but somehow little sparks showing now and then when good memories flashed through his mind.

And then he finally began to speak, the present of his voice, soft and slow. "One day. A few months back. Eight or seven months, I think." He began but stopped to swallow. "Pete and Peyton got into a fight about something. I never knew why, and I don't think any of us knew what it exactly was about. Afterwards, I picked something up from Patrick when he was talking with Andy. They said something about an issue with Peyton and her father." Lucas could immediately imagine the sentiment of the issue by Peyton. "Pete said something that must have hurt Peyton very bad because she locked herself up in that tiny hallway." He said and pointed her the music storage place. "We didn't hear her, we all know how stubborn she can be, she just is, she'll always will be. It's just a part of her nature." Lucas smiled, if knew everything about Peyton's stubbornness. "She locked herself up around noon, we didn't hear anything of her, but when it got late in the evening we decided that we needed to check on her, and when she didn't open the door or not even answer us, we forced the door. We found her …" He swallowed again, but this time it was much harder for him. "We found her bleeding from above her chest, a pen-knife still in her hand." Tears formed in his eyes.

Lucas was stunned, shocked, he couldn't believe what the boy before him said. "Why didn't it reach the media?" Lucas asked so soft that he even hesitated if he had asked it. "The personal doctor from the band took care of her, she hasn't left the hotel, and because of the band, their doctor could buy himself a nice new car so he would never say a word about it." The tone of Ryan got bitter. "Can you see that?" His voice was a lot nicer now. "What?" Lucas asked when he didn't get where Ryan's finger was gesturing at. "Just above her collar-bone." He answered. Lucas first didn't see anything, but then, when he fixated, he saw a very small, long white line above the left side of her collar bone, it was a scar. Tears sprung in his eyes. How could she ever had done that to herself?

"Do you understand now why I'm so suspicious? My brother Justin tried to kill himself too after his accident, my brother is a tough guy and me and my little sister Mara are very thankful for having him, without him we wouldn't been here. But after his accident he lost a lot of his strength and especially dignity, so he tried twice to kill himself. It shocked me, hurt me, made me doubt about life, it left me with questions; questions Justin can't even answer me because his mind was so thick as he had tried. And the memory of finding a strong man on the floor like a helpless dummy is still fresh and sharp. The memory of a bleeding Peyton who had barely a heartbeat is also cutting. Three blacks spot in my mind, I wouldn't let a fourth one get there, it won't happen again."

Silence was hard and painful, but also comforting when Lucas' blue eyes rested on the golden skin of Peyton's body. She made it somehow, very strangely, bearable; even it was her fault why this awkward silence was there in the first place.

"I am." Lucas struggled with his words. "I am sorry Ryan, I …" "It's okay Lucas." He said. With tears in his eyes Lucas sat on her bed, watching her sleep. Having a nightmare actually, her face was twisted in a fearful expression, because it was so silent you could even hear her little groans. It broke his hear to see her suffer, even when she slept, but he couldn't wake her up now. She hadn't slept in a week and the doctor obligated her to rest because she couldn't force her body right now. Lucas' white teeth found his lower lip, they buried themselves in the soft, sensitive flesh.

Lucas was so absent that he didn't notice he was hurting himself, it was until he tasted blood in his mouth, and faint shocks of almost pain waved through his hand. Slowly he removed his fingernails from the palm of his hand, they had left little, almost white stripes.

The illusion of silence returned, the irregular breathing of three people shattered what was supposed to be stillness, again interrupted after a few minutes by the ringing of Ryan's cell phone.

"Hello Justin." Ryan's words sounded. He quickly walked towards the door and laid a finger just beneath his right eye, and then the finger gestured towards Peyton. The unspoken words by his gestures were 'Watch Peyton'.

Ryan had been a while in the hallway by now, like around seven minutes. Suddenly faint groans were audible. Lucas immediately was alert, he checked if she wasn't awake. She was waking up, very slowly, sore. Lucas fingers glided over her cheek, automatically showing her comfort.

Watching her? You even didn't need to ask, he did it all the time and now he knew her hidden secret, he would never stop. Never stop again, he would protect her, always look after her. Or at least try, but he knew he couldn't cover her from everything, he realised it when he saw the blackness that tomorrow would bring in her shadowed green eyes…

Today was the day of 'the' funeral. The funeral of Roxanne, or Roxy, like Pete and the band members had already nicknamed her, before she … before she disappeared.

Lucas knew today would be hard, long, painful, sorrowful and most of all black. These twenty-four hours would influence the rest of his life, the rest of the lives from the people around him, and the most of Pete and Peyton, who lost their unborn child. The aftermath of this would enormously have impact on every single aspect of their lives.

Lucas was afraid to get up, get dressed. He didn't want to face it, this incredible pain he would see on her face, on her beautiful but now broken face. Lucas closed his eyes and tried to push that heartbreaking thoughts away, maybe if he tried hard enough he would fall asleep, or maybe better, he would open his eyes for real and find out that he was at home, with Peyton in his arms. That everything that happened the moment after he choose Brooke over Peyton so many years ago, that everything, every year, month, day, minute, second had been surreal. That he would wake up in the present, the same present as now, with the only different that he had chosen right so many years ago, and she would have been saved from all the harm she had suffered.

Guilt showed his ugly face, forcing Lucas out of his consideration that he could all deny it. This was real, all the wrong choices had been made, and all the harm had been done. Denying wouldn't be fair towards Peyton, she was his everything, she was everything he couldn't deny. He painfully realised that denying the truth was only an excuse from yourself because you are too weak to fight back. But wasn't fighting back his intention, why he came to Chicago, why he left his friends and family, the only home he ever knew? Yes, he left it behind to fight back, fight for everything that belonged to him, or everything that his mind and heart claimed for.

His long fingers went to brush along his hair but ended up on his forehead, an aching realisation caused invisible damage when he felt the still not fully health wound there. The reminder of his fight with the guy who needed to punished.

Sore and hesitating, but strangely refreshed he stood up. He walked over to the bathroom and faced himself in the mirror. He looked awful, terrible and the worst of all, he knew it himself. The face in the mirror wasn't anything form what he remember from yesterday, out of the blue it seemed like he had aged. His blue bright eyes had lost their shine, his strong facial expressions had fade, and his golden hair had become fragile like rye. What had happened?

Lucas had to drag himself out of his room and towards Peyton's. His black suit felt like a torturing, knowing the function it had was even a bigger torture. His knocked on her door were empty and hollowed through the place. Jerry opened the door, dressed also in black, his face was like a stone. So painfully hard.

Peyton stood on the other side of the room, Pete right beside her. She wasn't crying, like he had expected, she just stood there, her fingers nervously playing with the black bead necklace she was wearing. He observed her, took the imagine of a brooding Peyton in his mind, let it develop itself, waiting for the ruined puzzle to be made back into one fitting piece.

Her golden hair was curly and hung loosely around her pale shoulders, but some wisps were forced into a black bow. She hadn't any make up on, nothing to hide the nasty rash on the side of her face, nothing to camouflage her extreme pale skin tone, nothing to cover the big purple bags under her expired green eyes.

Her body was slightly embraced by the black, simple dress with cap sleeves. On her feet there were black high heels. Immediately everyone stood up, Lucas knew what that meant.

The funeral of Roxanne would be pretty intimate. Only Pete and Peyton, the boys of the band and Elle, and a few close friends from the management and the security would be there.

Jerry and Ryan covered Peyton from the paparazzi who had collected themselves before the hotel and the limousine which would bring Pete and Peyton to the cemetery. Sick people, was the only thing Lucas could think, disgusting people! How could they have pleasure from someone's sorrow, make money out of it, what was wrong with this sickening world?

More than ever Lucas longed for home, for his mother and his sister, for his brother and sister in law and little nephew, for his best friends. For Keith, he couldn't think about anyone other than him, Lucas was praying for him. He missed Keith so much, sometimes it was just too much to look at Lily and see the reflection of his beloved uncle in her face. His thoughts were soon interrupted the door of the car he was in opened. Lucas got out of the car and the first thing he saw was Peyton who struggled to move forward. The high heels at least should have been very uncomfortable to carry her slow and weakened body along to earth. Pete backed her up and brought her to the cream white coffin her daughter lay in. One red rose lay on top of it, with gold looking paint the words, Roxanne Sawyer Wentz were painted on the right side of the coffin and on the left side stood Fall Out Girl. On the back stood her day of 'birth' and also 'dead'. In front, an envelop was pinned against the wood. It was a letter Pete and Peyton wrote with all the feelings they had had about their daughter so far, a message to heaven, a message to her which began with the words: 'Dear Roxanne, our little daughter Roxy'. The imagine of a not completely developed baby into the girly cloths Peyton had let someone designed for her kept showing up in his mind and Lucas knew, it would never go away again.

The funeral was sad. Peyton and Pete stood hand in hand and hear how Patrick did his speech. Andy and Joe stood by Patrick, they had also something to say. But the saddest thing of all was the weather. When you think about funeral, you think autumn, leaves everywhere, rain, wind, grey clouds, maybe snow and storm. But this day, this specific day, the weather wasn't anything for a funeral. The sun shined weakly but somehow beautiful. The clouds were creamy white, the sky light denim blue.

After a long heartbreaking time full of so many painful words, hard realisations, mourning and so many other things that would make this to a black day in some people's history. The text that Peyton wrote during her lock-up sessions in her music hallway was read by Patrick. Her feelings found back in the words of many different songs but partly changed to make it more her pain and the pain from her husband. Words of stillness, words of pain, words of sorrow, words of regret … words which couldn't change anything anymore. They couldn't turn back time and make it better, they couldn't stop this for happing, and they couldn't do anything, but nothing at all. The only thing they could do now were making everything worse, more painful, more disastrous, more sorrowful, more like unreality. This never ending nightmare.

_Wit__h eyes the size of baby worlds_

_We never could've seen this far_

_We never could've seen this coming_

_Seems like our world's falling apart_

_But we just can't let you go_

_Because we feel the pain_

_Know the signs_

_Is there truth in your pain?_

_You decide._

_And somehow still you affect the things we do_

_We wish we could just make you turn around_

_Turn__ around and see us cry_

_There's__ so much we need to say to you_

_So__ many reasons why_

_You're__ the only one_

_Who__ really knew us at all_

_Yeah my girl, ain't that just a little strange_

_That time always reveals_

_The lonely light of morning_

_The wound that would not heal_

_It's the bitter taste of losing everything_

_That we have held so dear..._

'_Cause we're fake at the seams_

_We're lost in our dreams_

_And we, we want you to know that we can't let you go_

_But you're never coming home again_

_So there were times you'd rather die than leave_

_And it makes no sense_

_Because we wanted to tell you we'd changed_

_We wanted to tell you that things would be different this time_

_We don't see you_

_You see us_

_But you tell us that you love us but you never want to see us again_

_Though for us, you didn't die you just never had a chance to grow_

_And you'll always be the closest thing, we have, to bring up in a conversation _

_About__ love that didn't last, because we could never really call you ours_

_Why don't you tell us to believe?_

_Because if sadness is a colour,_

_Than it's blue just like your eyes_

_And sorrow can be all over you_

_'Cause we can't let go_

_We__ just can't find my way_

_Without you we just can't find my way_

_Are we as safe as we like ourselves believe?_

_And you were buried with our dreams_

Peyton fell on her knees, the black dress followed while the wind made it dance a sober rhythm on the ground. Tears glistened on her cheeks as pure diamonds when the sun played hide and seek after the grey, tick, teary clouds.

Lucas realised something when the pace of his heart painfully picked up and Peyton's cherished diamond tears wetted the earth were her daughter would be buried under. He had loved Roxanne already, without knowing it, he had loved her, could have loved her when she was born, loved her … as his own daughter.


	14. Reinventing The Wheel To Run Myself Over

Reinventing The Wheel To Run Myself Over

**Reinventing**** The Wheel To Run Myself Over **

It was weird how a person could change like the direction of the wind. Before the funeral Peyton hadn't been able to cry. And now, everything she had locked up came out. This was the third day that she laid crying in her bed, Pete laid with her, but it was pointless, she just wouldn't stop crying. She even didn't ate, she barely touch any liquid. From time to time someone forced her to drink a little water, but it all seemed so worthless when you offered your help and she even didn't bother to look up.

Lucas saw Peyton wilt like a flower, from the beautiful, colourful flower she was, to a wilted, sad one. She was even sadder then she had ever been. And he couldn't help her, and that hurt him the most, not being able to do anything to make her feel better.

Pete broke the silence, his voice rose up very weakly. Maybe because he wasn't alone with his wife, he never had a moment alone with her anymore since she left the hospital after her miscarriage. Slowly and tenderly he caressed his wife cheek. Her tears were drying, finally, maybe she had found peace inside and Lucas hoped it, wished for it. She deserved it.

"I really have to go baby girl." But that was the wrong selection of words, especially 'baby girl'. She began to cry again, hysterically, you could easily how Pete's eyes began to drown in his own tears by his realisation of what he said.

"I'm so sorry Peyt." But she didn't want to hear any of it. "Go away! Away! Leave me alone!" And Pete knew by now that you better did what she said, otherwise it would really get unpleasant.

He left, with tears in his eyes, fighting against incredible pain. It should have cost him so much effort to open the door and walk through it, his foots moved so slow that you almost believed someone had stones chained on them. The door fell in lock, the most terrible sign of all for Peyton. How many times had she seen doors fell in lock since she was born? Real ones and imaginary ones? Too many times, Lucas knew.

From the corner of his eye he saw Jerry and Ryan exchange a worried look. But then they returned all their attention back to the newspapers before them. Lucas observed Peyton, the sheets that covered her body were dirty and crumbled. Her body moved very unnatural, she looked very sick. She was pale, she had a cold even she had been barely outside, she had other flue symptoms. The doctor visited her every two days since her miscarriage but she practically refused every medication. Sometimes she just laid there crying and groaning, just out of pain only. Her body seemed to punish her for unknown reasons.

She had become very anxiously around her body since the funeral, only Pete had the access to touch her. His touch was the only one she accepted her, the touch of anyone else, even Lucas she refused. But Lucas decided to try again, since no-one except Ryan and Jerry were in the room, and they could act so subtle that you didn't even knew they were in the same room. But it somehow was their job.

"Hi Peyton." Lucas said very softy and brought himself to her. He sat himself down on the bed and smiled gentle, bringing himself closer and closer to her. Her body seemed to be relaxed, but suddenly she shrunk and squeezed her eyes shut. She closed herself off and shut him out. Lucas felt himself hurt when she did that, every time it got more painful. He wanted to save her from this horrible nightmare, he wished he could so badly.

Suddenly Hemingway jumped on the bed. Actually not jump, it made his way on the bed with some effort. He nestled himself against Peyton and unexpectedly she seemed to relax. She reached out for him and stroked his soft pelt. Lucas found himself surprised, soothed but most of all hurt in one second. How far would this go? By now the only thing she really trusts is a dog. Lucas had noticed that she very easily swung herself to Pete but as fast she could force him away from her when she had enough.

How sad was this that only trust she could build was for a dog. But he could understand. Hemingway didn't speak, didn't protest … didn't reject. But somehow she felt like he listened to her and understood her.

The whole day she lay there with Hemingway, whispering more than hundred words in his ear. But Lucas became aware of how dangerous this may be, she was closing herself off from the world again, from every living person, and placed herself in a world with only Hemingway. Without anyone to stop her from anything, she locked herself up in a place where only her voice could be heard and the other only listened. In a world were love was silent and didn't protest, a world were Peyton made her rules and she didn't even had to follow them, a wrong world.

And he definitely knew when he heard her whisper the words 'little Roxanne' against him. Lucas stood up from his chair, left his laptop with his mailbox open. "Hemingway." His voice rose up and he stroked the dog's head. "What about Ryan and Jerry go take a walk with you." He lifted the animal of the bed while Jerry walked over to them. "Come on doggy." He said and playfully rubbed his back. "Come Ryan, let's go." But Lucas could see that it was hard for Ryan that he had to leave without any decent reason. Lucas' blue eyes told him one, but he didn't want to find it. "Ryan, after the walk we'll visit my mom, she'll be pleased to see you. So will our girl next door." Jerry winked but Ryan's look fell into disgust. Finally they left.

Lucas' blue eyes found Peyton pouting while she lay above the sheets. He knew he had to be careful now. "I've got something for you." He said, he sounded hopeful. But she didn't bother to look up at him. "It's something that is going to make you happy." He tried, he saw how she tried to control her body that stirred. "If you don't like it you can break it." He said, trying to lighten the mood. She looked up, finally.

"Come here." He softly said and reached his hand invitingly towards her. Very listless she accepted his invitation by laying her cold tiny hand in his. "Close your eyes." He whispered in her ear, and she did. He leaded her to her favourite place, her music closet. "Open your eyes." He said and she did what he said. "What?" She asked on a hoarse tone. "On the shelf, do you see something new?" He asked while pointing at that one shelf before them.

Her mouth fell open as she immediately discovered the new item. Her hands eagerly reached out and shove the thing which was wrapped up as a present. Her fingers impatiently ripped off the green paper. The 'A Mark, a Mission, a Brand, a Scar' record from Dashboard Confessional was revealed. "I found it yesterday in a shop. I know you were very attached to it before you broke it in that fight with your dad." And suddenly teardrops ran over cheeks and fell on the record while her fingers traced along it. "How do you dare to involve my dad in this?!" She screamed, her voice was very sore. "Peyton?" He was more than just uncomfortable with her reaction. "How do you dare?!" She screamed and pushed him in the stomach. He shrunk for a second but then fixed himself. "I'm not involving your dad Peyton. I just bought you one of your favourite records." He said in defence. "But speaking of your dad, why hasn't he called yet?" But Lucas immediately wished he could take those words back. "Because he told me months ago that I could walk to hell if I wanted!" And she ran out of her room. "I'm sorry Peyton, I didn't know!" Lucas screamed after her.

He didn't found her, but then saw the opened door of the bathroom. He found her hidden away after the douche curtain.

"Peyton." He said full of emotion. "I'm sorry. I didn't know." And tried to put himself down besides her. And for minutes neither of them spoke. "Do you want to talk about it?" Lucas decided to ask after a few minutes. First she shook her head but when she saw his blue eyes through her tears she nodded. "Eight months back, on a Thursday." She began hesitantly. "My dad called me and asked me why I wasn't at the cemetery in Tree Hill to remember my death mom with him. I told him I had wanted to come but because we were in Europe, I couldn't. Things got heated and he told me, since I also missed the previous days were we used to remember my mom and Ellie, and I could go straight to hell for all he cared because he accused me for not being anything like 'his daughter'." Came out very slow and painfully, immediately she fell back in tears. Lucas couldn't believe this, that Larry could have said this, to the girl who was like his daughter for him.

"It's all my fault. Why did I have to do it?! Karma does really bite me in the ass every time!" She quietly blamed herself. "Ssshhh, Peyton don't but all the blame on you, you know it's not true." He said and moved closer to her. "I shouldn't have cheated on him." She sobbed. "You haven't Peyton." He said reassuring, undertakes a measured action to rub her back soothingly. And she doesn't reject it, Lucas hadn't been so relieved the last few weeks. "I shouldn't have kissed him." She sobbed broken. And Lucas felt a lump of ice slide along his back. "Peyton?" He asked very slowly and full of hesitation, his voice got high. "Kissed who?"

A painful sob followed by a hard try to swallow. "Ryan." She sniffed. And Lucas was totally knocked of his feet. "How?" He asked without realising it, but he did, making Peyton hide away in her shell. She shook her head and pressed her lips onto each other, making them form a small line. "Peyton." He said softly, but she kept shaking her head. Lucas knew she didn't want to tell, but he would make her tell what happened, even it hurt him like hell. "You know I'll keep asking until you're going to give me an answer." He said simply, hoping he would get it out of her.

"It was a few months after Ryan joined the crew instead of his brother Justin after he got shot. I'm so much with the crew guys, we practically always hang out with them if the band has a concert or something. One afternoon on a concert day, I was hanging out with the crew guys while the band was giving their concert and we kind of where fooling around. We always do, it's just us. And we were playing 'Truth or Dare' just to make the time pass and it was a lot of fun to hear or do certain stuff, and they always make me join the game because they say it's stupid and boring without me. So I did, and I sat between Ryan and Jerry. At this certain moment, one of our other bodyguards dared Ryan to kiss me. Okay, I knew Ryan liked me, the guys always tease him because he's so kind to me, and I didn't disagree, there's nothing wrong with a little peck on the lips, if it's for fooling a bit." She took a deep breath. "First Ryan didn't want to but the guys kept saying he should go for it. When the guys were cheering for him, Jerry whispered in my ear that I should let him go for it. Just a little fooling around. And I did let him go for it, it wasn't tongue or anything, but also not near chaste." And she swallowed again, but it was much harder this time.

"And now they are punishing me for it." She said bitter. "Because for me it was nothing, but for Ryan it meant too much. And that I denied it while I knew Ryan had those feelings for me."

Again she began to cry again, Lucas very carefully scooped her up and sat her down on his lap. "Peyton." He softly whispered in her ear, hoping he could sooth her. "I screwed up everything." She sobbed and clenched her fits and began to punch weakly against his chest. "It's all my fault." She sobbed, Lucas hold her tightly against him. Hoping he would be able to heal her, maybe not now but somewhere in the near future.

It was evening, just before dinner. The time when Peyton's doctor visited her. "How are you doing today?" He asked towards Peyton, but her only response was a low growl. "Would you mind to sit down on the bed so I can examine you?" He asked, taking some stuff out of his suitcase. But Peyton didn't move and kept lying on the bed, the sheets covering her tightly. The doctor tried again a few times to get her out of bed, but she ignored him. "Your gynaecologist is also here, should he examine you instead of me?" The man asked and her gynaecologist came in. It was the same man that told her she was pregnant, Lucas recognized him. He couldn't believe she was so daring to take that risk. The gynaecologist came closer to the bed but then Peyton started to shout immediately. "Don't you dare to touch me! The last time you touched me was to take away MY DAUGTHER I don't want you near, son of a bitch!"

Pete had been watching the whole situation from his chair. He sighed and closed his eyes for a second. He nodded towards the doctors and they looked at each other. "Miss Sawyer, we agreed that maybe you should go see a psychologist. You are going to an emotional rollercoaster right now, maybe its better of you clear things up a little for yourself with the help of others."

Almost immediately she began fight back in disbelieves. "I can help myself." She guaranteed everyone, but the look in her anxious look in her eyes was telling a whole different story. She couldn't persuade the people, neither the doctors, neither her husband, neither her friends. Not even Lucas. "The first step is to admit you need help Peyton." The doctor said while coming closer again. But she immediately began to scream again. "I don't need any help, I need to be left alone!"

Everyone left the air escape of his lungs, frustrated. This was going to be a long and extremely difficult talk. They talked through the night, but the day afterwards, Peyton stood there in the early afternoon in Lucas' doorway. A tight black skirt and a white blouse with a stiff fantasy on the back, one button too much opened and her hair in a fancy ponytail. She looked like his perfect office employee, or certainly the one out his fantasies.

Only a half hour later that sat in the psychologist office. It was an office with a dark wooden desk and cupboards. A warm coloured rug and not many details on cupboards or walls. The room looked melancholic, the air seemed heavier in the space. One big window after the desk, giving a great view over a colourful garden, the only thing that lightened the extreme painful and complicated mood.

"You need to learn Peyton, that this isn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done. It's the inevitable, it was meant to happen." The man spoke on his specific tone. "Well! Is that what you think?! That all this crap is supposed to happen to me? Like I searched it?" Lucas saw how her rage swelled up and would leave destruction as far as you looked if it went blind and touched every spot it could get too.

"That's not what I'm saying Miss Wentz, I know that since you already had a very difficult past. That this …" And now her rage went blind. "My past? My past? You don't know anything about 'my' past." Rage hit and hurt. "Miss Wentz, I need you to calm down." He spoke harsh, already impatient. "You don't need anything for me!" She screamed. "The only thing you need from me is my money, which you are not getting by the way because I'm THROUGH!" And she rose up from her seat.

"Come on Lucas!" And she grabbed her purse and stormed out, Lucas was as speechless as the fifty-five year old shrink before him. His blue eyes apologised while his tongue formed the words: "Maybe it's still too soon." Then he stepped out the office, hoping to found Peyton anywhere near. He was slightly afraid that he wouldn't find her. She knew her way in Chicago blindly, while Lucas still fought against the feeling that every street just looked like every one he already went through.

But fortunately he found her, she was pacing a hole in the concrete foot walk with her clicking high heels. Lucas slowed down his own pace with the pace from his heart that calmed down. Very carefully he went closer to her, giving himself a chance to observe her, to analyze what was going o her messed up head.

"Are you okay?" He asked while laying a warm hand on her slender shoulder. "Do I look okay?" She asked furiously. Do you think I am okay?" Her rage began to fly out in the form as disliked, sharp, cutting words. "How do you even dare to ask if I'm okay? I just lost my …" Lucas couldn't hear her say those words anymore. Didn't want to hear how painfully disastrous they were. He forced her body to his one by the action of locking her up in his embrace. Let her head find a hard but comforting place on his shoulder. She began to shed salt but mostly bitter tears against his broad shoulder. She clenched her fist full with the soft material of his grey button-down shirt. She made it tighten around his torso, like this frightening feeling around his heart.

"What for a horrible person I've become?" She asked him. "What did happen to me?" She cried. Soothingly he rocked her, knowing that maybe realisation was the first step to a slow developing progress. "Nothing happened." He guaranteed her while stroking her blond hair. "You've just change."

Back in the hotel, Peyton lay on the couch with her eyes closed listening to the music that found its way out of the stereo. Comforting words from the album of the Fray.

_She doesn't look, she doesn't see_

_Opens up for nobody_

_Figures out, she figures out_

_Narrow line, she can't decide_

_Everything short of suicide_

_Never hurts, nearly works._

Pete walked in, he still looked awful. Slowly he walked over to Peyton, gladly surprised with the fact his wife wasn't crying. "Hi sweetheart." He said and wanted to kiss Peyton but she abruptly moved her head away. Her eyes flew up and killed him with her look.

_No one expects _

_You to get up_

_All on your own with_

_No one around_

"It's your fault." She said coldly. Pete was confused. "Peyt …" But she abruptly broke him off. "It's YOUR fault, I lost Roxanne! Because of you our wedding tape got exposed, because of you I was afraid to tell about my pregnancy …" She was about to throw a shower of other trashy words over him but he was the first to walk away and slammed the door.

Everyone looked shocked, including Lucas. Silence was sharp and painfully. Looks were exchanged, judging and unforgiving. Jerry and Patrick exchanged a look, an unspoken order and they both took off too. Probably to go find Pete. Andy looked at Joe and then back at Peyton. You could read confusion on their faces, if they now asked or said something to Peyton, they would betray Pete. But this was getting an awkward and sore silence which would lead to a stumbling conversation.

Lucas nodded towards them and gestured towards the door. The unspoken message: You can leave if you want to. And it was exactly what they did, left the room without saying a word.

Lucas decided this couldn't last any longer anymore. She was hurting everyone around her, the damage she already brought would she regret as soon as her mind cleared up, but it didn't seem like happing anytime in the near future. So he made a decision, the decision to help her clear up her mind. In his own maybe odd way, but certainly successful way, he had discovered when he lost his uncle. Maybe if it came out of his mouth, she would accept it, because she couldn't deny what had happened to him that one day. That his life shattered by losing one of his parents, or as good or even better as parent. It had shattered her life twice, but she never collected her strength to face what he had faced, and he would show her today that if she faced what he had faced, this all would maybe become a little more bearable.

"Get dressed Peyton. We have an appointment with someone." She immediately made herself ready to fight again. "I'm not going to see a doctor! Over my dead body!" Lucas sighed but knew he couldn't let her get to him now. "Just get dressed, you'll like who we are going to meet." He guaranteed her.

Another half hour later Lucas and Peyton stood at the cemetery. "Why are we here?" She asked while she rubbed her arms, she was shivering. From heat to toe, maybe she wasn't dressed for the unexpected cold of the season. The darkness had dragged the cold along with him.

Peyton looked as one with the darkness, her black tight trousers, dark grey long shirt finished with a broad black leather belt and high heels perfect accented the colours of night. One of her old leather jackets embraced her slightly.

Lucas took her by the hand and leaded her to a grave, Roxanne's grave. As soon as Peyton realised she was standing on her daughter's grave, she wanted to get away again. She shook her head. "I'm not doing this Lucas." She apologised and tried to pull her hand out of his, but he was prepared and tightened his grip.

"Running away won't help you." He softly said and held her hand as she turned away from him. "Take your sketchbook, I want you to do something." He said and squeezed her hand. "But I don't have it with me." She said and was ready to run away but he still held her hand. "Yes you have, it's in your bag." When he insisted, she opened the bag and took it out, surprised it was in there. The truth, Lucas had putted in there when she had changed her cloths.

After a great silence, Lucas let his boyish, near masculine voice blow with the same rhythm as the wind. "When Keith died, I was afraid may memories would fade away with each day he was taken away from us. And I wanted to stop that process, I was afraid I could never look at further again, because a big part of my future was taken away so suddenly." He paused for a second. "So what I did, to stop this painful process, to let Keith live further in my memory. Every month I write about him, or every special occasion on my life or someone who was close to him. How he would look, how he would feel about things. I created him over and over again, how he would have been probably. It really helps. Believe me Peyton, so you can hold the person you love near, even if they died. They will be how you want them to be, they won't disappoint you." He looked at her and saw the hesitation on her face through the dark. "Maybe it's idealising someone, but it will help you Peyton. I promise, it helps me to hold Keith near and to love him, to show him that I can and can't live without him. That I can lead my life without him there in person, but that I can't lead my life without him there in my mind." He finished.

"Sketch Roxanne Peyton. Imagine how she would look now. How she would look today." He softly said while caressing her skin with his breath. And that was what she did, she sat down and began to sketch feverish. After a half hour she tugged on Lucas' sleeve who was sitting on a bench, resting with his eyes closed.

"Look Lucas." She said, her voice sounded renewed. "This is Roxanne Wentz." She said and smiled weakly. A sketch of a beautiful little girl laying a crib, with a blissful childish smile and spark in her eyes stared at Lucas. Satisfied he laid his arm around her shoulders. "Do you feel better now?" He asked while pulling her closer to him. "Much better." She answered him. They walked away from Roxanne's grave. "Thank you Luke." She said and peacefully laid her head on her shoulder. Renewed she left the cemetery, everything she felt now was much better, everything because of Lucas.


	15. Sugar, We're Going Down

Sugar, We're Going Down

_**A/N: **__**Hello, here I am again. And again with another question. I have been considering to work together with a beta-reader since I joined but I never set through with the plan. But the review from 'Sundials' gave me the push I needed. Thanks again 'Sundials' by the way. I really own it to all of you to give it my best and I could use the help of someone who has English as their first language. So if there is a beta-reader here who wants to corporate with me, let me know through a review or PM … For everyone who is wondering why it takes so long for Lucas&Peyton to get together, that's just me. But I promise they'll get together but it is going to take some chapters. So I ask you to be patient and I promise you it will be worth it. Thanks again to everyone who read and/or reviewed my stories, you don't have any idea how much it means to me. Much love, Veronique.**_

**Sugar, We're Going Down **

The next morning Lucas assumed Peyton would have been renewed. When he said goodnight to her yesterday, she seemed so peaceful. The storm inside her had calmed down, she had looked so happy. Maybe not actually happy like, when you're having this warm feeling inside, and you could dance around the whole day, and you could do whatever you wanted. Not that blissfully happy, but more like happier than she had been in weeks.

But nothing was less true. It was just before noon as Lucas and Peyton were playing some self-made music trivia. Each one on his turn had to sing a line or some lines out of a song and the other had to guess which song it was.

_Youth's the most unfaithful mistress_

_Still we forge ahead to miss her,_

_Rushing our moment to shine._

Lucas sang and Peyton immediately answered when he stopped. "The Swiss Army Romance from Dashboard Confessional!" She screamed excited. "That's way too easy!" And she stuck out her tongue. She looked kind of pretty but weird in her girly, pink skirt matched with a sporty black tee which fitted lazy around her body. Still black dominated what she wore. Still confirming she was in the middle of her mourning, it had past by a little already, but it would take much more time to go away in her appearance.

"My turn." She giggled thrilled. Peyton stood up from the floor and let the words roll out her mouth on a slightly singing town.

_You said times with me were lots of fun_

_But now funny just ain't what you want_

_Yeah my girl, ain't that just a little strange_

_There were times you'd rather die than leave_

_Now you say; Hold on a second here_

Lucas looked up at her. "I don't know." He said honestly after a few seconds of thinking. "Come on, at least guess." She begged playfully, her curly braids swinging around her head. She definitely looked like a young girl. "I really don't know Peyton, you're too strong for me." He said and threw his hands in the air, to 'defence' himself. "It's Sadness from Stash." She almost yelled in his ear. Lucas' blue eyes went big. "Never heard of them." He said and watched her make a bow in front of him. "Stash is a Belgian band, heard them of them when I was on tour with the boys in Europe." She sat down on the floor again. "Your turn."

Lucas thought deep, know he needed to find a song that Peyton didn't know. Well that was a tough mission, she almost knew every song he knew. But then he decided to sing the first lines which came up in his head. He closed his blue eyes and his voice howled softly over the place.

_E__very time you get a drink_

_A__nd every time you go to asleep_

_A__re those dreams inside you head_

_Is there sunlight on your bed?_

He opened his eyes and saw Peyton's green eyes looking weird. She was thinking. "Peyton doesn't know." Lucas teased her like a little boy when she didn't answer immediately. "Ooh, Luke! I do know, just let me think." After two minutes she still hadn't said a band or a title. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! Say something." But she didn't. He began to laugh.

"It's Lucky You from The National." Another voice rose up. Lucas and Peyton turned their heads and found Pete standing in the doorway between her and his room. Casually he leaned against the doorway, he looked slightly better than before his jeans and green sweater, green All Stars on his feet.

"Hi." He said then. But there wasn't much reaction from Peyton. "I have terrific news Peyt." He said happily and reached out for her from a distance, as invitation for her to come and join him.

Cautiously she got up properly, which was not very easy with her skirt, and walked over to him. "What's the news?" She asked with a little voice when she came closer. "I've got the rest of the week off." He said excited and hugged her. Lucas saw how her body stiffened as soon as Pete embraced her. Quickly she began to cough, she still was kind of sick. Pete let go of her, giving her some space.

"Good for you." She mumbled and returned to the spot on the floor where she had sat with Lucas. This was strange, Lucas thought. Normally she would have jumped in his arms, and kissed him and did things she better did only when they were alone in her or his bedroom.

But now she just mumbled some words and returned to the daily routine she was busy with. She left her husband standing in the doorway, wide surprised eyes staring at his wife.

"Luke, can we see Lily on the webcam?" She asked while stroking over Lucas' broad shoulders while he sat on the floor. "It's been weeks since I seen here. I really want to see her pretty face again." Lucas looked up, surprised by her words. "We'll have to wait until tonight, yesterday my mom told me she stayed open until 07 p.m." Her face got an unhappy expression. "But I promise you'll see her tonight, maybe I can stretch it out an extra half hour." Lucas said and saw the expression on her face change immediately, a faint smile came across.

Pete looked slightly annoyed by not getting her attention. "I think I left my bathrobe in your room, isn't it Luke?" She asked, still avoiding her husband's eyes which widened by her words. "I think I putted it on the bed this morning. I'll go get it with you."

This morning she had spent the morning with him from the moment she woke up, she even was besides his bed when he woke up. She hadn't seen Pete yesterday night. When they came back in her room after getting her bathrobe, Pete was gone, the door between her and his room shut and locked.

It didn't seem to bother Peyton much, she walked over to her music closet and picked out a mixed tape that she made. It didn't last long before her music howled all over her room and she loudly sang along.

Lucas was bothered, not by Peyton's loud music or her singing, or even her subtle dance moves. But by the songs which were on the mixed tape. The first song was 'Face Down' by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, the next song was 'Screaming Infidelities' from Dashboard Confessional. The song after the one from Dashboard Confessional on the mixed tape was 'Stab My Back' from The All-American Rejects, the fourth song was 'I Don't Love You' from My Chemical Romance, and if 'Look What You've Done' followed from Jet, even 'Losing Grip' from Avril Lavigne, thundered through the room. Lucas didn't really need another explanation anymore from what the other songs would be about.

_It's a contract, baby_

_We're gonna make you sign_

_It's your choice now, maybe_

_But you could die tonight_

_It's a whisper, baby_

_When your ears are blind_

_It's a scream, baby_

_We don't want your kind_

She was screaming along with The Outline's 'Shotgun' while Lucas walked closer to her. "What about we listen to Jack's Mannequin, I really am in the mood to hear Andrew's voice." Lucas said, hoping she would turn this sort of music off. "Well, I am not." She simply answered. When she saw the look on his face when he tried to talk her into something other than this, she began to nearly shout at him. "I am not in the mood for Jack's Mannequin so stop about it. I am listening to this music because it fits me perfectly. It reflects my feelings, so shut up already." It came out quit gentle but still mixed up with a little aggression.

She continued dancing around, towards her bed. She bended down and took out a very small metal box from under it. She putted it on the bed and then walked over to her walk-in wardrobe, Lucas followed her and saw how she opened a metal safe which was hidden away after some cloths. She took something out of it, it was a bunch of keys. She left the wardrobe and went back to the bed. She took the smallest one and opened the metal box. She spread the material out on the bed. It was her drawing stuff, pencils and sketchbook.

It was quiet a while in the afternoon when Pete unlocked the door between his room and the room from Peyton. Lucas was checking his e-mail, he had seven new e-mails when he opened his account. A mail from Nathan and Haley, one from Brooke and Chase, one from his friends from work, one from Glenda and Josh, one from Brooke alone and one from Skills and Bevin who were travelling through Europe.

Skills, Lucas had to smile when he thought about him. Skills was a professional basketball player now. He was the only one from the three boys who had accomplished his dream to become a professional. Lucas just couldn't because of his heart condition, and Nathan, well he could but didn't do it. For him it didn't seem fair to lead an on the road-life when you have a wife and a son at home to care about. Being away so much would mean giving up on a big and important part of his son's and wife's life, kind of like Lucas was doing now by Lily and his mom. That Nathan didn't want, he really had become a good guy now, and Lucas was finally proud of him.

But Skills, Skills could and did realize his dream. And now he was on a break with Bevin in Europe. Bevin had did a great job herself by becoming with she had become. She was the assistant of the doctor from the team, so she could travel along with Skills. She also modelled from time to time for some advertisement campaigns for the main sponsor of the team. She wasn't anything that people would have expected she would become after high school. She wasn't a stupid girl who would fall in the darkness of life after being characterized in high school. No Bevin had become a woman of the world; bright, pretty and intelligent.

Soon Lucas returned his attention back to his e-mails. He had read each one and answered them. The only one left was the one from Brooke alone. Lucas questioned himself why she would send an e-mail while she already had sent one with Chase. But he soon would know this mail would be a totally different one that the 'update' mail from her and Chase.

_Hi Luke,_

_Another e-mail from your favourite ex-girlfriend here. And this one isn't about me and Chase and the whole drama around us. This is about more serious stuff (okay maybe not more serious, but between us, this is definitely serious, you know what I mean)_

_It's been has been quiet a long time since I saw you in person. The reason for this mail isn't that I miss you so much and that tears spring in my eyes when I think about our goodbye (okay that is totally true, but not the reason for the mail)_

_The real reason: how is your 'mission' going? Are you moving forward, because from what I read in the magazines, life is pretty messed up over there. How is she holding on actually? I can't believe I'm not there to be with her now she needs her best girlfriend the most._

_So Lucas, can you please bring her home when you get the chance, and I don't believe I am going to write this line down but … _

_LUCAS YOU'RE THE ONE FOR MY P.SAWYER, BRING HER BACK WITH YOU, I WANT MY EYES TO HURT SO BADLY FROM THE BRIGHT LOVE YOU TWO SHARE_

_(that one is out, if you told me in high school, that one day I would say this words, I would have knocked you out D)_

_But Luke, bring her back, my heart is breaking because I miss you around and miss Peyton in my life._

_I feel so bad about giving up on her when she ran away from us, when she made us 'clear' she needed us the most. Giving up on her, we all did, except you, you never did, thank you Luke for going after her, and bring her back to the place where she belongs. Tell her I miss her if you get the chance to, and make sure she stays all right …_

_I know this is kind of 'Mission Impossible IV', and if you see it's pointless, than please return to us with or without her, because I miss you so much and so does everyone else back in Tree Hill …_

_Much love from_

_Brooke _

_(PS: I know this is probably the most childish and high school kind of mail you ever had with all the 'I almost cry' stuff in it, but Luke this is how I feel)_

Lucas could only smile, but it was a sad smile. Tears were building up against the back of his blue eyes. His eyes flew from the screen to Peyton and back. For once he was glad that drawing could take her away from this world, he decided to answer Brooke's mail now when Peyton wasn't showing attention.

_Hi dear favourite ex-girlfriend Brooke,_

_I miss you too, and I miss everyone back in Tree Hill. I hope that I can return back soon, my heart is breaking by the thought I have to miss you guys any longer. _

_Peyton is holding on, not that easily but she is holding on. You know how she is, she's a fighter, that fact still hasn't changed. Even she doesn't say it, but I know she misses you too Pretty Girl, that she misses everything from her past. _

_I experience this is 'Mission Impossible IV'. Sometimes her love for me seems so near and there are situations I could maker her open her eyes, but then this fear that she would push me back and make me leave is bigger. I know I am being foolish, but I am not blind for the love she has for Pete._

_Since I am here she has experienced a lot of weak moments which I could have taken advantage of, but I just can't. Than I would feel myself the 'bad guy' that I promised myself I would never become, no matter which the circumstances were. I want her to come naturally, I do not want to force her to my side._

_This situation is pointless, I know _

Lucas was put back into reality when he heard an argument behind him build up.

"What are you doing?" It was Pete's voice. "Sketching." Peyton's voice snapped back, not very kind towards her husband. "That has been a while." He said, still kind, also Lucas could hear he was controlling his temper. She groaned something the boys couldn't understand.

Lucas turned around slightly so he could observe from the corner of his eyes what was going on between the famous couple which was in the same room as him.

"Why this sudden interest, you haven't touched a pencil in months." He said and sat down on her bed, Lucas noticed Pete was wearing a black tee instead of his green sweater. Now his tattooed arm was clearly visible for admiring.

"Because I have decided to take a shot again." She said, she lay on her belly, her legs swaying through the air. She looked like an annoyed girl out some chick flick. "Which shot?" He asked confused, she really was playing with him, and Lucas could tell she was enjoying it. "My missed opportunities."

Lucas shivered, her behaviour was a ghost of what it used to be. He thought he had helped her through this bad time by showing her his secret yesterday night. But it only was working against the good intentions he had.

"Do I really need to refresh your mind Pete?" She spoke harshly, and the black pencil scratched a line on the paper before her. "How many missed opportunities I have?" Pete took a deep breath when he wanted to say something she even cut him off before he could begin. "Too many! Don't you think I know? But that's going to change now, at this moment as I speak." Her voice rose up in pure anger and frustration. "I am tired of throwing away my chances to change my future into something valuable because of you." She said coldly. "And which opportunities are you going to take back then?" He asked serious and annoyed by her sudden behaviour. "I am not going tell you because you'll talk me out of it again. And I won't let that happen again. Not after my lost shot by the record labels in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York. Not after my meeting with that lady from Miami which was interested in my art work. Not after that call from one of those magazines who wanted a column written by me." She counted the missed opportunities on her right hand.

"Each time when those opportunities came up the last two year, you talked me out of it, in the beginning I thought you were overprotecting because I didn't know anything about this business or this lifestyle where I was suddenly a part of. But when you talked me out of the last shot for me to get a normal life with a job, I figured out you just don't want me to take a chance and become what I want. And I am so sick of it."

Both Pete and Peyton didn't seem to realize Lucas was still in the same room as them. Instead of trying to get away, Lucas didn't even move. Her screaming became more impatient and heated and mostly, with each word she said she made sparkles of hope for Lucas.

"Why don't you just let me be? Why don't you think about my dreams? It's not only your dreams that count in our marriage or the ones of our friends, or better, your friends and family! What about my friends and family, what about my dreams for them, with them? You sickened everything, every tiny thing. You made me lose my father over a few concerts! I can't take it anymore. I just don't, I just can't, and I just won't!"

Lucas saw how Peyton began to shut Pete out of her business more and more. He felt guilty, but somehow, strangely it satisfied him. He was getting closer to closer to what he wanted.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?!" She screamed, old words for Lucas, but certainly new ones for Pete when he saw the shocked but mostly hurt look in his brown eyes.

Lucas' fingers connected with the keyboard of his laptop.

_But from now, t__his isn't pointless at all …_


	16. The Take Over, The Break's Over

The Take Over, The Break's Over

**The Take Over, The Break's Over **

"She really is gorgeous Lucas." Peyton said happily when she saw his little sister on the webcam. "She got that part from her big brother." Came out Lucas' mouth at this flirting tone. He smiled while looking at the girl beside him. She seemed to amuse herself, even she had just experienced the most intense fight with her husband since they were together. When the fight finally had expired, Lucas had expected from Peyton to break down and regret every single word she had spoken in anger. But the opposite happened, after Pete got up and took off to his room, she had simply asked Lucas if they could see Lily.

That was what they were doing now for already more than an hour. She had chatted with Karen and had done funny things in front of the webcam to entertain Lily. She was in the best mood Lucas had seen her in ages.

Odd, very odd, was the only thing Lucas could think about this strange situation and told it also to his mother who called him on his cell phone.

"I really don't know what to think about it." Lucas said quietly to his mother through the phone. He sat on the edge of the bathtub in the bathroom, he had excused himself when his cell phone started to ring. "Her reaction is totally different from the standard one. Normally is she even thinks she has said a bad word to him, she starts crying and begging him to forgive him that she didn't meant it and the whole thing. But now she acts like nothing has happened." He heard his mother sigh on the other end of the call. "I don't know what to say Lucas." His mother's voice came back to his end of the call. "Mom, I really could use some advice." He almost begged, he just couldn't think of a way to deal with this situation. Instead of an answer, an unexpected flood of words came from Tree Hill to Chicago. "I miss you so bad Luke, and so does Lily, she has become even quieter since you left."

It was like an unexpected punch in his stomach. Almost everyday his mother called, and those words had been balancing on the edge between being said or being kept inside his mother's heart. But today they came finally out, and the pain it left was lingering inside his stomach, making him feel suddenly dizzy. "Mom." He brought out finally, his voice needed some effort to become audible. "Lucas." Karen answered with her voice back in control but tears were in her eyes, her son knew. The awkward period without words that were spoken endured, making it so hard for Lucas to fight back. He had seen the words 'I miss you' so many times the past months on his computer screen, but now that they were spoken out loud, with so much emotion they dragged along. He couldn't fight back and say something that would comfort his mother. This situation was getting so complicated, he couldn't think straight at the moment.

"Mummy." His little sister's voice crept up over his mother's leg, into the phone, through the lines to Chicago, into her big brother's ear. A feeling so intense, caused by such one simple word, flowed over him. "Lily, baby." He heard his mother's voice trickle down on the little girl who was his sister who sat on their mother's feet. The painful silence was broken. Lucas was about to say something when Peyton opened the bathroom door and walked up to him.

"Can I talk to your mom?" She asked sweetly, one of her long fingers playing with one of her long curls. "Sure." He said and passed her his cell phone. "Hi Miss Roe, its Peyton." She said happily. "Karen." She corrected herself, Lucas could hear the familiar words formed into a phrase: 'Please call me Karen' in his ears. "I just want to say you have a beautiful daughter." Under the surface of her never-ending voice, a wave of emotion collided with another wave of self-control. "I'm sure Keith is so proud of you and Lily and Lucas."

Her gentle words were the reason for the tears in Lucas' eyes. He had to swallow them away, hearing someone mention Keith could still make the tears flood to his eyes, desperate unshed tears, trying to escape. Even after all this time.

"Here, she has something to say to you." Peyton pulled Lucas back from his thoughts and into the real world. His cell phone lay in her hand, slightly embraced by her slender fingers. "Thanks." And took the phone out of her warm hand.

"Hi mom." He greeted her again for the second time this evening. "I am sorry Lucas but when she mentioned Keith, I just couldn't ..." Her son gently cut her off. "It's okay. I know what you mean." He reassured her quietly. "What about you put Lily to sleep?" Lucas said after a silent while, he looked at his watch. "It's time for her to go to sleep I guess." Even there was a time difference between Chicago and Tree Hill, the hands of his watch showed it was time for his little sister to get some sleep, Lucas knew that little girl needed her sleep, she really was unbearable when she hadn't enough of it. "I'll do that." She answered softly. "Or wait, can you put her on the phone please, I want to say something to her."

Even Lily was this little, Lucas kind of treated her like a grown up person. Giving her the 'serious' talks, not the baby sort of things. After Peyton left Tree Hill, he couldn't take to anyone about his feelings, because Haley, Nathan and Brooke and the rest of her friends and his friends acted like she had never been there. Avoiding the memories, so painful and dragging. Lucas held everything inside, destroying slowly the chances to love another girl besides Peyton. But when Lily came, it all chanced. Suddenly he could talk again, let his feelings out. Even he knew she probably wouldn't understand the seriousness of the words which were spoken to her, knowing she reacted to him gave him enough reassurance. Lily always got this sparkling in her tiny eyes when he talked about Peyton, and that was the most important sign for Lucas, that his little sis gave somehow her blessing.

"Here you have her." Lucas heard how his mother putted Lily on the phone. "Hi Lily." Lucas said in his 'big brother voice'. And very lovely he began to sing again, his version of 'Hey There Delilah'. When he finished he told goodnight to his sister and his mother.

When he returned to the 'living room', he found Peyton standing beside the door, the knob already in her hand, wearing her pyjamas. "I am going to sleep." She said, tugging on the sleeve of her green shirt. She looked so different after the loss from Roxanne. A few weeks pack her pyjama had been a short nightgown, now it was a long sleeved shirt and white soft trousers. It looked like she tried to hide her body after what happened. Her cloths were less sexy and showed a minimal of skin most of the time. She probably hadn't sex since she lost Roxanne, maybe because she wasn't allowed, but probably she didn't want to. Lucas had heard a somewhat conversation between Pete and Joe about Peyton a few days ago.

"She doesn't let me touch her." Pete had complained. "If I even dare to touch her with one finger, she tells me to back off." His voice had sounded somewhat angry. "Maybe she doesn't feel ready. Maybe she needs some space." Joe had offered. "What about what I need?" Anger came through. And the rest Lucas hadn't heard as then Elle's high heels came closer to his room.

"It's too early to go to sleep Peyton. Let's watch some television." He suggested quickly. Knowing that this was the chance he had to take to pull her closer to him. Maybe it was taking advantage of a messed up situation. That thought had haunted him so many times the past months, but this time he didn't feel like it was too wrong. The harm was already done, he could see in her green eyes.

"The Great Gatsby is on today." Lucas suddenly remembered, he had read it somewhere, he couldn't wait to find out of the movie of the book was better than the book itself.

He pulled Peyton along with him in the soft couch, wrapping his strong arms around her slender body. After a while Lucas felt Peyton fighting against the sleep. Very softly and slowly he let his fingertips run after the soft material of her green shirt. She barely reacted, already pulled over the edge to dreamland.

Also tired, Lucas yawned and then focused back on the television screen. But it couldn't entertain him so he closed his eyes and decided to only hear the words the actors and actresses spoke, so familiar to Lucas, because he knew this book like no other. He closed his blue eyes, hoping that someday soon he would hear other familiar words from familiar people, like the sweetest and most precious words from Peyton, those promising words of love.

"I'm sorry Luke." Her voice rose up after more than an hour. "I am such bad company! Did I really fell asleep by The Great Gatsby?" Lucas moved carefully on the couch, holding Peyton in his strong embrace. If he would move too much, she would probably fall off because of the shortcoming of space. "Don't be bothered by it Peyton." Lucas said while suppressing a loud yawn. "The book is way better." Peyton smiled vaguely.

"I should go to sleep." Her voice sounded sleep drunk. When she got up, she nearly lost balance, thanks to Lucas swift reflex, she didn't fell. Her eyes almost shut again when she looked at her hand in Lucas'. When she tried to take a step towards the door again, her legs didn't seem to work along with her mind. She wavered on her legs, Lucas swiftly stood up, grabbing her two hands with his own. "Maybe you should sleep here." Lucas suggested but Peyton shook her head. "I really should sleep in my own bed." And move towards his door.

Lucas saw his chances almost flew out the window, but he wouldn't let it happen. "Come on Peyton, in your room it will be cold. Here's its nice and cosy, and I see it in your eyes, you probably will fall asleep before you reach the bed." He assured the moaning Peyton and swayed his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. "Come on Peyton." He said while his hands massaged her back softly, hitting a sensitive spot there, letting a soft groan escape in response.

"Okay." She murmured and let Lucas lead her to the big double bed. She crawled under the soft sheets and allowed Lucas to tuck her in. She seemed a little girl how she lay there, so vulnerable when she closed her green eyes, the thick sheets were she seemed to drown under. "I am going to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and then I'll be there okay?" She nodded and let out a groan of approval.

The reflection of himself in the mirror made Lucas strangely smirk. He even didn't know why he smirked to himself by seeing the imagine of a tired man with a three day old stubble. He let his hand ran along his rough cheek and then yawned again. The sigh that sleep was welcome to come and get him, dive him into dreamland. And that was what happened when his head met the pillow, he fell asleep immediately.

It was over midnight when Lucas suddenly was woken up by the heavy movements beside him. He opened his eyes very, very slowly and confused before he realised that Peyton lay in his bed.

The first reaction in his mind was to wake her up, but then he realised again that Peyton slept very badly the past few weeks, and that waking her up might not be the best idea. Instead he carefully manoeuvred his arms around her and pulled her very softly closer to his athletic body. Almost instantaneously he could feel her body relax against his own. Satisfaction was like two strong but tender arms embracing Lucas' heart. It didn't take too much time for Lucas to drift to sleep again, in a few minutes slumbering again, with Peyton tightly against him.

It was in the early stages of morning when Lucas woke up by the feeling someone was fighting his embrace. When his eyes fluttered open, he saw the gold of a bunch of blond curls waving around before his blue eyes. Not very happy by being woken up and the laziness that made his mind drown into funny thoughts controlled his body. Little by little Lucas pulled Peyton's body back to his. He found it difficult not to laugh when he heard her curse beneath her breath. His smile was hidden in her tickling curls. But then a quiet cry escaped him. Peyton forcefully turned around and hit Lucas on the chest. "That's not funny Luke! Let me get up." She insisted when he didn't loose his embrace. But he only pulled her closer, the drunkenness of his previous sleeping still running through his veins. He yawned out loud and pulled her almost flat against him. "Come on Luke, I really need to use the bathroom." He heard the urgency in her swift voice but chose to ignore her and buried his nose in her hair, breathing in the smell of it. Laziness made him such a little bastard.

"Luke, let me go." She murmured while trying to move his arms away. "Maybe if you ask very nicely." His voice sounded weird. Peyton sighed but saw no other way out. "Lucas, can I please, please, please get up?" She asked irritated by his strange behaviour. "That is not too nicely asked." He said. "Ask again."

Peyton closed her eyes, told herself not to look annoyed and then opened her mouth again. "Can I please, dear Lucas Scott, stand up, because I really have to use to bathroom?" She asked on a sugar sweet tone. "Okay." He lightly said, pressed a kiss on her nose and let her go.

When she walked through the door, Lucas felt himself unexpectedly weird. What the hell has washed over me, he thought while closing his eyes and letting his suddenly tired head meet the soft pillow. Maybe it was this realisation that Peyton and Pete were losing track, that this was a step closer to reach his destiny.

After lying down, with an uncleared fight in himself, Lucas jumped up and went to his bathroom refresh himself. Feeling slightly sick by his earlier behaviour. He decided to apologise when he dressed himself up. He found a young attractive man in the mirror, looking stylish in a pair of dark jeans matched with a simple, bright blue Lacoste polo. The blue, so intensely beautiful, just like his eyes. His tanned skin was the perfect finishing touch. His stubble had made place for a smooth cheek. He brushed his hand right hand through his blond hair to style it a little and then decided to enjoy breakfast with Peyton like he had done almost every morning since he came here.

When he opened the door which gave access to her luxurious apartment. Lucas found her eating cornflakes and drinking coffee. When she was pregnant she became nauseous of the smell of coffee. She practically had forbidden everyone to drink coffee when she was pregnant, but now it was what she drank every morning.

She looked weird in her extremely torn light blue jeans which had so many stains of baby pink paint on it that Lucas didn't even began to count them. She had matched the distasteful jeans with an old, long, white, woollen sweater with a turtleneck. Or at least between the extra large stains of her the bright dark blue paint it was white. The type of blue reminded Lucas of the early cheerleading informs from the Ravens cheerleaders.

The imagine of Peyton in a short skirt and a short top made Lucas' body instantly reacted. He felt how the blood swiftly flew through his lower half. He cursed himself and was immediately down to earth again when he saw her sitting there across the table. She looked miserable how she sat there. Maybe some humour could cheer her up Lucas thought briefly.

"What's about the clothing today?" He said jokingly. But that one didn't really was welcomed by Peyton. She jumped up and ran away from the table, before Lucas realised it clear and well, the door of her closet was smashed shut and probably also locked.

Lucas was stunned and sat there with him mouth wide open. He carefully stood up, fixed the mess that the cornflakes created on the simple table before walking up her dresser door.

"Sorry Peyton." He yelled while placing his left hand flat against the wood and the other one enclosed the doorknob. "I didn't mean to make fun of you Peyton. It was looked a little weird to me!" He yelled but received no reaction. "Peyton I am sorry. So sorry! Also for this morning. I apologise! Okay?" He let hand meet the door a few times, but still no reaction.

He slid down against the door. He certainly was messing this up against his will. While closing his blue eyes he rested his tired head against the hard surface of the door. It was already a quarter ago when she had herself locked up there. "Please Peyton, I ..." Further he didn't get when he unexpected tumbled backwards as the steadiness of the door slipped away behind his back. Peyton hadn't seen it coming and by accident stepped almost on his hands which were trying to break his fall. As he opened his eyes he got a first class view on her black panties under her thin dress. Blood ran in two different directions, the biggest amount to his head, making him blush till behind his ears and the other amount rushed downwards, to a place Lucas cursed he had at this moment.

"Sorry sorry sorry." He began and quickly got up. Today was probably going to be the day with the most awkward situations first. "Damn." He said while covering his eyes with one of his hands. "It's okay Luke, it isn't like you haven't seen it before." But he didn't remove his hand from sheltering his beautiful blue eyes. Her slender hand rose up, reaching out for his stronger one. Her cold fingers somewhat stroking over his. Assuring him that it was okay to look again, pulling his hand towards her body, and letting it meet vaguely a touch of the fabric of the dress.

Stripes of black and white following each other in circles around her body, interrupted by a wide leather belt before they continued until her knees. The strapless dress was so playful, it made her body strangely less tired, but that didn't fit with her face. She had been crying, Lucas could tell because a very small trace of ruined black mascara defaced her smooth cheek.

Without any announcement or reason to do anything like that, she stepped towards him and pressed a very soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. Her hand resting on the beginning of his shoulder, feeling the muscles under the skin stiffen. Then she turned around and walked straight to the door which connected her and her husband's room. The way she walked betrayed something ... something Lucas couldn't place, but in the way she had looked at him just seconds okay, he could feel ... a change was going to come.

He followed her but stopped just before the door when she heard her voice speak. "Pete." This specific tone he couldn't bring home. He peeked through the small opening between the door and the doorway and saw her standing there before Pete who was sitting on the couch.

She began to speak, dragging Lucas' body even closer towards the door.

"I have to tell you something." She began, trying receive her husband's attention. "It's important." She had to say before getting his attention. "Yesterday evening we really got caught up in this fight. And you think probably I am here to beg for forgiveness on my bare knees like I have been doing the past two years when things turned wrong between us. Every time we had I fight I came crawling back to you, crying hysterically while begging for you to forgive me. Even if it wasn't my fault we got into a fight. And you always forgave me, even I had said such mean and hurting words, what could you do on the other side. We always ended making up with this promises of love and the fact things never would end up in a fight again."

She took a deep breath, letting the air fill her lungs, encourage her to go on with what she started.

"Empty promises." Came out bitter. "Because now I am not here to beg you to forgive me." Pete's face crashed into a frightened expression all at once. "I realised something. Those words I spoke yesterday, I don't regret them. And you probably want to know why?" She said before Pete could interrupt her flood of words.

"Because they are true, I meant every single on of them. This morning when I woke up, I realised things which will change my life."

Again breath travelled down towards her lungs.

"I am not supposed to be here. Being this person I am now. Trying to fit into her while I know I will never become her. The person you want me to be."

Pete's brown eyes seemed to fill with tears but Peyton carried on ruthless, not giving him a chance to turn around what started.

"Two years ago I was broken, because my life got suddenly to intense. I found no rest, I couldn't get what I wanted. You came along and gave me this opportunity to run away from all the misery which had built itself up over the years. In the back of my head, when I waved my dad goodbye, I knew that running away from my true longings wasn't going to help. But I was still too young and too naïve I realise now, even I though I wasn't at the time, because I thought they had shook me out of it. Apparently the black misery didn't, but yesterday night it did shake me out of it, this childish naivety."

Pete looked extremely pale when she spoke out those words. Every word took away something from him.

"I am tired of this life, Pete. I get sick by the realisation that I just wasted two years of my life by being here. All this trying has no meaning more to me, because this isn't what I wanted, I am a fool for telling myself that I wanted this life, for pretending towards everyone that this was a dream coming true. It maybe was, the excitement, the music and the travelling was what I longed for, but there are so many other things that I dreamt and dream about who aren't here. The most important things."

Lucas could feel her fighting against the threatening tears. Her voice became struggling, sucked the energy out her body to continue.

"I miss my family, or at least the ones who remain of it. I miss my friends, and I feel indescribably bad for shutting them out of my life. I miss my home, the house and town where I grew up. These memories of everyone who is me dear seem to blur. The lessons I learned there, the things I found there. They seem so surreal."

Lucas found it difficult to keep all the tears inside. But it must be harder for Pete, the hardest for Peyton.

"I am scared that things are slipping away from me. This memories of my childhood and my mom become so vaguely, they make me hesitate of they have ever been there. This memories of my first day at high school, my first cheerleading game, my first kiss, the first time I had sex, my first time being in love for real ... I feel like that they are thing I haven't done. That they don't attach my personality anymore. They used to be the pieces of the fitting puzzle of my personality. But they are not the pieces of this personality I try to measure myself desperately. And I don't want it anymore, I want them to be my pieces! I want it back, my life!"

Pete rose up, ready to stop her from talking but the words which followed were unexpected.

"I want back what I left behind!" Pete grasped her arm, making her stop for a moment when he shouted at her.

"Stop it Peyt! Stop it, don't say something you don't mean! Stop it fool!" Lucas could feel his blood start to boil by Pete's words.

"I am sorry!" She screamed back. "I am sorry but I just don't love you anymore!"

She moved so heavily and unexpected Pete couldn't hold her and she ran away, flew past Lucas who had been listening. A sharp, short noise demanded Lucas' attention. He ran into the room and found loud sobs coming from the bathroom.

As he entered the bathroom he found her leaning on the sink, her head against the cool stone. It seemed like she couldn't get any descent air because the sobs followed each other so swiftly. He was ready to comfort her when a shinning thing caught his attention. Her wedding ring laid behind her, guilty lighted up by the harsh light. His hand was about to reach for it when he saw a red spot inside of it. His gaze flew over the floor and found the same red spots on the floor. Slowly, drops of blood were falling on the ground.

Quickly he pulled Peyton away from the sink, letting her weakened body collided with his. Her tears carried the confident she had just minutes ago. Carefully he reached for her hand, found the bleeding spot where was supposed to be her wedding ring. He drew it closer to his body and brought it to his chest.

Her precious blood wetted the spot on his blue shirt were his heart was hidden under. He pulled her closer, assuring her silent comfort. When her life seemed to be falling into to pieces, come to an end ... she didn't realise ... that it was only to begin.


	17. Calm Before The Storm

Calm Before The Storm (Evening Out With Your Girlfriend)

_**A/N: Hi people! Today is a very important day (or at least for me). For the first time I publish chapters that are 'corrected' by a beta reader. And my beta reader is 'Shnoz08' and she is the best. She already helped me and gave some kickass advice. So a big, big, big, big, big thanks towards her, I can't ever thank her enough already for willing to be my beta reader. So think about her too when you read this and thank her too 'cause she deserves it. Thanks already everyone for reading. Don't forget to review…they are the reason that the sky is bluer, the sun brighter,**__** and the day better. Much love, Veronique. **_

**Calm Before The Storm (Evening Out With Your Girlfriend)**

The cosy feeling which yesterday evening had been drabbed around the room like a warming blanket was now far gone, into silent pain and unspoken words of self caused sorrow. Dark tears escaped Peyton's green eyes, travelled down her cheeks and jaws, sliding into her neck, getting stuck on her collarbone.

"It might hurt a little." Lucas said, and even through her blurry vision she could see the compassion drip from his blue eyes. But she also saw something hiding behind the compassion, was it satisfaction she saw through her tears?

Carefully Lucas reached for Peyton's hand, pulled it towards his body, placing it on his lap. Softly he placed his fingertips between her fingers, parting them so he could get to the specific little wound on the finger were her wedding ring supposed to be.

Actually she hadn't worn it for a long time. The whole time she was hiding her marriage to Pete, she had been wearing the ring and a 'bracelet' around her ankle.

With a clean tissue Lucas disinfected the little but painful wound. She couldn't suppress a high hiss when the red fluid collided with the hurtful spot. The tears from inside and outside pain were mixed together, and ruined her porcelain skin with black tracks.

"Done." Lucas whispered when he placed a little plaster on the inside of her cut finger.

"Come here." Lucas said in his familiar comforting tone and pulled her to him when she cried. He placed his hand on the back of her head, burying his hand into the velvet curls of blonde hair, the other one stroked over her back. "Peyton", he whispered into her ear. Hearing her name made her only cry harder. She rocked on his lap while he felt the hurt drowned tears wet his chest through his shirt.

With his strong arms Lucas brought her body even closer to his. The strong smell that was drenched into her curls overtook him. He closed his eyes and buried his face into the golden treasure of softness. Lucas could feel how reality had left him and was replaced by his tempting fantasies. They pulled him over the edge and began to control his body. Somehow the way he touched Peyton got more intimate, his lips began to place feather light kisses on her hair and his fingers travelled lower.

He heard Peyton slightly groan. It was a quiet complaining. "What about you take …" But she didn't let him finish. "No, just let me stay in your arms Luke." She cried and clenched her hands full with his blue polo shirt.

Flashes of happiness shot through his body, Lucas was aware of how inappropriate his feelings were, but her words were so incredibly sweet. He had been waiting for this kind of words for such a long time, and now finally hearing them, he didn't care if it was wrong or anything, they were spoken …

"I am not going anywhere." Lucas whispered and his embrace became tighter, more loving.

It was a little after noon when Peyton's body decided to give up on the crying, drifting to sleep in Lucas' strong arms. Carefully he picked her body up and laid her under the sheets of his bed. As he covered her body with the sheets, his heart swelled with love for her. For once, his blue eyes could look through her broken face because he knew that this was only a phase she had to go through. They had to go through, and then Lucas could softly begin to work her over … making her long for home, more than she already did, making her long for him.

When he noticed she was fast asleep and she wouldn't be waking up anytime soon, he decided to go downstairs, with a few special requests. He opened the door, walked down the hallway and when the elevator doors opened he bumped into Elle.

"Hi." He said politely, trying not the blush when he thought back on the last few times he saw her. "Hello." She said back, somehow the French accent dominated her voice. It was cute, somehow sexy at the same time.

Lucas could have slapped himself, why did he feel himself so attracted to this girl? His mind searched for answer but it was soon interrupted by Elle. "Oh my god, is that blood on your shirt?" She asked, her finger almost pressed on the red spot on his blue shirt. "Kind of", Lucas swiftly answered, not wanting to get further into this now.

"I also kind of need your help." He said and saw her blue eyes light up, she nodded happily and her long dark blonde hair waved around her shoulders. "Could you get me all the sweet things you can get, cookies and ice-cream and stuff?" Her face got a weird expression when he asked that. "Maybe some fruit too?" She laughed slightly. "Are you that hungry?" Lucas smiled but decided not to make a conversation with her. "Just bring it, okay?" She nodded and left.

Lucas took a deep breath and decided to return to his room, he carefully opened the door, trying to make not any noise, because he didn't want to wake up the sleeping beauty in his bed. He walked towards the window and took a look outside.

Chicago looked the same as always from where he stood. The same streets, filled with different hurried people. Nothing seemed to have changed there in the last twenty-four hours. Not like as enormously as things had between those four walls of the hotel.

His thinking was interrupted by the noise of his cell phone. Quickly he took it out of his pocket, hoping the noise wouldn't wake Peyton. It was a reminder message, and Lucas suddenly realised why it went off again. When he came here, in his spare time and when he knew Peyton wasn't paying too much attention to what he did, he left the hotel and wasted his time in a magazine store, scanning every single paper and magazine for news on Peyton. The daughter of the owner noticed it and promised to hold every paper and magazine with Peyton in it at the side for him, if he would help her to clean up the store when he picked up the magazines once in the week.

And today was that day again. He quickly switched his clothes to a training suit and decided to jog to the store, since he was certainly missing the exercise.

When he came back an hour later, he tried to sneak in again without making too much noise. When Lucas closed the door, he found Peyton already up and about with her laptop at the table, which was covered with different sorts of candy. She had a lollipop in her mouth when she turned to him.

Lucas couldn't help but laugh when he saw her cheeks flush a little. She said something he couldn't understand because the candy wasn't making it easy to understand what she said.

She must have noticed the strange expression on his face, and she slowly pulled the pink strawberry lollipop from between her lips. She looked so childish with the two curly braids in her hair.

She left the chair and a whirlwind from colours seemed to dance with her. She looked so childlike in that yellow tee, covered with an orange and blue tank top. The stars on her chest seemed to sparkle like happiness in her eyes.

Peyton began lively dancing towards Lucas, probably inspired by the brightness from Mika's music that was playing in the apartment.

_I said,_

_Everybody's gonna love today,_

_Gonna love today, gonna love today_

_I said,_

_Everybody's gonna love today,_

_Gonna love today,_

_Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to, _

She threw her arms around his neck, making Lucas' heart almost stop from her unexpected actions. She moved her mouth just a few millimetres away from his ear, before letting the other words escape her mouth.

_Love love me, love love me, love love_

Then she turned around again and went back to her laptop. Then Lucas saw her brightness was broken by her black legging.

Her grief still wasn't stilled, and maybe it was better this way. It took her a long time, but she finally seemed to have learned she didn't need to put it away. And Lucas was happy for that, that she finally let herself deal with it in visible way towards him and the world.

"Luke, move your ass." She suddenly said, more excited then she had sung already. "Why?" He said, not moving a bit. "Because, tonight, 'we' are going to 'The National' concert," she said with her braids swaying around.

"What? Since when?" he asked excitedly. He couldn't hide it, he loved that band. "Since about a half hour ago. I got the last tickets for their concert tonight," she said, smiling. "But the concert was sold out!" Lucas reacted, disappointment showing in his voice.

"Well, well." She got up again. Mika's 'Relax, Take It Easy' was playing in the background. "It has some benefits to be 'a little famous'." She said, her lips formed a grin and her hands glided over the table and then she waved with two tickets in her hands.

"God Peyton, that's amazing." And he walked up to her, and lifted her from the ground. As he was about to spin her around, he saw a flash of pink velvet after his eyes closed. He almost dropped her when he sat her on the ground again.

"Wait, isn't that very important event tonight, where you have to go? The one you searched for that pink satin dress for a while ago." The happiness fell immediately from Peyton's face. "I am not going." She pouted. "I would be nothing more than an enhancement of Pete's success." She almost spat the words out.

"But let not think about that, I'd rather think about this fabulous concert tonight!" She screamed and hugged him.

The rest of the day they spent chatting, listening to music and playing some lame games. The afternoon passed quickly, and soon Peyton disappeared into her room and came back fully changed. She had never looked so girlish and herself, since she had been in Chicago.

She looked like a sweet rock 'n' roll girly in her pair of black trousers and tiny black top that didn't even reach her navel. Over the tiny top, she wore a sweet pink tank top with a low neck and little black buttons sewn on it. Her pink Vans slip on's were the perfect finishing touch.

Lucas tried as best that he could to find an outfit to go with Peyton's but he didn't have anything pink in his closet, because he wouldn't ever buy anything pink for himself. The thought of it made him shiver. So he decided to keep it simple by wearing a pair of black jeans and a white tee.

Soon, it was 8 o'clock and they were ready to go. Peyton had been so nervous, she hadn't eat more than six bites of her lasagne. Lucas instead had been so hungry he had eaten two plates, he loved lasagne. "Come on, eat a little Peyton." He said, she needed to eat, she was already slender enough. "I'm not hungry. I'm too excited. It has been ages since I have seen another band live except Fall Out Boy." Her joy had ups and down.

Out of the blue, the phone began to ring. Lucas took up the phone and heard an almost familiar voice flooded into her ear. It was the girl from the reception. "Your taxi is here." The girl friendly said. "Thanks to let us know", Lucas answered warmly.

"Come on girly, let's go!" Lucas said and invitingly threw his arm at her. She smiled and took him by the hand.

When they arrived in the hallway, they bumped into Pete, who was in a black suit. He looked like he could destroy the hallway. Quickly, Lucas dragged Peyton along with him, and in a few minutes they were on their way to the place where the concert was.

"This is going to be so cool." Peyton let out, her voice was chased by a girlish giggle. Lucas couldn't help but smile, he hadn't seen her so thrilled about anything in weeks, and with that Peyton almost jumped out the car. She was totally shivering and doing nervous stuff, she just acted like a teenage girl when she looked at the crowd before her. "This is going to be kickass." She predicted and tugged on Lucas' tee. "Isn't it?" She asked, her green eyes, never so innocent. "Yeah it's totally going to be." And their fingers entangled as they moved their way through all the lucky people who had showed up.

At the same moment on the other side of Chicago, Pete exited his black limousine and was almost immediately blinded by the bright lights. He made his way on the red carpet, feeling lonely without someone on his arm.

"Where's Peyton, Pete?" Some guy who was a part of the paparazzi yelled at Pete. "Not here!" He screamed back into the crowd. "Why not?" Another guy shouted back. "Other obligations!" Pete yelled back, bitterness just beneath the tone of his voice.

Back at the concert, Lucas and Peyton were deeply enjoying the music, and each other's silent company. Peyton was swaying on the rhythm of the song the band was playing, an unknown song for Peyton, but she could feel herself fall in love with it. As Lucas stood behind her, watching her fall in love with the music, he couldn't help but to fall in love with her again.

He was about to sneak up to her again, to let his arms rest around her, burying his chin in her blonde hair, so they could sway together to these songs of love. But suddenly a voice overwhelmed the music.

"Oh my God, aren't you Peyton Sawyer?" Annoyed, Lucas knew she was, but with a smile plastered on her face she turned around to the brunette who was saying her name. "That's what they call me." Peyton said jokingly. "Ooh, I can't believe I am standing here with Pete Wentz's girlfriend, is this real?" Lucas saw Peyton hesitate to answer. Yes or no, that was the question.

"Yes, I am." She said and the fake smile made Lucas sick inside. "Ooh, you're such a lucky girl." The girl rambled. "I wish I could be with someone as hot as him." She winked dreamily. "Yeah", Peyton responded, and Lucas could see how her dreams which involved Pete shatter and fall to the ground.

"I have to go. It was nice to meet you." The brunette screamed before disappearing in the crowd again. Peyton's response was too late, she was already gone, and probably also too weak, her voice barely was audible.

Then Lucas heard the first tones of his favourite song from The National. Slowly he walked up to Peyton as the voice of the singer began to be heard through the music.

_Every time you get a drink_

_And every time you go to asleep_

_Are those dreams inside you head_

_Is there sunlight on your bed?_

_And every time you're driving home_

_Way outside your safety zone_

_Wherever you will ever be_

_You're never getting rid of me_

And Lucas did what he had wanted to do just minutes before, sneaking his arms up around her, welcoming her, burying his chin in the softness of her blonde hair, breathing in the sweet smell of it.

_You own me_

_There's nothing you can do_

_You own me_

Slowly their bodies began to sway against each other, with each other, as Lucas' big hands found their places on her hips.

_You coulda made a safer bet_

_But what you break is what you get_

_You wake up in the bed you make_

_I think you made a big mistake_

He tightened his grip on her waist when he felt her relax in his strong arms. Lucas could even feel how her tummy rose and fell under her tank tops.

_You own me_

_There's nothing you can do_

_You own me_

_You own me_

_Lucky you_

The bittersweet melody dragged Lucas into his fairytale world again, out of reality, only recognizing her and the music, everything else faded.

_You own me_

_There's nothing you can do_

He could feel how his hands tried to have a mind of their own. His body ached for Peyton in the worst way possible. The closeness they were sharing was very slowly killing him, and he had to have her …

_You clean yourself to meet_

_The man who isn't me_

_You're putting on a shirt_

_A shirt I'll never see_

_The letter's in your coat_

_But no one's in your head_

_Cause you're too smart to remember_

_You're too smart_

_Lucky you_

Peyton was in another world too, because when the song ended, she or Lucas didn't let go and just kept standing there, lost in the sensation of being far away from the cruel reality …

At the celebrity party across town, Pete really needed to go the bathroom. He swiftly made his way between all the people and when he entered the bathroom, he saw Ryan and Jerry trying to do something with Jerry's cell phone.

"Hi boys" Pete said, and swiftly the boys looked up, embarrassedly with red faces. "What are you trying to do?" He asked when he looked at them and then looked at the mirror to admire himself a bit, checking his clothes and hair.

"Nothing, just trying to take a picture" Jerry said while brushing his free hand through his hair. "Well, let me take it." Pete said and looked up at his bodyguards. "No you don't have to." Jerry quickly reacted. "But I want to." Pete reassured them.

Jerry gave in and his cell phone to Pete. Ryan and Jerry posed in this very stupid way and waited for Pete to take the picture, but one of his fingers touched a wrong button and suddenly he was in the menu with the clips Jerry had recorded with his phone. And a clip began playing. A curly blonde kissing a brown haired guy, cheers of other guys in the background. 'But wait, isn't that …' Pete's mind began to run numerous thoughts. "Peyton and Ryan?" his voice shot out without permission, his thoughts becoming harsh words.

"Goodnight Lucas." She said and threw her arms his neck, leaning in for one of those famous hugs shared between them. Intimate, stuffed with old feelings but well, the first hug like that they shared in a long time, they both let go. "Goodnight Peyton." Lucas softly said on an almost singing tone.

His soft lips pressed a noiseless kiss on Peyton's forehead. His fingers stroked back a few lost curls. With an almost blissful smile she entered her room. She hummed 'Lucky You' from The National while dancing around a little, she was about to pull of her pink tank top when she saw Pete sitting at the table. This was when she recognized Jerry's cell phone embraced by his fingers, a clip playing …


	18. XO

XO

**XO**

"Pete?" Surprised, her hands flew out to her chest, protecting her pounding heart.

"Peyton" he immediately responded coldly. "You know whose cell phone this is right?" His hand made a swinging motion when Peyton took a large step backwards.

"Jerry's, yeah I know you know." He answered his own question without waiting for her answer.

"And from that look in your green eyes I can make up you know which clip is playing right?" He added as coldly as the previous words.

Abruptly, Pete got up, scaring Peyton even more, making her fly backwards, her lower back hitting the table. Her eyes widened even more, as her breathing quickened dramatically.

"Don't be scared Peyton." Pete said while nearing Peyton. She couldn't move in any direction anymore, she was trapped. A frightening feeling embraced her tightly, stealing her breath.

"Peyton, baby, you don't have to be scared. It doesn't fit with your lovely, lovely outfit." Pete's hand rose up to caress her smooth cheek. Peyton somewhat flinched at his unexpected touch. But he didn't mind, and he didn't to stop his actions. He brought his face closer to hers while placing his right hand at the back of her head, letting it get lost in the bunch of golden curls. He could feel Peyton's slender body tense up.

"Peyt, I am not mad at you." He said softly, his hot breath tickling her face. "Things like that can happen." He brought his face a few millimetres closer to hers. "It's not so unusual in our world baby." And his lips inched closer. His other hand cupped her cheek.

The tension between the two was almost visible. His familiar touch felt so good, as Peyton began to sense the feelings in her body building. They were forcing her to the edge of self-control, as she could feel herself hanging over the border of that imaginary cliff.

His hot breath warmed her face, his soft touch made shivers run through her body, his eyes burned with passion. With Pete being near, this was so familiar, and Peyton had a certain weakness for the 'familiar' and this felt so good. His hands caressing her skin, his eyes staring so intensely at her, his lips were about to prove the love he had for her and only her.

And that was why this was so wrong, because she had no words of love to return to him. No words to say to him he wanted to hear, that special feeling wouldn't show that used to be there when she spoke words of love to him …

And just that moment, Pete chose to bridge the tiny distance between their lips. A shock of an unknown feeling shot through her body. Immediately Pete ran his tongue over Peyton's lips not to ask, but demand access to the sweetness of her mouth. His body hovered over hers so her back was forced to meet the table again.

Finally, Peyton somehow found the strength to fight back against his demanding touch, as she placed her shaking hands on his chest. He must have noticed what she was about to do because his lips almost immediately flew to 'that' spot on her neck, his warm lips massaging it.

He felt her body weaken in his arms, knowing the power he had over her. He knew every square inch of her body, every single one of her weaknesses, and he knew just what to do with them. Her resistance was as weak as the state of her mind, and it was totally gone when Pete began to nibble on her earlobe.

Peyton's hands flew up dramatically and grabbed for his shirt, pulling him even closer to her body. Pete's smile played hide and seek against the bare skin of her neck, as he placed his arms under her body to lift her up from the table.

Their tongues battled feverish as Pete carried Peyton through the room, right to the big bed. Pete laid her on the bed, and she sank into the soft mattress, the softness making this even more of a dream in Peyton's mind than it already seemed. Her vision began to blur when she saw Pete's fingers unfasten the buttons of his shirt. After a few seconds, it travelled through the air before falling to the ground, his bare tattooed torso and arms were exposed to her.

Hungrily, Pete's talented fingers began to play with the little black buttons of Peyton's pink tank top. He guided her body so that she was sitting up against him, so he could pull the tank top over her head. As soon it was removed Pete gave her no time to even start thinking, attacking her collarbone with fast but intense kisses. Peyton groaned and fell back on the bed, pulling him with her, as her fingers traced patterns on his arms, his tattoos guidelines that she was obligated to follow.

Pete wickedly smiled at her when he saw suppressed desire in her green eyes. He waited a few seconds before he let his lips met hers again. Their tongues danced with each other only a matter of seconds later. Eagerly, their hands roamed over each others bodies, desperately trying to get back underneath each others fingertips. They used to be so passionate, back before everything bad started to happen …

Soon Pete was on top of her, caressing Peyton's beautiful body, making it long even more for him. She knew that she shouldn't be doing this, that she shouldn't let Pete take advantage of her temporary physical weakness. That letting this happen to her without fighting back was wrong. Common sense told her that this was unacceptable, she had broken off her relationship with him yesterday.

But the language that her unsatisfied body was more dominating and spoke so much louder than her common sense. So she let him unbridle on her, letting him act like a hungry animal that used her like meat.

His hands disappeared under her tiny black top, massaging her breasts which were still trapped in her lacy bra, making Peyton twist and turn underneath him. Then he let his fingers drop, along with his rough lips. He was worshipping her naked tummy, placing this sweet kisses around her belly button, dipping his tongue into it occasionally. Then his mouth found a sensual place on her upper hip, sucking and nibbling on it, leaving a small love bit on her adored skin.

A trail of lovely but intense kisses were left on her skin when Pete made his way from her flat tummy, over her breast and slender neck to her cheek. Suddenly he began to murmur.

"And I still love you." Pete whispered, his lips travelling all over her pretty face. "After what you did, I still love you." He started his kisses on her forehead, moved over the bridge of her nose, to her lips, lingering there for a heated kiss before straying off to her neck.

"That Jake guy probably wouldn't love you anymore if you kissed another guy." His lips sucked on the place where her jaw and neck met, his right hand was playing with the button of her black trousers while his left hand cupped her left breast, softly kneading it. Peyton gasped desperately for some air to fill her lungs between her various moans of pleasure. Her ears faintly heard what Pete whispered to her but the pleasure her body achieved took over all control. It had been a long time since she had felt that burning feeling 'down there', Peyton had almost forgotten how much she needed that feeling to make herself feel like a complete woman.

She arched her back, into the smouldering touch brought by his gifted hands and talented lips. "And I am absolutely sure that 'he' would never wanted to see you again if he knew you would have cheated on him." The harsh tone of 'he' was like icy wind breaking through the thick walls of her own world, making her shiver in response. "Lucas wouldn't love you anymore."

She gasped for air and those live changing words rolled out her mouth …

"I want to divorce."


	19. The Music or The Misery

The Music Or The Misery

**The Music Or The Misery**

Just when Lucas thought the ground underneath was going to split open and swallow him whole, he found himself lifted up to heaven when he saw Pete's body tense, from words he hadn't heard but Peyton definitely had said.

Lucas had been watching the whole thing between Peyton and Pete from the hallway. Peyton hadn't closed of the door fully so he still had an opportunity to see what was happening in there.

Not like he was 'that' kind of guy, but when Peyton went in, he had wanted to make sure she was alright. When he had looked inside, he had found her all stiff and Pete was there too. When he sensed that it wasn't going to end up just fine, he had decided to stay and watch what happened, even though his heart pounded in his throat and he got all sweaty and shaky.

He had forced himself to watch as Pete kissed her and she had responded. Forced himself to watch them end up on the bed, as they were getting so close to do what Lucas never had done with her. He had stood there, forcing himself to stay and watch as she broke his heart with each caress of Pete. How she subconsciously shut Lucas' love out her life by taking in the lover she had told 'goodbye' just one day ago.

By now she made her way out from under Pete, who was leaning over her but didn't take any action. Her actions were nervous and shaky as she grabbed her pink tank top from the floor. Lucas was just quick enough to run into his room and fall onto his bed before Peyton knocked on the door. Not waiting for an answer, she stormed in.

"Hey girl!" Lucas said and stood up. "Are you okay?"

She tried to answer but nothing came out, she shook her head and Lucas let her step into his open arms. He soothingly stroked her back, while she shivered against him. After a while her crying halted a little, now it was only quiet sobs against his broad chest.

Her arms snaked around his, burying her long fingers into his black tee after dropping her pink tank top by their feet. She inhaled his smell, and it calmed her, the familiar feeling his closeness brought her relief. His soft fingertips ran over the bare skin of her lower back, pulling her even closer to him, letting her know that he was there.

"Do you want to sit down?" He softly asked while looking her up and down, whilst receiving a slight nod.

Gently he took her hand and led her to the bed. He sat down in front of her, trying to find a connection with her green teary eyes.

"Peyton" he said softly, taking her hands, which lay on her knees, in his. "What happened?" He asked, seeing how the silent tears rolled down her cheeks and fell onto her trousers. She looked down at the boy in front of her, who sitting on the floor before the bed, who looked on caringly.

She wanted to speak, but nothing came out. Only another sob followed.

"What's up, you were fine just minute's ago" he added. He wanted to hear the words to explain what he saw. Hoping she could give him a good reason for it. That it would mend his broken heart again, if that was even possible.

"When I came into the room" she sniffed, "Pete was there and he began talking to me." She rubbed the tears out of her eyes. "He said he wasn't mad or anything and he began to touch me and kiss me." Lucas really didn't want to hear about that part, he saw it play out before his eyes. Every touch of Pete's she answered made him sick. But she was talking about 'not being mad'. He couldn't figure it out, so he decided not to interrupt her.

"But I couldn't Lucas let him in again. I told him I want a divorce." She stumbled, as a few tears escaped. Lucas thought his heart had exploded with happiness. He had to control himself so badly, all he wanted was to jump up and hug her and kiss her.

This was it, this … those few words, it was everything he had needed to hear for months, years. She would be his, after all this time, she finally could become his. Only for him, he would be able to introduce her as: 'Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, my girlfriend and hopefully soon to be wife.'

Her quiet sobs brought him back to reality and he saw Peyton sitting there, on the edge of his bed, crying over what brought him happiness. He couldn't help but feel a little guilty himself. Lucas also realised that his goal maybe was further away than it had seemed in his first reaction, just moments ago.

Lucas was himself more than aware of the amount of time it would take Peyton to heal this new and painful wound. The enormous scar it would leave on her soul, a new companion for all the others. He had stood beside her when she lost Jake, when he walked away from them. He had been there when Ellie died. Every single other time that things went awfully wrong in her life since they had met, he had been there. And this … this was just another time when everything dived off the cliff.

But this wasn't 'just another time', because Pete has had so much influence on her life. He was the one who had been able to pull her away from her hometown, all her friends and the little of family she had. Tore her away from her life, he had said to her 'come to Chicago to be with me' and she had taken that opportunity with both hands, and clung onto it. He has asked her 'Peyton Sawyer, will you marry me?' and she had said 'yes Pete Wentz, I will marry you'. She had been expecting his daughter, their own flesh and blood, Roxanne, before she was abruptly taken away from them. She was preparing herself to be a real family in a dangerous and complicated world like the one she was living in. She was willing to put herself out there and scream 'Here I am love it or hate it'. This entire time she had been willing to do anything for him, but not anymore. She had had enough, she wanted to get away from all this, and she wanted to go home again, wherever that may be.

Lucas knew that Peyton would need time to get through this before she could and would open herself again to the possibility of love. Lucas began to wonder if he still had that kind of time. Her healing process would be so torturously slow, the best example was her death of her first mother. How long would she need to get over this?

Lucas stirred from his thoughts when he saw Peyton slowly lean forwards, fortunately he got up just in time to prevent her from falling forwards. From her light, cute snoring he knew she had just fallen asleep and hadn't passed out or anything.

Very carefully, he lifted her off the edge of the bed and laid her down again after making her more comfortable. He turned away to pull off his black tee so he could change into some pyjamas. It was at that moment. Peyton decided to wake up from her shallow slumber, realising something around her had changed. She opened her green eyes and was greeted by Lucas' muscular back. Almost immediately she could feel her body react in a subtle way. She groaned out when she felt her cheeks became a little red by the lazy memories from her and Lucas' short but heated romance.

Lucas heard her and turned around, giving her eyes full access to admire his muscular chest and abdomen. "You're awake?" He asked while stroking a hand through his soft hair.

"Yeah, but what am I doing in your bed?" She asked sleepily.

"You just fell asleep." He answered warmly. "Should I 'escort' you to your room?" He said and offered her his hand as invitation.

"Luke, can I sleep here tonight? I don't want to be alone after what happened. I don't think I would be able to sleep with Pete in the room next to me. I …" Lucas smiled and understood her. Gently he cut her off, not wanting to make her feel even more uncomfortable as she tried to find the right words.

"It's okay, you can stay."

Lucas went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and gave Peyton his green Dashboard Confessional shirt to her so she could sleep in that. She had made clear she didn't want to go back to her room anytime soon. He swiftly changed into his pyjamas. He had decided that if he wanted Peyton by his side sooner, then he had to use this evening to his advantage. He put on some old blue sweatpants and didn't wear a tee above it, leaving his muscular torso exposed to her green eyes. After she also brushed her teeth and removed her ruined make up, they crawled under the soft sheets together.

Lucas placed her arms around her and was glad she didn't fight it. He smiled into her blond curly hair before whispering 'goodnight'. It didn't even take them ten minutes to fall asleep.

An unpleasant but familiar sound woke Lucas up. It was somewhere just past 4 am, and his cell phone was begging for his attention. He grabbed it from the nightstand before it could wake Peyton, who was already stirring slightly against him. "This better be someone who's telling me I won the lottery", Lucas groaned into his phone when he shifted to sit up. The answer he got was overwhelming.

"Come back home Lucas", his mother's teary voice rung in his ears.

"Mom?" He asked, still sleepy, rubbing his blue eyes.

"I miss you so much. Come back, Lily is killing me. I can't do this anymore without you" She sobbed.

Carefully Lucas got out the bed. "Calm down mom." He said and sat down on a chair. "Tell me very slowly what's going on?" He heard his mother sob on the other end of the call.

"Lily, she's getting to be too hard to handle. She won't eat, she won't sleep, and she doesn't say a word anymore. All she does is pout, cry, scream, and beg for you Lucas." He heard the desperation in her voice. "Come home Luke, this is horrible, I miss you so much." He could feel and hear the hope in his mother's voice.

"Mom …" Lucas wanted to say something, but Karen was swifter.

"She even sleeps with a broken frame in her bed Lucas." He felt like someone poured a bucket filled with ice over him.

"What?" It was the only thing he could bring out.

"A few days ago I was walking through the house with her in my arms and I was looking at the pictures on the fireplace, and she pulled at one of them. You know the one of you at the Rivercourt during the summer, with the sunset in the background. It fell and the glass shattered, and when I wanted to pick it up, Lily wriggled so hard that I dropped her a little. She immediately grasped for the frame but cut herself with the glass. It was bleeding pretty badly but she didn't want to let it go. I had to call Haley to nurse Lily's hand because I cut mine too while I was cleaning up the glass. Since then she keeps holding onto that frame Luke. I can't take it away from her because then she totally loses it. It's heartbreaking, you have to came back home. I don't know how much longer I can do this without you." She sobbed. Lucas tried to process the abundance of information from his mother as fast as possible and was trying to figure a few things out, but his mom didn't give him any chance. "Tree Hill isn't the same without you. Everyone misses you. Your boss called me today to ask how much more time you needed, because he's considering finding someone new for your job. Lucas, are you still there?"

Lucas sighed and tried to think. His mind was racing at a hundred miles an hour. "Yes." He whispered, and then he heard Lily's crying in the background, her faint voice screaming out

"Luc-as", and that was it for him, he knew he had to go back home, to his mom and Lily, to all his friends.

"Mom, I promise, I'll be with you soon." He said before hanging up. Lucas immediately got up and walked to his closet, he quickly began to pack his stuff.

Peyton woke up by all the noises in the room. When she opened her eyes, they instantly saw the suitcase. "Luke, what are you doing?" Her voice was barely there.

"I am going home" he said. When he turned around to face her, his blue eyes were so sad.

"What?"

"My mom just called. Lily is getting to be too much for her. She can't handle her alone anymore. I need to go back home." He said while he pulled a bright green polo with narrow white strips over his head, and he already had a pair of jeans on.

Peyton needed time to work this out in her mind. To place it, to imagine it and apparently she took a lot of time thinking about it because when she focused back on the closet door, Lucas wasn't there anymore. He stood in the doorway, looking extremely sad.

"Luke?" Her voice came out weakly.

"I have to go Peyton." He said, his heart breaking as he looked at her sitting on his bed, looking so vulnerable.

"But …" Her voice faded with the realization that he was going to walk through that door and leave her there.

"My mom is asking me to come home Peyton. It's been too long, I have to go back. I don't want Lily to hurt herself and my mom when I could have prevented it."

The look that Lucas' his blue eyes were giving her, could, in her mind, be described perfectly by the words of Jimmy Eat World's 'Kill'.

As it was nothing, she could feel the words take hold in her head, letting the music fill it, letting the words come out and dive into his amazing eyes. Peyton's heart began to pound as she looked intensely into his two ocean eyes. She held her breath as she felt the words wrap an anonymous feeling around her.

_So go on, love_

_Leave while there's still hope for escape_

_Got to take what you can these days_

_There's so much ahead_

_And so much regret_

_I know what you want to say_

_I know it but can't help feeling differently_

_I loved you_

_And I should have said it_

_But tell me_

_Just what has it ever meant?_

"I am sorry Peyton." Lucas whispered while nearing her for the final time. He leaned down, their foreheads met while his strong hands found their place on her shoulders, as their eyes got lost in each other. Very softly, Lucas pressed his lips just beside hers.

"Goodbye Peyton." He said and laid his hand over her heart, like he wanted to make sure it was still beating. It was, at a hundred miles an hour, just under his fingertips.

Lucas looked back at her one final time before shutting the door, leaving her there alone in what had been his room for months. Peyton felt strangely lost, it was as if she couldn't place her feelings anymore. Tears threatened to fall all this sudden, stemming from the unexpected confusion and loss.

It was then that she remembered the song that was so forcefully the continuing in her head. Without any announcement, her body got up and flew through the door. Her feet were keeping a pace that matched her racing heart. As if it were a movie, the elevator doors opened just in time to let her in, as her breathing quickened as the elevator went down. She hurried across the floor. Her heart tumbled as she saw Lucas standing there in the darkness of night. She felt the coldness of the dark rush around her when she stood there with only his tee to cover her body.

Lucas turned his head and the look in his blue eyes screamed an apology:

_I can't help it baby_

_This is who I am_

_Sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel_

_You kill me_

_You build me up but just to watch me break_

_I know what I should do but I just can't walk away_

"Lucas, what if I asked you to stay?"


	20. It's Hard To Say I Do When I Don't

**It's Hard To Say "I Do" When I Don't**

"What if I asked you to come with me?" He reacted, the darkness as intense as his blue eyes.

"I can't" she said immediately.

"Then it seems like I am going home alone Peyton." He said and with that moment a taxi stopped in front of them.

Lucas was ready to get into the yellow car when Peyton flew forwards, talking a hold of his upper arm. "No Luke! Stay! You know that when you're back in Tree Hill, you'll never come back to me again!" She said and suddenly she felt teardrops fall down on to her barely covered body, as they became mixed up with the not expected raindrops.

Lucas shook his head and wanted to kiss her forehead again, but she jerked her head away from his touch.

"Come on Lucas! You know that what I'm saying is true." He looked at her with a forgiving look, and with that Peyton knew she had to control herself as to not give in to the crying. She knew her words were the truth, the painful truth.

"Peyton" he softly said, while reaching out his hand to cup her cheek.

"Luke, you can't leave me here now, right when I need my best friend by my side more than ever." It was with this that she let his touch reach its destination.

"I have to go Peyton, I am sorry. The only other way is if you come back home with me" he whispered softly.

"You don't understand it Lucas! How much I want to go back to Tree Hill doesn't count Lucas, I am stuck here." He was about to cut her off with 'you don't have to' but she was quicker. "I know you think that's a lie. But it isn't, I can't get away from here before I have met my lawyer. The decision I made tonight was a measured one, and I don't know what this all will bring me. This is going to change everything. I can't leave Chicago before I know what the hell I am supposed to do! I don't want to get into any kind of trouble!"

The look in Lucas' blue eyes changed immediately, Peyton easily could see how he began to hesitate. "Luke" she softly said, trying to persuade him.

Lucas stood there, before Peyton. His mind was reeling. His thoughts were straying between the love of his life standing in front of him, and his family that he had left back home in Tree Hill.

An unfamiliar, hard and low voice broke through thoughts.

"Mister, could you get in the car please?" The cabdriver sounded impolite, probably because he didn't want a soaked young man crashing into his backseat. Not a desperate young man with a mind that was full of heartbreaking thoughts, which would invade his mind all the way to the airport.

"Lucas?" she asked again, looking hopefully at him. Lucas looked from the yellow cab to Peyton, back to the yellow cab to finally meet Peyton again. She was thoroughly soaked, her hair was now dirty blond and seemed to be glued like a frame around her awaiting face, and his shirt she was wearing barely covered anything.

"Mister?" The irritated voice spoke up again. It howled like the wind around them. He looked back one last time at old man before he decided what he had to do.

"Come on Peyton. Let's get inside again, or otherwise we'll both have nasty colds tomorrow." Peyton had to control herself, as to not jump into his arms. Lucas took his bags again, and with a wrong sort of feeling in the back of his mind, led Peyton inside again.

The employees all looked up when Peyton walked back inside, barely wearing anything, hand in hand with Lucas. She didn't care too much about it, she knew how they were, but Lucas still wasn't used to it.

Peyton nodded towards a boy in uniform leaning against the wall beside the elevator. He immediately straightened himself and walked over to Peyton, ready to act upon her every command.

"Can you bring these upstairs please?" as she pointed at Lucas' bags. He nodded and took the bags.

"Yes Miss Wentz." he answered politely and left them alone. Lucas could easily feel Peyton tense up at the boy's words. He was about to pull her in a hug but Peyton was faster. She threw a look at the meddlesome woman behind the counter, before burying her head against Lucas' broad shoulder and moving her left arm around his waist and entangling her right hand with his right hand.

Back in his room, the warmth embraced him again but that didn't stop Peyton from shivering.

"Maybe you should take a good, long, warm shower" Lucas said while walking closer to her as she stood on the other side of the room. "You look like you need it" he added softly as his big hands began to rub her bare arms. She shivered even more with his touch, from the delicious sensation that he created from his warm to her cold skin. She sighed in contentment.

"While you shower, I'll go get your pyjamas. Is that okay with you, because you can't sleep in that anymore?" He said pointing at his soaked T-shirt. "Thank you." She softly said before disappearing in his bathroom.

Quick after that, Lucas went into her room, searching for some pyjamas. He breathed in the familiar smell of her eau de toilette when he walked from the 'living room' into her closet. Blindly, he searched for the light switch, and when he found it, the light brightened up every girl's paradise. Slowly he let his fingers slide over the soft fabrics of various items, trying to figure out where she kept her nightwear.

He was almost sure he had found it when he felt the delightful feeling of silk beneath his fingertips. Without even looking, Lucas grabbed for the first thing that met his hand, and that was when he felt a lack of fabric in his hand. Blood didn't know here to rush to when Lucas realised that he was holding a Bordeaux tiny bra instead of a nightgown. He hated himself for having little self-control, but the absence of sex in his life didn't make it easier.

Lucas took a few deep and measured breaths, and his control came back slowly. With a red face, he turned away from that part of her closet, not intending to meet anymore of her underwear.

He was relieved when the pink nightgown she had been wearing the night Pete found out she was pregnant caught his eye.

"So there they are" he whispered to himself, before reaching his hands out to search for a nightgown for her. Lucas picked up a simple orange nightgown and went to go back to his room, when suddenly a familiar blue demanded his attention. He laid the nightgown on the floor and reached out for the blue item. He was surprised to find out that he was holding a blue pair of sport shorts, a pair of shorts that definitely were from high school because you could see a little R sewn on it. He looked back into that part of her walk-in closet and his eyes met another item in the familiar blue. When he also picked it up, Lucas discovered it was a T-shirt from the Ravens. Now he recognized it, it was her old training suit from back in high school.

He smiled, relieved that she still had those and put away the orange nightgown, taking the blue items with him. When he reached for the doorknob, he turned back, realising that her underwear would probably be soaked too. He cursed himself, but still walked back inside the closet. His body once again, started getting all excited again. Lucas closed his blue eyes as he reached his hand out to pick a bra and panties, hoping for once his body wouldn't be so damn proud of what it had chosen.

Lucky for him, he soon found a dark blue bra and briefs that matched. He almost ran back to his room, trying to escape the fragrance in the air that turned him on way too much.

"I'll lay your pyjamas in front of the door, okay?" He said after knocking. "I am going to change into mine okay?" He received a faint yes.

Lucas walked to the other side of his room, and he pulled off his shirt when he heard the door of the bathroom open. He had to control himself, so as not to look when Peyton would pick up her clothes, with barely or no clothes on at all.

He was already back in the bed when she finally opened the door, wearing her old Ravens 'training suit', her blond hair still somewhat wet.

Without saying anything she walked over to the bed, and in silence she climbed into it, pulling the soft sheets over her to cover her body, and she pressed herself slightly towards Lucas so they were spooning each other. Immediately Lucas laid his arms around her waist, burying his face partly in her soft curls.

"Thanks for staying Lucas" Peyton whispered while closing her eyes, giving a light squeeze in his hand.

"Thanks for asking" he answered and pulled her even closer to him. He needed to prove to himself that he was doing the right thing. In the end it only took them a few minutes to travel to dreamland …

Lucas sighed in contentment when he found himself back in a delicious, dreamy state of mind, as he felt, with his eyes closed, the caress of sweet lips against his hot skin. When he felt two slender hands brushed through his soft hair, a body pressed itself forcefully against his. He could feel how his body eagerly reacted.

What a perfect dream, his chest rose and fell. It all felt so real …

That was until the two hands travelled down from his hair, to his cheeks, to his chest, over his abdomen, to reach their destination and slipped under waistband of his pyjama pants, and cold fingers curled around his proud manhood.

"Je t'aime." A voice rose up. "Je veux toi, Lucas." That made Lucas eyes fly open.

Finding an unfamiliar, bare body pressed against his, long blond straight hair hanging as a curtain before her blue eyes, lost in deep sensation.

"Elle?" He spluttered out surprised, clearly awake now.

"Lucas" she moaned and went to attack his chest with more smouldering kisses.

As if she had burned him with her touch, he jumped out the bed and searched for his tee on the floor. Shocked, he looked at the naked girl in his bed, covered. "Lucas." She said and stood up, revealed her long body in all its glory. She walked over to him, bringing her lips to his again. Lucas could smell the alcohol on her breath.

"Lucas, tu es joli." She whispered and fell against Lucas.

"Elle, are you drunk?" She smiled wickedly at him before trying to trail a finger over his bare chest. "Elle, stop it!" But she tried again. Roughly he grabbed her by the shoulders. "Stop it!" He screamed, looking her straight in the eye, and it didn't seem like Elle understood what was happening.

Then, out of the blue, the realisation of what she was doing hit Elle. "I'm sorry" she mumbled, before picking up her pink bathrobe and storming out the room.

Lucas' heart was racing, replaying in his mind what just had happened. A sudden question flew in his mind. Where was Peyton?

He found his answer soon enough, when he realised that the water had stopped running. The bathroom door flew open seconds later and Peyton stood in the doorway with only a towel draped around her body. She stared at a shocked Lucas.

"Lucas, what happened?" She asked while running a hand through her wet hair.

"I don't have any idea" he answered, looking at the door where Elle had left through.


	21. Our Lawyer Made Us Change

Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued

**Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued**

Still amazed, Lucas stood in the middle of his room, with Peyton still standing in the doorway. She looked like a goddess with her hair that had turned surprisingly dark because of the water and the less amount of material covering of her body.

"I am going to call my lawyer" she informed him sternly and swiftly walked through the room before slipping into the hallway and into her room on the other side of it.

Still not knowing what overcame him, he walked in the bathroom, turned the shower on that Peyton had just used moments before and let himself slip underneath the cascade of warm water pouring on his muscled body.

With circling movements he rubbed the perfumed soap into his tanned skin, letting it sooth his thoughts and still shaky body. Trying to place everything that happened when he came to when he massaged the foaming shampoo into his hair.

The question was why Elle was in his bed, stayed unanswered as Lucas tried to search for an at least proper answer, the lathering shampoo and soap mixed up while streaming off his body.

They all were 'maybe' answers … he sighed deeply before turning the water off, quivering in response when he lost the warmth of it and he stepped out of the shower to be embraced by the sudden cold, giving him goose bump instantaneously.

He quickly got dressed into the only pair of dress pants he had with him and put a blue shirt over it. He wondered slightly, why he had almost only blue shirts, remembering almost every occasion he had to wear a shirt, probably eight out of ten times, he wore a blue one.

After getting dressed and with the Elle questions still running through his mind, he entered Peyton's room, finding her into the bathroom drying her hair, already fully dressed. She looked suddenly much older and wiser in her formal outfit, a pair of very dark grey dress pants with a white shirt above it, matched with a vest in the same grey as her pants. The details of her appearance like her necklace, bracelets and boots were still in black.

As she turned the hair dryer off and checked her imagine in the mirror, Lucas sat on the edge of the bathtub.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asked, looking at her face through the mirror. She turned around and heaved a sigh.

"Thanks for asking Lucas, but I have to do this alone. And I got to get going right now. He is already downstairs. But still, thanks Luke." She said and walked over to him, embracing him tightly as he also stood up. She inhaled his smell and hoped it would sooth her building nerves.

She backed away after a while and brushed her hand against his cheek and smiled faintly. "I'll see you later" she whispered, before placing a tender kiss on his cheek and left the room.

So did Lucas, and when he was about to enter his own room after leaving Peyton's, he stopped. From out of the corner of his eye, Lucas saw Elle appear in the hallway. This was his one chance. The opportunity was now or never.

Without even saying anything to her, he took a hold of her arm before slightly backing her into a wall. "Lucas." She reacted surprised when she felt his hand on her arm.

"Elle." He immediately reacted, his warm breath colliding on her face.

"I-I really have to go." She mumbled when she saw the intense look in his blue eyes. She tried to move away from him and walk away but he didn't let her. "Lucas" she said weakly when he didn't let go of her slender arm.

"I want an explanation Elle."

Almost immediately her eyes got a frightened expression. "Lucas" she said and shook her head.

"An explanation Elle." He persisted.

She tried to pull away more forcefully but she wasn't able to move due to Lucas' strength, his grip remained firm. "Elle, you owe me an explanation for what happened this morning." The blue water like colour of his eyes seemed to boil.

When she didn't answer, or even react to him, he sighed deeply before pushing open the first door in his reach and pulled her inside of the room, which turned out to be his own.

With a quick stab of his foot, the door slammed shut and he finally let go of her arm, leaving a big red spot there, showing the shape of his big hand.

The silence continued and the young girl looked frightened, while she rubbed her painful arm with tears balancing on the edge of her blue eyes.

"I am not going to play the nice guy with you Elle. I want an explanation for this morning." He spoke harsh, verging on the edge of yelling. But she refused to answer him, or give him any sign she had heard him.

"Don't act like you don't hear me." He continued by her reaction. "You could speak perfectly well this morning, in your beloved French and my beloved English." He poisoned the air with his toxic words. But she turned her head away and stared at ground beneath her feet.

"You were in my bed Elle! Freaking naked! Don't you think you owe me an explanation?" He yelled before storming at her, making her bump into the wall behind her, as Lucas' hands met the wall, giving her no escape.

"I … I." She stumbled, her face become red and twisted in a hurtful expression. Lucas couldn't figure out if it was a feeling of inner or outer pain, but he couldn't even care which. He wanted an explanation for what happened this morning, and he would get it.

"This morning you didn't have any difficulties being this close to me." His voice was dark and low, and brought himself even closer to her, giving her almost no space to breathe.

Lucas' breath burned her face, making her burst out into tears. She tried her best to keep breathing steadily, but sobs followed soon after each other, destroying the measured rhythm of her chest swiftly.

Finally Lucas began to realise that maybe he had lost control and had went over the edge. He swallowed, trying to slow down the speed of his blood that seemed the race through his veils. He tried to touch her arm to sooth her, but she immediately flinched at his touch.

"I am sorry. I am sorry." He whispered to her and tried again but the same reaction followed. Swiftly he released his arms from the wall and she almost sprinted away, right towards the door. But thanks to Lucas' swift reaction, he caught her right before she could reach for the doorknob.

"Hey. I am sorry Elle. But I need you to tell me what happened this morning." He said gently when he saw the teary look in her blue eyes. She sniffed, and wiped away her tears. "Come on." He softly said, offering her a hand which she took very cautiously. He led her to one of the comfortable chairs and made her sit down.

He sat down on the floor before her, looking up at her while she tried to bring a stable rhythm again to the movements of her chest.

"Lucas." She began. "This is hard for me to tell to you." She continued. "So please, let me finish what I have to tell you before you say anything." She swallowed again, searching courage because she would need it. "This is the first time I have ever told someone about this." She started. "The reason why I left my hometown in France wasn't the one that most people assume. Everyone thought I just wanted to discover my American roots I inherited from my father. A little part of me had always intended to do that, but when I was wiser and older and … just not when I was nineteen. I practically 'ran way' from my home in France."

She took a pause and Lucas let it all sink in already.

"I always lived in this apartment complex not far from the centre of my home town. Bourg-Saint-Andéol is a village that not has evaluated with his time, it's not like here in America, with all the modern things. My hometown is peaceful in the way that 'you can feel the wind blow and you can feel the sun on your face and you can see at these buildings and know generations have lived in it. And this way from the familiar closeness between the people, the familiar events on the familiar times and places'. That kind of peaceful, a wonderful place to grow up. It's an almost untouched place from all the city hurry that you learn here in Chicago."

She got a dreamily look in her blue eyes. "I always lived at the same apartment with my family, and it's the place where I met my first love, my only love, Dimitri. We were almost fifteen when we became a couple, but we had been friends and in love for so much longer. The year we turned sixteen, an old woman that lived in an apartment on the ninth floor left to go live with her grandson, so it stayed empty and it became our place to hide. It's the place we did 'it' the first time."

Lucas could feel himself slightly blush, but the innocent sparkle in her blue eyes made him forgot and wanted to hear what she had to say.

"We made plans for the future, we were so happy. Blissfully happy, and everyone knew we were a couple and we were 'Dimitri and Elle' not Dimitri or Elle. Then it was prom and we had the most perfect night of all nights. Romantic evening, steamy night and …" She trailed off, her voice got different, deeper and darker. The spark in her eyes went out.

"The next morning he wasn't there anymore … it was like." She shook her head. "Poof!" She bit on her lip. "When I didn't find him next to me in bed the next morning, I went to the apartment where he lived with his parents but nobody was there, it was empty."

And again she inhaled deeply. "From that point I lost control, they were nowhere to be found, no messages left for anyone. They were gone with the wind, just like all my future dreams." A sob broke through the end of the sentence. "My dreams to marry him one year after graduation, my dreams to give birth to his children and my dream to move to a cute old building in the centre of town, gone!" A loud sob followed.

Lucas walked over to her and embraced her, letting her head rest on his shoulder. "What's my place in all of this Elle?" He asked softly while caressing her long blond hair.

"You, you just look so much like him" she mumbled against his chest. Lucas let her words sink in, she was also silent. Both of them didn't know what to say.

"Wait." She said and untangled herself from his slight embrace. Her hand disappeared in a pocket of her work dress and took two folded white things out of it. She looked Lucas in the eye before laying it in his open hand.

Lucas unfolded the pictures. The first one was beautiful scene of a boy and girl on a sunny little square before a statue. The girl was wearing a pretty bright green summer dress and the boy was wearing a light blue jeans and a white tee. They were staring right into the camera and their eyes had something blissful in them. The second was of the same boy and girl at the same place but in different outfits. The boy was wearing a tuxedo and the girl a long violet dress that sparkled on her tanned skin and her long hair was twisted into a braid.

"That's Dimitri and me at prom night. It's the last picture taken of us." She said sadly. Lucas studied the boy with all his attention, and yes he looked a bit like Lucas. It could be said that he looked a lot like Lucas, but Dimitri had light brown eyes and his hair was a shade lighter than Lucas'.

He looked back from the photo, right into Elle's eyes. She saw the message in his intense look. "I am so sorry Lucas. Last night I couldn't sleep so I kind of killed time up in the bar and it was the first time since I came here that I got drunk and all those feelings came rushing back and … and I missed him so much and you…" Lucas looked at her and brushed over her arm.

"It's okay Elle. Now I know why, it's all okay now. But you'll need another place to hide from yourself then in my bed." He tried to joke. She smiled and came over him to press a kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks Lucas, for forgiving me for this. I am so sorry it happened."

He smiled. "It's okay."

Then there was a sudden knock on the door, Peyton walked in, the expression on her face was kind of unreadable.

"I am going to go." Elle swiftly said and made her way out. Peyton only turned around when the door fell into lock and then looked back at Lucas. The question: 'how did it go?' flashing through his blue eyes.

She walked closer to him, took his hand and led them both towards the couch in his room. When they both sat down she snuggled up against him. She sighed and Lucas stroked over her soft hair. "How do you feel?" Lucas dared to ask when she didn't say anything at all, her mood was deep and he knew that maybe he shouldn't ask about it right away.

"I don't know." She said, exhaling deeply.

"What did he say?" Lucas' question took flight after a few silent minutes. "That he'll try to make this quick, he says that in one week or maybe two he can get all the papers and everything ready for me and Pete to sign but he first needs to figure some stuff out" she answered him.

Lucas looked down at her when she looked up at him, meeting his gloomy blue eyes. "I am sorry Lucas, I know you want to go home. No that you need to go home. How selfish am I to ask you to stay!?" She got up abruptly and walked towards the door.

"Peyton wait!" He yelled and she turned around. Even from this distance he could see she was about to cry.

"Hey, hey girl", as he walked over to her and pulled her in a hug.

"I am so selfish." She mumbled against his shoulder.

"You're not. This is just a coincidence." He tried to sooth her, but he couldn't help but feel strange inside.

"I don't know what to do or feel Lucas. I thought that this would make me happy but it makes me only sadder. I want to get away from here but my lawyer said it was the best for me to stay here until this all goes away. I want you to go home to Tree Hill again, but I want you more to stay here because I'll need you the coming weeks. I am self-" Lucas laid a finger on her lips.

"I am going to call my mom. Try and figure out if she's holding on, say that I need a little more time here. But if she isn't holding on Peyton, I have to go home." He said sadly and she nodded even sadder.

"Still thanks Luke." She said. "I am going to change into something more comfortable." And she pointed at her classy outfit.

"Okay, I am going to call my mom." And after those words she disappeared though the door.

He swiftly called her, but every ring made him become more nervous. He didn't know how to explain this to her, he knew he was also being selfish from running away from his 'obligations'.

"Lucas" was the first thing he heard on the other end of the call.

"Mom" he answered. Even from Chicago he could feel how his mother wanted to spew out her feelings. "Mom, I know I am rude for doing this and my heart is breaking by the thought of you and Lily. But in two weeks Peyton will be divorced, if nothing changes and I really want to stay with her so I can persuade her to come home with me then. Please." He could hear how his mother breathing went even slower.

"Lucas" she began. "I don't know. You've been there already longer than we thought you would be. I really miss you, and Lily …"

Lucas didn't want to hear that anymore, his heart was breaking already. "I am going to send you my pyjama tee so you can put it by her all the time. So I am there one way or another mom, but I really need these two weeks. Please mom, I am begging you not to be mad."

He heard her sigh, and he could imagine her perfectly, standing against the kitchen cabinet, her eyes closed, her one hand rubbing her forehead. "Okay Lucas. You have permission from me but if this is getting worse Luke, you'll come home. I swear I'll send someone to pick you up from there if I have to."

He smiled. "Thanks mom, I swear if something else happens, I'll come home immediately. Otherwise I'll see you in two weeks, I'll keep calling you everyday. I promise."

Peyton came in while Lucas was singing for Lily as usual when he was about to end his phone call. She smiled and walked closer to him as he was singing the last words. "Be good Lily. I love you" he whispered into the phone before ending his call.

"And?" Peyton asked nervously.

"She let me, but I promised her to send Lily my pyjama tee and if something else happens I need to go back straight away."

She let out an excited yell. "God, thanks Lucas for doing that!" And she practically jumped into his arms. He was surprised by her sudden action and they both fell down on the floor.

"Peyton." He laughed.

"Sorry." She whispered smiling. She lay on top of him, her green eyes connecting with his blue eyes. Lucas had also picked up the silent electricity and where otherwise he would have broken the gaze, he kept staring this time. Allowing himself to fall into her eyes while she did the same.

Suddenly she was aware of how his heart was speeding under her fingertips and how the pace of her heart also sped up quickly.

The tide was turning, and she saw it happening in his ocean blue eyes …


	22. It's Not a Side Effect of The Cocaine

It's Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine

**It's Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine. I Am Thinking It Must Be Love**

A lonely breath got stuck in her throat when her green emerald eyes met his crystal blue ones. Out of the blue Peyton felt herself falling, falling into the unexplored and unexpected. All the noise from the Chicago streets seemed long gone. It seemed to have drifted to places far away because the only thing she heard was her swift breathing, which was matched by the rhythm from the boy underneath her. Suddenly there were no thoughts in her head, it was empty. Her body travelled downwards very slowly, as if it was in slow motion.

But then, then she felt a warm, shuddering breath colliding with her face, and she then noticed the rhythm of the beating heart beneath her fingertips was racing as fast as hers. It was then that everything came rushing back. Lucas lying underneath her with his lips slightly parted, with the most intense look in his eyes.

Mentally, she cursed and quickly got up, away from him. Peyton couldn't suppress the words of strange disapproval that appeared from under her breath.

Lucas lay on the floor, still confused, as he saw her step away from him.

"What's up Peyton?" He asked, his voice cracking from sudden confusion.

"I am hungry." She said quickly, running a hand through her curly hair. "I am going to order something the kitchen. Would you like anything?" She asked at an even quicker pace, hiding the fact that she was swept of her feet by what happened not even a minute ago.

"Whatever you're having is fine by me." Lucas said while he got up, hiding his confusion with a grin. Peyton just smiled and disappeared through the door. Immediately after she closed it, she leaned up against it, closing her eyes. Her hands were shaking and her heart was beating heavily, as droplets of sweat rolled down her back. She let her chest swell, letting the dry hotel air fill her lungs before she let it escape again. Trying to find some sort of comfort and peace in the darkness behind her eyelids, she closed her green eyes, blocking out the world. But in a strange way, that darkness wasn't black, but it was blue and it took the shape of human eyes.

Heat consumed her from head to toe. But then she felt that it wasn't a heat, or at least not the one she was used to. This heat that had only showed up the last two years on several occasions, the last time being on her wedding night, but this wasn't a heat this was warmth. This was more a longing, a loving, and she hadn't felt it since she left Tree Hill. A comfortable blanket around her skin, rather than the obsessive cocoon she was used to.

Peyton's eyes flew open, and her breathing was a struggling series of uneven gasps. What the hell was happening to her? But she took no time to think about it and shoved the question away, into the back of her mind.

Forcefully she walked to the elevator and rode it downstairs. She was aware of the people staring at her, looking at her like she was a stranger and not a celebrity. Her appearance was way below her standard. No glitz or glamour this time. No, she was only wearing dark basic Levi's, a khaki tank top and a weird jacket, with no shoes to finish off. She didn't care about to criticising gazes on her, because this outfit was a 'comfort' outfit. Every item of clothing had special meaning to her.

The jeans, she had bought them when she and Brooke had gone out shopping the last time. The tank top was almost an exact copy of one that her mother had owned. She had always worn a top like that when she was working in their garden. Then there was the 'jacket'. Well, it didn't look too much like a jacket. Pete had always made fun of it and had called it a camping blanket because of how it looked. Peyton of course saw the similarities, it was the same fabric, warm colours and pattern, but this had a big blue bright button sewn on to it.

She remembered the day she got it. It was a 'present' from her dad. She remembered that autumn day like no other. Peyton had been sketching the afternoon away at the dock, waiting on her dad to arrive. He did, in the late afternoon. The hug she and her father had shared still made her smile, she had clung onto him and he had joked about it. It was good to have him home for a while, she had been planning a million of things to do with him and was about to tell him when he said he had to leave again before midnight. Larry had seen the sadness in his daughter's face and promised her that next time he would be home longer. They had decided to make the best of their few hours together.

First they had eaten in a small restaurant and after that they made a long walk along the ships at the dock. The warmth of the afternoon was soon quickly replaced by the coldness, and feeling his daughter shiver against him, seeing her only wear a jeans skirt and a red tank top, made Larry walk her to a little store. There he bought this jacket for her. Peyton had first laughed about it, but then when she put it on, she was thankful for having it because it was comfortable and warm. It made her feel closer to her dad, for all those times when he was so far away from her.

Soon Peyton found herself in the part of the building where only staff were allowed, but she kept walking, not caring that she shouldn't actually be there. She almost had reached the kitchen when she bumped into Elle.

"Hi." Peyton said, greeting the girl with a smile.

"Hello." Elle greeted back uncomfortably. "What are you doing here?" The French girl asked while burying her hands into the pockets of her work dress.

"Ordering food by the kitchen" Peyton answered happily.

"You could have just called downstairs." Elle added quietly, not daring to tell her she wasn't tolerated here.

"I know, but I felt like walking."

Peyton simply shrugged her shoulders, while Elle still felt uncomfortable in the other blonde's presence. When she closed her eyes she could relive the fight she had with her all over again, and it left her wondering what they were now, friends or not. At the very least they had been friends before that fight. How many nights had they spent together holding girlish slumber parties in Peyton's room? They had been out shopping a few times. Elle had been there so many times when Peyton was getting herself ready for a celebrity event. But that one fight had finished it all.

"What do you want to order? I need to pass by the kitchen." Elle said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Peyton's fast food meal," Peyton said and Elle knew exactly what that meant and smiled.

"I'll bring it up when it's ready."

The curly blond laughed and suddenly embraced the blonde with the straight hair, letting her stiffen in her arms. Elle had no idea what to do, but loosely responded.

"See you later" and Peyton bounced off, leaving Elle slightly shocked, but in a good way.

The curly blonde almost ran back to her room, but when she neared the door, that warmth surprised her again. Her hands went back to shivering and her heart's pace picked up again. It totally freaked her out. But again she ignored it, telling herself she was an immature girl and that role didn't fit her. She was just being …

Her slender fingers embraced the doorknob and opened the door to find Lucas carefully wrapping up his pyjama tee, making it ready for its trip to Tree Hill, as promised to his mom. Peyton took a seat in the chair opposite of him. They both didn't say a word, but there was some sort of tension between them. Minutes passed and Peyton felt the warmth growing again.

"Does it sound stupid that I am thinking about writing my own version of 'Hey There Delilah' by the Plain White T's for Lily?" He asked out of the blue, making Peyton almost jump up of her chair, as she was not excepting his deep voice. "You know, since I've kind of being singing my own version for her since I left Tree Hill."

"It-it sounds great Lucas." Her voice came out sounding so different.

"Do you mind if I do it now?"

He added swiftly seeing her slight confusion. "Write it out… the lyrics."

"It's okay, I don't mind."

Lucas picked up his blue pen and an untouched sheet of white notebook paper. Then he began, his game, chasing away the white of the paper, replacing it with words written in dark blue. Peyton couldn't help but stare at him. He looked as if he were in another world, so intense, so far away. Every single time he looked up, Peyton broke her gaze and timidly looked elsewhere. It happened again and again. This cat and mouse game was familiar to her, and a smile tugged on the corners of her pink lips … the memories of her and Lucas in the library not too long after they first met.

The memory of who she used to be came rushing back. Then suddenly the imagine of herself: a curly blonde in a mini denim skirt, dark tank top, a black leather jacket and Converse All Stars on her feet, was broken by white and blue, a words on a piece of paper written in a boyish handwriting.

"Read it." He said softly and after that Peyton's eyes began to fly over the sheet of paper, taking every single word in. They were written with so much love … it took her breath away.

_Hey there Lily_

_What's it like in Tree Hill_

_I'm a thousand miles away_

_But girl, tonight you look so pretty _

_Yes, you do_

_Tree Hill moon can't shine as bright as you_

_I swear it's true_

_Hey there Lily_

_Don't you worry about the distance_

_I'm right there if you get lonely_

_Give this song another listen_

_Close your eyes_

_Listen to my voice_

_It's my disguise_

_I'm by your side_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_What you do to me_

_Hey there Lily_

_I know times are getting hard_

_But just believe me, girl_

_Someday I'll pay the bills with this book_

_We'll have it good_

_We'll have the life we knew we would_

_My word is good_

_Hey there Lily_

_I've got so much left to say_

_If every simple sentence I wrote to you_

_Would take your breath away, I'd write it all_

_Even more in love with me you'd fall_

_We'd have it all_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_A thousand miles seems pretty far_

_But they've got planes and trains and cars_

_I'd walk to you if I had no other way_

_Our friends would all make fun of us_

_And we'll just laugh along because_

_We know that none of them have felt this way_

_Lily, I can promise you_

_That by the time that we get through_

_The world will never ever be the same_

_And you're to blame_

_Hey there Lily_

_You be good and don't you miss me_

_A few years and you'll be done with school_

_And I'll be making history like I do_

_You'll know it's all because of you_

_We can do whatever we want to_

_Hey there Lily_

_Here's to you_

_This one's for you_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_Oh, it's what you do to me_

_What you do to me_

"It's beautiful Luke," Peyton said.

Lucas sat there just staring at her; an uncomfortable silence tumbled down on them with neither of them daring to speak. Peyton decided to be the brave one, to break this and ask him what he meant with 'this book', but a knock on the door interrupted her.

Sensing that it would be Elle, she jumped up to walk over to the door and opened it. It was Elle, with three pizza boxes and two six packs Stella Artois in her arms. She responded to Peyton's bright appearance with a smile and walked over to the table to put the food down. She also received a warm smile from Lucas.

A few seconds of silence danced around the three. Words on the verge of being spoken but never came out. A hungry Peyton sat herself down at the table and opened one of the pizza boxes. Lucas could only laugh at Peyton's childish behaviour and stood up to walk Elle out. "Thanks Elle." He softly said so Peyton wouldn't hear. "Thanks for telling me everything." The girl smiled weakly and was very surprised when Lucas kissed her lightly on the cheek.

They both couldn't help but freeze on the spot when they heard Peyton's voice rise up, but they soon relieved by Peyton's words. "Why don't you eat with us Elle?" She suggested, a slice of bolognaise pizza in her hand.

"Thanks, but I am still working." She said before disappearing through the open door. Lucas closed it and went back to sitting at the table beside Peyton who was eating so quickly you would have thought she was starving.

Lucas laughed and she felt his intense stare on her and couldn't help but feel shy and somehow taken back and embarrassed. Then Lucas also took a slice and began to eat very properly, not spilling anything, which could not be said of Peyton. Lucas' stare got more intense with every second that ticked away, making Peyton feel uncomfortable around him.

"What?" She said after a while, not able to bear all this feelings that fought inside her.

"You kind of have pizza on your face." Peyton closed her eyes.

"Now?" She mumbled as she made an attempt to wipe away the filth from her lips, but she kept moving her thumb up and down the right corner of her mouth when it was on the left. Lucas smiled widely and reached out for her, wiping away the delicious crumbs with his thumb. Without knowing why, an explosion took place in Peyton, an outburst of tickling feelings that made her lean into his touch.

What the hell was happening? The question flew from one side to the other in Peyton's mind. Her palms were sweaty and she couldn't bear his gaze, a simple touch or gesture made her like burning up inside …

She needed a break, and reached out for a can of beer. She felt relieved when she heard the noise as it opened. She putted the can of Stella Artois to her lips and took a few big gulps, and the alcohol instantly had an effect on her. She hadn't drunk in months, since she knew she was pregnant she hadn't touch any alcoholic drink. Only a sip of champagne when she had celebrated founding out the baby she had been carrying was a girl, her little Roxanne. She knew as she drank now, she would be drunk in a short time, but she needed to calm herself and booze, it seemed, was the only way at the moment.

Seeing that Lucas had followed her example, Peyton emptied the can in less as a minute. She then stood up, and moved to crash on the couch with another pizza box. Lucas could already tell that Peyton wouldn't need much more time or alcohol. He himself would be more careful, knowing he wasn't a great drinker. He didn't want to end up so drunk that he couldn't stand anymore, remembering the times he had that hadn't ended up so nice, like with Nikki for example.

He crashed onto the couch beside her with the other pizza box. They both ate and drank further in silence, feeling the tension that had built up between them melt away as the alcohol level increased in their blood.

After three cans of beer each, they began on the second six pack. As she began on her fourth can, Peyton picked up Lucas' version of 'Hey There Delilah', 'Hey There Lily' and then fell back into the sofa beside Lucas.

She tried to focus on the words but the letters danced in front of her green eyes. Only a few words broke through her blurry vision. "Are you in love with your sister Lucas?" She asked slurring, sounding silly to him, but to herself, she couldn't have been more serious.

Lucas was also a bit further away from the world as usual, the alcohol driving him away further and further every minute that he looked at her. "Maybe," he answered before bursting into giggles. "She's just so perfect, the ultimate mix between my mom and Keith. The thick brown hair, the wide eyes, that big heart of hers, she would do anything just to make another person happy, even she won't be. Just like Keith." A tear rolled down Lucas' cheek, the alcohol made his emotions escape from where they were safely hidden.

"Ooh Luke." Peyton immediately put everything aside when she saw the tear travel down his face. "Luke," she said, full of sympathy and took the stuff out of his hands. Then she nestled against his broad chest, as he moved his arms around her. "It's all going to be okay Luke." She said and looked up at him and saw his broken blue eyes sadly looking down at her. "Believe me." She said softly and ran a hand over his two days old stumble. Like the weather of a summer day, tears that filled his endless blue eyes faded away, as they were driven away by a spark of hope, like a promising ray of sunlight.

Peyton felt the warmth again, it was wrapping her in. All at once, she just got it. She knew why it was so familiar, why it felt so safe, why she felt so herself. She had felt it before, years before ... the last time she lay in Lucas' arms …

The last time she was in love with him.


	23. Not a Chapter but an IMPORTANT AN

Hi people,

Hi people,

Most of you probably wonder what I was babbling about 'an explanation' in the responses to you. (I have written by the most who reviewed, only not the last ones I opened)

I am kind of wrong, actually I should have mentioned the 'explanation' thing on Monday. But it's freaking warm here, I am still somewhat sleepy and my brain is melting (today would be the hottest one of the year in Belgium)

Okay, I should not put it on the weather. I am just clumsy and absentminded and I forgot it is Thursday and not Monday. (How bad am I?)

So what's the deal?

All the chapters I have been updating since I came here were already written over the past year and all were on Leytonfic. (There are still three Leytonfic chapters for Heartbeats and one for CISTYA)

What's happening now?

I am running out of chapters and I don't want to go from updating twice a week to not updating anymore so I still have some chapters written.

So I decided I only go updating on Sunday beginning next week. (Please don't hate me)

As I mentioned earlier, otherwise I'll end up with nothing anymore and I am not a quick writer. Writing a regular update for 1 story takes from 1 to 3 weeks, mostly 2 or 3 weeks during the school year. So once I run out of chapters, I might take a some time before I get anything ready.

So 'Heartbeats' and 'Chicago Is So Two Years Ago' will only be updated on Sunday's from now on. This was the last Wednesday update. Once I really run out of chapters Heartbeats and CISTYA will not be updated together anymore. One time I'll update Heartbeats when I have a chapter ready, then I work on another chapter for CISTYA.

I hope you'll understand. (And I don't make a mess of this)

By the way: THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS, I mean, both my stories have already more than 100 reviews … it's like a dream coming true.

Thanks for all the amazing support already, I love each one of you. You all make my world a better place. (See, my brain is melting, I start going crazy) No no, I mean it. I love you all for being so supportive about this, it means the world to me.

Much love…

Veronique

(P.S.: I mentioned it a few times already. I originally worked only on Leytonfic and the site disappeared for no reason and so did the official L&P site. It doesn't look like they are coming back. So I know some authors, members and people who visited the site regularly are also here.

I am working on a C2 called 'the Leytonfic Generation' and I am in search for stories which were on Leytonfic, I found some stories already but I am sure there are a lot more so if anyone finds a story and is sure it was also in Leytonfic, PM me and I'll add it to my C2.

If you know authors for Leytonfic, encourage them to give FanFiction a try. It's sad that so many great authors and so many great stories got lost. It's unfair. So I hope you all try to help me to get an amazing piece of Lucas&Peyton fiction back. Thanks already!)


	24. Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

A/N: Just to remind the people who haven't read the A/N-chapter before this one to do it. It will make some things clear for in the future. Much love ...

**Thnks Fr Th Mmrs **

Looking outside, watching the people wandering over a Chicago street, that was the way Peyton Sawyer was spending her morning, feeling the strays of a massive headache linger on her mind.

The morning had greeted along with a huge headache as punishment of her drinking in abundance last night. After a light breakfast and a much needed aspirin, Peyton decided that the best thing she probably could use now was some peace around her.

While her headache faded away to just light straws of annoyance, something else took in the unoccupied place. Very slowly but with much more impact than expected, last night came rushing back. Her and Lucas, the two of them together, the fun they had, their friendship … their love.

Love Peyton couldn't explain. And she also couldn't deny there wasn't any between them, their past had left too many reminders, what they had once shared would hang around in their souls for longer than even forever. It was something they couldn't erase.

But that never changing fact couldn't help her from struggling over what she had felt last night. This realisation, she didn't even know if she could call it that. It was like this sudden lightening or as a first raindrop of the first summer rain. All so unexpected but by nature so needed, so welcomed.

Watching people make their way over a Chicago street, alone or joined by others. Nameless and characterless, faces without any real emotions, like little puppets. That's how they entered Peyton's mind and most of them left the same way. Most of them, but not all of them.

While time moved the hands of the clocks all over the world, in every single place. Peyton studied the puppet like humans like actors, on the way they moved underneath her. The way they walked, the way they seemed to talk to each other, the way their being moved over this earth. From where she was, the ability to see there face only barely existed. The only way she could observe to learn from them was from reading their body language.

The surroundings around her seemed to blur, end up in the hodgepodge of her mind. There was no room around her anymore, nothing but just her, the window and the people outside.

There was no place for anything else than the ones named before. Only those, and the most important, her thoughts.

People went and go, they dived into her vision and dived out again, most of them not even getting a place in her mind to be remember for long. Quiet some time went by with people just walking in and out of her life, in her mind she couldn't describe it in any other way.

And all of a sudden, someone on the street caught her real attention, dragged her out of her trance, and made her mind go into overdrive in just seconds.

A curly blonde with long hair dressed in a 'tough' but girlish way. A tale dark-haired boy walking beside her, she was talking to him but he wasn't paying any attention to her. His attention wandered off to the cute and hot girls passing them by. A sudden punch of her arm into his chest. Even from metres above Peyton could see the girl's body tense up, ready for attack.

Unheard shouts escaped, ugly words he was the cause of flew around. Anger in its, maybe calmer forms while the furious attack of her words went on, steam coming off. But the boy didn't seem to be affected by her at all, only highly annoyed. The girl stiffened in awareness of what she did had no effect on him and she turned around, ready to leave him on the spot he stood. Not only four steps she had made on the grey concrete beneath her feet when she suddenly swung into the directions again where she had came from.

A forceful grip on her arm, face to face with the loved enemy, a threat of truth out of his mouth. And suddenly her defence broke, regret signed her face. Also the boy's features fell into the same emotion. Their hands found each other, entangled into one. They walked out of Peyton's view, relieved but not anywhere near happy.

And Peyton couldn't help but see Nathan's imagine appear in her head. This scene that had just taken place before her eyes, it could only remind her of her and Nathan. Of the way how their whole relationship had been. A constant fight and fear. Their relationship had been one big struggle. Her blind need to have someone beside her, even if that someone didn't treat her right. She just wanted him there, even he used her just for the sex and his precious reputation. And she had become Nathan in some way, a person who did not care too much about the others. Tough outside, broken inside. Definitely broken inside.

Looking back at what they had, the only thing she remembered what stood in the category 'good' was what their relationship was mostly based on. Sex. Nathan had been her first. She had given him her virginity, something that was a big deal for most girls, or at least for her. He had been the one who let her discover her body, had taught her what she liked, also what boys liked. With him she had taken the first steps in the love experience area, she couldn't just erase it. Those were important steps she had made while holding his hand. But they were so much better of with just being friends. Lovers hadn't been the best position for them at the time, they were too young, too selfish and too confused to understand that love is more than what they had. But who could blame them, they hadn't really grow up in circumstances where they had gotten the right imagine of love and they weren't really taught how they do it correctly.

Yes, friends and best friends where the best positions for them. They loved each other now on a different level, the level that was meant to be for them. Best friends love, now they had everything in their friendship what their relationship had allowed.

Peyton broke out of her thoughts when she saw other curly blonde walk gracefully over the street, also joined by a tall dark-haired boy. Only difference, a little girl walked in between them. The little child's hands holding the one of both adults for dear life. Her imagine looked happy, the one of the boy blissful, the one of the child like she didn't know any better. But something in the curly blonde's imagine didn't seem to be convinced of what she had. Her eyes kept roaming around the place, looking for something, someone. Looking for a way out it seemed. Memories of her and Jake sprung back into her mind. Jake, he had been her everything for a little while. He was good and sweet and loving. Jake's person was everything she needed, but the problems he dragged along with him were the fatal death of their young relationship. Jenny, she loved that little girl and she hated Nicki for all what she did to Jake and their daughter. But fate had Jenny made the problem why they couldn't work it out, Jenny's being and Nicki's selfish behaviour.

Their love had been genuine as far as you could call it that. They had shared something special, but not special enough to survive in this cruel world. And once she was passed all the hurt and sadness, she realised that maybe he had been a sort of Nathan for her. A substitute for the real thing, she had loved in him and Jake her in their own way, they had thought of each other as true love while they weren't and they both knew that deep down. But they rather made themselves blind then, because they wanted something real and lasting too much by the time.

A tear rolled down her cheek, dripped from her chin and she blinked with her eyes. And in just a second an extravagant couple, a blonde and a black-haired guy stood underneath the window. They looked heavenly happy, deeply in love. The guy kissed her and they looked like they lived in their own universe. But a sudden tap on the boy's shoulder dragged them out of it. A conversation started up between the black-haired boy and the stranger who wanted his attention. And the blonde was put into the background, alone, not getting any attention, she was forgotten.

Her and Pete.

Their relationship and marriage had been the best she had experienced yet. They had been in love and happy, inside in their world their lives had been perfect and nothing more she and he wanted. But in the outside world, their relationship had been nothing. It was just about Pete and what he did, she had just been there, just something he had, something extra but not needed. Just an enrichment of his success.

Peyton could live with it, she wasn't bothered by it, and consciously she had been blind for it, made herself blind and disregarded herself for him because she knew no better actually. Because if she would fight it, she would lose him and that would be the biggest disaster in her world. A life without him was no life to return to, because there was no life without him, she had giving everything up for him. Beyond the happiness she stayed with him out of fear of falling into a deep cliff of loneliness.

Out of the blue the street demanded her attention again. A blonde came running over the sidewalk. And Peyton felt her green eyes drawn to her. In the seconds the blonde made hurried steps, Peyton saw the last months pass at full speed before her eyes. Her realising slowly that there was a life beside this one, if she only wanted to try. Wanted to be herself again. To same old her that she was back in Tree Hill. The Peyton Sawyer with all the drama, all the hurt, all the sadness but with all the friends and people who loved her. The one with memories of good and bad times. The girl with everything and everyone in the way she knew, even it wasn't how she wanted things or them to be.

Just the Peyton she gave up when she felt Tree Hill more than two years ago. If she only wanted to be that Peyton again, that Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer that everyone in Tree Hill remember. If she only wanted that and made herself able to be her again … there would be a life for her. A life full of happiness and laughter, sadness and pain, but a life she would love, her own life.

The blonde underneath her on the street was stopped running by a blond boy who lifted her up in his strong arms. The boy twirled her around, made their universe spin. Kisses and caresses all over her shining face, a never-ending glow that arose with the help from the boy who hold her so close to himself. The boy putted her down and their eyes met just a moment before their lips. Love burst from them, made the world a better place. Their kiss was a promise of a life for forever. A life with each other, a life to open your eyes for and realise there isn't another life as blissful as the live where you are yourself without any withholding.

A spark of the blonds who were strangers for Peyton reached her. That loved ember buried itself into her, in her fast beating heart and the explosion of memories that overtook Peyton was of no account.

Flashes of blond, emerald green and crystal blue, of love, angst and friendship.

Flashes of the real Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer who loved Lucas Eugene Scott.


	25. Great Romance

**_A/N: There might be a chance that there isn't a chapter next week. I am working on one but my inspiration is playing with me. Mostly nothing comes out and what comes out sucks like hell. And when I get something good out I get distracted. So just to let you know. I think I might have it done but I don't promise anything ... Much love ... Veronique_**

**Great Romance **

Just like that the world stopped turning. Her realisation made the water freeze, the winds disappear, clouds glue to their spot in the sky, and made all noise drown out into a great silence.

From deep inside her, these feeling began to grow. She found no words. It was indescribable. But she knew one thing … they were all for Lucas Eugene Scott.

Maybe it was like an itch that only he could scratch, a need only he could fulfil. Perhaps it was possibly a wound he could only heal, or perhaps it was a disease only he could cure. No… it was undeniably a love only he could answer.

Suddenly she started to move without thought towards the door. Her hand was slightly shaking as she reached for the doorknob. Was it out of nervousness or excitement? Maybe she couldn't answer that.

The hallway was just a little obstacle on her way because destiny was right before her, through the wooden door of his hotel room.

Confidence made her open the door and step inside. She was ready to tell Lucas the words that would change both of their worlds.

But then a situation she hadn't expected occurred … the room was empty. There was no Lucas in sight.

The silence caused another situation for Peyton, she hesitated. What seconds ago had seemed the best idea ever, now seemed like something that could destroy her, and his world.

A battle began to rage inside her, and it was a violent battle at that. The fight was between her heart and mind, and both of their need to be right. That Lucas really loved her, and this wasn't just another reflection of their intense friendship that was full of old habits.

Her need to prove her heart right was never this intense. It led her blindly, making her hand grab, eyes see, feet move. But it was more, and it was making her hands feel more intense, her eyes see more, made her feet move more gracefully and most of all … this need made her heart beat.

The proof she needed, the evidence of why her heart was beating out of control must be here, in this room.

She didn't even know what she was searching for when her hands met the wood of the cupboards beside his enormous bed. A feeling of desperation washed over her as she opened all the drawers and found them empty, not having found any sort of content except for dust.

As her heart told her to stop searching, her common sense was attracted to searching all the spaces left in the darkness. It was a wonder she didn't stumble over her own feet when she almost ran across the room, ready to attack the cupboards and drawers left in loneliness.

Disappointment grew from a little, something that wasn't even a feeling to a part of her being. She found nothing, nothing that could even be considered a hint.

She looked everywhere, even under the bed. She was on the verge of tears, bitter and unloved tears. She let herself fall onto the bed, and it was within the matter of the moment that her vision started the blur from the tears. It was then that she saw the doors of the dresser where still closed. That just didn't fit in the picture of wide open doors and pulled out drawers.

Hesitantly she sat up again. Her thumbs were brushing away the droplets of salt water while she tried to focus again.

Maybe it was nothing. It probably was nothing Peyton thought. But the attraction of what may be hidden in that closet overrode everything else she was feeling. So she pulled the doors of the closet open with all the strength she had in her. His clothes appeared, all properly stowed. She was delighted when she saw all those clothes that had been on his body. She was even more enchanted when she recognized some of his old cloths from high school.

Her heart jumped and the blood started to race through her veins when her green eyes caught a glimpse of one of Lucas' shirts. It was one of his blue shirts, his ultimate blue button down shirt. The one he had worn the day of their first kiss, their first make out session.

She knew, but how? The feelings in her fingertips relived that moment intensely as she unbuttoned it. Then she found the proof, the proof of their first kiss. There was a faint but visible lipstick stain on the inside of his shirt.

Her eyes fluttered closed and the fire she had once for him was revived. Flames began heating her up; they made her burn with passion, letting her experience that once in a lifetime feeling for Lucas again. A low groan escaped when she remember the feel of his soft, white wife beater against her sensitive lips, the tingles in her hands when she had tried to rid him of that elegant piece of clothing. But mostly she remembered the mesmerising feeling that had made her heart pound after his passionate touches and loving words.

How could she ever have let that go? Let him go?

All of a sudden dizziness hit her. She had the feeling like her brain was rotating inside her head and her stomach was knotting up slowly and painfully. Her hands began to automatically searching for support. Her breath grew laboured in just a few seconds.

Bad feelings like guilt and regret came rushing to the surface as she slipped down against the cool wooden door of the dresser. Heavy weights of buddle emotion seemed to have settled in her stomach. Her eyes began to leak tears, first slowly, but as her sobs became steadier, one after the other, the tears increased.

Her hands searched desperately for support, for some way to steady herself, to let her wrecked insides calm down a bit. Her fingers were struggling to get a hold of a shelve or anything for that matter. When she couldn't find anything to grab a hold of, Peyton began falling down towards the floor, sliding down the wood of the dresser doors.

Her head was about to hit the floor when her hand collided with something cold and hard. In a heartbeat she sat up straight again, panting and the tears balancing on the edge of her green eyes.

Curiosity was like a swift spreading drug. It raced through her blue veins and made her body work surprisingly quickly and precise for someone who was recovering from deep and tired sobs.

With that, her thumbs she brushed away her tears, making for a clear vision for a metallic safe. Her slender hands immediately began reaching out for the door, but of course it didn't open. It was then that she began wondering if the proof of Lucas' love was right there in that safe.

Curiosity quickly turned to anger as she furiously pounded her fist against the hard, cold material. Her knuckles cracked and a painful groan escaped her lips, as tears sprung in her precious green eyes as she cupped her damaged right hand in her left one. A sob broke through, but before the second one could escape her lips, words that Elle had once spoken wandered through her mind.

She had once told Peyton that the numbers of the safe were sort of connected with each other. The number of the safe in the room across the hallway was the same as the room on the otherwise, only backwards. Wasn't it just convenient that he room happened to be opposite Lucas'? So, with shaking hands she began to try unlocking the safe. Elle's words rang true; the number was indeed her safe number in reverse.

The door opened and for a moment Peyton thought about backing out. Wasn't she violating his privacy? But on the other side, she had searched through every cupboard already; this one too wouldn't hurt right?

Her hands disappeared in the safe and the first thing they discovered was his laptop, then his USB-stick and then her hands appeared with a thick book. Curiously she opened it and her eyes fell on a picture of her. As she started to browse through it, she found it contained more pictures of her and articles out of tabloids and papers.

Her heartbeat began to race ever so slightly, what did this mean? He had more articles about her then even she had realised were ever published. He had followed her from the beginning up until now. Did he want to know everything about her? He apparently hadn't missed a thing. Was this the proof she was looking for? Did this mean he loved her? Or was he just the best friend that was interested in how she was going, like he always had been?

She had reached the end and was about to give up when a decorated envelope fell out of the book.

She flipped it over and saw it was addressed to her. Another letter, she wondered. But this one had never been posted. There wasn't no sign it had ever been in a mail office. Her interest began to increase like the beating of her heart. She had already read twenty-four letters, one for each month she had been away from Tree Hill. A twenty-fifth just didn't fit in? Her interest reached its first peek as she dared to open the envelope and she slid the paper out. The date written on the corner of the letter was one that was between two letters he had written and posted.

Again doubts hit her. He hadn't posted this letter and hadn't given it to her so maybe it wasn't that important.

Or maybe it was … wasn't. Damn those stupid doubts.

It was addressed to her, than she had the right to read it. Right?

It wasn't like she was a huge fan of common sense. Her feelings had always been stronger then her ability to think straight eventually. She could use her common sense towards the world for a very long time, pretending. But when her feelings came into play, there was no way back, better know as betray/bitch/fool time.

The paper felt wonderfully good in her hand. She smoothed it out and her eyes began to read the sentences written in his beautiful yet masculine handwriting.

The rhythm of her heart was out of control as she laid eyes upon the first words. The echo of her heartbeats pounded between her ears.

Peyton was all of a sudden scared to death but still she began …

_My Dear Peyton,_

_I have not even been awake a minute yet. Everything around me is one big haze. Everything is unclear, everything but you. _

_You are as clear and bright as my dream that made me wake up in the middle of this lonely night. _

_It made me wake up with this need, so strong that I am writing this letter to you, to tell you what I feel. What I have felt since I met you and most of all since you left me behind._

_The truth is I have never felt so empty, so lonely, so somewhat betrayed. _

_The dream has cleared my mind and told me everything you are for me. _

_You are my stranger, my mystery, my friend, my lust, my best friend, my love. _

_You were not someone I knew until I first laid eyes on you and I was attracted to you so deeply. I wanted to know everything about you and you didn't let me in. Then you did, you let me make my way in so slowly. You became the reason why I began to play basketball away from the Rivercourt. You inspired to be someone different, someone that was hidden inside of me. The 'me' that wanted to come out for so long but was locked up by the circumstances of my life, and you let that 'me' come out. You became the reason I changed, changed into someone that I always knew I could be but I needed a reason, and that was you. _

_You attracted me even more when you opened up in your own way. You made my common sense fade and made my heart speak. Unfortunately for the others my heart speaks at a very physical way and so did yours._

_But then I had to get away from you. We both told ourselves it was for the better, even though deep down we knew much better than that. But I decided to stay away at a safe distance, even though it was hard and I knew my heart was lying and my common sense kicked in again. So I decided the best way was to be close to you, to know everything about you, to be so much for you, was to be your best friend. Nothing felt more rewarding than the trust you gave me, the private look into your soul that you made me earn._

_But the satisfaction it had always given me fell away after the shooting. After you told me you loved me, you became my love. I woke up inside, realising that I wanted you. But I couldn't let go of Brooke and by the time I really realised that it was you I wanted, you had disappeared with Pete. _

_I broke down, my heart was broken, I was miserable and I stopped growing because what made me want to grow was taken away. I still hang somewhere between being a boy and a man. _

_I am childish in the way I blame you for leaving me behind. I am a man in the way I want you, everything about you. But I am somewhere lost between the two with the way that I try and lay claim to you._

_Like I told you at the beginning of the letter I dreamt about you tonight, but not only about you but also about me, about us. _

_I was standing in the middle of somewhere. I can't remember exactly where, but it wasn't a place familiar to me. But it was home because all of sudden you were there, looking stunning._

_The way you came to me, so gracefully, your eyes were soothing and your lips speaking loving words but your body spoke pure lust. The way you moved was screaming you wanted to touch me and you wanted to be touched by me. _

_The first meeting of your lips on mine was nothing more than a soft press. Then you inhaled the breath I let escape and your warm lips tugged gently on my upper lip as you closed your emerald green eyes. Then your lust kicked in, making you greedier, your warm tongue slipping easily into my mouth. Our lips chased after the pace of our heartbeats. _

_It didn't take long before our lips ran out of satisfaction, we needed more. More touches, more skin, we needed more of each other. _

_Our hands went exploring, yours a little bit nervous but convinced and my hands are moving slowly and sensually, living their own life on your hot body._

_Clothes disappeared from our bodies at the pace of cars on a lonely highway. As my fingers touched your bare, sleek skin without any sort of fabric covering it, shivers ran straight over my spine. Getting goose bumps never felt so good. _

_It was just a matter of time before we became one, screaming out each others name. Our love making was gentle but passionate, making us burn inside._

_Every part of your body was involved. Your arms were strong when you embraced me, holding me near. Your fingers were so playful as they got lost in my thick blonde hair. Your legs were supple as you moved against me with this high level of need. Your toes curled in delight with every moment of pleasure I caused you. Your breasts, they were more beautiful. They were even perkier and firmer than I could have ever imagined. The sensual way they bounced when I moved inside you, it was like watching basketballs bounce on the court. Your stomach rose and fell with every aroused breath we took. The way you arched your back like a cat to get closer to me. What I remember most of all your beautiful face that was shining with the glow of true love. _

_We came as one, moaning and screaming. In the drunkenness of our bliss afterwards I asked you to marry me and you said 'yes'. Yes with so much confidence and want._

_Seasons flew by, filled with places and people. Your stomach grew with our love and suddenly everything was white, the white of Brooke's favourite fabric. We married with everyone who loved around us before we took off to a temporary paradise to return to another situation filled with whiteness. _

_The whiteness of a hospital room, filled with doctors and nurses. There we were, me standing beside you as you gave birth to our very first child._

_I don't remember the sex of our baby, but it doesn't matter as long as the baby is healthy and the baby is ours. _

_This was my dream, my dream about you, with you. It felt so real and so right that when I woke up, I realised that I want you, need you, love you, and that I can barely live without you…_

_I'll Love You Forever Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer_

_Much love Lucas _

A tear escaped from the corner of her right emerald green eye and rolled down over her smooth cheek to fall as a droplet onto the paper, fading his handwriting.

Realisation began to flow through her body. This realisation picked up relief along the way on its travels, and they were about to digest when a voice broke through her process.

"Peyton?" Lucas' voice sounded fearful and out of his element. Quickly she looked up and saw that the tone of his voice matched with the expression on his sudden pale face.

"W-What …?" Peyton cut him off by standing up, and suddenly a mixture of feelings she had had for him years back rushed through her body.

She walked to him like she was model, graceful and elegant. Her green eyes teary but telling him not to care. A simple word just rolled off her lips and flew through the air they both breathed. "Lucas." Her body burned with a sudden want and need towards him.

Peyton was right before him, her green eyes locking with his blue ones. Her crimson lips meeting his dark pink ones like two pieces of velvet brushed together. Shocked, a shiver escaped him against Peyton's slightly opened lips, making her chest rise against him. Her eyes fluttered closed and she took fate in her own hands. Once again, her lips captured his full upper lip. After feeling the slightest response from him, the fire inside that made her skin tingle increased like the rapidity of her heartbeats. Her tongue slipped into his warm mouth, with the intensity growing with every beat of their hearts.

Satisfaction soon faded as she needed more, more of him, more of what he brought her. Peyton's hands had a life of their own when they were suddenly caught in a slight grip.

"Peyton, what are you d-" Her warm smile, slightly teary eyes and shuddering body language made him stop himself when he saw her lips preparing to speak.

"This is what you dreamt Lucas. I want to be your dream. I want to be what you long for, who you long for. Everything you long for. I want to be it all. Most of all, I want to be yours."

A single tear escaped from her left emerald green eye, leaving a stain over her cheek, parallel with the stain of her former tear on her right cheek. Lucas couldn't prevent his blue eyes from filling with tears of happiness, he couldn't really believe what was happening right here and now in this room and in this moment.

Gently he brought his hands to her face, cupping it tenderly, the wet stains evaporating against his warm skin. Like she was a porcelain doll, he tilted her head back, their eyes locking again, saying more with one look than all the words in the English dictionary ever could.

Lucas slowly brought his lips down onto hers, giving them time to capture the feeling, the scent, the importance of this moment that would change their lives forever.

Lucas led their kisses, full of passion. His lead weakened as Peyton brought her enthusiasm into them, letting them lead this together. Peyton began to overpower her with her out of the blue obsession for him and the pleasure he could bring her body. She just loved the way his shaking hands ran over her body in this sexy way that made her shoot right up into seventh heaven. But slowly she was running behind satisfaction, this longing that had been in her for years that now, were exposed all at once and needed to be answered. She wanted also to fulfil his longing for her, just like he had planned for them. Nervously she began to tug on his clothes but again she met the grip of his big hands.

"No Peyton. It's okay. Let's stop here." He said in a breathy voice, his hand covering her fast beating heart. "This is perfect." He whispered blissfully and took her hand and laid it over his heart. "Can you feel it?" She felt an excited rhythm underneath her fingertips. "This is for you." He said and their eyes connected on a different level, never so intense and true.

"This is my dream Peyton. This is what I long for Elizabeth. This is everything Sawyer."


	26. Pretty in Punk

**_A/N: Warning for M-rated scenes later in the chapter. (I hope it doesn't suck because I am very very unhappy with this chapter) THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS ... I am blown away by the feedback. But I don't mind P So keep it coming!_**

**Pretty In Punk **

Morning. For some people the greatest time of day.

The scene of quietness caught between the dark and the light. Your mind holding you on to your dreams that which are your escape form reality for one night.

The realisation of a new day, a fresh twenty-four hours to fill your life with.

And for Lucas, the next twenty-four hours would be critical. They would decide the rest of his life.

He was only vaguely aware of that when consciousness pulled him away from his sleep. A softly groan escaped his full lips when he wanted snuggle up against the body beside him, and that for some odd reason wasn't there when he opened in blue eyes in amazement.

His eyes immediately began to search through his near proximity. His blue eyes were like the ones of an eagle: piercing. But soon he found what he was looking for. A blonde girl on the sofa with her knees to her chest.

"Peyton?" Her name escaped his lips when he probed himself on one elbow.

"Hi Lucas." She responded on an almost whispering tone. She suddenly looked fragile. The position she had forced herself into made you believe she was trying to protect herself from something awful.

Lucas hadn't expected to find her like this after yesterday, when they had confessed their love towards each other. Or kind of confessed. It hadn't been the ordinary 'I love you'-s. No. It had been so much more.

He had expected to lie next to him when he woke up. Her hazel eyes shining, and her soft lips into a smile. Not curled up into the couch in a short satin white bathrobe.

"What's up?" He asked when he crawled out the bed and walked towards her.

Peyton had learned through the years that you should go right to the point with him. Not hiding for the first ten sentences before telling the real thing. It was a wise lesson she had learned.

"This is just weird you know." She said while shrugging her shoulders uneasily.

Even his mind told him not to, Lucas decided to sit down next to her. Surprisingly she didn't pull away when he moved his arm around her shoulder. She didn't even bother and let her tired head rest on his shoulder. This really was a change, a positive change in her. She wasn't afraid anymore of getting 'bodily'. Or let's just say she didn't avoid it anymore.

"I know." He simply answered her. His fingers stroked her arm.

"I don't know how to act." She confessed quietly.

"Me neither." He followed.

Both blonds sighed. They realised this was not going to be easy.

"I just don't feel like we really 'a couple'. You know. And the fact I'm still m-"

Lucas cut her off with a little kiss on the lips. He had a plan.

"Maybe we should do things that made us feel like we're a couple." He said on a playful tone. His lips meeting hers again in peck, and again, and again.

"What do you suggest Mister Scott?" Peyton asked while her eyes shone mischievously as she got up and walked towards his bed.

Lucas' mind was filled with a ton of activities they could do to feel like a real couple. He couldn't help himself from preferring the activities that involved the less clothing. But he pushed them away and decided to propose something more gentlemen alike.

"Maybe we could go on a date." Lucas suggested.

"A date?" Peyton said, somehow straddled, her hand flew to her chest.

"Yeah. Like going out together, have fun, probably kiss." Lucas said lightly, nearing her. Tenderly he took a hold of her graceful hand. Lovingly he brought her hands to his mouth so he could press a sweet kiss on her knuckles.

"Maybe have a little after party under the sheets." And his mouth began to suck on the knuckles.

Peyton jerked her hand away. As Lucas looked up at her, she saw how taken back she was.

On the inside he cursed him again. Probably he was a little too eagerly. It had been just yesterday they had gotten together in a kind of odd situation. She wasn't even divorced yet, liked she had mentioned herself. Why couldn't he just control himself?

Like that was a difficult one. She was gorgeous and the love of his life and he hadn't get any since he broke up Brooke.

"Scratch the last one." He murmured apologising.

"What do you want to do. Concert? Movies? Go out for dinner?" He rambled, trying to forget the stupid thing he had said.

The look on her face got uncomfortable.

"What?" He asked.

"It's just. The paparazzi would see us and than the ball is rolling and with the divorce not even being out." She said. "Please don't hate me." She said when she saw the indescribable look on his face.

"I get it. But you're not getting away from that date missy. I'll figure something out." He said while locking their hands together. "Make sure you have to look nice." He whispered in her ear. "But I am sure that isn't going to be a problem." A smile grew over his face and his lips soon ended on her nose.

They both went separated ways. Lucas disappeared to downstairs and Peyton into her own room. More specifically into her closet.

She didn't want to look nice. Totally not. She wanted to look fabulous. For Lucas she wanted to look better than she had ever looked. She wanted to look like herself again.

Her fingers glided from the wood over the different kinds of material. After a half hour of searching through the dozens of dresses she owned, she decided it was hopeless to find anything and picked out seven dresses, because it was holy number, with her eyes closed.

The first one she had picked was a long black one with silken rose on the top and had a matching bracelet. But on second thought it looked depressing and more Halloween alike.

The second was a bright turquoise one with a split that reached over the half over her thigh and it had belt just underneath her breasts. Just a look on the dress made her feel uncomfortable.

The third one she had picked out was a long dress with African motives. She had bought it when they had gone to a party to celebrate the differences between all the cultures. It didn't look like a 'date-dress'. And actually she looked to pale for it.

Number four seemed to be transported straight from the sixties. It was green and this ridiculous buttons on her chest. She would look like a schoolgirl that was at least forty years too late for class.

The magic of the fifth one was also far lost. Why would she want to wear a bright blue sailor dress to her date with Lucas? She actually hadn't those pleasant memories about the dress. She had worn it when she and Pete had gone to California for a boat trip and she had managed to fall from the boat and ended up in the cold sea.

The desperation grew when she picked up number six. An American blue knee-dress with a red belt decorated with white stars. Her 4th of July dress. A little out of place maybe?

The last one, the seventh one was also disastrous. A pale blue strapless dress with baby pink details. The perfect Barbie prom dress. Between brackets: obviously not a Peyton dress.

Why did she feel so suddenly out of place? She had worn all those dresses, but not one made her feel like herself. Sure she liked them all. Or almost all.

But something was missing. Something that made the dress really 'hers'. This sort of magic. This piece of her that made her feel pretty and complete.

She needed that piece back, and she realised she wouldn't find it in this closet. She needed something new, she needed herself.

Like she was retro, something old but something new.

And she would find it. Maybe Chicago wasn't her hometown but that didn't mean it had no magic. Chicago had definitely magic. It wasn't as refined as Tree Hill's magic. It wasn't that warm. It wasn't that friendly. It wasn't that 'home'. But Chicago's magic was rough, rushing and slightly familiar.

It was a magic she had partly grown into. This little piece of another home, a temporary stay to find out for what she was destined to be for.

But she had to pay it its last respects. She would do it now.

Quickly she pulled on a pair of white pants and a red loose top and finished it off with her black leather jacket. She picked up her hand bag after she had slipped on her pair of most comfortable high heels. If she would say goodbye to shopping in Chicago, she would do it in style.

On her way out she passed Elle.

"You want to go out shopping with me." Peyton hoped deeply she could get her best friend here in Chicago to go with her. They had done it so many times before. But the blue-eyed blonde apologise. Duty was calling.

Slightly disappointed Peyton made her way on the Chicago streets. She had almost been sure it was Elle's day off. But maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was better if she did this alone. She had to find herself back, alone.

Without caring she passed all the expensive boutiques where she always shopped because Pete told her so. But not this time. This time isn't for Pete.

This time it was for Lucas and she would do more than her very best from him. He deserved the real her.

Her feet began to hurt in throbbing pain when she had been walking through Chicago for what seemed forever. Since losing Roxanne Peyton had been neglecting her body. She used to work out quiet often but after losing her precious daughter, it seemed like she had lost to connection with her body. She used to be pretty conscious of it and now she didn't feel like fitting in anymore.

Peyton was about to give herself a break when her eyes were attracted like magnets to some beautiful dresses in the show window of an old looking boutique. All forgetting about the pain in her feet she went inside.

She was overwhelmed by all the different colours and different materials in the little store. The shelves were old and the store was slightly dark even dust dared to twirl around in the sunlight that flew through the window.

For a brief moment Peyton closed her eyes to feel all of this. And she felt what she was looking for. The magic of Chicago. She found it in a second-hand clothing store. As most celebrities would hate it, she again was different from them, she simply adored this. She didn't need a unique Channel dress that would cost her a small fortune.

No, this is what she wanted. An old but new piece of clothing, an outfit with a story.

"Can I help you?" A redhead's voice welcomed Peyton.

"Yes. I am looking for a dress." Peyton replied, almost unconsciously she observed the other woman. She probably was nearing her forties. Peyton could read that from the woman's face. The face of the redhead began to show cracks and the side of her eyes and on the corners on her mouth. But her eyes had the same energy as twenty-one year old girl that was ready to discover the world.

"The occasion?" The warm voice embraced Peyton.

"A date." Peyton said shyly and felt a pink blush creep upon her cheeks. She never thought that the idea of a date with Lucas Scott would make her blush.

The woman smiled brightly before excusing herself. After a few minutes the redhead returned with her arms full of dresses. She hung them on the side of a closet, ten dresses.

Peyton immediately disliked six of them. If they weren't too much revealing, they didn't reveal anything at all. She felt the most attracted to this black empire dress. But in the back of her head was a little voice screaming that she should get over the 'black' and move on. It was time to leave the mourning behind. Or at least for one night.

The black one was also out. Only a red and a green dress remained.

"Do these dresses have a story?" Peyton asked. She loved the story behind something.

"Well." The woman began. "The red one was from a girl who was at her way to a party but she fell of the stairs and broke her leg. And the green one was from a woman who found her man cheating on her on her tenth wedding anniversary."

Peyton shrunk inside. That wasn't really the magic she was looking for. Those two dresses were like a recipe for bad luck.

"Do you have other dresses?" Peyton asked.

The older woman thought and after a minute she left again without saying anything. After a few minutes she returned with the most gorgeous dress Peyton had ever seen.

"The story after this dress is," The redhead began when she had hung the purple dress on the closet. "This was the dress of a girl who was supposed to be her sister's maid of honour at her sister's wedding. She never wore it because the day of her sister's wedding her boyfriend asked to marry her and she married the same day as her sister."

Peyton was charmed by the dress. Her hand ran over the royal purple chiffon. The feel of it made her shiver from head to toe. She closed her hazel eyes and saw herself wrapped in the beautiful piece of fabric. How the little ties graced her waist and shoulders. The sexy touch of the see through fabric that started above her collar bone and ran down to her shoulder blades. The heat in her body grew by the thought of Lucas' fingers playing with the ties on her shoulders. Just this all took her breath away.

"I am taking this one." She said after putting it on. "I am so taking this one."

A strange feeling, something like blissful and relieved washed over here. She was about to pay when her hazel eyes flew to a little cupboard from glass. A collection of rings, bracelets and necklaces shined in it.

The saleswoman saw her looking at them.

"I make them myself." She said. "You see anything you like?"

And yes Peyton did saw something she liked. She saw something she fell in love with.

A very simple silver necklace with a fantasy of a diamond heart on it. A diamond letter was trapped in the outlined heart.

"Do you have that necklace with a 'R'?" Peyton asked, pointing at the adorable necklace.

"Yes I have." She answered and opened a drawer in her counter. With her elegant hands she took the necklace out.

"You are very lucky. There are only a few letters available." She said with a warm voice.

"Why?" Peyton's curiosity was awakened.

"I make them myself and I only made a collection with the first letters of my sibling's first names. So I only have a set with the 'J' because my brother's name is Jeroen, with the 'E' and the 'R' because my sisters are called Evelien and Roos. And with the 'P' because my name is Paulien." She said while smiling, she had such a heart-warming smile.

"Odd names." Peyton said while looking at the necklace.

"Ooh. They are Dutch names. My parents have a diamond shop in Antwerp in Belgium. But I fell in love with this city when I came on business trip here."

A half hour later Peyton was a happy girl when she was looking for a cab. She had the dreams she dreamt of, the shoes, a little collection of jewellery.

She had bought the necklace, the matching bracelet, the matching ring and the matching earrings. Paulien assured her she would make extra letters for her if she wanted to. Probably because Peyton had paid the original price multiply with three. Paulien at first didn't want the extra money but Peyton wanted to thank her one way or another for this.

And through she had paid triple the price and already a dress and shoes she still had a part of her budget. Maybe it was because she was used to have a big shopping budget the past two years. But she knew once she was discovered there wouldn't be much shopping budget anymore. And honestly, she was fine with that, she was through with expensive designer cloths.

After doing another stop, Peyton finally was back at the hotel. She was about to open the door of her room when she was stopped by Lucas.

"Don't open that door." He said when he flew across to hallway to her.

"Why?" She asked innocently but she had already a slight idea.

"Because I have a surprise in there." He said quickly and kissed a sweet kiss to her mouth. Peyton closed her eyes to savour the moment, and she couldn't suppress a very little moan.

"I'll take your room to change than." She simply stated but Lucas caught her wrist gently before she could do two steps.

"That one is kind of in use too." He said. There was this tinkling in his blue eyes that made Peyton feel warm inside.

"You can change in my room." Elle's voice flew up and she closed Lucas' door behind her. She handed her the key card.

"Wasn't today your free day?" Peyton asked. The blonde was sure she was right.

"Yes. But Lucas' asked to help him. Just go change and be back in an hour. You'll see what we've done." She said and looked at Lucas like the two shared a big secret. If Peyton only knew …

In five minutes Peyton stood before the door of Elle's room. She had been in this part of the building before, had stand here before but never had been inside the room. She opened the door and was surprised at how small the room actually was.

Seven by seven meters, just enough space for a single bed, a cupboard, a little table and two chairs, a small couch and a television. Peyton got almost tears in her eyes by seeing this, she realised that she had been living in a dream the last two years. The French girl's bathroom was as disastrous. Only a small bath and shower in one. A cheap looking sink and toilet.

Peyton undressed herself and took a shower. After that she couldn't decide what to do with her hair. Curls were who she was. Or rather who she used to be. The teenager that run away. Curls and stern straight mixed up was who she was in Chicago, she couldn't decide. And now she wanted to do something new. Her blonde hair had grown pretty long over the last months. It reached until the end of her shoulder blades. She decided to straighten it again, but loosely.

After that she began on her task of putting on her lingerie. It would take the most time. Probably it would take more time to put them on than for Lucas to get them off. Or was that wishful thinking? When he mentioned anything like that this morning she went freaking out and now she longed for it somehow.

After struggling with the lingerie she got to her dress. With much care she putted it on, let herself be wrapped in the magic. Than her shoes. Now it was time for her make up. In her purse she only had lipstick and mascara but she didn't need more.

She opened Elle's closet, remembering that the girl had told her that she had a large mirror on the inside of the door. Even she said it herself, Peyton didn't look bad. She even thought she looked pretty, and that was already a long time ago when that thought had crossed her mind.

After loosing Roxanne she had been taken away to dark places by the monsters of depression. She had stayed in the words of the shadows of sorrow. Everything had been black. And now suddenly there was a dark cloud that had been shoved away and there was light again.

The dress was like a glove over body. Or maybe the little corset underneath it helped a bit. After loosing Roxanne Peyton really had been careless with her body. From not eating anything to eating everything in reach for time to time made her weight go into the jojo movement.

She took a deep breath, looked one last time in the mirror to see if her hair looked decently. And it did, it looked different but good different. Her hair had grown in to different shades of blonde. From sunny blonde at the top of her head to the illusion of brown on the ends of the locks. And she had left the straight hair and the curls behind because now it playfully waved.

She grasped for her necklace and let her fingers embraced the heart which captured the 'R', the 'R' from Roxanne. No constant black anymore to remind herself of her lost daughter. She wouldn't be remembered anymore as grief, only as a beautiful of piece of her being. The best of herself.

She grabbed her little purse and hurried down the hallways to Lucas' room. She was in the elevator when her cell phone went off. She really needed to change her ringtone, no 'The Take Over, The Break's Over' for her anymore of this phone call.

"Hello." She answered her phone. "Miss Wentz. Or should I say Miss Sawyer. You're getting divorced tomorrow. Be in Pete's room at 8 am."

The smile on face must have been huge because when the elevator doors opened she met Lucas amazed face.

"What are you so happy about?" He asked while offering her his hand.

"I am getting divorced tomorrow." She screamed and jumped into his arms, not caring if she crumbled his blue-grey button down shirt.

They hugged for a moment longer and than Lucas leaded her further into the hallway. They had the Fall Out Boy-part of the hotel for them alone since the group was out for a public appearance on TV.

Like a real gentleman Lucas opened the door for her and leaded her of her room. The room was almost fully dark. Almost. Except from the candlelight that glow from the table and on every place available.

"Luke?" She brought out amazed.

"Sshh. Just enjoy." He whispered into her ear. The hot breath tickling it causing shivers to run over her back.

The whole dinner they flirted like there wouldn't be a world tomorrow. They were undressing each other with their eyes. The'inappropriate' touches underneath the table-cloth. Than came dessert, chocolate covered strawberries.

Their hands had crept closer to one another's on the table-cloth until their fingertips touched.

"What happened to your hand?" Lucas asked shocked when he noticed the bruised knuckles.

"I-I-." She didn't get much chance to say anything before Lucas picked her hand of from the table and cupped it in his hands. Then he brought it softly to his mouth and let his mouth enclose each knuckles. Sensual little waves of pain followed through her body. Goosebumps spreading all over her skin.

"I bruised it when I kind of get angry of your safe." She murmured embarrassed. He only looked up at her and smiled sweetly before letting his lips slide from her knuckles over her fingers to press a kiss to her palm. Then slowly laid it back down on the table.

He noisy exhaled while he looked at her, took her in. She was looking so beautiful. For the first time in months her hazel eyes were shinning with the same fragile glow than the sun on the first day of spring. Her lips were graced with a genuine smile. And her hair, she suddenly looked so mature in some sort of way. So feminine. So how she was supposed to be.

After dinner Lucas leaded Peyton to his room and let her choose a movie to watch at. She choose 'Tristan&Isolde' because she never had seen it. She knew Gavin DeGraw made the soundtrack and the song was so beautiful. The movie must be the same.

They sneaked into the couch and cuddled up against each other. They both enjoyed the feeling of being so close to each other. The feeling this invoked was so heart-warming and cosy.

When the movie ended Peyton turned around in his embrace and looked up at him. Very slowly she let her lips near his. They met in a lovely little kiss. Peyton began to deepen their kisses and it was hard for Lucas to resist with a body that longed for her touch, but he first wanted to do something else.

"Get up." He brought out when she finally broke away from him for some oxygen.

"What are we going to do?" She asked confused when she got up eventually.

"We're going to take a little walk."

Only five minutes later they were in the garden of the hotel. The green space was beautifully peaceful at night but Peyton had never noticed that. She had always been too busy to enjoy the calming feeling this place could bring her.

Their feet began to move in sync and their hands entangled again. Her hurt one with his strong one. This was the proof. Love hurts but it only makes it stronger.

Her head collided gently with his shoulder as they walked on the pads paved with stones. This was it. This calm. It was something that only existed between the two of them.

Lucas still wasn't used to her more 'bodily' behaviour but tenderly threw his strong left arm around her fragile shoulders. They walked between the trees, bushes and flowers not sharing a word. The silence was enough to tell them what they needed to know.

As the darkness began to break by the light of the uncountable stars in the sky and the sounds of the birds and insects in the garden started to fade into nothing. Lucas' longings came to life. They awoke from their sleep after so many years of nightmares. Tonight they would dream.

The air of the night made them feel freer and more daring. And Lucas' fingers crept over her arms to play with the ties of Peyton's dress that rested on her shoulders.

"Lucas?" Peyton said on a firm tone but the only thing that followed was a throaty moan from his side. This was building too high on him. This pressure was too big. His longings wanted to dream.

And Peyton saw that. This look in his eyes. She couldn't deny him anything anymore. Because tonight, tonight would be from only them.

Like two horny teenagers they stumbled back to his room. Hitting walls and objects in the progress of getting there as fast as possible without losing too much physical contact. As soon as the door slammed shut there was nothing more than hands, lips, moans and groans and skin on skin.

Her hands were like tornados on his body. Her flexible fingers unbuttoned his shirt while her lipstick-covered lips kissed him everywhere in her reach. As soon as the shirt pooled down on the floor her hands flew his belt, unbuckling it only cost her only a few seconds. The zipper of his pants shared the same fate. Her body was about to shut her mind out when she saw his arousal through his blue boxers, but Lucas interrupted her. He wanted to savour this moment.

He sucked in a deep breath of dry hotel air filled with passion. He took her in from head to toe before placing his warm hands onto her covered skin. His fingers sneaked through the loops of her ties on her dress and with one motion they both were untied. The material fell of her upper body, the royal purple lingerie appearing.

Peyton grew impatient with Lucas' lack of actions so she decided to get herself out of the dress. It only took her few seconds to wiggle out of the purple chiffon.

And there it was, a gorgeous set of deep purple lingerie all for Lucas's ocean blue eyes to adore.

The only thought that crossed his mind was that she must be an angel. She looked so innocent but playful in the purple with white detailed thin fabric.

Lucas had a hard time trying to catch his breath when she neared him.

"I could use a hand with these." She said pointing at the various items that still covered her body. And Lucas was happy to help. God, sure he was, this was what he had been dreaming about since the first moment he laid eyes on her years and years back.

His masculine hands moved behind her and his long fingers finding the loops which he loosened. The corset widened as her fuller figure made its escape. Only a few moments later the feminine garment met the ground.

Lucas wondered why Peyton so desperately seemed to hide her figure. Her curves had grown fuller with her pregnancy. She looked even more stunning to him now. Maybe she still was in secret denial of what had happened and badly tried to hide the tracks it left.

But the thought soon flew out of the imaginary window when he saw her hazel eyes grow lustful and her hands flew into his thick blond hair and her lips met his.

Lucas' hands were warm and strong when they travelled over the bare skin of her sides and his fingers welcomed the feel of her gather belt. His deep blue eyes stumbled down over her body and his gaze landed over her long legs.

Control was like a cube of ice that melted against their bodies. The heat that radiated of their bodies made control melt. Lucas scooped her up and placed her on the bed. As soon as Peyton felt the butt hit the soft sheets she let herself fall back into them, the thick mattress letting her bounce back slightly. She adored the feeling that the softness brought her, while taking in a deep, shuddering breathe she stretched herself out. Her arms travelled from above her head to her sides and her feet landed on his chest.

A sensation so deep that it seemed to come from a place he had no idea he had, overflowed Lucas. Looking down upon her, her legs seemed to go own for miles. His hands went to chase over them, the nylon against his rough hands creating a friction that made his blood even flow faster through his veins.

His fingers collided with purple gathers. Very slowly, almost torturing slow, he freed the nylon stockings. His hands embraced her leg, pulled the stocking downwards, his lips following directly. He kissed each toe before letting the nylon pool on the ground. The other leg deserved and got the same treatment.

Lucas' full lips paid special attention to Peyton's shot wound scar. The skin around it was extremely tender. Tender that could make run shivers over your spine, in either pleasure or pain, but this time it was definitely pleasure.

Her breath became ragged. The amount of oxygen she took in wasn't barely the amount that ended up back in her longs, the various moans and murmurs stole it.

Her pearl white teeth were buried in her lower lip and Lucas saw how her eyes closed to intensify the feelings that build in her belly. Lucas couldn't help but smirk. He had never dared to think that he could have this effect on her. His favourite blonde laying there, unable to be motionless and her lips releasing adoring words all for him.

Also the second piece of nylon pooled on the ground and only seconds later the gather belt fell in between them.

He was nearing destiny. Only two items and she would be his. He must be dreaming, he just felt so funny all at once. But this just couldn't be happening. This was too good to be true.

But true it was when Peyton took a hold of his hand and placed each one them on her breasts. Her heart pounded against her chest.

Lucas crawled on the bed and placed himself on his knees before pulling Peyton flush against him. His hands moved behind her back but they failed to unclasp the bra, his fingers were just trembling too much, he was growing more nervous on the same pace as the rhythm of his heart. Fast. Peyton noticed his fumbling and reached behind her back and unclasped the soft garment for him.

"Were these what you were looking for?" She husked out after putting her hands behind her so his blue eyes could admire the newly exposed flesh for the very first time in his life.

"Exactly." He managed to bring out before his warm rough hands enclosed her both supple breasts. "Exactly." He repeated, still trying to figure out of this was a dream or not.

His hands ventured down to her lower regions. The feeling under his fingertips changing from smooth and sweaty to smooth and tickling. His hands were itching and his instincts grew like animal-like when his goal was just one obstacle away.

His lust had overtaken him. He was so occupied with her and her body and the thought how much he wanted her that he didn't feel how painful his manhood throbbed and ached for attention. But Peyton did. Her fingers were like electricity against his skin when she pulled at his boxers. Their eyes locked and an agreement was made in silence. At the same moment they pulled down each other's underwear and it went flying through the air to end up on the ground.

This was real, hit Lucas. This was real and so perfect. She was perfect. And she was his, finally his.

It was like his mind was plugged out and his body was in control. Peyton cocked her eyebrow up and his intense look. She was the prey he would devour.

Peyton wrapped her legs around his back and from there on it just went unbelievably fast. All of a sudden he felt himself entering her. Her wet walls stretching out to take him in. A painful groan escaped her went she tried to accommodate all of him. She couldn't help it when one little tear zigzagged over her cheek. This must be how it feels. Feeling complete.

Very slowly he pulled out, almost fully pulled out to than thrust back in with some force when she was about to protest. She wailed when he did that. And each little sound she made caused his rhythm to pick up.

The voice in the back of his head was telling him to pay more attention to her instead unbridling himself on her. But he just couldn't help himself. He had dreamt of this moment a thousand times before. Maybe wasn't the perfect scenario, but this was the language that his body spoke and not his mind. And his mind was in control. Neither Peyton seemed to complain about the lack of attention. She was humming with her eyes closed, her fingers playing with his hair and little kisses were pressed upon on the skin she could reach.

His pace picked up dramatically and he was nearing his climax. He knew. But it was too quickly. This couldn't be already. He would do anything to make this last forever. And he knew something that would bring him a little closer to forever.

Pulling her unexpectedly on top, causing her to moan with surprise and pleasure when he buried himself into her from a delicious new angle, intensifying her pleasure by delaying his own orgasm.

Between his thrusts upwards, Lucas grabbed Peyton's hands which were softly rubbing over his muscled abdomen.

He took her hands, bring them up with his for leverage. Both sharing the control over their endless pleasure, cooperating their movements from him thrusting upwards into her and she grinding her hips into his.

Lucas saw her searching for release as her the picked up feverish, letting her hips crash faster and more forceful into his. Also Lucas was on the edge, he could feel how is body was preparing itself for the big explosion. And suddenly he stilled his movements, letting her eyes fly open in surprise and her moaning disappeared disappointed.

She found his blue eyes grinning at her, and she knew what he was doing. He was delaying their moment of such great highs.

Peyton gives him a naughty look before Lucas decided to pull her lips down onto his, hard, and letting them meet in a hot open-mouth kiss. Her tongue immediately started to explore the depths of his sweet mouth.

Without any announcement Lucas plunged deeply into her, and letting her groan out in unforeseen pleasure.

Her hips taking up a dramatic rhythm as Lucas obligated them it by crashing faster and faster into her. Peyton was dangling over the edge of release with her eyes squeezed shut to multiply her enjoyment. Her slender body was all sweaty and shaky preparing itself to be taken over soon. Lucas decided to help her by untangling one hand and letting it travel down between her breasts and over her tummy then letting the finger dip into her belly button before slowing down as it got closer to its destiny.

Peyton groaned out in expecting and then his fingers reached down, and rubbed her clit furiously causing her to scream out his name when she went over the edge. She was milking his cock so hard he went just seconds after her, and letting the spasm take control over his weakening body.

Their breathing grew back to normal while their bodies sneaked into each other's loving embrace with the last power they had before sleep would come and overmaster them.

Lucas never felt this … he didn't know how to describe it but he knew where it came from.

His longings dreams had come true, and not only the ones from his longings.

"I've got two tickets for a flight to Tree Hill for tomorrow." Lucas whispered into the air of their bliss.

"Perfect." Peyton whispered.

Tomorrow would finally start what they were meant to be for.


	27. The Carpal Tunnel of Love

**_A/N: Hey hey. The new chapter. I don't think there will be another chapter on Sunday (I am sorry) since I am still working on another for Heartbeats, so it might take some time before I update again. It can even be a few weeks so ... I'll try my best to not let that happen. But that doesn't have to stop you from enjoying this one. And who's all thrilled for the premiere tomorrow? I am (it makes me forget about the fact school starts tomorrow so ;-) ) Let's pray for Leyton... Thanks for reading already! (Ooh, little thing, this is my first chapter ever with real flashbacks and they are in italics)_**

**The Carpal Tunnel Of Love**

This was the point of no return.

That was the thought that hit the two young blonds when they placed the first step on solid Tree Hill ground.

This was the moment of truth.

For the male blond this meant going back home. For the boy it was a home where his mother and little sister waited for him. It meant returning to friends that became his family, and family that became his friends. It meant being welcomed with opened arms.

For the female blonde it was another story. For the girl it meant returning to a house that was empty. No open arms to fall into. It was even doubtful it the house she considered as her home would even welcome here since the owner, better known as her father, had abounded her after being careless with their family traditions.

The blond boy knew as soon he would see his friends and family back, he would be in the middle of a storm of love. The wind would be the hugs, the droplets of rain the kisses.

But the blonde girl. She was afraid and almost sure she would be in the darkness of the storm. She would be on the sidelines and see it pass while she wouldn't get a droplet or a breeze upon her.

Would they shut her out the same way she had shut them out when she left them without saying a word?

She was feeling scared to death. This wouldn't be easy. This was going to be hard and painful. She felt ashamed about the way she had handled this situation. This cheap way of shutting everyone out. Not giving them the chance to say goodbye or to convince her she was wrong.

Peyton turned her head and her eyes drowned into Lucas' blue eyes. She drowned in the feeling his eyes radiated, this gentleness that was like a part of his being, this security he waved around her like a cocoon but most of all his ability to soothe her and assure her things would turn out just fine if he was by her side.

_A low and long groan slipped from her lips the moment she woke up. Contentment was like the warmth of the sheets around her body. Her hazel eyes opened slowly to take in the sight beside her. A man wrapped into the sheets, his muscular torso exposed and his face in an extremely peaceful expression._

_She moved herself closer to him. Her lips were preparing for a sweet kiss on his lips when a warm and mumbling voice shot up. _

"_Good morning Peyton." Were the words that escaped his full lips, his eyes still closed. _

"_Good morning Lucas." She responded while her face hovered above his, their noses touched. His blue eyes opened when they got involved in the sweetest Eskimo kiss. A content sigh escaped him. This was too beautiful to be true. _

"_Did you enjoy last night?" His sudden insecure voice wrapped around her. _

"_Off course." She whispered, her fingers trailing figures on his chest. "The food was delicious. The movie was …" _

_A growl rose up from deep in his throat. The teasing was over, she knew what he meant. _

"_You were great Luke." She sighed in his ear. Her warm breathe against his earlobe caused shiver to run over his back. "Simply amazing." His earlobe got caught between her supple lips. "Wow!" _

_Like a flash, a feeling of sexual pride rushed through him. In less than a few seconds Lucas had lifted her upon himself. The pride didn't stay ignored by Peyton._

"_Well. It looks like someone else is awake too." She whispered playful against the skin of his neck. She was pulling the sheets away when suddenly her damned cell phone began to ring and vibrate against the inside of her purse that was tossed onto a cupboard. _

"_Damn!" Escaped her lips before she wiggle away from Lucas, not caring if she lost the sheets , until her purse was in hand reach. _

"_Hello." She tried to sound as normal as possible under the circumstances of Lucas looking at her like he was a fourteen year old boy and she was the model of the cover on his first Playboy._

"_Miss Wentz. I wonder where you are? I am waiting for you in Pete's room, you're already a half hour late." The voice of her lawyer sneaked in her ear._

"_Shit." A word with a mixed meaning. What won? Her being late to sign her divorce papers or her new lover that captured his breasts in his delightful hands. _

"_I'll be there in a quarter." She tried to bring out without letting a moan slip as Lucas' fingers ran over her nipples teasingly. _

"_Don't hurry Miss Wentz. Mister Wentz agrees that we push it until 1 pm if you're not ready." A desperate though of Pete filled with the hope Peyton would have changed her mind and decided not to walk away from him. But that thought would vanish. She was hours away from walking away from him, and by her side the most wonderful boyl she had ever known. The feeling of his hand in hers was like nothing she had ever known, she had never felt this sure that he wouldn't leave._

And he wouldn't leave. As they were standing there with entangles hands waiting for their luggage. They caught Lucas' two suitcases first, his bag already on his shoulder. He returned with the same number of bags, almost the same number of cloths but with an uncountable amount of memories and life lessons.

But than he caught Peyton's baggage. And the quantity had definitely grown, she had left with one bag and all she knew was how screwed up her life had been in this one place she had to call home but she refused to. And now she was standing back here …

_She had never noticed, but actually this little room musty for some sort of reason. Or was it only a thought?_

_It suddenly looked like a disaster, chaotic. _

_Materials, colours and details fighting for attention, battling in front of the eyes._

_What did they say about your personality reflects into your stuff? _

_Looking at this closet, it was easy to see the owner was doubtful, clumsy and absentminded? _

_Kind of like Peyton right? _

_And now she stood there, realising how she was and how much this had been a part of her and would always. She could never say goodbye to those 'qualities' and neither she could say goodbye to all of this cloths. _

_But she realised she couldn't take everything home so she decided to subdivided her close into three categories. The ones she wanted to keep, the cloths she would give away to charity and the cloths she would bring back to the store to hopefully get the money back. Even through that was pathetic since she was 'Pete Wentz's wife' but in a few hours she wouldn't be anymore and with that, the financial faucet would be turned off. She barely had any money of her own. The only money she had made the last two years was with the designs for the Fall Out Boy clothing line. _

_It took her two hours to divide the cloths into their own categories now she had to pack and get dressed. The packing took another half hour. In a rush she ate when Lucas was packing up his own stuff. _

_The hands of the clock neared 1 pm and suddenly a feeling so big and strong hit her that she felt instantly dizzy. She leaned against the shelves for support, the dress she would wear in the tight grip of her hands. At that exact moment Lucas decided to come in._

"_Wow! Does someone want to make up for the missed opportunity this morning?" He couldn't help himself when he saw her standing in only a black bra and panties. His lips pecked onto hers but no response came, it was than that he noticed something was up. It was than he noticed she looked deadly pale. _

"_Wow. What's up?" He said when he saw tears balancing on her eyes. His hands immediately on her cheeks, tilting her head up so she couldn't do anything but look him in the eye. _

"_This is real." She whispered so silent that he couldn't hear her. _

"_What?"_

"_I am getting divorced." Her hands were shaky she brought them up to his. "I don't know what do to do Lucas?" _

_The fact she called him Lucas instead Luke was suddenly making him chill. Panic was like a swift drug spreading through his system. _

_Was she regretting that she would divorce Pete? Was she regretting what they did yesterday? Was she regretting he had come down here and ruined her life with her rock star?_

_But than he felt the grip on his hands and a string in the look of her hazel eyes that she was desperate for love. His love._

_No she wasn't regretting anything. She was just scared, like she always had been when something in her world changed. But he would help her. _

_The hands on the clock jumped into their place showing everyone who wanted to see, it was 1 pm. 1 pm in Chicago and a life would change, dramatically …_

And it was a good thing that Lucas was beside her to help her because when she became hyperaware of the familiar surroundings, doubt and fear hit her like a lightning.

Meeting Brooke, Nathan, Haley and Karen was just minutes away. Meeting Chase, Jamie, Lily was the same amount of minutes away.

Would she be acceptance? Would she fit in again? Would she be a part of what they were again?

Would she be Brooke's "Hoes Over Bros, Buds Over Studs" again?

Would she be Nathan's bitchy and dark ex-girlfriend but best friend again?

Would she be the girl again that encouraged Haley's music, the friend that tried to make their fragile friendship work, would she be that girl again?

Would she be the girl that Karen knew as the only girl that could make her son happy?

Would she still be who she was for them?

Would she become a new friend from Chase?

Would she become the aunt of James 'Jamie' Lucas Scott?

Would she become the sister in law of Lily Roe Scott? Even through that was weird to say since the girl was only a child.

Or would she be the girl that ran off to her rock star boyfriend when things got too intense?

She would learn that in only moments as the automatic doors opened to the hall of the arrivals.

_Lucas' fingers were entangled with hers when her other hand knocked onto the door of Pete's room. She took in deep breath, let a new portion of oxygen travelled to her lungs but she didn't had to chance to breath out properly when the door was opened by her lawyer._

_Her hand freed herself from Lucas' hand. She had to do this alone. _

_Both blonds stepped in. The tension was cutting and frightening. Lucas hesitated for a moment but decided to press a kiss to Peyton's forehead before taking off to sit down on the couch next to Patrick, Any and Joe. _

_For a brief moment she closed her eyes, tried to embrace this in her mind while she took in another deep breath. She invoked the impression of a girl who was here to adjoin a funeral. And someone how she was, was this event a funeral. The funeral of Chicago Peyton and her marriage to Pete Wentz. Today, these two things would be buried to grieve. So her black pumps, her black dress with double straps and the black headband were not inappropriate. The detail of a weird yellow/orange belt didn't exactly lighten the outfit up in this case. _

_She opened her eyes again, she needed to get this over with. Even through black letters on a white paper never had been this scary. Her lawyer repeated in short lines the most important things for her and than looked at Pete's lawyer who had done the same with him. _

_There was a moment of hesitation that made the room lose his breath before Peyton picked up the silver ballpoint. The last spark of hope shattered in Pete's heart and fell to pieces when she scratched her signature under the paper. _

_A tear rolled down her cheek, it almost pass by unnoticed but not for Lucas who rose up and walked to her. His big hands fell onto her tiny shoulders but she shrugged them off. At this moment she couldn't take it. She looked at Pete who had finally picked up the pen but didn't do any move to sign. _

_Pete's brown eyes searched through the room, he looked at his band mates and his lawyer. He looked to Peyton. He looked for a reason to not sign. His eyes fell on Peyton's hand were he suddenly found no ring. She noticed it and took it out of her purse before laying it down on the sheet of paper. _

_A helpless tear escaped the black-haired boy's eye and suddenly he didn't look that rock 'n' roll anymore. He brushed the droplet away almost furiously and than scratched his name on the paper._

_They were officially divorced._

_Lucas was about to embrace Peyton when she stood up but instead she walked away from him and towards Pete who was about to slam the door shut._

"_Pete!" She yelled and he stopped instantly before turning around with the hope that she would tell him they were making a mistake. But she didn't. Instead she leaded him into a corner of his room, away from Lucas and the other Fall Out Boy members and the lawyers. She needed to take care of one last thing._

"_Pete." She softly said touching his hand, trying to control her tears. "Don't do this. Don't walk away from it like you always do when things get too intense." He looked away, his eyes on the ground. She felt like she was talking to herself in more than one way._

"_Hey look at me!" She said while placing her hands on his face, turning it to her so he had to look at her. _

"_I know this isn't going to be easy. Not for you and not for me. But it's for the best." He still tried to turn his head away, frustrating Peyton who desperately tried not to cry. _

"_This isn't what we planned. What we thought it would be. But this isn't meant to last. We can't fight what's our destiny Pete. And I know you know that. Roxanne was our sign." She whispered but he freed himself from her grip and walked away. Or at least did an attempt to. _

"_Damn it Pete! Open your eyes! You deserve someone who truly loves you and that person isn't me!" He stopped immediately at her words._

"_I loved you. I did. But it has fades since … since Roxanne." She needed time to swallow her tears away._

"_And I don't want us and especially I don't want to see you unhappy. You deserve happiness, and success, and love. And with me by your side, it won't happen. There is someone out there that is able to give you it all." She neared him again._

"_But it's not me. And I deserve all those things too, and I can't find them with you. But I'll find them with someone else." Pete's glare immediately shot to Lucas. His brown eyes darkened._

"_Hey it's not what you think. Yes, Lucas and I are together but not when we were together. We got together the day before yesterday."_

_Pete now was sure that he wanted to leave the room, to leave this all behind, he didn't want his dream to shatter even more. But again Peyton let him. _

"_Don't walk away like this. Please?! I want to end this as friends. I don't hate you and deep in your heart you know you don't hate me either." She stopped for a moment and saw the effect of them on Pete. He stilled and she knew tears weren't far away anymore. _

"_I still got something for you." She walked over to him and looked him in the eye. She opened his hand and dropped a silver ring with a diamond 'R' on it in his palm. "I want you to have this. To remind you of Roxanne." Silence returned for a few seconds. "Our baby girl, our daughter." She whispered and now Pete was really crying. _

_Peyton couldn't help herself when a few tears rolled down her cheeks. Her hands rose up and she wiped away his precious tears. _

"_One day, you'll be thankful. One day, you'll understand." She said and looked him deeply into the eye and finally saw him looking back._

_She let go of him, nodded to Lucas who stood up and intended to walk over to Peyton._

"_Wait!" Now it was Pete's turn. "I want you to keep this." He said that while he gave laid her wedding ring in her open palm. "As memory to this all." He said and she saw it in his eyes, he was letting go. _

"_You know I am not that much a 'ring' person right. But for you I'll do it." She took him in her embrace and for a moment clung onto him for dear life, like she had done the past two years._

"_Thank you Pete. Thank you for giving me this amazing opportunity. Thank you for taking care of me when I needed you the most. Thank you for being my best friend, lover and husband. Thank you for the taste of this life. Thank you for Roxanne, our only daughter. The first real Fall Out Girl. Now we'll always have anything in common. Thank you so much Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz the Third." She whispered into his ear so nobody would hear it. This was a private matter. And for a moment his tight embrace took her breath away._

_They finally broke apart to be surrounded by Any, Joe and Patrick. They all looked at Peyton with tears in their eyes. And suddenly she felt three pairs of arms around here, hugging her with an amount of friendship nobody could top. _

"_We're going to miss you Peyt." They said in union._

_And she would miss them too. This was goodbye._

And there they stood. Karen Roe with Lucas' little sister Lily in her arms. Nathan and Haley Scott with their son Jamie holding onto both their hands. Brooke Davis and Chase Adams also holding hands.

And the moment the both blonds caught the seven people eye, Karen putted Lily down on the ground who ran to Lucas the fastest her little legs could carry her.

"Lucas!" And for the first time in her short lifetime she said his name in one breath.

"Lily!" Lucas scooped his little brunette sister of the ground and spun her around, causing the little girl to giggle. And they all gathered around him like he was some sort of hero.

'I missed you-s' and 'I love you-s' twirled around like snow flakes and Peyton fell into the loneliness she had immensely feared for, until. Until …

"I missed you so much P.Sawyer." Brooke threw her arms around the blonde and hugged her with the same warmth they had always shared.

Now it was official.

He was home, she was home. They were home. After what seemed the journey of a lifetime.


	28. Champagne for My Real Friends

**_A/N: Hey hey, here I am again. Another chapter, I am not fully statisfied, but I hope it will do it. Sorry for not updating last Sunday or this Sunday. Well, last Sunday, my chapter wasn't finished and I felt guilty for not having anything for you, so I wrote the biggest part of the first chapter for another, new story. Maybe some of you noticed or even read, I have a new story up here (and sorry, no Leyton this time), it's called Coming To Terms. And yesterday, my beta-reader Shannon (hi Shannon!) asked me for an extra day so she could beta the chapter so (and since I am clearly someone who needs their chapters to be beta-ed) ... but it's here now, I hope you'll enjoy! -&- Thanks again a 1 000 000 times already for all the reviews I have already gotten, you all make my life a lot lot lot better, THANKS! (For the Heartbeats fans, I am pretty sure the next chapter will be up on Sunday, again no promises...)_**

**Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends**

'Welcome Home!' were the words, written in Raven Blue, that graced the big white banner in front of the Roe/Scott Residence. The colours themselves were welcoming to the two former Raven's returning home together for the first time.

The car ride had been nothing more than Karen urging Lucas to on call for his job back first thing in the morning, knowing how important it was for him to get his job back as soon as possible.

Peyton on the other hand, had been strapped into the backseat of the car with Lily in her special chair beside her.

She was still was in awe of the little girl's beauty. The tiny brunette was even more adorable now in person than the numerous times she had seen her on the webcam over the past few months. Her thick wavy dark brown hair and big chocolate brown eyes watched Peyton's every move.

The darkening evening air fell around Tree Hill when the car pulled up in front of one of the most familiar houses Peyton knew. Like the true gentleman he was Lucas opened the door of the car for her, took her hand and led her out. As soon as she stood, his full lips fell on her cheek for a cute kiss.

Karen took Lily out of the car and walked over to the two blondes. Lucas reached his hands out to his little sister and put on his 'big brother' face, which looked lovely on him if you asked Peyton. Lucas took the little brunette in his arms and hugged her tightly, she giggled in delight when Lucas peppered noisy and wet kisses on her face. Her petite fingers clenched into his shirt while she buried her head against his chest.

The scent of the vanilla shampoo his mother used to wash Lily's hair with twirled in noise. He hadn't realised how much he had missed the little girl until now. He was about to burst into helpless tears when Peyton's voice rose up.

"God, it's chilly out here." She said while rubbing her arms that were covered in goose bumps. Lily's head snapped into the blonde's girl's direction, watching at her with all the concentration she had, watching every single move she made.

"I think I am old news." Lucas said while pouting when he suddenly wasn't the object of his little sister's attention anymore. Her little chubby arms reached out into Peyton's direction.

"Come on, take her" Lucas said while 'offering' Lily to her. A little panicked feeling began to build inside of Peyton. What if she hurt that cute little girl? It had been years ago since she had looked after Jenny Jagielski. A string of memories about her pregnancy and Roxanne were forming in the back of her mind, ready to hit but they were interrupted by the sweetest gesture from Lily.

"Pey--." She got stuck on the other letters, her little arms still reaching out, with more urgency this time. Peyton could feel herself melt inside. Carefully she took the little girl into her own arms and made sure she made sure she was comfortable. Peyton was surprised by how easily her motherly instincts kicked in again. A warm feeling blossomed inside her when her boyfriend's little sister snuggled into her chest and her tiny fingers grasped for her dress.

The warmth that glowed from the faces of Lucas Scott and Karen Roe made Peyton Sawyer feel like she never had been away. This was her home. After all the hurt and attempts to cover it, how could she ever forget there was only 'One Tree Hill'?

Once Lucas had put their luggage inside and they all sat down, the doorbell rang. Nathan, Haley and little Jamie came in. In another quarter of an hour, Brooke and Chase were also there. Chairs were moved around, and all the seats were taken on the sofas.

An awkward feeling embraced them all. This wasn't only scary for Peyton, who had to face them all again, after more than two years. She owed each and every one of them an explanation.

It was only frightening for Lucas, who was afraid that his absence might have created negative feelings from the people he loved the most, without knowing it.

But it was just as terrifying for all the ones that were left behind in Tree Hill after Peyton and later, after Lucas left. What we're they supposed to do? Lecture her or him? Or pretend it never happened? Speak the truth, talk about what matters? Or hide away like Peyton had done when she walked away from them?

These were tough choices to make. This was supposed to be a happy moment, a party of sorts, to celebrate the arrival of two long lost lovers. Should they ruin it with the undeniable truth, the hard feelings, and the questions that never got answered? Or shouldn't they give a shit? Put it all aside, put that bright, fake smile on and welcome them home, like the motto that was posted around the house?

Maybe the best way at this moment was ignorance. To just put it aside for another day. Today had been long awaited. It was too special for each one of them to be ruined by things that could be solved later. Why would you trash the welcoming of old friends? Why would you destroy the chance of new first impressions from judgements drilled into your mind which could be wrong? You never get a second chance for a first impression, was a motto for many people. Do not mess something up before it has to chance to begin.

When they all had settled down comfortably and all were given food and drink from Karen, now the conversations could begin. Enjoying the last quiet moment was Peyton and Lucas, with Lily between them on the loveseat. In the opposite seat was Nathan and Haley with little James on Haley's lap. Karen sat down on a chair, just like Chase with Brooke on his lap.

An uncomfortable tension hang around them, it didn't fit into the decorated, cosy room. Brooke always being a spontaneous one, she took it upon herself to ask the first question.

"So P.Sawyer, how was the rock 'n' roll sex?"

Wrong question!

"Brooke!" Haley shouted, covering her son's ears with her hands. "Kids in the room."

Peyton, on the opposite side of Haley turned beet red. Lucas shifted uncomfortable beside Lily and Peyton but decided to take the lead of the conversation in his own hands.

"So, has James grown into a big basketball star while I was away?" He asked in his 'uncle' voice to the little boy between his best friend and his brother. The little boy didn't give a kick. "Superstar James not in the house today?" Lucas tried again when the little boy didn't show a sign of having heard him at all.

"Ooh. He prefers to be called 'Jamie' these days." Haley said with a soft smile. Lucas looked a the little kid who was his nephew and saw his big eyes look at him in a way the little kid only could. With such a warmth and such a sense of being inspired by the older blonde.

"How's my favourite nephew Jamie Lucas Scott doing?"

"Super!" The little boy cried before wiggling from the couch and walked around the coffee table to than crawl onto the couch where his uncle was.

"So it's Jamie now." Lucas stated and lifted Nathan and Haley's son on his lap. The tiny head nodded and the little body nestled against his chest. Everyone was in awe by the action. Well not everyone, Lily's face went from peaceful to jealous. Nobody would steal away her big brother's attention she had to miss for so long.

"Lucas." She said while trying to tuck on his sleeve but all his attention was focused on another part of their family. "Lucas." She said again, bouncing slightly up and down to couch to gain his attention. But again she didn't get it. The little girl began to grow frustrated because not getting his attention, neither getting attention of anyone else who was in conversation.

"Lucas." She half-cried, half-sobbed, while her little hands desperately reached for him, with her howl gaining everyone's attention.

"Oh-ow." Was Karen's only reaction when she saw her youngest daughter reach desperately for her big brother. Someone was jealous…

Lucas' look stumbled down on his sister who was looking at him with big brown teary eyes.

"Lily." He cooed and managed to put her on his lap with one arm since he couldn't use his other arm that was holding his nephew.

Blissfully happy with attention from him, she made herself comfortable by lying down the crook of his arm. The scene that followed was one of a little blonde and a little brunette contently resting against his strong arms.

Everyone, from Karen to Chase was in awe by the image of the two little children in their son/brother/friend's arms.

His gaze went from Jamie to Lily, and for the first time he saw the white tape wrapped around her tiny hands. The desperate words about broken glass from a photo frame still tickled inside of his ears.

A silence stretched out from a several moments to several minutes as everyone got lost into their own thoughts. Now if there was one thing Brooke hated, it was unnecessary moments filled with silence when there were a thousand of questions to ask.

"Please tell me you brought home that dress that you wore to the release party of Fall Out Boy's last album?"

No-one could suppress a smile or a giggle and Chase softly ran his hand lovingly through his girlfriend's soft brown hair.

"I think I did." Peyton answered while thinking about it.

"You think?" Brooke asked confused.

"I had so many dresses and dresses I didn't wear so I returned a bunch of them. The money could be handy." Her voice died. There was some much they didn't know about her. As they thought she had come home as a rich, fabulous lady. They were really wrong. She wasn't rich, never had been. Everything she had owned was bought by Pete and his need to be extremely generous when it came to his now ex-wife.

"How was living in Chicago anyway?" Nathan asked, not wanting to be involved into another 'fashion-conversation' with Brooke. His wife did that already enough.

"Well. It was big and noisy, but inspiring." Peyton began.

Peyton talked about her live in Chicago in general. She didn't want them to hear all the Pete stories. How their relationship was like. They would hear about it later, not now. Emotionally, it was just too tough at this exact moment. She wasn't even divorced for twenty-four hours yet. And she wondered how much Lucas could take at this moment. He had seen her relationship, the good and the bad times. It wasn't fair to talk about your love life and life in general with your ex-husband when your new boyfriend was sitting next to you.

An hour went by, filled with Peyton's talking. She was halfway through her European tour with the band. She was telling about the hilarious night when they went from Belgium to the Netherlands when she was interrupted by the little voice.

"Mommy? Thirsty!" Jamie Scott's voice flew around the room.

"James Lucas Scott." Haley said motherly stern. "Behave. Ask Karen nicely if you can have a drink." But the little kid didn't get the chance to ask the eldest brunette properly before the youngest brunette decide to mix herself in the conversation.

"Momma! Lucas! Thirsty too!" She yelled. Karen rolled her eyes and the rest burst out into laughter.

"Let's get drinks." Karen said. Haley looked a little bit annoyed. "Sorry Haley. I think they are still too young for those manners anyway." Karen said while smiling.

Five minutes later everyone sat down with a champagne glass before them. The children with a plastic cups as safe alternative.

Nathan stood up and looked around to the room.

"I am not that much of a words man. I prefer action before talking so. I am simply bringing a toast for Lucas Scott and Peyton Sawyer who finally found a map in Chicago, Illinois and decided to come back to Tree Hill, North Carolina together."

"To Lucas and Peyton." The others yelled in union. The sound of glass chinking together filled the living room.

Both Lucas and Peyton felt warm inside. Their names together sounded so good. Just like they should be.

"What do you two want to have?" Karen asked the two little children who both were watching at their Disney cups.

"What Uncle Lucas has." Jamie said proudly. Brooke couldn't help but giggle and also Peyton couldn't help the smile that was tugging on the corners of her lips. Nathan and Haley looked kind of shocked.

"What about you Lily?" Karen decided to ask.

"Same as Jamie." She said smiling brightly. Now Chase couldn't help but smile softly. Karen rolled her eyes.

"Lucas." She said incidentally, look at her son.

The way that both Lily and Jamie adored Lucas was remarkable. They looked up at him like he was God himself. If they even knew what that meant. But Lucas was a symbol for them. He was a symbol of family, 'friends', safety, playfulness, and comfort. Every tiny problem they had, he would listen and solve. He would do miracles for them, their ordinary superhero.

They just both wanted his attention, all he could give them. He was always there for them, just like their own mother and father. With him, there was a connection that couldn't be broken. He had their hearts, and they both owned a piece of his that they held near with all their might.

Peyton could reflect herself into those two. Lucas was from being nothing in her mind, to being everything. She wanted a piece, and she got that piece, she simply owned it. And not only one piece, whole his heart.

Another hour went by and the kids had a hard time to keep their tiny eyes from shutting out the world. Both little angels fell asleep into Lucas' arms.

"Looks like Jamie is sleeping Luke. I'll take him." Nathan said, collecting his son from his brother's arm.

"I'll put Lily to sleep." Karen said, ready to leave her chair and walk over to her son.

"No no. I'll do it." Lucas said softly, looking down at his baby sister. Before he went to Chicago he put her to sleep so many times, and he had missed it for months, now he wanted it to start again. He wanted to see the peaceful and hopeful spark in the younger girl's eyes the moment before she closed them. She made him rediscover the world by giving him this fresh energy of her being.

"Peyton." Lucas softly whispered. He reached over with his right arm to let his hand end up on her uncovered arm. She got the hint and stood up. Very carefully she gathered Lily from his right arm. Lucas stood up too, softly shaking his arms which felt sore from having Lily and Jamie resting on them for more than an hour.

Peyton supported the little brunette on her right shoulder, the head covered with thick, wavy hair resting on her shoulder. Her left hand entangled with Lucas right one as they walked out of the living room together, well aware of the fuss that build up after the moment they left.

They knew it was about them, about what they all had noticed. They would be judged, and mostly Peyton. She was more than well aware of that, but could she blame them? She left them without saying goodbye. She left of for an older guy who was by the way pretty famous. And now she was back with their son/brother/friend with a love for him that never had been clear. No, she couldn't blame them. She would be the exact same way.

Peyton followed him through the darkness of the house, through the hallway done to the girl's room. He switched the light on blindly, like he had been never away and a purple room came into view. It was decorated with white flower images, all kind of flowers, daisies, tulips, roses, and lilies of course. The images were primitive but simply adorable, Peyton felt herself falling in love with how simple this room was and it managed to give you such a cosy feeling.

Her hazel gaze locked with Lucas' blue gaze and a message was traded over the wires of love. As if Lily Roe Scott was a porcelain doll, Peyton handed her to her brother who treated her the same way.

He changed her clothes, taking the adorable little blue dress she had been wearing today and changed her into purple pyjamas. Making sure she was comfortable and warm. Then, very cautiously he laid his sister down in her crib.

He hovered above it and saw how the little girl opened her eyes again and fought to keep them open to watch at her brother.

"Shh. Go to sleep Lily." He whispered and if she really knew what to do, she rolled on her side and her hands clung onto a square wooden object. The photo frame his mother had been talking about. His big hands tried to tug it out of her hands gently but she didn't want to let go.

"Lily, I'm here." He softly said and if his voice was magic, she let go.

Even when she watched him from behind, she saw his back and neck tense up.

"Baby." She whispered, walking up behind him, resting her head against the back of his shoulder. Her eyes fell onto the broken frame he was holding, she knew he was beating himself up with guilt.

"Lucas, don't." She whispered soothingly. "Don't blame yourself for this."

She could feel how hard it was for him to swallow his tears away. His fingers running over her injured hands covered in white tape.

"You couldn't have helped this Luke." Her voice ended up in his ear.

"I could Peyton. It's my job to protect her, and I let her down. I hurt her and I could have prevented it."

Peyton tried to come between it but he didn't let her.

"My only damn job is to protect her. I promised her I would never hurt her or leave her or let anything bad happen to her. I would not let anyone do that to her, and it happened, and the worst thing, I did it all myself."

If Peyton didn't know Lucas Scott better, she would feel offended because it sounded like he regretted that he had come after her, but she knew him better. Better than he was aware of. Better than he knew himself.

"You're sexy when you talk like this." The words coated in her voice made a vibration against the skin of his shoulder. He didn't need pity now. He didn't want to be down. But he couldn't help it. He needed help from another to be distracted, to get away from what happened and couldn't be changed. He needed something new.

"Sexy uh?" He said, and suddenly they were away from the crib and Peyton's body was gently forced against the first nearby wall. His lips were ready to meet hers when she stopped him.

"Why the sudden chance mister? Drunk?" She said teasingly, her fingers resting on his hips.

"I am not drunk. And you know that. I saw you count, only two glasses of champagne." He said, forcing his body slightly into hers. "And if I would be, I wouldn't be able to do this." He distanced himself from her and brought his finger to the tip of his weird upturned but cute noise and back, he repeated the action.

"You're right." She said, pulling him closer by the loops of his pants. "You're not drunk." Their noses touched and got involved into the sweetest Eskimo kiss. And than there lips bridged the distant and met adoringly. What began as a simple press of lips to lips soon ended up as tongue, lips and bodies forced into each other in the worst way possible. Pants filling the room when they fought for breathe.

Ready to dive into their actions again, a soft murmuring was heard from the crib.

"Oops!" Peyton said, resting her mouth against his neck. A noise like a somehow frustrated growl escaped against her hair.

He broke away from her and walked over to the crib.

"Goodnight Lily. Sweet dreams little sis. I am not going to leave you again, I promise." He said while his fingers caressed her soft cheeks. The little girl's eyes fell shut, her breathing went into a slow and steady pace. When Lucas was sure his sibling was sleeping and safe, he went to turn around when again he felt another body pressed to his. Peyton's hand found his.

No words were needed when they walked out the room. Peyton was scraping her bravery together again to face everyone again when she felt Lucas' gently back her into the wall. Their foreheads touching, their lips just centimetres apart.

"You're beautiful Peyton Sawyer." He whispered, he didn't know why, but he suddenly was overwhelmed by a feeling of tenderness.

"You're not that bad yourself Lucas Scott." She whispered before placing her lips against his for a mind-blowing kiss. It wasn't that spectacular or full of action. Just gentle and more than a million words telling. A reassurance. It was him and her, together, and they both realised they could do it all. Everything.


	29. This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race

**_-A/N: Hey ... okay, I deserve all the shouting, cursing and all the things you might probably want to do to me for not updating since September. I am awful, you don't have to tell me. You can't imagine how bad I have been feeling about that. I know it took me an eternity. But I kind of have a few explanations, normally I catch up during breaks. But this Autumn break I decided to work on a writing project outside FanFiction, plus school has been horrible. And I have bad news, I have exams in less than two weeks so writing won't be going easy than and also I plan to take another week 'off' FF during Christmas break for my other writing project. But good news, only 1 week, because two weeks would ruin my FF. And I am planning on writing 2 or 3 one-shots too. Or I hope I'll have the time and inspiration. But enough of my babbling, I hope a more than 10 000 words chapter makes up for my long abscene. For the Heartbeats fans, it's the next story to be updated, and it will be smutty, lol! Which reminds me, kind of M-rated thing in the end. Enjoy, hopefully, I hope it's doable since it's not beta-ed, sorry. Still hope you'll enjoy.-_**

**This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race **

The sun was rising above Tree Hill, North Carolina. Rising in a slow and thoughtful pace. The first rays falling upon the earth, coating nature and whatever was build by men into a yellow glow. It wrenched itself through every crack, through every gap.

The early light was peeking through the curtains of Scott residence, awaking everything and everyone who wanted to be awakened.

Or didn't have another choice than to be awoken, like Peyton Sawyer.

The young blonde had been awoken even before dawn. She was awaked by an empty feeling filling her stomach. It had been still dark then, when she first closed her eyes. The exhaustion had worn off, but only the physical, the mental one hit harder than ever.

She felt empty but heavy; she couldn't move but couldn't bear to lay still in silence. But for some sort of reason, the darkness was like a medicine. But now that same darkness was sucked out of the room by the sunrays, and the same sunrays sucked the soothing effect of her 'medicine' out of her.

Everything that the darkness had hidden was now being exposed. And if anyone would peak two the window, he or she would see nothing more than two blonds lying in one bed in a simple bedroom. Nothing more, nothing less.

And it should be nothing more, nothing less. Nothing should be more comforting as the sound of his heart thumping against his chest, echoing in her ear. Not should be more a cure of comfort than to be home, finally, home where she belonged. But in truth, this everything that should her make her feel complete, left her as empty as the bottles of champagne in the kitchen.

She didn't have a clue why she was feeling this way. And that fact, she hated with almost everything in her. Almost everything. Somewhere between the emptiness of her feelings, somewhere between her hate for it, was a small gap. A gap that was filling with realisation, the result of the inner search for her emptiness, the subconsciously search she didn't want.

The realisation for the cause of her empty 'disease'. A disease with symptoms outing in being afraid. Afraid of making the wrong choice, or having made the wrong choices. And that fear was eating her inside out. She hated, god, she hated it. She needed them to get away. Vanish, in some way. But Lucas' heartbeat wasn't helping, only intensifying her resurfacing fears.

The sun began to shine brighter; the rays made some other shadows fade away. Just like her fears were supposed to fade away by Lucas' presence. And in a beat, she was out of bed and standing in front of the window. Welcoming the sun, the early rays of light, made warmth radiate lightly from the glass. Peyton closed her hazel eyes from the world, and her fears were put in the dark and the unseen light burned them up.

While standing there, in her own darkness, surrounded by sunlight, she reflected on the last twenty-four hours that had passed in her life. This crucial twenty-four, that changed everything, almost comparable with the first twenty-four hours after a person who had fallen into a life-threatening state after an accident.

Maybe it wasn't the same, but somehow it was. The realisation that she didn't love Pete anymore was the accident, the life-threatening state were the choices she made since than and especially yesterday.

They began to spin in her head, the events that had occupied the past hours. They caused a whirlwind in her head, the first love-making with Lucas, the divorce, the goodbyes, the flight to Tree Hill, coming home, reconnecting with her old friends, the first night in back in Tree Hill.

A chill made goosebumps rise on her skin when her mind rushed of to last night in full speed. Even through she felt like her mind was rushing and spinning, but that her memory only wandered in a slow pace. Lucas and she had fallen into bed yesterday, or rather say today, after everyone had left. Once they had hit the mattress, into each others arms, more than some kissing and cuddling, abided by what started in Lily's room, hadn't happened. Exhaustion had overmastered them earlier than passion.

Their passion. Only the slightest recall, made shivers run through her body. She felt so suddenly chilly; a cold sweat coated her skin. Her eyes snapped open as she turned around, her eyes greeting what she intended to see, their unpacked suitcases and bags.

Without trying to make to much noise, she went over to them and slowly unzipped valise. She lifted the lid and her eye caught the side of her white satin bathrobe, nearly on the bottom. Peyton suppressed the upcoming groan, she knew if she would try to get it, she probably would mess up the other cloths or make such a noise she would wake Lucas up, which at this moment, she couldn't bear.

A shiver made her body spasm lightly. She needed to find some warm, comfortable garment quickly before she would freeze by the sudden cold that wrapped around him. It was in the same moment when that thought crossed her mind that her eyes fell on the shirt that Lucas had been wearing yesterday. It had been carelessly tossed onto their bags yesterday while undressing in the dark yesterday, too exhausted to leave their cloths in a proper state.

Her hand reached out for the material that felt familiar under her fingertips. When she lifted it up, the sleeve seemed to be stuck somewhere. Carefully she toed closer to the bag, trying not to trip over the other ones. It didn't take her ten seconds to find out that the sleeve was stuck between the zipper. Even more cautiously she removed the blue shirt from it, she knew how attached he was to certain garments. After she freed it from the nasty grip from the zipper, she putted it on. The familiarity of the material against her skin was a as the caress of her lover's hands, the vague smell nestling in her nose was overwhelming her like the closeness needed to take it in, it felt like the intimacy needed for kisses. She contently closed her hazel eyes again.

Why is it so hard? She wondered. Why is it so hard to, almost unbearable, to think about Lucas being awake, here and now next to her. And why is it so easy to put on his cloths and imagine all the things she feared he would do.

She was about to zip the bag up again when a folded paper demanded her attention. Her hand grab for it, assuming it was the paper with the 'Hey There Lily' lyrics on it. She would highly enjoy revisiting the memories of the first night she read it. Strangely enough, since it was the night she had rediscovered her love for Lucas Scott.

Peyton unfolded it neatly, expecting those beautiful words for his precious sister wrapped in the melody of a 'Plain White T's' song. But the first words weren't 'Hey There Lily' but 'I long for:' and when her hazel eyes flew over the rest of paper filled with lines written in his gracious handwriting, she felt herself becoming numb.

A purr rose up from the bed. A content noise, after a sublime night of sleep. Not that his nights in Chicago hadn't been good, the thick, new mattress had been like a charger of his battery. But a night of sleep in his own bed, a bed that had already adjusted to his shape and his weight, had already his personal imprint. Nothing was better than sleeping in a bed that was almost a part of you. But the most important reason of his sublime sleep was the partner that shared his bed, the love of his life.

The woman he found not beside him, like he had assumed, when he opened his blue eyes. No, he found her sitting on the floor, against a blue wall of his bedroom.

He was too blinded with happiness when he saw her wearing his shirt that he didn't see the blank expression on her face.

"Did I sleep so vividly that I scared you out of bed?" He asked in a still lazy voice while crawling out of bed, planting his feet on the floor. "I am not really used to sleep with someone else in bed, especially not my bed." He said while smiling and he walked up to her. "But that's going to change now, I assume, with a beautiful woman next to me."

When no response followed, he finally snapped out of his babbling.

"Peyton?" Looking down at his girlfriend. Her face was hidden away behind a bunch of blonde waves. Her fingers had a tight grip on a piece of paper.

"Blondie?" He said while squatting down to meet her level. His hand reached out and brushed away a few wavy wisps away to free her hazel eyes from their shelter. Her breathtaking green with brown mixed orbs were suddenly empty. His fingers travelled lower to cub her cheek and his thumb gently grazed over her soft lips. Her eyes found his and than found the paper again. Also Lucas' gaze stumbled down, words in his handwriting danced before his eyes.

"What does this mean?" Peyton asked timidly and puzzled.

Finally the words began to drip into his mind. She was holding his 'longings' list. For a second his heart skipped a beat.

What was it with this girl? That she always managed to take him off guard by his own stuff.

"It's-" He got interrupted.

"When did you write it?" She asked on a whisper tone, which made Lucas feel very uncomfortable inside.

"I-I-" Lucas began to stumble. He hadn't planned to wake up this morning to be questioned about the longings he had had for a married woman. He had planned to wake up beside the same said woman, but with much more pleasured activities in mind. But it couldn't be helped anymore, right?

Her lower lip was slightly trembling and her eyes where wide. Preferably would rip the sheet of white paper to tiny pieces, erase whatever she had read, whatever he had written and kiss her until she was senseless. Even through, a different senseless than now. Senseless but full, with a warm feeling, not senseless empty, actually numb.

"Why did you write it?" Her little voice wrapped around him again.

If he could only rip that paper to shreds, that thought tempted his thinking. But looking into her wide hazel eyes, looking at him if he was the king with a word that could destroy it all. Everything of her reflecting through the hazel of her eyes.

Even through lies and false answers could save her, save him. Save everything. Lucas Scott had promised himself not to lie anymore to Peyton Sawyer. That he would be always honest when it came to her, how joyful or hard it might turn out to be. But a relationship should not be built on lies, Lucas and also Peyton knew from the past.

A sting of hurt, like someone trailed a knife over his skin, overflowed Lucas' senses. Just the way he looked at her, could have made him cry.

Why were they never simple?

But a promise is a promise, even only to himself. A promise he had to keep, for more people than only himself. So time to put this into the daylight. One deep breath was just what he needed before throwing it all out.

While his chest swelled up, something flashed through Peyton's eyes.

"I wrote it when you and-" A suddenly her finger was on his lips, her eyes telling him not to speak.

"Peyton?" His mouth softly moved against her slender finger. But she just simply shook her head to keep him surrounded by silence.

But Lucas was determined to speak his truth. Because they both deserved to know.

"Peyton-"

"I want to be Lucas." The words simply fell off her satin lips.

He was purely amazed by her words, only five easy words but still his mind went in overdrive, what she meant was so close he could grasp them from their wires of love, but for some sort of reason ended up the whirlwind that was caused by his hyper-awareness of every feeling, every movement.

The confusion must have been written in his crystal blue eyes because Peyton's eyes grew warm and a smile tucked gently on the corners of her perfect deep pink lips.

"I want to be what you long for. I want to be who you long for." She very softly said, like her voice was made of soft feathers.

"P-" This time she didn't allow him to pronounce more than the first vowel of her name.

"I want Lucas. I really want to be 'she', Lucas Scott." Her voice made him soar inside, made an explosion of warmth relive the ashes.

Her both hands cupped his face and her fingers, her thumbs ran over his full lips. The sensations over her soft fingertips against his even softer lips. Her eyes gazed intensely into his. Almost like if it was in slow-motion, she brought her head closer to his, her eyes slightly closing, her lips preparing, and her heartbeat on its way to a peak.

Finally their lips met, in a slow and adoring kiss. His lips gently, still slight anxious parted under the pressure of hers. Her thumbs running over his cheekbones at the same moment when her tongue sneaked into the warm depths of his mouth. The moment their tongues met, the grip of her hands on his face weakened until they disappeared from his cheeks. They travelled over his neck, to fall upon his broad shoulders to than venture lower, hugging the feel of the muscles of his arms. Eventually they passed his wrists and then her fingers caught his. He didn't show any sign of effort when their hands entangled and she brought both of them up between their bodies. Between the rising and falling chests. Because he knew there was no need to worry anymore, that she was fine, that he wasn't the king who destroyed her everything but who made her everything. He was sure of that, when the only thing separated the chest which were the home were their lively, beating hearths were their entangled hands.

Their need to breathe made them break their, stuffed with more feelings than words could ever describe, kiss. She looked shyly at him, a soft pink blush rose on her cheeks. Her gaze searched for the ground, and Lucas saw the foolish timidity that sometimes still overmastered her. Softly he squeezed her hands and her gaze immediately flew back to his. The smile on her face encouraged by his. A soft kiss was planted on her forehead by his. And the tender smile transformed into a typical Lucas Scott smirk.

He leaded his lady to the bed and let her sit down on the tangled sheets before squatting down to pick up the sheet of paper which had fallen down during their kiss.

Lucas crawled in right next to her, swinging his left arm around her fragile shoulders. "Let's find out how much of the 'she' you already are." He whispered those words softly in her ear. She simply smiled. Lucas left her for a second, to pick up the silver Parker that lay on his desk before returning.

The paper lay smoothed right in front of them, they shared one last look before their attention went to the paper.

With a movement, almost as light as the air, Lucas began to cross lines.

_- Peyton to be next to me_

_- Peyton to be back in Tree Hill _

_- Peyton to open her eyes and return to me_

Those longings had already been fulfilled. But so many more were yet to be fulfilled.

Lucas took the sheet of paper and putted it on his beside table; also the Parker was abounded to the same place. He gained a rather confused look from Peyton when she felt his arm slip from around his shoulder until it wasn't there anymore and she very softly fell back into the mattress. Lucas followed soon after her, but bracing his arms so he wouldn't collide with her.

Gentle looks were exchanged between the blue and green eyes. A tender urge overtook them both again, without a word needing to be said, Peyton arched herself from the bed softly while Lucas bended his arms to let their lips meet in a kiss. Just one kiss, just one meeting from their lips while their eyes were closed.

"I guess where going to do some family visits today." Lucas mumbled when he hovered above his favourite blonde. She nodded with a blush colouring her cheeks.

They were ready to repeat their last actions again until they were abruptly interrupted by a faint cry across the hallway.

"But this family first." Peyton said and Lucas smiled until behind his ears.

"You're right." He said while caressing her cheek lightly, for one last she pushed herself up to kiss Lucas on the lips.

In less than a minute both blonds were down the hallway into Lily's room. The little brunette was already wide awake; her eyes had the childish dreamy look in her eyes. A blissful look which intensified when her big brother came into her view.

"Who's the sweetest girl on this whole blue planet?" Lucas cooed while reaching his hands out to his baby sister. She giggled from the first moment his fingertips touched her.

"What about me? I thought I was the sweetest girl?" Peyton asked with a played hurt. Her hand flying out to cover her heart dramatically, but in the meantime a wide grin had appeared on her face.

Lucas couldn't help but to smile even wider. With his sister safely nestled in his arms, he walked over to his girlfriend.

"You two share the number one position." He spoke while swinging his right arm around her waist and his left arm supported Lily.

"Don't forget that." She teased, evoking a kiss from Lucas. A tender kiss which made them both feel warm, happy. It was broken by the sensation of a light touch that travelled over the skin of their chins. They both looked down to find Lily clapping in her hands, or what at least should represent it.

Another explosion of warmth made their hearts sore. The 'approval' of his little sister, her way to tell them she 'blessed' them.

"Hold her for a sec. I am going to get her cloths." Lucas said while handing over his sister over to Peyton who accepted her with shaking hands and anxious movements. Lucas noticed her uneasiness and gently let his fingers trail over her arm. "You're not going to break her." He simply said. Peyton just nodded with a faint smile across her lips, still adjusting to the little brunette in her arms.

It seemed like the blonde needed more to time adjust to the little girl, than the little girl to the blonde. She looked perfectly content while she buried her face in the crook of Peyton's neck and her little hands gently tucked on the blonde wisps of her soft hair while mumbling unintelligible words against her skin.

From the one moment to the other, something strange seemed to happen with her senses. While everything around her grew into a blur; the room and the noises. On the opposite side they seemed too intensely. The sweet smell of Lily's hair, the comfortable weight of the little human against her, the vibe her childish voice created against the skin of her neck. And her mind stop to progress anything else than the girl in her arms and the girl that should have been in her arms right now.

A girl that was now resting underneath a layer of stone, gross and sand, in a city miles or kilometres away, whatever you like the express the distance in. A city that was separated from this little town in time even. A city where morning, noon and evening were not at the same time as in this little town.

Peyton didn't even hear him calling out for her, not until his fingertips touched her cheek lightly.

"Are you okay?" He asked, an evident layer of worry in his voice. Without thinking, she nodded and her blonde hair bounced with the movement.

"No, you're not. You're crying." He stated in a mildly stern tone.

Peyton hadn't noticed it herself until she brushed her free hand that wasn't supporting Lily against her cheekbones which where definitely moist.

"What are you thinking about?" His hand brushed the blond hair away that was shielding her eyes away from him as she slightly bowed her head. She found Lily staring at her with wide brown eyes and thereafter her green gaze collided with his blue gaze as the same strong hand cupped her face. Those Scott eyes, they always overmastered her to tell the truth.

"Roxanne." Her voice filled the air.

A strangled glaze travelled through Lucas' eyes, somehow taken back by her answer to his question.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not now." She answered him.

He decided to not deepen into the conversation at this moment; instead he just pressed a kiss to her forehead.

He decided to go back to the task why there were here.

"Which dress should she wear?" Lucas asked while returning to closet and picked out two dresses. A sleeveless red dress with a wide white border or a pink dress with a black skirt which was dotted with pink and white.

"The red one. It goes better with her hair." Peyton said while looking down at the little girl in her arms. "I don't want her to kill me for picking her the wrong dress."

"It's not her prom dress Peyton." Lucas said with a furrowed brow.

"Well, I don't ever think she would forgive you if you picked the wrong prom dress for her. And even less me." She simply answered.

Lucas wanted to ask if she really thought if they still would be together when time had moved on to Lily's prom, which at this moment, seemed like forever away. But he decided not to. He believed they would be together, against all other hesitant thought. It didn't mean because you couldn't picture, it couldn't be right?

Inwardly he crossed: _- Peyton to love Lily like her sister or like her daughter, to be a big part of my little sister's life._

Love her like a daughter was too much to asked, but Peyton would love his little sister like if it was her own sister, she knew, and from today on, she would be a big part of the brunette's life. He knew that too.

Another hour later, Peyton found herself sitting on a messy kitchen table after breakfast. Lucas had disappeared again with Lily to give her bath and dress her up. He hadn't done that in such a long time, Peyton couldn't blame him; he loved his sister more than anything else. She didn't want to imagine how much he had missed her while being away from her. If it was anywhere near as unbearable as she experienced when she missed her daughter ...

"He's totally smitten about her." Karen interrupted Peyton's thinking, her head snapped up to the elder woman standing in the doorway.

Peyton just simply smiled. "That's an understatement." She added.

An uncomfortable silence sneaked into the room. Peyton knew Karen mean this to start a casual conversation. But they both knew something else was bothering them. Maybe not really bothering, but something that needed to get of their hearts first, before they could get into the casual talking state.

The elder brunette was aware of that and decided to take place at the table to. The anxious silence stretched further. Peyton decided was about to throw everything out when Karen had just decided to say the first thing to get Peyton out of her nerves. Nervous smiles were exchanged, as well as nervy looks. Also a silent agreement for Peyton to start.

"I really love him, you know?" She blurred out. Encouraged by the second of silence she babbled further. "I know it seems so sudden, and so ungrateful and not true. That he's just some rebound from my divorce with Pete and from losing R-"

"Sshh." Karen cut her off gently. "You don't have to explain." The mother of the boy they were talking about knew everything about dead loves and rebounding, about burying feelings, playing denial. She had all been there before. Her girlfriend's son didn't need to explain.

"But-"

"Nothing but Peyton. I believe in Lucas and his heart which claims to love you. A broken heart that claims that loves you from the first moment he laid eyes on you back in high school." The way she had stressed the word 'broken' made Peyton feel guilty inside. Her eyes moistened and she bit up her lips.

"I am not saying you don't love him." Karen said when she saw the girl before her grow emotional. "But I am sure you understand my sceptical thinking. But I believe in Lucas' ability to see what's good for him before I believe in the steadiness of your feelings." Her hands crept over the table, towards the ones of the younger lady and covered them. The hazel eyes that had been focused on the table now looked into the eyes of a caring mother.

"I raised Lucas, and I know he is capable of making the right choices, even when it hurts. Even when he feels like the ground underneath him is slipping away. I know he's capable of letting go what he loves the most if he has too. And I know you are capable to, because what you left behind is a big deal. And you earn my respect for that. I am wondering who raised you to become such a strong woman. Because I believe you raised yourself for the biggest part. And I am not attacking your parents, not Larry, not Anna, not Ellie. Because they all did a part of the job but we can't lie Peyton, you became yourself because you knew how to raise yourself. I couldn't have done a better job. But I hope you'll let me slip into a role where I can still somehow 'raise' you. Do ever hesitate to ask me anything, because I want to be a person you never had. And I hope you'll allow me to become that person."

The speech had moistened Peyton's eyes even more. A small tear slipped from the corner of her eye.

"Thank you." She simply whispered. "Thank you."

Lucas had overheard the conversation in the hallway. Not that he was a person who enjoyed eavesdropping, but he knew if he would have walked in on them, they were not going to have that conversation soon.

_-__Peyton to accept my mother again and give my mother the change to replace her loss from her own two mothers_ … was now erased from the list too.

"They have such a beautiful house." Peyton said in astonishment, looking up at the house that was owned by her ex-boyfriend aka his half brother and her friend aka his sister in law and best friend.

Lucas and Peyton had decided to go visit Nathan and Haley. They had only seen them yesterday evening but Lucas and Peyton were aware of the talking that still needed to be done. Talking that hadn't been done yesterday. After visiting the Scott's they would visit Brooke and Chase, but they assumed they still would be asleep now at this rather early hour. Nathan and Haley wouldn't be, since they had a son named James 'Jamie' Lucas Scott.

The welcome both brunettes offered was warm and caring but the tension that build up as soon as they all sat down in the living room.

Neither Peyton nor Lucas didn't know how to bring up the subject of 'them', or her leaving, his staying away for so long. Neither Nathan felt like it was the right time to bring something huge like that up. That it was too early in the morning maybe wasn't the only reason.

So both couples preferred to inform each other about what happened in Tree Hill, in Chicago when they had been not together in the same state. Also old high school memories where being resurfaced until the phone interrupted them.

"I'll go get it." Haley said. Only a half minute later her voice carried through the room again. "Nathan, it's for you, it's Skills."

A new sort of silence fell over the four of them.

Nathan stood up and took the phone. "Hey Skills." He stopped talking for a moment, probably to let Skills greet him. "I'd love to catch up but would you mind calling me back tonight, Lucas and Peyton are over here." Some excited sound crept out of the phone, Nathan removed it from his ear quickly.

"Peyton, Skills want to talk to you." Peyton was surprised; she hadn't been that much of friends with him in high school, before she left. But talking to him wouldn't hurt right. She took the phone from Nathan and walked to the dining table, to be out of the direct distance of the three Scott's.

"Hi Skills." She said somehow shy and uncomfortable.

"Hello Blondie." He greeted back.

"Some little birdie just whispered in my ear that rock chick Sawyer finally found her roots back."

"If you like to call it that way." She couldn't help but smile.

"Or should I say that Luke finally found his guts and decided to bring his baby girl home."

Suddenly noise Peyton couldn't indentify travelled over the lines.

"As much as I would love to talk to you Blondie, my girl is convincing me to hand over the phone to her. And who is Skills to deny his sugar mommy anything when she's nothing more than white skin and lace."

By the time she could make herself a mental picture Bevin was already screaming in the receiver.

"Peyton! You're back home!"

"Yes, I am."

"I can't wait until I get back to Tree Hill so Brooke, Haley, you and I can relive our cheerleading days!"

Peyton smiled. "I am looking forward to it too." She said rather quietly but Bevin didn't notice.

"Skills says that he will call Lucas tonight or tomorrow, but we have to go now. Bye Peyton!"

"Bye Bevin."

And the line was dead.

The conversation that had developed between the three members of the Scott family shutdown the moment Peyton appeared again with the telephone in her hand.

She felt awkward when she sat down beside Lucas again and there was an unpredictable tension in the air when he wrapped his left arm around her side. It seemed that seconds were stretched into the longest minutes before someone decided to take the word again. That someone was Haley.

"I don't blame you, you know." Peyton didn't know what actually hit her.

"Peyton, as much as I would like to be angry at you for leaving us behind with so little information, so little of goodbye. Even through I have to admit that I have been angry, frustrated, hurt, and disappointed the last two years because of the way you left all of us. And all of us have felt that way. But you're back now, and I am pretty sure you'll stay." She paused for a slight second. "I really don't blame you Peyton because I realised something yesterday. I did the same, even before you." She said, referring to Chris Keller history. "But you did what I couldn't. And if I would have done what you did, I would need to be blamed, because I had someone to return to. I had more than my friends to return to; I had a husband to return after I ran off. You ran off and didn't come back because you had no-one but your friends to return to, and you found your husband when you ran away. So I don't blame you."

Peyton was aware of the uncomfortable movements of Nathan beside Haley. Chris Keller appeared to be a sore topic between them, still.

Soon goodbyes came. While Lucas and Haley were busy with hugging, Nathan approached Peyton.

"I am glad you're back Sawyer. Really glad. I really missed you." And he kissed her forehead before taking her into a tight embrace.

Later in the car, _- Peyton to be best friends with Nathan Scott, Haley James Scott, Skills Taylor, Bevin Mirskey _was scratched from the longings list to and they were off to their next destination: Brooke and Chase.

Once they go to the apartment and rang the ball, Chase opened the door, not wearing more than a pair of jeans. He let them in and took off to the bedroom again to go get Brooke. Lucas and Peyton both didn't want a mental picture of what the previous activities of the couple but they got it anyway when Brooke crossed the hallway wearing nothing more than siren red lingerie. Typical Brooke Davis, always one to show of what she got.

"What brings you guys here so early?" Chase asked, picking up the tee from behind the couch. Both blonds looked at each other and knew there was no need to ask him how it got there in the first place.

"Last time I checked it was noon." Lucas said while laughing lightly. Peyton stayed quiet, she didn't actually know what to say or do. Chase actually was still a stranger for her.

"I guess time flies when you're happy." Chase said while putting his tee on. And sure the boy was happy; an obvious hickey was parading on the broken skin of his neck.

"I bet you are." Lucas couldn't help but smirk. Chase noticed the other's boys eyes focus.

"Owh that?" He mumbled while blushing, he rubbed over the sore spot of broken skin. "That might have helped too." He admitted.

"Other reasons?" Lucas asked, knowing that Chase wasn't exactly the guy to talk about his sex life. Once a 'Clean Teen', always a 'Clean Teen'.

Chase leaned in further towards Lucas and Peyton, like he was about to spill a secret from his lips.

"I have been thinking about proposing to Brooke." He said softly, well aware of the fact she might be around and she might hear it if he mentioned it louder.

"What?" Both blonds said. "How come?" Lucas immediately added.

"You guys." The brunette only smiled at the pair of confused faces before him. "Knowing that you guys could make it. Which seemed like 'mission impossible IV' when you left Luke. And ever through we're still quiet young, you guys really got me thinking that maybe Brooke and I should take this to the next level."

"What should we take to the next level baby?" Brooke appeared in the living room, fully clothed with a scarf draped around her shoulders. Peyton inwardly took the hint and couldn't help but grin.

"Redecorating the apartment." Chase said quickly, hoping Brooke would leave it. And gladly for him she did.

"Peyton, can I talk to you for a sec?" Brooke turned all her attention to the blonde girl on her sofa.

"Off course." Nerves hit her, this time, a really big talk was coming up and she would have to do it without Lucas holding her hand.

She shot a quick wink to Chase when Brooke disappeared in the bedroom.

Also found a message in the wink noted for Brooke's boyfriend. _- Peyton to meet Chase Adams and realise Brooke will never be a barrier between us and our love for each other again because my pretty girl has moved on with her new guy_ … clearly wasn't necessary on the list anymore.

As soon as Peyton closed the bedroom door, she was greeted by an extreme messy room. Cloths everywhere, like the closet had exploded. Again, she needed no explanation.

Brooke mentioned her to come over, patting on the bed she had hastily made decent.

Quietness connected both girls. A quietness that for years had always been filled with words. Until the blonde one had decided to run away, waiting more than two years to return and to know sit here.

"God, I missed you ." Brooke broke the silence with her emotional words and even more emotional hug that almost stole all of Peyton's air. Gratefully she hugged back, silently praying she didn't need to talk to her about this at all.

"God, why did you do this to me?"

Or maybe not.

"Hey." Peyton gently said, backing away slightly from the brunette to find her crying. "." She brushed the hair out of her friend's face.

"Why did you leave?" She sounded like a six year old again.

"Because of Pete and-" Peyton was abruptly cut off.

"Why did you leave me Peyton? Without saying anything as goodbye at all? Was I such a bad best friend?"

Peyton hadn't expected the emotional outburst at all. Brooke Davis wasn't really for tears.

"Off course you weren't." Peyton softly said while taking her best friend into her arms. "You were the best best friend ever." She said while slightly dragging Brooke against her. Without intervention of their minds, they fell into a past habit. Brooke nestled her head into Peyton's lap while lying down. The helpless tears wetted the blonde's azure halter top as she ran her fingers soothingly over the brown hair.

"Than why did you leave?" Brooke sobbed.

For a moment Peyton wished she could prevent this moment from happening. She was now ashamed about what she was going to say, because she knew it would only hurt the girl, she was trying to soothe, more.

"Because I felt like I didn't fit in anymore. I was lonely and confused and scared. After the shooting, I began to shut everyone out because I didn't know where my mind was. I was blinded by my misery and I was afraid of affecting all of you with it and all of you finally had found some sort of peace."

Brooke interrupted. "But why didn't you tell me that you were so unhappy."

"Because you had Lucas, Nathan had Haley, Skills and Bevin, even Mouth and Rachel looked so cosy together. And I lost my believe in love after Jake left. I didn't want to put unnecessary weight on your shoulders and the others. But then Pete came along and he made me feel good again, made me feel special and wild. He offered me the life I could only dream off."

Peyton looked down at the girl's face that was resting her head in her lap, hoping to find some understanding in the turbid eyes. But the eyes of the brunette didn't have an understanding, not even a glance of understanding only confusion and hurt.

"Brooke. I know I was a coward when I left for Pete. But-" She cut herself short for a moment to think about a way to explain this in a clear way but the blonde was aware of the fact that was not going to be easy.

"It was so simple to just walk away, take the plane, and meet Pete. My mind was so full, everything was new and exciting. Everything was taken care of. And-"

She looked at Brooke who begged her for other words.

"By the time all the excitement passed and I was kind of settled down. When I got the time to miss you. I was too afraid to get back in contact. I was afraid that I-"

"You hurt us." Brooke said quietly. "Because you did. You hurt each one of us by leaving that way but we all toughed up." She swallowed back a sob. "Even through it was hard, we all went further, living the best we could without you. Everyone, but-"

"Lucas." Peyton whispered in guilt. Now tears also stung behind her eyes.

"We saw him wilt like a flower." A moment of silence. "After you left. He had already changed after the shooting but when you left, he just grew more useless everyday."

Peyton's eyes went wide. What did she mean with 'useless'. The question must have been readable in her hazel eyes.

"Useless as a boyfriend as a lover. It was like the essential things that were needed to make a relationship work were erased from his mind. And I don't mean only sex this time, Peyton. He didn't want to do this together anymore; he didn't want to talk anymore. And the sex, in the beginning it was still okay but he began to lose his enthusiasm. He acted me like I was someone else."

Peyton felt a sting of hurt ran under her skin.

"And to the end of our relationship, if you could even call it that, he was more a stranger to me. It had been almost a month we had gone by without doing this together, even without talking outside of things for school. I deserved better than that. I couldn't stay with him anymore. I really loved him, but enough to keep trying to pull him back onto the world time after time when he only seemed to rather pretend I wasn't there. It wasn't our destiny." Brooke smiled softly and let her fingers travel over Peyton's now tearstained cheek. "It is yours. Always was, always has been. I am sorry for messing that up . For ever-" Peyton took a hold of her friend's hand on her cheek. "It's okay ." Now holding her best friends hand again.

It felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders when Peyton left Brooke's and Chase's apartment with Lucas on her side. Lucas was as relieved when he could also remove - _Peyton to be best friends with Brooke Davis again _from the list.

"So where are we going next?" Peyton asked while she let her head rest on his shoulder when the vehicle started to purr underneath him.

"Whitey." He answered while his free hand gripped the steering wheel and the other caressed her bare arm.

"Whitey?" She asked, suddenly feeling this different kind of nervous. Like she was back in high school, this nervous tension that passed from student to teacher. Lucas clearly wasn't plagued by it. He at least had the chance to develop a 'relation' with the wise man after high school. And Lucas had always been close to his coach, even back in high school.

"Yes. I owe him so much." Lucas said while running his hand through her blonde hair. Within' five minutes they stood before the former coach's front door. The couple waited in suspense until the old man would open the door. And he eventually did.

"Well, well. Lucas Scott. Come here son." Whitey immediately pulled Lucas into a man hug. It took him another moment to notice the other blonde behind the one he was embracing.

"Isn't that Peyton Sawyer?" A faint blush began to colour her cheeks. "Well, well. You finally found a map with the route back to Tree Hill in the form of Lucas Scott." He said in his gravelly voice, a grin spread across his face.

"It looks like I kind of did." She said quietly, still not very comfortable by his rather familiar tone towards her.

"Off course you did." He said, placing a hand on the bare skin of her arm. "Who could ever miss Whitey Durham?" Peyton couldn't help to suppress a sudden shy laughter. "Off course I am kidding Blondie. Welcome back home." And before she could even think about it, the older man embraced her. She tensed up for a second but relaxed into the hold of the arms when she saw Lucas look at her with peaceful and loving shine on his face.

In another moment Whitey let go of her.

"So I guess there might be another reason why this old man earned a visit?"

"I was wondering of you would like to go the cemetery with us." Lucas said.

"Well Lucas Scott, that isn't very pretty of you or subtle. There are better ways to show an old man you're thankful before you make him cold in an appropriate place."

They all smiled.

"Come on, let's go, lovebirds." He said while walking up to Lucas' car.

The graveyard was quiet surface of grass and sand, the grey stones standing in adequate lines over the area hugged with trees. The place breathed clam, like the breeze here was lighter than everywhere else in Tree Hill on this afternoon, the sun shined vaguer.

The three split up, Whitey went to his late wife's grave while Lucas and Peyton where left alone.

"Why do you want to go see first?" Lucas asked while softly running his fingers through her blonde hair.

"My mom." She said softly. "But I'd rather do it alone, if you don't mind."

"Off course." He smiled tenderly, as tenderly as his full lips pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll be with Keith." He said before tucking a piece of velvet hair behind her ear, earning a shy smile.

They both separated, taking of to fulfil the things needed to be done.

Peyton felt empty and hollow when she approached her mother's gravestone. It had been more than two years, too long. Far too long.

"I'm so sorry." Was the only thing she could bring out. "More sorry than you'll ever know." Brought tears rolling down her cheek than words rolling from her lips.

"I don't know what to say other than I am so sorry and that I love you, to make this better." She sobbed.

"Dad is right. I am not worthy to be called your daughter. You learned me so much better than what I did."

She took a moment for another breathe.

"But I was so lonely. So lost. So in need of love. So impatient and selfish."

Her tears fell on the cold stone.

"I hope you can forgive me for that."

Frustrated by the silence, reliving what she had forgotten, this dreadful silence of her mother's grave.

"There are so many things I would like to say to you right now. But I can't find the words. But I'll promise you, from now on, I'll spend much more time here again. I am not leaving Tree Hill again. The place you taught me to love."

She ran her fingertips over the rough texture of the stone, after her fingers followed her lips as they sent a silent kiss to heaven.

Lucas was still lingering by Keith's grave when Peyton softly walked up behind him. Her head fell to his shoulder and her hands sneaked around his waist. After being recovered from the few moments of being straddled by the unexpected action of her, he looked his shoulder to see her moist hazel eyes looking up at him and his hands moved themselves to hers to cover them.

Peyton was slightly surprised to find his blue eyes also teary.

"Honey?" Her hand flew out to caress his cheek.

"I still can't believe that Dan has taken his life away." Lucas said, on the verge of spilling his tears. "I can't believe I blamed Jimmy for so long. Keith was just trying to help. Being like the father he always was … to me." Lucas couldn't help but let a little sob out.

"Hey, it's fine Lucas. You don't have to hold back." Peyton said while letting to off him and walk up to face him. "It's okay." She gently cupped his face. "I know it won't chance anything. Make this anything less worse. But I do really respect Keith. I don't know a word to express the emotion when I think back to the sacrifice he made with his life for my life. There's no word to express my gratefulness, my grief, my respect. And until the day I find that word, I hope Dan Scott will be eaten away by guilt and hurt. That the darkness of his own selfish acts, the consequences of what he did will destroy him."

She whipped away the few tears that had broken through his defence with the pads of her thumbs.

"But I do know other words. Words for someone else. Words to forgive Jimmy." She said softly.

"Come here." She mumbled, taking his hand in hers. She leaded him to Jimmy Edwards grave.

They stood there in silence for a minute before Peyton decided to throw an incredible weight of her shoulders.

"I forgive you Jimmy Edwards. For not being able to control your hurt, your grief. For not seeing hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. For not believing in better times. I think I can imagine what you saw, what you felt. And I feel sorry for you; I regret that you didn't find one to make better times for you. Because you deserved it."

At the same moment she said her last words, Whitey walked up to the blond pair. A warm feeling, a feeling filled with love was wrapped around them like an aura. Whitey apperceived it, the love of those two. Those two, he saw grow up, from teenagers to adult, since they were early blooming. The seed of their love had been planned already before he first walked into that gym and she was there too. He had already felt it back then.

Darkness would fall in an hour and half, when Lucas drove Peyton to the place where she once, what seemed an eternity ago, let Elizabeth 'Ellie' Harp ashes travel with the wind.

Lucas watched her as she walked to the exact same place where she had stood at that sad, incredibly heartbreaking moment.

"Hi Ellie." She whispered to the wind.

"Mom." She quietly added.

"It's been a while." The wind played around with her words.

"And I am so sorry for that. But I can't help to think that you might understand what I did better than anyone else. You knew loneliness, you knew guilt and you knew what it felt like when the world was tearing you apart."

She looked up in the sky.

"I hope you can forgive me for my selfish acting."

She closed her eyes for a moment and felt the wind, which was blowing around her, embrace her for a brief second. And she knew it was right.

_- Peyton to pick up her special bound with Whitey_

_- Peyton to return the places were her mothers are buried and tell them everything she would have told them if they were still alive_

_- Peyton to love 'my father' Keith and respect him because he gave his life to save hers_

_- Peyton to hate my father Dan Scott as much as I do_

_- Peyton to face Jimmy Edwards' grave and forgive him for what he couldn't control_

Those longings were silently removed from the list too, in Lucas head, when he opened the door to let Peyton in when they finally arrived home again, just in time for dinner.

"Would you two lovebirds mind helping us two to get ready for dinner?" Karen's voice rose up when Lucas and Peyton had already gotten caught up in another teasing kiss session before they even had reached the centre of the kitchen. She was holding an extremely enthusiastic Lily in her arms who longed for her big brother's attention.

Lucas took his little sister back to her purple bedroom to change her cloths. It would be a shame to let her pretty cloths being ruined by food she was surely spill.

Peyton had a hard time finding the plates, glasses and cutlery. Her annoyance and nervousness grew when she noticed that Karen was already done with cooking and she still hadn't finished her job.

"I am sorry Karen, I just don't seem to find anything easily."

The brunette noticed her son's girlfriend's uneasiness.

"It's okay Peyton." Peyton couldn't help but blush shyly.

"You'll get used to it swift enough. It's only a matter before you become a real Scott." She said with a wink.

Lucas smiled in the hallway. _- Peyton to be a part of my family _… now was erased too. His mother's word were true, it would only be a matter of time before Peyton Sawyer would official be a 'Scott'.

After dinner Lucas and Peyton returned to his room. The both of them were exhausted, especially Peyton. It had been an extremely emotion and stressful day for her. Lucas decided it might be good for the both of them to relax and go to bed early. This last week had worn him out and Peyton even more.

He had just put his sleeping shirt on and laid himself down on the bed when Peyton walked in again. Her hair had turned into a dusty brown colour from showering, droplets of water still on her revealed skin. She looked breathtaking, even in her thick bathrobe. Her hazel eyes were radiating a lazy glow on him. An unpredictable glow, when she suddenly locked the door.

"Peyton?" He wondered aloud when she approached him, untying her thick Bordeaux bathrobe.

"Lucas." She answered, losing the garment in the meantime. Her body was wrapped in a satin nightdress, her details of her lace bra visible through the thin deep red material.

"You wrote you longed for me, from me. And I'll make them come true." She said, walking closer to him. His mind couldn't progress everything all of a sudden. What he wrote down which seemed like an eternity ago, what happened today but mostly the way she was standing there, barely covered.

"I-" The rest of the words got stuck in her throat when her fingers moved up the straps of the thin dress.

"You long for me to open up to you and never build walls again." She moved the strap off her right shoulder.

"And I will build no walls anymore." She also removed the strap of her left shoulder.

"I promise." She whispered as the satin rushed to the ground.

"Because you long for me to open your heart, and to let you open mine." Her slender hands disappeared behind her back. Within' seconds the lacy bra hurried to the ground.

"Come here." Her voice wrapped around him. And in a beat he was right in front of her.

"You feel that?" She took his big hand and laid it down on her bare chest. A rapid, thumping rhythm echoed against his palm.

"My heart never raced for anyone like that. Could never race for anyone like that, because it was suppressed, until you opened me up, Lucas." They locked eyes. Hazel and blue.

Peyton could read the mixed anxiety in Lucas' eyes.

"And don't be afraid, Lucas Scott, because as you long for, I forgive you for everything you might have done wrong. It doesn't matter anymore, because were together now."

The air seemed to get thicker by the minute. Thick with passion and truth.

"I really forgive you." She said when she didn't see his tension melt at first.

"Because this is the new me. The new me you always knew I could be. The new me who lets go of the past. The mistakes I made there, they will be left there. And I will not fight my flaws, I will stop covering them up. Because those efforts made me unhappy, made my life sad, when all I needed was joy. From now one I'll promise I'll do my best to only see what's good in me."

She took a hold of both of his hands? She guided them over her body, until they met her panties. He was hypnotised by her beauty and didn't fight her when she mentioned him to take them off.

"Look at me." Peyton told him, when he stood there for a moment with his eyes closed.

"Look at me." She repeated. He was lost in her trance, and in her beauty. He took her in from head to toe. Her blonde curls, porcelain face, her round breasts, her marked stomach, her never-ending legs.

"This is the real me. And now I can't pretend anymore." Her voice was merely a whisper. Tears were now cascading down her cheeks. "I won't pretend. I don't have to anymore, because I love you."

Lucas had a hard time to keep his own tears hidden.

"Hold me Luke." She whispered. And he did. He gently swayed his arms around her bare frame. He pressed her close to him, his face buried in the crook of his neck to take in the softness of her skin, the sweetness of her perfume.

"Protect me Luke." She said while she squeezed him tighter, needing him closer to her.

"Make me happy." She sobbed.

Her sudden urge for intimacy grew much more sensual. Her hands started to live their own life on his body. Her fingers lightly tracing the lines of his muscles. Her lips pressing kisses to his temple, down to his ear. His earlobe got caught between her pearl white teeth.

"I need you." She husked if it was said with her last breath.

And who was Lucas Scott to deny her anything?

He scooped her up and placed her on his bed. He quickly followed. His kisses began on her lips and travelled over her neck, over breasts, over her tummy all the way down to that special place between her legs.

His fingers gently explored down there, he hardened incredibly when he felt how wet she was. A loud groan couldn't help but escape from down his throat. His breathing suddenly burst into unevenness.

Ready to assault her with a delicious torture he mastered he heard her whimper above him.

"No."

He looked confused up at her.

"I really really need you." She said weakly, stretching her arms out to touch him.

He gently smiled and nodded while looking her in the eye. He made himself comfortable atop of her, making sure she was comfortable too.

"Ready?" He asked while kissing her forehead tenderly.

"Yes." She murmured, needing to feel him in the closest way.

He gently slid home between her warm, clenching walls. A noise of relief escaped them both. Lucas set a slow pace which satisfied them both. A pace that matched their emotions.

Her hips gently grinded up against him as he slid home time after time. Both well aware that it wouldn't last long, their emotions were in check in this time, and not their bodies. Their bodies were just the puppets of the act.

"You're really everything I wanted, everything I prayed for, everything I wished for, everything you ever can be for me." Lucas whispered in her ear when he felt his orgasm approaching, his hips moving faster and faster without his intervention.

"You're everything for me, and only for me." The words died on his lips as he came hard.

He catapulted Peyton into her own bliss at the feeling of his love inside of her.

Their broken breathing filled the aftermath of their love making filled the room. Peyton snuggled up against Lucas, her head on his chest, feeling his heart calming down slowly.

"You know Lucas?" She suddenly said after a long period of silence. "What made me decide to divorce from Pete?" Peyton didn't even give him to the time for answer or to even get uncomfortable. "You. The imagine of you when Pete wanted to 'make up' with me. He mentioned you, and I realised it wasn't right anymore. Thank you Lucas Scott." She whispered before her lips ended up on his again.

_- Peyton to fully open up to me and never build walls again_

_- Peyton to open my heart with the key I gave her many years ago and let me do the same with her_

_- Peyton to forgive me for the brainless things I did in the past_

_- Peyton to accept her sad life, her flaws, the mistakes she made but also accept everything that's good about her and her life_

_- Peyton to never lose her personality, her special being, to push away this fake version of her_

_- Peyton to be happy and let me protect from her every single bad thing that could happen to her_

_- Peyton to be everything I wanted, everything I prayed for, everything I wished for, everything she ever can be for me, that she just be everything and everything only for me_

_- Peyton to see my face when she making love to … 'him'_

All of those longings disappeared within' the kiss.

Sadly, there was one longing she could never make come true. The one formulated like: _- Peyton to accept the fact I'm her only true love and come home with and let me be the father to her son or daughter which is growing in her belly now._ The awareness of true love stayed, but not Roxanne.

Unfortunately, but the way life was. But there were other longings and the list, and they would come true:

_- Peyton to reunite herself with Larry again and hold him closer instead of pushing him away_

_- Peyton to finished her high school and show the world she is destined for greatness, but the greatness she makes herself and not the greatness she enjoys now because other made her a part of their greatness_

_- Peyton to be my wife_

_- Peyton to be Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer-Scott_

_- Peyton to be the mother of my child, or maybe children_

And it would only be a matter of time.


	30. Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

_**A/N: No, I am not going to make excuses for why not updating much much earlier. It would be a waste of time and I have no good reasons so ... I know this isn't the best I have written either but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway. It's not beta-ed, so you know my story about that too probably. I am going to make no excuses, and I am going to make no promises for future chapters. The only thing I can say that the next chapter will be for 'Heartbeats' and there's trouble coming up.**_

_**Much love, Veronique (aka GirlinTheCafe)**_

**Get Busy Living ****or Get Busy Dying**

"We are going to have to get up eventually." Peyton's voice was whispering.

A mannish groan rose from beside her.

"I don't want to." Now it was a boyish complain.

"You're a lazy person Lucas Scott." Peyton turned her head to face him.

"I am not." He emphasised each word on a sort of heated whispering tone, minding the fact his little sister was lying in between him and his girlfriend.

A smile tucked on Peyton's lips, which didn't encourage Lucas to get up.

"I am very just tired." This time emphasising 'tired'.

"I am tired too, but we need to get up." Looking into those blue eyes of him.

"You didn't have to get up at six to get your sister out of bed because she was crying."

She poked her finger in his chest while being careful not to hit the brunette between them with her arm.

"First, Luke, she indeed is your little sister. Second, you insisted to get out of bed, afraid she would wake your mom up, who you want to spare for a little while out of guilt. Three, do I need to mention I wanted to get her but you wanted to get her yourself instead of me?"

An annoyed huff.

"You know what? I'll give the example." Peyton got out of bed, picking up the Bordeaux bathrobe and walked over to his side.

Softly she squatted down next to his side, her lips brushing lovingly against his. Almost immediately his hand came up to cup her cheek, trying to deep the contact to its maximum.

A low groan arose from his throat while his tongue begged for entrance he eventually got. Overenthusiastic he reached for her, ready to pull her atop of him and have his way with her but he was soon stopped.

"Lucas." Her voice, stern. "Lily." A sharp whisper, her finger pointing to the little girl beside him.

"I am going to do an attempt to make breakfast, are you coming?" Her voice reflected that she wouldn't tolerate no under any circumstances.

She walked out of the bedroom and left Lucas alone with his tiny sister that had opened her eyes again.

"Yes, she can be bossy." He said while running a finger over the brunette's cheek. "But usually, I don't mind."

He got out of bed, picked Lily up and walked them to the kitchen.

Breakfast was calm; the couple had agreed to let Karen sleep. Lucas' guilt made him want to do anything to make it easier on his mom.

Eventually Karen got up when they had just finished and were about to clear everything away when the older brunette appeared. She told them she would take over so Lucas and Peyton could get dressed. But not before mentioning Lucas should go to his job first thing.

Peyton first went to visit the bathroom, when she returned to Lucas' bedroom, she found him lying in the bed again, face down.

"Lucas Scott, you're behaving like a child." She said while pulling at the blankets underneath him.

A sad sound escaped him, awaking all of Peyton's senses at once.

"What's up Luke?" As she sat down next to him, her hand caressing through his beautiful thick hair.

Slowly he lifted his face off the pillow, his blue eyes giving her the 'kicked puppy' look. Instantly guilt kicked in.

"I shouldn't have been so harsh earlier. Sorry. I am not much of a morning person." Pressing a sweet kiss to his temple but he didn't seem to brighten at her apology.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Again running a hand along his skull covered with blond hair.

"I really have a bad presentiment about today." He mumbled.

"Why?" Her question was soft like silk.

"I don't know. I just feel that way."

Silence, filled with thought of not knowing what to do, mostly invading Peyton's space of thinking.

Lucas buried his head into his pillow again, making Peyton feel helpless with his sudden broodiness.

Since words seemed to fail her, so she opted for physical comfort, letting her hand ran between his shoulder blades. She felt how his muscles tensed before he slightly pulled away.

"Hey Luke, don't do that!" She said, disappointed on a rather odd level, you couldn't exactly call it disappointment.

She saw how is body tensed further and again she felt guilty over her earlier reaction.

"Sorry baby." She said while climbing on the bed, shifting them around so he could rest his heavy head in her lap.

"Do you have these presentiments much?" Peyton felt like she sounded as a doctor.

"Not so often." He mumbled against her grey jeans. "But when I have, it's mostly not a good sign." He continued before she could.

"Like when?" She immediately regretted her question when the answer came.

"Like the school shooting, like when you left, like-"

"Sshh." She soothed him, her fingertips massaging the skin of his exposed temple. "Just tell me how bad it feels on a scale to ten."

A brief silent due to Lucas' considering.

"A six." He said, turning his head so he could look her in the eye. "A seven maybe."

Another moment of silence between the two lovers.

"Seven is a holy number Lucas. And God didn't create humans to lie in bed all day long." Not that she was into the religion thing that much or neither was he, but she had a point.

"Come let's get ready."

A half hour later Lucas parked his car outside of the place he had worked before he head left for Chicago. The moment he had helped Peyton out of the car, like the gentleman he was, a bunch of boys approached the couple.

'Lucas', 'Luke', 'Scott', 'Buddy', 'Broody', 'Pal'; the words just flew in the air like leaves during Autumn as they neared them.

"Damn, the girl's hot. I'd definitely like to f-"

"Beat it Jared." Another boy scouted at the boy with millimetre hair.

High-fives, fist bumping, manly hugs. The appreciation of having a friend back expressed in rather bodily behaviour, as it sometimes said more than words ever could. But something about them, about their behaviour was off key.

As Lucas embraced one of his older colleagues, he also saw something off key, a male brunette standing against the wall of the garage, far away from the men who welcomed him. Lucas didn't recognise him; his young with rough features didn't recall a memory in his mind.

As his grip loosened on the grey haired man, he saw his boss approaching and the look on his face wasn't good news.

"Hello Lucas." His voice was formal, which frightened Lucas even more, he used to be so cosy around his employees. And than came the hand extended to him, Lucas felt like his presentiment just had kicked him in the nuts.

Peyton felt his fingertips touch lightly against the rug of her hand. Within' seconds their hands were locked.

"It's good to see you back Scott."

Peyton felt her hand being squeezed tightly, it actually hurt a bit.

The next string of words got lost around them, Lucas didn't actually hear anything but his boss saying: "I have been glad that you worked for me so long, you were a very dedicated worker. Someone who could teach from day one, instead of needing to be taught. But I am afraid that there isn't room for you anymore in this dealership."

Peyton felt guilty, oh so guilty, as she saw his body slump for the corner of her eye. He had been dead on about what was eating him away not only hours ago.

"How am I going to tell my mom?" Lucas said in a small voice when they drove back after having sad goodbye to everyone.

Peyton softly covered his hand with the one she had let loosened from the steering wheel. She had found him way too upset to drive them back.

"Just tell her." It was the only thing that Peyton found reasonable to say. It's not that there were other options left.

"Peyton, she's probably going to-"

"Set you in the corner? Let you write pages full with 'The boss gave my job to a younger boy who needs money.'?" She glanced aside and noticed how his face fell.

"Okay, sorry. Maybe that was a little bit over the top. But baby it isn't your fault." Her hand again travelled to his.

"C'mon." She manoeuvred her hand so it was resting securely on the gear stick. She threw a gaze to his hand. The unspoken message to Lucas. Very gently he placed his left hand over her battered right one. Her knuckles were covered in this funny shade of purple.

Lucas felt responsible for all the hurt around them. His sister had her hands tapped because she had held onto a broken frame at night, missing her big brother terribly. His girlfriend had her right hand hurt with knocking it into his metallic save, being desperate for not finding anything to prove his love for her. And now he would hurt his mother with losing his job.

As Peyton stopped his Mustang before the house he had lived in since he was a baby, his heart missed a beat. He felt ashamed of himself, he felt lost and he felt broken in more than one way.

Lifeless he got out of the car. The way he walked beside her would look to any stranger passing by as the way a boy would walk after being punished.

They slipped into his room through the backdoor, once inside, Lucas didn't budge anymore. Peyton was already by the door that leaded to the hallway when she noticed he didn't follow. She turned around and walked back to him.

"Lucas." The whisper of her voice was as soft as a fleece plaid against his bare skin at night. Her hands cupping his face. "It's going to be alright." Looking deeply into his ocean blue eyes. To emphasis her message she pressed a light kiss to his lips.

Lucas brought his hand slowly up to cup her cheek, trying to deepen the contact, his tongue running along her bottom lip. Peyton parted her lips a bit when out of the blue there was a very faint knock on the door.

Both blonds soon broke their kiss. Peyton felt her boyfriend's pulse pick up and decided to answer the door.

As she crossed the room, she heard a loud sigh and a thump caused by Lucas falling back onto his desk chair. She opened the door, expecting a brunette looking into her eyes; instead she faced nothing but felt something tug on her jeans.

"Lily." She cooed, picking up the little girl. In the background she heard the noise of a laptop starting up. Peyton steadied the brunette against her body, the head falling to her shoulder, but not for long.

"Lucas." The toddler's voice echoed through the room. A soft smile appeared on Lucas' face.

"Hi Lily bear." He responded while watching how his baby sister wiggled strongly against his girlfriend.

The sound of the intro from Windows XP filled the room before the male blond was heard again.

"Come here." Extending his arms towards her. Peyton walked towards him, handing him his sister. Lucas settled her on his lap; the sigh of Lily was surely one of a satisfied girl.

For a few moments there was silence before Lucas broke it.

"Peyton?"

"Yes Luke?"

"Would you mind to leave me alone for a bit?"

Peyton's face spoke unhappy volumes but she also knew Lucas', he really was in need of some personal brood time.

"Okay." She forced a smile before pressing a kiss to his forehead and running her hand against Lily's cheek.

She left the room and walked into the kitchen to find Karen cleaning the stove.

"Hi Peyton. How did it go? Where's Lucas?"

Something must have changed on her face, because the look that was painted on Karen's face was far from content.

"I think there is something my son should inform me about by judging the look on your face and his absence in this room." She said; an icy edge on her normally always warm as a cooked meal voice.

"I am sor-" Peyton tried.

"Peyton, you don't have to apologise." She said before walking passed her.

Peyton didn't even have to guess where the brunette was going.

"Karen, Lucas wanted some time alone." She said following right after the elder woman.

"I am aware of that fact honey. But right now, I first need to talk to him, than he can be on his own as long as he wants."

Without even bothering to knock, Karen stormed inside.

"Lucas Eugene Scott!"

From the doorway Peyton felt like she was stomped into her stomach. She knew how much Lucas hated to be called like that. Even from where she was standing she could see his frame go all tense.

"Mom, I-" His defences were skyscrapers high, but the way he held Lily made Peyton almost believe he would use her as a shield against his mother's flood of words that was about to come.

"Hand Lily to Peyton. And we're going to talk about this in the living room."

Lucas wanted to protest but Karen would have none of it.

"Right now."

Lucas got up, his shoulders hanging down; his frame just spoke all sadness and defeat. He refused to look Peyton in the eye when he handed his little sister to her.

Mother and son walked out the door with an imaginary thunder cloud above their heads. When the door closed Peyton focused her gaze on Lily.

"What are we going to do little girl?" She asked the tiny brunette who gave her stare that reached beyond her. Her tiny arms reached out over Peyton's shoulder. The action caused the blonde to turn her head to. She saw where the little girl's attention went to. The laptop. It seemed like the only thing that could entertain her in this room full of adult things.

Peyton settled herself on the chair with Lily on her lap. Her finger uncomfortably moving over the touchpad. She had quickly decided that there should be something on this piece of technology. And she soon found what she wanted, 'Pinball'.

Peyton was sure that the colours and the noises would amuse Lily to no end. And it was true, Lily adored it. It didn't take long before she was wiggling on Peyton's lap, her tiny hands reaching out for the keyboard to catch Peyton's hands. But unfortunately for Lily, her hands couldn't reach further as the touchpad, where hands ended up ungraceful.

The laptop registered the touch and suddenly 'Pinball' disappeared and an Office Word document sprang open.

It wasn't an empty file but it was a file with black letters stringed into words, stringed into sentences. The cursor blinking in awareness.

Peyton couldn't help but let the words that looked so inviting, invade her mind.

Atop of the page paraded a title which said: 'The Comet'.

She was unable to tear her gaze away from the screen once the first sentence had her hold, the hold wouldn't loosen anymore.

She was so caught up with the intoxicating words that she hadn't heard the door open and someone walk in until that person was located right behind her back.

"Peyton?" The voice sounded shaky, emotionally loaded. Actually the voice sounded nothing like she remembered.

"What are you doing?" Her trance was broken by his alarmed tone.

"I am…" She couldn't exactly formulate it when she turned her head around and saw this expression in his eyes which was indicating hurt in some uncommon way.

"Why are you reading that?" Followed by a difficult swallow.

Confusion was like a mask on her face. She suddenly became aware of how she was pulling Lily closer to her, using her like the shield Lucas had done earlier.

"Lucas, I-" And than she spotted a name just beneath the title of the file. The name.

"I had no idea Luke. I-"

"Turn it off." His demand was nearly cruel.

"Luke?" Her voice was weak, she had no idea what was happening or going to happen because of it.

The loaded silence was broken by Lily's soft cry for Lucas. It seemed so out of place.

She didn't even get the chance to reach out for him because he had her in his secure arms as soon as she had asked for him.

Peyton looked up, her eyes built with fragments of silent hurt and unspoken nervousness. But most of all confusion over untold stories.

Lucas caught up with the look her eyes displayed.

"I need to get out of here." His voice was low.

"Alone?" Why did she sound like a little school girl?

She saw it in his blue eyes, with that word she had just made something snap inside of him.

"No. I'd like you to come with me." His tone was so much more as she remembered now.

"Come." The simple word almost made her heart sing. But the gesture that accompanied it, his free hand reaching out for her was what did it, made her hit the first note.

No word was spoken during the walk from Lucas' childhood home to the Rivercourt, excluding Lily's babbling from time to time and Lucas' quiet responding. But the silence wasn't as intimidating as the one in his bedroom. This one was briefer, more tolerant for interruptions.

Still they hadn't spoken a word since they had left the house when they sat down on the bleachers and Lily wandered around in front of them, Lucas' strict eye.

Than it happened, they both intended to say something but at the exact same time.

"You first." Lucas said.

"No you first." Came Peyton's nervous reply.

"No, ladies first." Lucas insisted, and for a flash of a second Peyton hated his 'always the gentleman' behaviour.

She forced a quiet smile on her lips.

"I don't really know what to ask about first. It would be the most appropriate to ask about your mom's reaction about losing your job at the dealership but I am more inter-"

"Interested in the part of what you saw on the computer."

Peyton turned in a funny shade of pink.

"Hey." His hand reached out to cup her cheek ever so gently. A thousand butterflies burst out of their cocoons in her belly just by this almost innocent gesture. "You don't have to be ashamed for that, I would be too." The look in his eyes was never this sweet.

A brief moment of quiet came over them.

"But I am going to tell you about what my mom said first through." He continued.

"Jackass." Peyton answered while slapping her hand against his upper arm. For a moment the seriousness of this happening was taken out of it. The joking around, the people who they used to be around each other.

He sent her a glare before starting to talk again.

"Well, my mom, she's pissed. I understand her, I am not too happy about losing my job either."

His eyes wandered off to Lily who was running around the concrete court.

"Because it means that I can't really 'afford' you. I can't take care of you. This makes me feel like I am not a real man."

"Oh honey, but you are a real man." She immediately responded, resting her chin on his shoulder, her hand roaming over his wide chest.

"No, Peyton, you know I don't mean it like that. I mean in the way a man supports his family, like the traditions. And without the job and the money, I send every responsibility back to my mom and I don't want her to support Lily, you and me."

He swallowed, hard.

"I really feel like a failure."

"Babe." Her voice was embracing.

"No, Peyton. I failed as a man. I have no back up system now. I can't support you."

Again she tried to protest but again he wouldn't let her.

"Don't say anything to disagree. You are not going to bring money in. I know what you have left financially and by the way, you have high school to finish."

That broke her need to say something so desperately.

Her eyes wandered over the empty basketball court. Only Lily occupied it, she was still wandering around like a little lost girl.

"Lucas." Her voice was even sweeter than candy.

"If you could only imagine what a support you are to me. I wouldn't be who I am right now without your support. You being there in the most difficult passages of my life, there, holding my hand. Sometimes literal, sometimes figural. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, for what you could do for me. What you can make me believe. What you make me want to be. What you convinced me of is the rest of my life, the life I want, as long as I can have your supporting hand in mine."

Lucas smiled. His hands came up to gently to cup her beautiful face. Their lips met in a feather light contact. Than another and another.

His lips were so supple, soft and pleasant against hers. His tongue was so warm and teasing when it ran along her lower lip. It made her wonder how she could have gone without him for so long. How could she not have remembered how much of a good, no correction, great kisser he was?

But now she had all the time to regain all the lost time as their kisses turned more passionate. His tongue was avidly exploring every crook of her mouth when he broke of the kiss as he felt a tug at his pants.

He looked down and saw his younger sister standing right in front of him with questioning eyes. The stare in her deep chocolate brown eyes made him almost blush, he kind of felt caught.

"Hi Lily bear." He placed the tiny girl in his lap which seemed to satisfy her extremely. Without any delay her, with brown hair covered, head fell against his chest and her arms tried to hug him at her best.

Peyton was softened by the picture before her. The love between this brother and sister was so deep; it effortlessly bridged the wide age difference, because they knew they would grow up practically the same.

A single mother, one man to protect and love and memories of a father which are too painful to take in.

"I love you for your little speech baby. But that speech won't let food appear on the table."

"I know. It was worth the try through." She said, a faint smile tugging on the corners of her coral lips.

She started at his face, so intensely.

"I guess you want to hear about what you saw on the laptop right?" Lucas almost whispered as he stroked through Lily's thick hair.

"Yes." Came her short reply. "If you want to tell me at least." She added.

"Well." He began hesitantly. It all wasn't so easy, he was about to expose his whole soul for her, all over again.

"It all started the night I had 'the dream' about you."

The already infamous dream by now.

"I always loved literature, in so many forms. And I used to write poems occasionally in high school but never brought it further than that. Until that dream."

He took a second to breathe in deeply.

"And that dream awaked so much more in me than my obvious need for you."

The sentence made Peyton blush slightly, a pink shade creep upon her cheeks.

"It awakened such an inspiration. The muse I never had to do something with an unpolished skill I clearly seemed to master was awakened. And from that day on, I have just written when the moods strike. When I happen to catch the words that are always swimming under my skin like in an ocean."

Peyton was amazed, even beyond amazed. The power with which he spoke about this, it was as deep as Pete and the boys used to talk about their music. Maybe it was even deeper. He was so passionate. A fire in a human body. A fire, she didn't believe, she had awakened.

"What's the story about?" She dared to ask, breathless like he had left her.

"It's about a boy." His voice, it could have made her cry.

"About a boy who sees a comet one day. And that comet brings meaning to his life and it disappears again and he'll waits his entire life for it to return even he knows the chance isn't likely."

And now she couldn't help the few tears that decided to roll over her cheeks.

"It's." She sniffed lightly. "Beautiful."

Her hazel eyes found his blue ones. His were watery too.

"I think we need to go."

After a quick stop by the house to drop Lily of and get changed from outfits, Lucas and Peyton now stood in front of Tree Hill High.

His big hand lay soothing on the small of her back. Her nervousness had assaulted every muscle in her body. They all were like concrete now.

The noise of her high heels against the concrete and later on the tile on the floor of the hallway made her desperately want to throw up. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this nervous. Or maybe she did …

As the couple sat down in front of Principal Turner's office Peyton began to worry about her clothing. She felt like her black pants were a strait-jacket and her white blouse and black cropped vest prevented her from breathing. She was trying to hard, or wasn't she?

Lucas noticed his girlfriend's pained breathes beside him. Gently he rested his head against the side of her face, mumbling soothing words into her ear as his lips weren't busy giving her little kisses.

"You sure you're fine?"

The question would never get an answer as the door from the office opened.

"Miss Sawyer and Mister Scott, long time no seen." Principal Turner over his hand to them after he guided them inside the room.

Peyton mumbled something that should represent 'hello'. She suddenly felt so ashamed, so little.

"If I understood clearly over the phone you'd like to redo the last year of high school here so you can get your degree, Peyton?"

"Yes sir." She sounded insecure too.

"Why the sudden interest?" Was Peyton only imagining the disgust hidden in his voice?

"I have no bright future for a job without it and I'd hope to get a college degree in a few years." Her answer came quiet. God, what did she hate it to feel weak.

"Okay. There are some tests there for the major subjects. I'd like you to fill them in the best as possible so we can evaluate them to see if your knowledge is the same as the ones who start the last year of high school this September."

And now she felt like a teenager too.

"You can take them in silence in my office. I'd like to discuss something with Mister Scott."

Lucas didn't know what hit him as the principal leaded him outside and he was forced to leave Peyton behind in this terrible state.

"Principal Turner, you have no right to judge her for the way she left. She was young and lonely and she really thought it was her best option and-"

He was interrupted by the older man.

"Lucas, I didn't want to talk about that with you. I'd rather discuss something about you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Would you be interested to work for this school?" The black man asked while they paced through the familiar halls of his former school.

"Which work?" They rounded a corner.

"A teaching position."

"But Sir, I have no teaching degree."

"I am aware of that."

Before Lucas could even ask another question the principal had continued.

"I would like to offer you to offer you the job as coach of the Tree Hill Ravens." As they stood in the doorway of the gym he used to play basketball.

Lucas stunned and speechless. A nice combination.

"I-"

"I know you are unemployed at the moment. News travels fast in small towns like ours. And I talked to Whitey, he recommended you to me actually. It was a tragic way how you had to leave basketball behind with your HCM but I am sure the fire you had for it never died and I'd like to offer you the job because I know you won't screw it up."

"I don't know how to thank you Sir." His voice echoed in the empty gym. Memories came flooding back, sadness and victory. Love and hate.

"If you could convince your brother to join you too, I'd be a very happy man Lucas."

Lucas didn't know how to react.

"I offered Nathan the job a few months ago but he wouldn't do it alone he said. He was very hesitant back than. He told me he couldn't really combine it with his son. Maybe he changes his mind now."

Lucas smiled; Nathan had become the best man he knew. Better than he ever had given him credit for.

"Lucas, you and your brother are legends around here. And this team, they would benefit of your acknowledge. So what do you think?"

"I'll take it."

"Welcome in Tree Hill High." As they shook hands.

"Welcome back."


End file.
